Andra barely heard the flap of her tent open, nor took much note of the footsteps that stopped just behind her, as she packed her things and tied down a rolled blanket to the top of her pack. She did, however, stop what she was doing when the person behind her spoke.
"What's going on, Andra? The whole clan is talking about you." She recognized the voice and mentally cursed: Calem. She had hoped to confront him later. They might not be as close as they once were but she still cared for him and didn't want to hurt him. To tell him that she was going to abandon the Dalish because of a Shem would be the most painful insult she could give him. She knew of his hatred for humans—for anyone that wasn't Dalish—rightfully so given what he had been through, but that meant he wouldn't understand her situation.
She turned around, hesitantly, and Calem froze as he saw her bare face. "My Vallaslin is gone and I'm leaving the clan. I... don't know when I'll be back," She said. It's wasn't entirely the truth, but it wasn't a lie either.
"How did you...?"
"It doesn't matter." Andra turned away from him to fasten the buckle on her on pack before standing up and slinging it onto her shoulders.
"Why are you leaving?"
"You can imagine how everyone feels about me right now. And I need to find some answers for myself. I'm sorry…" She let the sentence hang there. There was so much she felt she should apologize for when it came to Calem. For him coming all this way just to be rejected for his love; for Andra not doing better to keep in touch, especially when they had been so close; for leaving so suddenly when he had only just arrived, especially when it was her he had come to see. Most of all, for not having the courage to tell him that the reason she no longer loved him like he did her was because she had feelings for someone else, even if her own mind hadn't yet come to terms with that realization.
His faced creased with confusion, "Answers about what?"
"It's... hard to explain. I don't really want to talk about it right now."
Calem grabbed her arm as she tried to brush past him. "I've only just arrived and now you're off again?"
"I'm so sorry—I need to do this or it'll drive me crazy." She gave him a sad look, she wished she could tell him everything. But doing so would drive them apart.
"Will I see you again?"
"I don't know…"
His shoulders slumped at her words as he released her arm, and his face fell slightly. But then an idea seemed to come to him, "Let me come with you."
It was Andra's turn to be confused.
He continued quickly, "I could come with you to help you find your answers? And then… maybe… you could come back with me to my clan since you're so set on leaving yours?"
Andra was stunned, "Calem, I… I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not? It can't hurt to have an extra set of hands. And it'll be safer rather than traveling alone."
She began shifting her weight from one foot to the other in unease. "I don't want you to get hurt." She knew trying to deter him would spout up more questions but she truly meant it—she didn't want to see her childhood friend turn against her; she didn't want to see him look at her the way he looked at humans.
"I won't get hurt. I'm very capable, I'll have you know." He smirked despite the tension.
"I know. What I mean is... the answers I'm looking for will hurt you, confuse you. And I know how much it would mean to you, but I can't go back with you to your clan."
He still didn't catch on, "How could the answers you're looking for hurt me? And you don't have to make a decision on coming back with me right away. There'll be plenty of time to think it over while we're on the road."
"I can't…" Andra said in exasperation. She was trying her best to shield him but he kept pushing. With a deep breath, and a long sigh, Andra looked at Calem closely. She had to remind herself that he wasn't the kid she once knew. They were both grown and if he truly wanted to be so insistent, then maybe she needed to be more honest with him. So she steeled herself, hoping that he could handle it.
"I'm leaving the Dalish, Calem. Permanently. I don't ever plan on coming back to my clan, and I can't go with you to yours for the same reason. I need to get away. I need to do some things for myself. This isn't just about going on another adventure."
His smile died away, "But how can you… abandon your people? Abandon all that you've ever known."
Andra sighed in irritation and pushed through the flap of her tent, walking outside as Calem followed her. "You wouldn't understand."
She made her way towards the clan's craftsmen. She needed to pick up a new bow, hers was older than she was and she feared, despite her desperate attempts to maintain the old wood, it breaking while she was on the road. It would be a sorrowful parting; she had made many memories with her bow. In a way, it was a part of her; an extension of her arms, of her reach. But she knew it was just a thing, it wasn't alive, and a newer bow would serve her much better than the old one. It wouldn't do to get overly sentimental.
"Haren!" Andra called to the elder that was bent over a table, carving intricate designs into the wood of a small buckler. The old man looked up at Andra as she approached, and he too dawned a look of surprise at the sight of her face. Andra concluded that she would never live it down, nor would anyone ever get used to it.
"Andra?" The elder said softly, trying to convince himself of her identity.
"Yes. Please don't ask me to explain. I've done so much of that already and I'm exhausted..." She could feel the weariness bearing on her, "I need a new bow. I'm leaving the clan for a while. I don't know when I'll be back, but my old one is no longer suited for me."
The old man grinned at the last part, "Finally heeding my advice about a new weapon?"
Andra smiled back, "I'm sentimental."
The elder then turned around to a rack behind him that held a number of weapons he had just finished that week. As he was looking through them, Calem stepped up to the young girl's side. "Please talk to me," He whispered to her, golden eyes pleading.
"I have. There's nothing more to say."
Calem ran a hand through his chocolate hair then but didn't have the time to reply as the old man turned back around with a beautiful recurve in his hands, embroidered with intricate designs of the forest the Ashihari lived in.
Andra stared at the weapon in amazement, taking it from the elder's hands and running her own over it. She admired the leaves and branches carved into the body and tested the draw weight as she pulled on the string. It was perfect for her. "Wow, Haren, you've outdone yourself."
The old man smiled with pride, "I made it just for you, actually. I had a feeling you would be asking me for a new one one day."
Andra hugged the elder tightly. For her gratitude of such beautiful craftsmanship, but also because he wasn't prying. And also as a silent goodbye.
"Thank you," She said muffled into his shoulder.
"Take care of yourself."
Then Andra was off, walking briskly towards the edge of the camp.
Calem still trailing behind her.
"Calem…" Andra started as she reached the unlit lantern that marked the outskirts of the settlement. But he was ready for her this time:
"You have nothing to lose by letting me come with you," He interrupted.
But how wrong he was; she could lose him. "Why do you want to come with me? Why not just go back to your own clan? They need you the most."
He flinched at her words, "What if I say I just want to spend time with you? We've been apart for so long, and I've not even been here a week. Is it so hard to believe that I'm just afraid I'll never see you again?"
Andra mulled this over, feeling awful for putting him in such a situation. "If you come with me, you're not going to like what we find. I know that already. No matter what you say to reassure me, I know that we'll never be the same again. And that's most likely not for the better."
"You can't know that." He put a hand on her shoulder then.
"Okay…" Andra gave in, but still certain that it was a bad idea.
"Give me a few minutes to get my things," Calem said, then he left in the direction of his tent.
Andra tilted her head back and stared up at the sky, asking herself what she was getting herself into as she slung the string of her bow over her shoulder and waited.
ELVHEN USED:
Shem: Literally-"quick children", but it's used mainly as an insult to anyone that isn't Dalish.
Haren: "Elder"
Vallaslin: Blood writing. Dalish receive these markings around 18, sometimes younger. When of age, the elf prepares by meditating on the Gods and the Dalish, then by purifying the body and skin. When the time comes, the Keeper applies the blood writing—in complete silence. Cries of pain are taken as a sign of weakness. If the elf cannot tolerate the pain, they are deemed unready to take on the responsibilities of an adult and the Keeper may make the decision to stop the ritual.
