Hey, guys! Sorry for vanishing off the face of the earth - I may or may not have gone on a holiday and left my computer behind.
Anyway, it's here now. The chapter, I mean.
P.S, Yes, for people who were wondering, a bit of the last chapter was a reference to dillongoo's Gods Don't Bleed (Best video ever!).
Chapter Five
Thunderstorm On The Horizon
It was afternoon when we got back out of the mines. I picked a nice tree to lie down under and Leon decided this was the best time to regale me with tales of his misadventures around the city. It was a lot more interesting than what the king had to say. For one, the king had somehow decided to leave out all the criminal activity and skipped straight to the prosperity stuff, which was boring. Criminal activity was always the most interesting bit.
"-and so five years or something ago, we had this serial killer who drew little wolves near the bodies and left weird sigils in blood. It was creepy as heck, I tell you. The guy genuinely thought he was Herobrine, I kid you not. And he was a big shot magician or something up at the Arcopolis, he could toss fireballs and lightning like anything. It wasn't like nobody knew who he was, 'cause of him having his own cult an' everything an' he was preaching weird stuff about the Nether on Sunday afternoons out in the city square, but nobody dared do anything 'cause the last time the police tried to nick him, they spent half a month digging their mates out from underneath a collapsed building, and boy, it wasn't pretty."
I nodded carefully. "Go on."
"So, around a month after he'd started, the city was pretty much in chaos, and this dude, you wouldn't believe me, but this dude came straight out of the Sylder Forest," Leon nodded toward a particularly thick patch of forest in the far distance. "The place you rode out of last night. And boy, did that scare the bajeezus outta me at first, 'cause not a lot of people who go in are ever heard of again, and you can hear weird things howling in there after dark. Anyway, this bloke, he walks ups to our Herobrine guy, who's in the middle of a particularly gruesome part of his Sunday afternoon sermon out in the city square, and corrected every single dang thing he'd ever said about Herobrine and the creepies and crawlies of the night and whatnot."
Leon stopped to take a breath. I made an encouraging sound.
"Our Herobrine guy lost his marbles on the spot. Fire and lightning everywhere, and we were pretty sure the other bloke was scuppered. Well, a lot of people lost money that day, because he didn't just refuse to die horribly, he creamed our Herobrine guy like an omelette and had him with his face in the concrete begging for forgiveness from the Almighty in three minutes flat. He made the sorry tosser make a public apology for all the damage and then handed him straight over to the angry mob yonder, who'd been looking for somebody to lynch all day."
"Oh," I said intelligently. "So what happened?"
"They lynched him. The police provided the rope."
"Ah," I said accurately.
Leon shrugged. "Then the bloke vanished back into the forest, as mysterious as you please, and we haven't heard from him, or of him, since. Sometimes when we're out on gate duty, we hear random things dying noisily in the forest and we go 'yep, that's him out there, living his best life', and we shut up about it and don't tell anyone, because the cops are still after him 'cause violently beating people up is still technically illegal, even if the victim involved is a psychotic serial killer."
He fell silent. The silence lasted a while.
"So, how old are you, actually?" Leon asked curiously, after some time. "I know you told the king that you were twenty-something, but I know a Crafter who looks like she's thirty but is actually ninety-five years old."
"Well, Crafters tend to stop ageing once they reach a certain age. Also, we do age at a far slower rate." I informed Leon. "But yeah, you're right. I might have lied a bit because I thought Tevon was going to throw a hissy fit. I'm forty-two."
My new partner in crime seemed to be impressed. Also he wasn't surprised to hear that Tevon was going off his rocker, which, according to local history, was a fairly regular occurrence.
"Yeah, I think the prince might be a Crafter. He's certainly maturing at a very slow rate."
"Is he always like that?"
"More or less. Don't tell anyone I said this, but he's a bit of a bastard. And his daddy dear is clueless. Thinks far too much of his son."
"Really? I thought the king was a nice-ish guy. Just a bit boring when it comes to reports."
Leon shook his head in disgust. "The king's okay. It's his son I'm worried about. Have you noticed the fact that there's no Queen?"
"Frankly, no. I've been told by one of my comrades that I don't notice details very well."
"Well, the thing is..." Leon lowered his voice as if he was afraid someone might overhear. "Tevon's adopted. He's the king's nephew. His parents died in a wildfire while picnicking in the forest when he was two. Unfortunately, they left him in the house, so he survived. The king adopted him because he couldn't have children."
I felt a pang of pity for the prince. "Is that why he's like this?"
"No. He doesn't even remember his parents. Was too young back then. And don't feel sorry for him, he's done a few things that should have him burning in the Nether after he dies."
"Like what?" I asked, curious. We reached the city gates, and the guards nodded at us as we passed, but I focused only on what Leon was saying.
"Well..." His voice dropped into a whisper. "Do you remember, a few years ago, there was a Giant zombie wreaking havoc up here? And that a Ranger was sent to take care of it? A Ranger who had a God-Essence blade called Wyrdfell?"
My heart skipped a beat. "Katara? But she never got here. We assumed that she was mislaid on the way, or got lost, y'know, she wasn't great at navigation. She vanished off the face of Elenjor. There were search parties - a lot of them, but we never found her. They're still looking."
"It is a known fact you can't find a dead person if their body has been destroyed." Leon said sardonically. "She did get here, you know. She entered through the same gates you did, only a year ago. I saw her with my own eyes."
My eyes must have grown to the size of oranges, because he gave me a weird look before going on. "The prince was the one who welcomed her, but I think he was more interested in the sword. He knew it was the only thing that could kill the Giant zombie. That night, while she was at dinner, he snuck into her room and stole Wyrdfell, replacing it with a look-alike. I saw him, but he made me keep quiet. I should have told on him then, even when he threatened to have me thrown into the Nether as a Material-Gatherer."
I could understand why he feared being sent to the Nether. I've been there myself, and it wasn't pleasant. You could hear the souls screaming from the Soul Sand they were trapped in as they suffered. Mostly gibberish, howls and wails and once I even heard a hauntingly sad song that held you in its grasp, spellbound, until you went mad and hurled yourself into a lava lake, and another time soft laughter that made your spine creep.
I shivered at the memory, but he didn't notice. He was too wrapped up in his telling. "You know one of the only things that could kill a Ranger and keep them dead is a God-Essence weapon, right? To keep her from discovering his theft, he waited behind her door and stabbed her as she came in. I'd definitely call that murder, don't you think?"
I was speechless for a second. "And no one Up There knows about this?"
By then we'd reached my room. I sighed: "Well, I'd better take a rest and process the new information. Notch is going to want to know about this."
I opened the door, and sprang back, horrified. "What have they done? Why's my bedroom a gaping, pitch black hole?!"
Leon sighed with exasperation. "We're in the West Wing, you fool. Your rooms are in the East Wing. This is the wine cellar."
"Oh. I don't suppose there's anything in there apart from-"
But I never had a chance to finish what I was saying, because at that moment, another guard burst in, gasping for breath. She came to a stop in front of us and gestured furiously down the corridor, having yet to regain coherency.
"Tara?" Leon caught her by the shoulders. "Tara! What is it?"
Tara replied, still a bit out of breath:"The Librarian is dead, and Tevon says Steve did it."
I was shocked. I definitely didn't see that one coming."The murderous old guy? I think I'd remember if I killed him. Pretty sure I was out mining." I looked at Leon. "Tell them I was out mining."
"He was out mining," Leon confirmed.
Tara's eyes flashed."I know. That's why I came to warn you. Prince Tevon is up to his tricks again."
Leon turned to me and said:" You gotta run, Steve. He has a God-Essence weapon, and he wouldn't just bring you in for judgement. He'd kill you and make an excuse about it and you can't beat him either. I know you're very good with a weapon but you wouldn't stand a chance when he's got thirty specially chosen elite soldiers on his side."
"Where should I go, then?"
"The Sylder Forest. They won't follow you there. It's dangerous, and most people who go in don't come out again. The Evanji-"
"Wait, Evanji? You mean there's Netherwolves in your forest? And didn't you say there was a murderous hermit in there? I don't want to be in the same forest as a murderous hermit!"
"You also don't want to be in the same place as lot of other dead people." Leon propelled me forcefully toward the exit. He gave me one last shove. "Go, Steve. Run like the Devil himself is on your tail, because he is."
I took one last glance back at them, and got the Nether out of there as fast as I could.
Leon called after my retreating rear end:" Oh Steve? I have some advice for you. Don't look back."
Then I was out of the corridor.
To my credit, I'd almost reached the Sylder Forest when they caught up with me. My last Speed Potion had just run out and I slowed to a gentle jog because I couldn't run anymore.
"Steve, Son of None! You are hereby under arrest for the murder of Cardock Mures!" They called out to me. I looked back, and immediately regretted it. I could see a giant cloud of dust, and flashes of metal. And hear the sounds of a lot of galloping horses, and a lot of clanking, which meant a lot of armour, and probably a lot of swords.
I especially didn't like the bit about the swords.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit. What now? I ran even faster, but it was no use. I'd come right in front of a large boulder, and had nowhere to go. Seeing no other way out of this, I ran full speed at the boulder and somehow managed to make the leap over. I was surprised that I didn't simply crash face-first into the rock, judging by how tired I was.
In front of me was the forest. I sighed in relief as I entered it. Now I was safe.
Just as I thought that, a company of thirty-one people clad in armour crashed into the clearing behind me, and surrounded me in a circle. I was right about the swords. There was an abundance of them, waiting to dice me like a plate of sushi.
It was at that moment that I considered myself completely, totally, utterly, and Well And Truly Screwed.
Tevon stepped into the circle, and drew his sword. I recognised the blade. I had been on the receiving end of it during many a practice sparring session, and now it looked like it was back for seconds.
Wyrdfell.
In the tongue of the Gods, wyrdfell meant doom. Everybody Up There thought Katara was a little wonky in the head, but there was nothing funny about it now, seeing as I was probably about to get shish-kebabed by the thing.
Well, there was nothing for it, then.
"How about we all go home and have a nice day?" I called out at the prince. "Nobody gets hurt, we can all run along and pretend this never happened."
The prince sent me a cold look. "The only person who gets hurt is you. In case you haven't noticed, the field isn't exactly even."
"Oh, I've noticed." I put on an exaggerated smirk and exuded swagger that I didn't have. "You'd have to call in another platoon before we can even begin to even out the odds."
Tevon moved into a fighting stance. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."
He lunged at me, sword swinging. I drew my own sword and parried with ease. But the rest of the men fell in to help, and I couldn't hold all of them off at once.
I felt the cold blade of a sword sinking into my back as I tried to block the blows aimed at my front and knew without looking that it was Tevon, with Wyrdfell. And the ground was suddenly rushing up to greet my face in a very friendly manner.
Never, ever, in the history of evers, will I ever allow Notch to plan anything for me again, ever, I vowed silently to myself as a face-planted into the mossy green and died unceremoniously.
There was a flash of light.
