AN: Sooooo...That No Visitor thing with Harm was harsh and very unbelievable for Mac not to bend the rules and go anyway. I mean, they had each others backs for so long! So, I have chosen to believe that Mac DID go but was not allowed in. In all honesty, it's one aspect of the show that we make too big of a deal over. Let's not forget Harm did hide his "investigation" of Singer from everyone and looked guilty as sin.

I really hated that story line. Singer was fun to hate and it was terrible that she died that way - DPB couldn't just have sent her off to the Aluetians? She was driven, she wanted to be 1st female JAG - she was not the kind of woman to be stupid enough to cause that kind of rucus in her life. So stupid.

Okay so for the doc I envision Alberta Watson (RIP) as Madeline from USA Network La Femme Nikita. She was such an awesome character seemingly motherly and sweet but, devious and deadly, doesn't take BS. Plus, she would torture people without remorse. Dig her up on YouTube.

Chapter 2 - Dancing Around The Subject

Harm was drumming his fingers on the arm of the oversized chair he was seated at. He wasn't normally the fidgety type but doctors, all doctors made him nervous. His eyes scanned the room decorated in warm colours with pictures of scenic places on the walls. There was one of the ocean, another of a mountain top probably placed there to evoke relaxation and mild temperament.

For him, they were a source of irritation. He drummed his fingers harder against the arm drawing the attention of Dr. Madeline Riley who raised her head up from the preliminary notes she was making on the tall Naval Commander seated in front of her. "Nervous, Commander?" She smiled slyly and waited for the denile. Why did her patients always deny these things?

"What? Me? No. What makes you think that?" His fingers were moving swiftly, drawing out to a sort of rhythmic staccato. Dr. Riley used the pen in her hand to point at his fingers amused when the Naval Officer stared down at them as if they had a mind of their own. "Oh. Sorry." Although he stopped his fingers from moving his right foot had begun tapping the laminate flooring.

Dr. Riley resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Instead her smile widened, hoping it would pacify the man. "You can relax, Commander. This is a safe place."

"Harm." He said suddenly and flashed a smile of his own; that devastatingly sexy flyboy grin that he used to charm the pants off of women. Not that he was trying to charm the doc, she was at least 15 years older, married - if the wedding ring and pictures of a family were an indication - and he was in a state of relationship limbo.

"Excuse me?" Her smile was replaced with an annoyed glare and for the briefest of moments, she reminded him of Mac. 'That's a nice very nice smile and I'm sure most of the time it gets you what you want. But I don't know you, Commander.' Sometimes his smile would get him into trouble.

He shook his head of the memory and stopped his foot from tapping. "If you're gonna be shrinking my head, I think it's best you call me Harm. It's short for Harmon."

Dr. Riley nodded, to her this was a victory of sorts. "Harm, of course… So, what brings you here and please don't tell me your CO ordered you."

"Get that a lot do you, Doc?"

"Daily. I find military personnel don't like to readily speak about their problems."

"Can't disagree with you." He chuckled and felt himself relax. "It's just as bad being a lawyer." Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all? Talk a little, shoot the shit and head back to work. Easy.

"So? What brings you here?"

Harm slid to the edge of his chair and motioned at the manilla envelope with his personnel photo attached by a paperclip. "What does my file say?"

"I make it a point not to look into the file too much, it prejudices the patient and what we are here to find is your story, your reasons." She shut his file, placed it on the corner and folded her hands on top of the desk. "A file does not make up a person."

"Fair enough… Well…" Harm took a breath and thought back to the last month, hell the last few months of his life. Even after spending time in the brig alone with his thoughts, he still didn't understand it himself. How could he have been so reckless? So stupid? "Over a month ago I was arrested for the murder of a colleague."

"Well, that was to the point." Dr. Riley's eyes squared at him realizing it would be all or nothing for him, no need to coax her patient into telling the truth.

Harm shrugged, "Sometimes it's better to shoot from the hip."

"Since you are no longer in the brig, I suspect you were aquitted."

He nodded slowly, still unable to believe his luck. He could have still been in there, locked up and awaiting sentencing. Harm knew he would get life in prison and all he could think of was his mother and the shame she would feel. "Yes. Wrongly accused."

"Why were you accused in the first place?"

Why indeed? Because he was an idiot? Because Mac was right all the times she'd accused him of running on emotions? Because he looked guilty? "I ah… it's complicated."

"Uncomplicate it." She stared at him without judgement taking in his posture, the way his shoulders slumped. It was clear to her that the Commander was embarrassed.

"The woman wasn't readily liked at the office, made more enemies than friends… She was too ambitious, too unscrupulous on how she conducted herself as an officer in the military."

"You weren't fond of her."

He wasn't and the thought made him so ashamed given what had happened. "That didn't mean I wanted her dead, Doc." Harm snapped. "She wasn't my favorite person in the world, but she didn't deserve to die, not that way."

"Why were you involved?"

Because he was an idiot taking matters into his hands that were, frankly, none of his business. He abhorred anyone who mistreated women and yet, hadn't he done just that? Harm had grabbed Loren forcefully, pulled her to a stop and tried to make her see things his way.

It didn't really matter that he hadn't murdered her, he acted like a jerk and the shame of his actions was eating him up inside. "Another officer was investigating our office although he was mostly seeking revenge for me taking his job years ago. He left his cover right next to mine, when he left, he took mine by mistake and it was found at the scene of the crime. Turns out they had an affair and he killed her over it."

"That doesn't sound like enough for you to be charged."

And it likely wouldn't have been had he not been so stupid. "The murdered officer, she was...well, she was involved with my half brother…" At her questioning glance Harm shrugged and offered, "Romantically… And then she was pregnant."

Later that day….

Harm was so tired, so lethargic that, although he was starving, all he wanted was to fall into bed. In his exhaustion, he hadn't noticed Mac's car parked in its usual spot that seemed to be reserved solely for her visits.

Mumbling a slew of curse words, he hauled his body up the stairs damning the stupid elevator that never seemed to work these days. Inexplicably, therapy had made him wired, edgy and so he spent a good three hours at the gym to work off the stress.

He had divulged about Sergie's relationship with Singer and how he treated her because of it. The "investigation" of sorts into the paternity of her child and his irrational want to basically be a single father. It sounded so stupid to him now, so foolish but, his damned emotions told him otherwise.

Harm stepped into his apartment only to find Mac in his kitchen. The lethargy seemed to wash away at the sight of her only to be replaced by a steely anger. "Why are you here?" He hung his uniform up on the coat rack and tossed his keys on the shelf by the door.

Mac had let herself in, having a spare key to his place and not finding Harm there. She'd brought over groceries and had been surprised at how sparse his refrigerator still was. It was so unlike Harm who always had fresh ingredients to cook with.

In the past month she had visited his apartment frequently, picked up his mail and watered the potted herbs on his kitchen windowsill. She had cleaned his apartment, emptied out the fridge and changed his sheets. She wanted things to be normal for him when he got out of the brig. "Making you dinner." Mac looked him up and down frowning when she saw such an exhausted expression. "You look beat."

The smell wafting from the kitchen made his stomach grumble. "Rough day." He stepped to the fridge and took a long pull from a beer he'd popped opened. Harm was surprised to see so much food inside, seeing as it was practically bereft. He was going to buy groceries after the gym, that clearly didn't happen.

The apartment had been cleaned, his plants watered, his sheets changed. He noticed that when he got out of the brig but was too upset to call and thank her.

He propped himself up on a stool and watched as Mac pulled a loaf of garlic bread out of the oven and cut it into slices. "Hungry?" She asked when Harm snatched a small piece which he scarfed down in two bites. "How are you? This morning we..."

"Chegwidden ordered me to see a shrink." He cut her off and took another long drink from his beer. "Not allowed at ops until I'm done."

"Ouch." Mac hated shrinks and had tried to steer far away from therapy. She didn't need anyone reminding her how screwed up she was. Harm had shared similar reservations which was likely why his relationship with Jordan had failed. "How's that going?"

"Today was my first session." He shrugged and began to peel the label off of the beer bottle. "Still not sure what to think." Harm stared at Mac again when she pulled out a freshly baked lasagna from the oven and then retrieved a salad from the refrigerator. For all of his quips about her torrid eating habits, Mac could cook rather well. His mouth began to water. "Either that looks and smells really good or I am starving."

Mac grinned. "Have you had a decent meal since getting sprung?" She placed a loaded plate in front of him and handed over silverware.

"No, I haven't."

Mac sprinkled a healthy amount of parmesan over his lasagna. "Eat up."

They ate in something of a companionable silence although Mac could sense a sort of tension from him. He had acted so out of character outside the hospital, hostile even. It had hurt but, during the day the ache had eased. Harm was likely stressed and maybe suffering from a bit of PTSD. A month in the brig couldn't have been easy. "Are you okay? You were in the brig for…"

Oh God, here we go. Harm knew she would bring it up. "Don't wanna talk about it."

"I do." She leveled him with a glare and her raised eyebrow that said she wouldn't leave it alone.

"Mac."

"Why are you so angry with me?" She knew he was trying to brush her off and wouldn't let him, not this time. "I went to see you so many times but, I wasn't allowed in."

Harm snorted. "Bullshit, you're a senior officer with plenty of clearance."

"SECNAV gave the order." And Chegwidden wasn't about to tell them otherwise as the office had been in hot water since Lindsey's scathing report. "All of us were barred access. From the looks of it, you didn't even get my letters."

Letters? What the hell was she talking about? "What letters?"

"Christ no wonder you hate me right now. I left. at least five letters hoping that they would get to you. I wanted you to know you weren't alone and gave you updates on what I was able to dig up. Damnit, they wouldn't even let any of us defend you. SECNAV had a bug so far up his six… he was convinced you did it."

"Werent you?"

"No! You aren't a murder, Harm!" Carefully, she placed a hand over his and squeezed reassuringly. "What happened with Singer? Were the two of you...involved somehow?" God, the idea of him romantically involved with Loren made her skin crawl.

"What? No, Mac… I… God, no." He cringed at the idea. While the woman was beautiful, "She's not my type." With a mind of its own, Harm's hand turned over and clasped around her own. He took a shaky breath as the feel of her eyes on him made him slightly uncomfortable.

He didn't look her in the eye as he spilled out his truth - how he treated Singer. He'd lost his sense of control, ruled by emotions. Without interruption, he told Mac about Sergie, how the two were dating despite his incessant warnings. And then, the pregnancy and his obsession to find the father. "All I could think of was another fatherless Rabb… I kinda lost it."

Mac looked down at their hands which were still entwined, her thumb gently rubbing circles over the back of his. "I wouldn't have thought less of you. Your brothers life was his own."

"She was so flippant about it, though… Drinking, smoking. I'm not about to tell a woman what to do with her body, that isn't me but, when she mentioned an abortion…What if she was carrying a part of me? Of dad?" He couldn't stop the lone tear that slipped from his eye at the thought of his long lost father. Although he'd put the dead to rest, it still hurt him and always would.

"I'm sorry she got to you." She brushed the tear away with her thumb.

"It was almost like she enjoyed seeing me squirm… She finally found a way to hurt one of us." He wanted to see the good in most people but, Loren was evil in a way. "You always did say my emotions were out of control. I didn't want her dead though, just gone." And causing them less of a headache.

"I know." She slipped her hand out if his and placed it on his back, running soothing circles when Harm yawned suddenly. "When is your next session?"

"Tomorrow." He yawned again finding it was almost impossible to keep his eyes open any longer. "Sorry, I'm beat."

Mac nodded, taking her cue that it was time to go. "I'm gonna head home. Get some rest. We can talk tomorrow if you want." She slid off the stool, grabbed their plates and placed them in the dishwasher.

Harm watched with interest as she put away the leftovers, noting that she seemed so at home at his place. He stood up, rounded the kitchen island and stood just in front of her. "I've been so angry at you for no reason…Sorry Mac."

His arms came around her and he squeezed tightly giving Mac a bear hug that lasted a bit too long. He felt her head drop to his shoulder and they held each other wordlessly for several long minutes.

Mac revealed in the feel of him, the hard planes of his chest, the arms that she felt so safe in. She didn't want him to let her go, not ever. Reluctantly, Mac was the one that pulled away sighing as she looked up at him in one of their famously awkward moments. "I would have been angry too if I thought my best friend abandoned me." She felt his arms fall away, hands skimming down the sides of her body before dropping to his sides.

"Really, sailor… Get some rest. We'll talk soon." Mac meant to kiss his cheek but, it was actually closer to the corner of his mouth. An act that made his breath hitch. "I ah, better go." She went around the kitchen island, moving the opposite way from where he was still standing.

She grabbed her purse and was halfway to the door when he called her name. "Mac?" I'm happy you came by."

"Me too. Goodnight, sailor." Even after showering and falling into bed, Harm couldn't sleep as memories of Sarah MacKenzie's lips on his kept his mind, and body occupied.