Chapter 6 - Don't Turn Now.
"How's therapy, Commander?" AJ Chegwidden asked, staring at the tall Naval officer standing at attention in front of his desk. Harm's eyes were locked onto a spot behind his CO's head and he stood perfectly straight, unwavering despite a reserved kind of anger that coursed through his veins. AJ had always been something of a father figure but, after Singer's death, the man had abandoned him and ordered others to do the same.
In theory, it was all for the best, a way to lessen Commander Ted Lindsey's smear campaign against JAG if one of it's more maligned officers was treated without favoritism but, it still stung. "Swell, sir." Inwardly, he winced when he was unable to keep that sarcastic tone out of his words and Chegwidden's head came up from the paperwork he was signing.
Ah, there was that icy glare, the one that secretly made him nervous. He could see it out of his peripheral vision and waited for the dressing down he surely deserved. "Just swell, Commander?"
"Yes, sir."
The iciness seemed to give way to something else. Concern? Care? Harm wasn't sure, but was surprised when AJ stood, came around his desk and settled into one of the guest chairs. "At ease, Harm, take a seat." Oh, it was Harm now, was it? A sure sign that a heart to heart conversation was afoot. "I want to apologize for what happened during the trial. I'm sure you believe I hung you out to dry."
"Didn't you, sir?" There was the sarcastic tone again. Honestly, Harm just couldn't help himself. "I didn't kill her. You had to know that and still you had the whole staff barred from visiting, writing, calling. How could you do that to me?"
Chegwidden sighed. On any other occasion he would have used his command presence to stow the barrage he just received only he knew Harm was right. "A commanding officer in the Navy is often a terrible thing. We have too many choices to make, some right, some wrong. You'll learn that someday when you have your own command."
"Respectfully, sir… I wouldn't hang my people out to dry. Especially those that have put their lives on the line for you."
"It's not so black and white, Harm. I wish it were but, there were many things at stake that you weren't aware of. Unfortunately, I had to make you the scapegoat or risk the SECNAV destroying this office."
Harm scoffed at his words. "Bullshit, sir!"
"Maybe if you hadn't looked so guilty, Commander." AJ's tone was the picture of calm, blowing the wind out of Harm's sails completely. "Manneti told me you were investigating Singer, it really didn't look good for you. I'm curious - why was a woman, so disliked by you and your peers suddenly a cause for one of your obsessions?" He studied his officer for a moment, noting the way that Harm's jaw clenched and relaxed. He saw the dark circles under his eyes as well, clearly from sleepless nights. "Were you involved?"
Not that Loren was a bad looking woman, quite the contrary, out of uniform she was stunning, sexy even. If only her personality was as pretty and polished. Time and time again he wondered what his brother saw in the woman, if she even softed at all, if she had a heart. From the way she'd callusedly spoke about aborting her child, it was clear that Loren's ambitions had clouded her judgement. It was both heartbreaking and pathetic. He hoped she found peace in the afterlife. "It's personal, sir."
"So you were romantically involved?" Chegwidden pried further, trying to gauge what exactly he'd missed in the last few months. He'd figured that eventually Rabb would get his head out of his ass and begin the inevitable courtship with MacKenzie. The two were made for each other, it was evident in their shared looks, the soft touches, the way they protected each other. Where did Loren matter in all of this?
"No, sir. It's personal." Harm cringed at how badly that sounded, the guilt that still lingered underneath. No, he hadn't murdered Singer but, he played a role just as well. Rather than being a good coworker, and understanding friend he'd been a jerk - seeking answers that really weren't his to seek. Alienating those he cared about because he'd been too hurt and embarrassed by his actions and that of his brother. She had played him as well, forced him into losing his ever precious control because he'd served himself up on a platter.
And Mac. Oh, Mac. What hurt the most was keeping her away - his best friend, his confidante which knew everything about him and more. He'll never forget the hurt in her eyes, the confusion when he saw her days ago leaving Bethesda. She would have been there for him, rationalized things but, he kept her away. "The Lieutenant was romantically involved with my brother, sir… I thought… I thought the child was his. The Lieutnant sought to have an abortion, I coulfn't stand for that."
"Oh." And like that it all made sense to Chegwidden, the pieces sinking in without any rigid edges. "You could have told me, Harm. I would have understood, kept you out of the brig as well. Did Mac know?"
Harm shook his head. "No one did, sir. I apologize, Admiral...I sometimes, I guess I still have my obsessions…I'm sorry for disappointing you, sir and putting this office and my coworkers at risk. It wasn't my intention. When she hid the paternity, I thought she was trying to screw with me, to hold some sick control over me." He admitted, angrily.
"I thank you for your candor, Commander. Let's try to right the ship, shall we?" With that, Chegwidden reached across his desk snatching a rather thick manilla folder which he handed to Harm. "The Colonel and Lieutenant Roberts have been apprised of this situation." He motioned at the folder and sighed. "We recently were made aware that Commander Imes was not a lawyer."
Harm flipped through the folder finding one of the very first cases he prosecuted against the woman. Carolyn had always been nice, if not a little flirty with him. She had her distinguished moments in court but, he could never see her handling the high profile cases, it just wasn't her niche. In truth, part of him couldn't really forget how she'd nearly botched his murder investigation years ago and how Mac had come to his rescue. She'd practically treated him as if he were guilty and then downplayed Mac's legal prowess. "What do you mean, not a lawyer?"
"She never passed the bar." Chegwidden couldn't keep the gruff tone out of his voice, the new blow his office would take because of one his own made a stupid mistake. "The Navy has decided to review all of her cases, maybe even overturn some of the verdicts."
"This is a murder trial, sir." He pulled out a specific docket, one that he and Mac had prosecuted against Matonni and Imes' defense. It was late evidence that Mac found which had ended in a murder conviction to which the defendant was on death row for. A henious crime of rape and murder that had gotten under his skin a little too much. A Master Chief that had kidnapped his son's girlfriend, raped her for days finally tossing her body into a ravine in Northern Virginia. Christ if that man was let go, Harm was sure he'd do it again and again and again until caught, the defendant had that kind of malevolence about him.
He remembered the investigation too well, specifically the way the Chief leered at Mac, the snide, sexual comments to the point that Harm had the man pinned to the far wall of the interrogation room with Mac trying to stop him. "This bastard raped and murdered a woman in her early twenties… He's a monster."
Chegwidden nodded. "Which is why we need to review all of the cases and make sure nothing gets overturned. How many therapy sessions do you have left?"
"A few, sir. I should be cleared for full duty in a week." He hoped.
"Consider this a temporary assignment, then You can work here or from your home if you choose until you're back to full duty. Dismissed."
"Aye, sir."
When Harm stepped out of the Admiral's office, instinctively his eyes locked on her. Mac was the first person he sought when sauntering into the building only to find that she had been called away early that morning for an interview. He felt a kind of longing when her Corvette wasn't in her usual spot next to his. Harm stopped to look at her, knowing there would never be another woman on Earth that looked that good in Marine greens. The uniform was perfectly tailored to her body, hugging her shapely waist...her breas..
And who the hell was she talking to? He wondered when his brain registered the tall Naval Commander engaging in conversation. Mac was standing just outside her office door, laughing heartily with a man Harm was very unfamiliar with. At first he thought the officer was a client but, when she pressed a hand to his forearm and squeezed, a fiery jealousy breathed to life.
The man was tall just an inch shorter than he with dark blond hair and a leaner frame than his own. He was laughing with Mac and the air of familiarity felt like a punch in the gut - too reminiscent of her with Brumby. Watching them, he maneuvered through the bullpen to Bud who was busy fiddling with the fax machine. "Hey Bud, who's that talking to the Colonel?"
"Who?" The Lieutenant punched a few buttons, aloof in his usual way that often tried Harm's patience. He glanced in the direction Harm was looking and smiled brightly. "Oh, Commander Knox."
When Bud offered no more information, Harm heaved an annoyed sigh. "Client of hers?"
"No, sir. Friend. Went to law school together but, the Commander chose to stay as a submariner."
A bubblehead? Good, he thought, noting that the man would be gone for months at a time and out of her life. "Did the Colonel say why the Commander was here?"
Bud glanced back towards Mac and shook his head. "No, sir."
Exasperated, Harm walked around the junior officer. "Thanks for nothing, Bud."
"Anytime, sir." Came his cheery reply that had Harm rolling his eyes. Bud was truly a good guy, excellent lawyer but could often space out.
Harm made a beeline towards Mac, unable to hide the wide grin when her eyes met his. Those beautiful eyes came alive, conveying her happiness that he'd returned in the subtlest of ways. "Good morning, Colonel." He smiled in earnest and his eyes went right to her lips noting the red lipstick that called to him. That sweet, soft kiss from two days ago was racking his mind, daring Harm to push for more.
He would have gone to her after his last therapy session had Mac been in town, demanded to make sense of his feelings for her and hers for him. They were still on unsteady ground and it was all his fault for being so foolish, for not trusting Mac would have his back. God, if Lindsey's cover was never found he could still be locked up, his life slipping away as Mac moved on.
"Morning, Harm. The Admiral said he would call you in." Harm would never know that she resisted the urge to throw herself at him, hold him as if her life depended on it. It was too good to have him back in the office after nearly a month and a half of seeing his office dark and desolate.
"Temporary only. I won't be cleared for another week."
"All the same. You were missed." I missed you. She held his gaze, felt the heat of it that made Mac's heartbeat quicken. It was impossible to miss how his eyes came to her lips, staring as if Harm would kiss her then and there.
The quick, somewhat chaste kiss from two days prior still made her lips tingle. It was a little exhilarating and definately an activity she longed for in a more private setting. Hell other parts of her were tingling as well.
The sound of Commander Knox clearing his throat that brought her back to the present. "I'm sorry. Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr this is Commander Jackson Knox." Mac stammered through the introduction, barely able to prevent the blush that crept into her cheeks. Damn him.
Knox stuck out his hand, smiling wide when Harm took it. "Jake."
"Harm." He held on a bit tighter, squeezing for reasons he couldn't quite comprehend until the man pulled away with a wince. "Submariner, huh? The Colonel and I were stuck under the Artic for two weeks on the Watertown."
Konx grinned knowingly. "Oooh, lots of Lots of slouching for you, I bet...How did Sarah handle herself with all the undersexed bubbleheads?"
Sarah? Motherfuc… "Well, the crew needed protection from her. Mac threatened to feed their asses to the crabs." Mac rolled her eyes at the memory. It had been so utterly humiliating to find the men baiting her that way.
"Mac, huh?" Knox turned to her grinning appreciatively. "I've only ever known her as Sarah."
His words were like a shot across the bow, a blow Harm hadn't anticipated since Brumby's departure. They had spent so much time together over the course of the last year and a half that he figured there were no other suitors on Mac's radar.
It took one month in the brig to drop the bubblehead into the mix. "So, how long have you known Sarah?" Harm wasn't able to veil the jealousy any longer, her given name slipped out of his mouth as if it were commonplace.
Glancing between the two men reminded Mac of Brumby's inception at JAG and the ongoing stick measuring that lead to absolutely nothing. It was just as irritating now as it was then only more so given the fact that she's been single and waiting for so long. "Jake's a friend, we went to law school together… He was in town and decided to catch up at lunch."
Knox's grin widened as he sized the other man, noting the rather thick folder Harm was holding, a clear indication that the officer would be too busy to join. "You still stay current? Or are the wings a product of the past?"
"Oh, I still fly F14s… Even took Sarah up with me a few times." Harm rocked on his heels happily and puffed his chest out so that his whites stretched more across his pecs. He was clearly peacocking, and he really didn't care.
"Have you really?" Knox turned to Mac with an appraising expression and a look of awe. "And you didn't get sick?"
"Oh, yes I did. I was sick for days the first time. Can't say I would enjoy life on a submarine, but I will take it over an F-14 any day."
The comment was another blow to Harm, scoring the other man a point. It deflated his ego and that bit of insecurity that wavered when he was around her fluttered to the surface. "So, Chegwidden give me the details on Commander Imes, I was wondering if you want to join me for lunch and go over Master Chief Troy's case." He raised the folder in his hand.
"I have plans with Jake. But, you're welcome to join."
Knox gave her a pointed glare, his indication he was not happy to have Harm tag along. He shifted his weight a few times finally smiling at the other officer. "Sure, Harm. Join us."
"I think I might. Let me toss this in the office and grab my wallet."
Only he barely made it past the threshold when Chegwidden's voice bellowed across the bullpen. "Rabb, my office in ten."
Harm visibly cringed at the order, his shoulders slumping in defeat when he turned back to Mac. Somehow he managed to plaster a smile. "Raincheck?"
"I guess so." If he didn't know any better, Harm could see the disappointment in her eyes. "I'll uh, see you later, Commander." This was not the return he was hoping for...
….Harm opted to work out of the office for the remainder of the day, able to get ahead of the cases without any distractions. It was easier to keep his mind on the files, away from Mac and the Submariner who was clearly interested in her.
He barely saw her the whole day, court keeping Mac occupied until the late afternoon when a knock on his door signaled she'd returned. "Hey. How long are you planning on staying?"
"I have therapy early tomorrow morning, and then the Admiral is sending me to Norfolk. I need to work on these while I can." Harm tapped his pen against the pile of files on his desk that seem to grow over the course of the day. "I kinda feel like this is penance for something."
Mac chuckled at his impish grin and then heaved a soft sigh. "So I guess dinner tonight is out of the question?"
"Dinner?" He stared at her expectantly, his body tingling with anticipation and what could happen after dinner with her - another kiss that could turn into something more. Unfortunately, Harm was duty bound to the assignment and overcompensating as he usually did. "I would love to but, raincheck?"
"Yeah, okay. Raincheck." Mac couldn't keep the disappointed timber out of her voice. She turned on her heel, about to make a beeline for her own office when a thought made her stop. There had been something nagging at her, a statement Harm made that turned her insides to jelly.
It made her close the door in order to give them privacy from the few stragglers still in the bullpen. "You said you kissed me like a lover would, not a friend on the night my engagement party."
Lover. The word had rolled off his tongue so easily in a kind of bedroom voice that sent desire through her. She had been shocked by Harm's open admission, especially considering most heartfelt conversations were spoken in riddles.
Harm stared at Mac with his patented 'Rabb-in-the-headlights' look. He'd almost forgotten that comment, although he couldn't forget what came after, that sweet kiss before he left. "Did I?"
"Yes." Mac hesitated for a moment, nervously shifting from side to side while her hands kept a stranglehold on her cover. "Have you... fantasized about me that way?"
"What way?"
"As your lover?"
Lover. Mac's voice was soft and breathy, seductive although he knew she wasn't trying to be. Not with those sad, brown eyes that glanced up expectantly. "A gentleman never tells." He'd meant it as a joke that only backfired when Mac's shoulders slumped.
"Harm…"
"Mac, I wanna talk about that just not here." He tapped his pen against the files again and sighed. "I'm sorry."
"I guess I'll leave you to it then."
The sadness seemed to deepen in her eyes, the Marine facade crumbling when she opened the door and walked into the bullpen. It made Harm panic, forcing him to give chase only to find a man heading towards her. "I hoped I would catch you. Flight got delayed. You free for dinner?"
Commander Knox. Sonofabitch! The submariner was wearing civvies, holding a bouquet of red roses which he offered to Mac. For the life of him, Harm couldn't understand why he couldn't move, couldn't react. It was like a supernatural force held him in place.
He watched as Mac took the flowers and then threaded her arm through the crook of Jake's. As they walked out of JAG arm in arm Harm felt an awful sensation at the pit of his stomach. He'd been through this before, watching another man swoop in and take the woman he loved. "Yes, Mac… I've fantasized about you." He said under his breath wondering why it was always so difficult to openly admit his feelings for her.
"Damnit." For the first time, Harm felt like a coward.
