"I don't understand," Calem's eyes were wide, "You were so against my coming along. It took a lot of persuasion on my part. Yet you're asking him? I thought maybe you didn't want my company because you were looking to be alone?"
Andra felt awkward under Calem's gaze as the trio stood together in the thick forest. "It's not like that…" she started, not knowing where to even begin explaining herself.
"Is it that you rather don't care for me at all anymore?"
Andra shook her head quickly, confidently, "Not at all!" Then she sighed, searching for the right words. "I told you why I didn't want you to come. That whatever answers I find, they'll hurt you. What little I've said already has hurt you, I can tell. And I'm trying desperately to not ruin the friendship we've rekindled." She trailed off, feeling like an idiot and not knowing if she was even getting her point across, or if her words even rang any chords with her old friend.
"I assure you, Andra, nothing would ever drive me away from you. What we have isn't so easily broken."
"Let me ask you a hypothetical question then," she began, determined to make him understand the severity of what was at stake. "What if I told you that I was turning my back on the Dalish because of a shem? Or that I was moving to a city—into one of the alienages? Would that affect your feelings for me at all?"
"You're not doing this for any of those reasons so what does it matter?" He diverted.
"That's why I said it was hypothetical. Now answer my question."
Calem pinched the bridge of his nose as they walked, failing to see why this was so important. "I suppose it would put a little strain on our relationship."
"Don't dance around the issue. You and I both know very well that you would hate me. You would call me every obscenity in the book just for turning on the Dalish and acting like humans were better. Especially after everything that's happened in your life. I know for a fact you wouldn't forgive me."
"We don't have to worry about that because this is all a fake scenario!" Calem was on the defensive. "What I do want to know is how you removed your Vallaslin. You never told me, and now we have all this time before we even reach this temple."
Andra was caught off guard by the sudden change in conversation and she immediately began searching for an out.
"I removed it," Solas said plainly.
"You?" Calem questioned, a fire in his eyes. "Do you even know what you've done?! Andra will be shunned by her clan! Everyone was talking about it before we left. People were furious with her!"
"It was her own choice. I didn't force her into anything. If she feared the reaction of her clan, then she did not show it, or did not care."
Calem was taken aback and it took him a moment to realize the weight of the older elf's words. Then he turned back towards Andra. "You... actually wanted your Vallaslin removed?"
Andra met his gold eyes with her silver. "Yes." She didn't know what more she could offer him. The look in Calem's gaze was telling her that his resolve was wavering, that he was looking at her but no longer seeing the friend he had come to love. This was what she had feared.
"Why?" Calem's single word fell like the first drop of rain hitting a body of water, disturbing the surface, sending out ripples that blurred the reflections in its path. There were many reasons. All of them would push Calem further away from her. Further than he already was.
In one swift motion, Andra swung her backpack off her shoulders and dropped it to the space in front of her, kneeling down to look through its contents. It took barely any time at all for her to find what she was looking for, and then her gaze returned to the elf in front of her, standing a few feet away. She stood, crossing the distance, and grabbed Calem's hand, pressing the item into it.
He felt the familiar softness of the braided leather press into his palm, cold from being unworn. His heart stuttered.
"Return to your people, Calem," Andra said, looking up into the eyes of her dear friend. "I'm only hurting you."
Calem's fingers curled around the leather once Andra's hands fell away from his. He looked down at his clenched fist, afraid to confirm with his eyes what he already knew in his heart. Afraid to see her half of the Ara'lin'hasal.
"What's going on, Andra?" He finally asked, after prying his eyes away from his hand.
"I'm not who you think I am." The words fell from her lips before she even had time to consider them. She hated herself as she saw the pain in his eyes and knew that it was because of her.
"What does that even mean?" His voice was cracking. He was on the verge of breaking and Andra didn't know if she could handle that from him.
"I'm not sure, myself…" She admitted, taking a hesitant step backwards to put space between them.
He exhaled sharply, ran his free hand through his brown hair. He looked unruly, confused. The story he had told her as kids, about how shems had murdered his parents, came rushing back to her at the sight. He had the same look in his eyes. Right now, he wasn't the man he had grown up to be, he was the little boy who had cried on her shoulder and asked to cuddle until he fell asleep because the horrible memories had sprouted in a nightmare. And here she was, another person walking out of his life.
Andra shoved the memory down, needing to steel herself. Even if this hurt, it was better in the long run.
"This is what you want?" His soft voice cut through the thick tension.
"It's what's best."
Calem's gaze slid away from hers, sliding over to the bald elf that stood several paces behind Andra, before returning. He looked upon her bare face, then took note of Solas' too. He realized what a stark contrast he was with his own Vallaslin. He didn't fit in. There was something more going on that he wasn't grasping but it was pointless to ask for answers. So he shut his emotions in. He wouldn't break down in front of Solas. And even if he didn't understand it, he knew Andra was trying to save him. That didn't mean it made sense, but he would let her do so.
In truth, Calem had hoped that nothing had changed between them. He had hoped he could have talked Sathari into letting Andra return with him. He had wanted Andra at his side always. But now, he realized how foolish that was. She was right, too much time had passed. Perhaps, under different circumstances, that wouldn't have mattered. He could have courted her properly, earned her love once more; rebuilt their relationship even stronger than it had been before. But it couldn't be that way—he was starting to accept that.
"Okay," He finally said, stuffing the bracelet he held into a pocket.
Andra flinched at his dead tone, "Ir abelas…"
"Mya mar lath'in."
She was surprised at his words, but she accepted them all the same. Though her voice escaped her, she managed to nod. Calem returned the gesture before casting one last icy look at Solas and then turning to begin his long trek back to his clan. In the back of his mind, he dreaded having to tell his friend—who had pushed him to make this journey—that the whole thing had been fruitless. Though, there had been one bright aspect of it: he had gotten to see Andra one last time. That made it all worth it. He could remember her as she was now, instead of only knowing her as she had been when they were kids.
"Eman solas i'mar eol." Solas looked softly upon the blonde girl as she picked up her backpack and moved back to his side. "Thu ane?"
She stared at her feet, afraid to look up at his face and break down, "Teleolasan."
"Re num'rahn… y, tel'telisa. Ele saron i'ra."
Slowly, Andra looked up at him, meeting the understanding oceans of his eyes, "Ma serannas, Haren." She forced a smile as she composed herself.
Solas laughed lightly at her jab before touching her elbow gently, "Come, let us be off."
ELVHEN USED:
Ara'lin'hasal: "Lover's Knot" (There are always two halves to this bracelet, usually shared between two people that deeply care for each other-as the name implies.
Ir abelas: "I'm sorry"
Mya mar lath'in: "Follow your heart"
Eman solas i'mar eol: "I am proud of you"
Thu ane?: "How are you?"
Teleolasan: "I don't know"
Re num'rahn... y, tel'telisa. Ele saron i'ra: "It is a pity... but, don't worry. We are in this together."
Ma serannas: "Thank you / My thanks"
Haren: Elder
Vallaslin: Blood writing. Dalish receive these markings around 18, sometimes younger. When of age, the elf prepares by meditating on the Gods and the Dalish, then by purifying the body and skin. When the time comes, the Keeper applies the blood writing—in complete silence. Cries of pain are taken as a sign of weakness. If the elf cannot tolerate the pain, they are deemed unready to take on the responsibilities of an adult and the Keeper may make the decision to stop the ritual.
