Chapter 4 - Break Their Bounds

"I'd never cheat on you."

Mac had been in her room, seated on the small chair in front of her vanity and in the midst of her daily skin regimen when a pounding on her door startled her. She cinched her robe tighter, concealing the fact that she wore very little underneath as she crossed into her living room. Through the peephole she spotted Harm still dressed in uniform and looking somewhat nervous if not jittery. When she pulled the door open the last thing she expected was for him to barge in blurting out something about cheating on her. "I'm sorry, what?"

He plopped onto the chair by her sofa, the usual spot he sat in and repeated his words, practically punctuating them. "I'd never cheat on you."

The whole thing was rather bizarre, the man hadn't ventured into anything personal in several months leading her to believe they were through, beyond through. Except, last night Mac had seen something in him that kickstarted her heart in regards to him. And now he was adding to her confusion. "Uh, thanks?" She folded her arms across her chest and merely watched him.

Harm's leg was bobbing up and down and he kept scrubbing a hand over his face nervously. "If you and I ever figure this out, I swear to God, I'd never cheat on you."

"Harm, what's going on?" He was starting to scare her.

"There are some things about my father I never told you about." He said in a rush and then took a breath or two hoping to concentrate. Harm stood up and placed his hands on her mantle - his hands needed something to grip. It didn't prevent the emotions from bubbling to the surface or the ache behind his eyes.

Mac saw his shoulders slump and that raw strength that he seemed to always exude was nowhere to be found. It was concerning and for a long moment she wondered if he'd unraveled another mystery that he wasn't prepared for. "What is it?" She pressed a hand to his back and felt him tense.

"It's embarrassing... especially considering you nearly died helping me find him. And, and... I'm sorry." He turned to her then and Mac saw them, the tears that were running down his cheeks. "I could never do that to you."

"Oh, Harm." Mac pulled him into her arms, holding on as tightly as possible when he tried to pull away. "It's alright, whatever it is. Let me help you." She felt his head come to her shoulder and his tears that wet her robe as he cried.

Mac had only seen him this way once, years ago when they discovered that his father was killed. She ran her fingers up and down his back, trying to soothe whatever was troubling him. It took several minutes until he settled down.

They sat side by side on her sofa, sipping a calming tea she had brewed. Mac listened patiently as Harm recounted his father's infidelity with Jenny Lake. "I wanted to come to you that night. I needed a friend." A shoulder to cry on while some of the truths that he believed about his father vanished.

"Why didn't you?"

"I didn't want you to think less of him. Or think of me that way." He couldn't look her in the eye instead stared at the empty teacup in his hands. "I know the kind of reputation I have when it comes to women."

She knew but, given how good looking he was Mac couldn't blame him. Women flocked to him like moths to a flame. But, as far as she knew, Harm wasn't the cheating type. Had he been...No, she wasn't going down that rabbit hole. "I know who you are."

"Do you? I was every bit the asshole, womanizing jet jock at one point." Which was partially the reason why he and Diane just never worked out. When he was ready to settle, it was too late. He rolled the empty tea cup in his large hands almost mesmerized on how it moved between his fingers.

"Harm, in regards to your dad, could you have misunderstood?" Mac took the cup from him and placed it on the tray set on her coffee table. "Maybe it was just a kiss? A hug? Comfort between two people that missed the ones they loved." She tried to rationalize although something told her his belief was validated.

"Like that kiss we shared on the admiral's porch that night?" His voice was low and almost seductive. When his eyes met hers Harm saw Mac's eyes widen. She swallowed hard and shifted slightly, the scrutiny of his eyes making her uncomfortable. "That wasn't merely a kiss between two friends."

Harm's eyes dropped to her lips and for a brief moment he wondered if she tasted the same - sweet like one of the most intoxicating of wines.

"It wasn't for comfort, Mac… You kissed me and I couldn't pull away from you...I kissed you like a lover would, not a friend." No, what began as a goodbye became an ardent action of desire.

Lover. Mac's breath caught at his words and her breathing became shallow. For the rest of her life the memory if that kiss would haunt her. Even now she could feel his lips on hers and the hands that pulled her to him possessively.

She was helpless to stop him. "I let you... I sometimes wonder how far it would have gone if we hadn't stopped." She still wasn't sure who pulled away first or how her shaky legs hadn't given put on her. That night she would have run off with him had Harm commanded her to do so. But, he didn't. He let her go.

Mac felt her own tears stinging behind her eyes until one slid over her cheek. She brushed it away before Harm did. "I shouldn't have liked it as much as I did."

"I shouldn't have either." His eyes seemed so sad, so torn. "I guess I got a little desperate. I'm sorry."

The heat of his gaze made her turn away from him briefly. "Don't apologize, I could have pushed you away and didn't." Why were they discussing this now? Hadn't that part of their relationship been put to rest? When she turned back to him, Mac noticed a few fine details. The pallor of his skin, the darkening under his eyes which shone of clear exhaustion. "Are you okay? You look like you haven't slept in days."

Harm leaned his head back into her sofa and closed his eyes. "Because I haven't." He admitted on a sigh. "I barely slept in the brig and now this. Therapy is taking a lot out of me."

"Is it helping?" She frowned at his appearance deciding that spilling her guts to a total stranger was most definitely not for her.

"Honestly? I don't know. It's brought up things I didn't know were bothering me."

"Like?"

He straightened up and turned to face Mac. His look of exhaustion replaced by one of anguish and shame. "I resent my brother."

Mac's brow raised and a half smile spread across her lips. "I kinda figured that out."

"Did you? How?"

She thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain what she saw. Harm made it a habit of obsessing about people until they were accessible and then he'd push them away. "You were good to him but, sometimes you seemed irritated that he was around."

"I was irritated that he didn't listen. I'm the older brother...I wanted what was best for him." Only Sergie hadn't exactly thought much of his tactics.

"Brother yes, father no. You treated him like a child, Harm. I know you didn't want him involved with Loren but, he would have figured it out." She placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Have you even called him lately?"

"Yes… Well, no.." In fact, it had been several months since he'd last spoken to Sergie. He just didn't know what to say. "Does that make me a bad guy?"

"No, it makes you human… Call your brother, Harm and say hi from me."

Harm nodded. "I will." His hand covered the one she still had on his shoulder and held on. "I have to get going. It's getting late."

Mac consulted her internal clock to find that it was half past ten. Something made her want to ask him to stay but, Harm had stood and was already halfway to her door. "Try to get some sleep."

"I will." Harm stood in the hallway, thumbing the cover in his hand. He couldn't quite get himself to leave and they stood in front of each other awkwardly. "Mac." He said her name almost in a whisper. His eyes had taken interest in her mouth, the way her lips parted and tongue darted out to moisten them.

"Harm?" He was staring at her with bedroom eyes and Mac could feel her knees grow weak. And then, he kissed her. It wasn't passionate or desperate. It wasn't wild or possessive. It was simple and sweet. Tender and loving.

When they broke apart, her drowsy eyes met his and that flyboy grin spread across his lips. "Night, Mac. Sleep tight."

When he walked away, Mac stepped into her apartment and leaned against the closed door. Involuntarily, her fingers pressed against her lips that were tingling from Harm's kiss. Tonight she'd be the one not sleeping. "Goodnight, Harm."