Never before… Never ever. Had Loki been so glad that he was this good at deception.
On the surface, Loki looked composed, calm and regal.
On the inside… Loki wanted to smack someone real hard! Tear some furniture to pieces to, tell these people he could just leave them in Helas clutches and it wouldn't be a personal loss to him.
But no…. Odin was still merely sleeping, he was watching and despite everything. Loki didn't want to prove Odin wrong in his assumption that Loki could be a good king.
Thor would return, hopefully real soon, and Loki wanted Thor to hear good things of his actions, he wanted to be able to look Thor into the eyes and tell he had done things right. And he wanted Thor to smile proudly when looking at him.
Basically…. Loki had found a weird stubbornness within himself, he wanted to do a good job dammit!
Thor, Odin and Frigga had entrusted him with this! He didn't want to come crawling on his knees telling he couldn't handle it!
Even if these people… These people were so annoying.
Basically, not everyone was convinced that Hela was even real… Loki had to sympathize a bit with Hela on that, just imagine being erased from history like that. If it wasn't because Loki already knew she was just going to kill everyone in her way, he would have felt sorry for her.
Thing was! Because they didn't think Hela was real, it lead grounds to believe Thor was being manipulated, and who would be the master mind behind such manipulation but the Jotnar standing right there?! Whom is a well known trickster and currently fulfills the duties of a king…
And if Loki had been in their position, he probably would have been pretty suspicious to… Thor… Get your ass back here please.
I don't want this stupid position anymore! It sucks.
"The Kings orders are simple." Loki spoke calmly, for the time number one million at least. "We are in a state of crisis, we are evacuating people for their own safety."
"Odin having a first born daughter?!" A man huffed. "I never heard of such a thing."
"I didn't make those images appear, I only removed the outer layer." Loki informed, making sure to keep a calm posture, and a calm voice that didn't reveal that he was nearly shaking in pure frustration.
"How do we know?!" A woman whom looked like prune that had been left to long in the sun spoke. "You waved your hands and it appeared! Where are those ships even taking us?!"
"Midgard, they will be taking you all to Midgard." Loki informed, ones again… Same message. Over and over.
"Midgard?! A backwaters planet with no technology or any of the things which makes our way of live possible!"
Lokis eyes were harsh as he looked at him. "You truly are spoiled." he stated. "That you cannot tolerate the thought of lowering your living standards just for a bit." he informed. "It is true, this entire realm has grown fat, lazy and spoiled." he stated in a harsh tone, his eyes firm on them. "I wont personally force you to go! But I will empathize that if you don't, you'll die."
Apparently the force in his voice was strong enough that it made an impact.
"How… How do you know?" The man who had spoken first asked. "If she was truly locked away eight thousand years ago. You weren't even born yet."
Loki sucked in a deep breath then looked at them. "I was in the unfortunate position of being shown a vision." he admitted. "A vision of the scenario which will play out if Hela arrives at Asgard with people still here… It was a sea of corpses, a sea of blood." he shuddered. "Thor saw it to, which is what shocked him as much as it did… It was." he swallowed. "Horrible."
There was stunned silence.
"You will be safe." Loki then assured in a much kinder voice. "It is true, you wont be as comfortable for a while. But perhaps that is indeed for the better, we shall face this crisis together, and get through it together."
The onlookers still looked doubtful, but finally they stepped back. Loki offered them a nod and then turned to leave, his long dark cape waving after him.
Loki was just… Way to annoyed and tired at the moment, he headed to his own chambers and pushed the doors open, only to be faced with a room still frozen over.
And yet, the cooling air on his skin felt nice and Loki sighed closed the doors and loosened the cape to let it fall to the floor, then he sat down on his bed.
After a bit of hesitation Loki then grabbed the top part of his clothes and pulled it over his head so his upper body was now completely bare, he kicked off his boots to reveal his bare feet and then he groaned as he laid back on his bed.
For a while Loki just laid there on his back with spread out arms, allowing the coolness to wash over him and hope to just let all his annoyances diminish to a point where he could deal with them without blowing.
A knock sounded on his door, then it opened and a female voice, belonging to one Sif, goddess of war spoke. "Forgive me, your highness" she asked. "I just… OH!"
Apparently that was the point Sif had realized Loki was half naked, Loki half opened one of his eyes to look at the warrior maiden standing in the door looking at him with wide open eyes.
Then she flushed all over her head. "I.. I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. "Forgive me I.."
One thing Loki vaguely noted.. He was to tired to even be embarrassed right now, also he was way to annoyed. So he sat up on his bed crossing his legs.
"Look." Loki groaned. "If you have come here to accuse me of manipulating Thor so I can have the Throne for myself, and is setting up everybody in an elaborate trick. Please…. Don't." he asked. "I heard the first hundred people accusing me of that."
Sif's eyes widened, then she looked down, surprisingly though instead of walking out… She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. "No." she said. "In fact… I came to apologize." she admitted.
Loki blinked and slowly Sif looked up.
"I… I did believe that." Sif admitted. "When Thors coronation was first announced, I heard you laying out the hints. That you were planning to do something, I thought you were planning something… Probably to disrupt to coronation. Then, Thor suddenly started acting so differently… He wasn't even himself. And then the coronation being canceled, Thor saying he wasn't worthy. He wasn't acting like himself at all! And I assumed, that was it… The thing you had planned." she stated. "It wasn't though… You had nothing to do with it. I'm sorry for just believing that without looking for other explanations."
Loki sat in silence as he looked at Sif, she glanced away.
Loki swallowed. "I had planned something… And it was a terrible thing I planned to do." he admitted. "How-ever, before I managed to do it… Thor changed as you said. And well… I was left with no choice but to abort the plan."
Sif looked up again, looking at him, now Loki was the one looking away.
"I was lucky Thor changed so radically, the plan I had in store… It was an awful plan, it would have been a mistake." Loki admitted. "So… You weren't entirely wrong."
Sif swallowed, slowly Loki turned his head, and finally they looked at each other again.
Finally Sif smiled lightly. "You sure have changed Loki."
"Well, obviously." Loki gestured at his bare chest, blue and filled with ridges.
"Yeah I don't mean your skin color!" Sif stated. "Or the fact that your chambers is like a freezer!" she wrapped her arms around herself.
"Oh." Loki blinked. "Then what do you mean?" he asked.
"I'm not sure." Sif admitted. "You seem… Older. Somehow. Less condescending, less selfish. Much wiser, much greater insight. Someone I actually really want to learn to know." she smiled lightly. "And…. The way you are leading. There are so many times I would personally have hit them in the face. But you keep a composure… It's very admirable. And I think, you acting so composed is inspiring. I wish to support you, and I wanted to assure you that you have my loyalty. So… If you need something."
"That.." Loki was honestly a little bit shocked. "I honestly appreciate that." he admitted. "And to be honest… I want to hit them in the face to."
"I knew it." Sif commented slightly amused.
"Really badly." Loki sighed deeply. "But I can't! Because it'll make the royal house look bad. Uuuurghhh." he rubbed his face.
Sif chuckled amused.
"Also it will confirm their suspicious that because I am a Jotnar I am nothing but a big brute! It's ridicules isn't it?! Suddenly I am the main representative of all Jotnar! But I don't even know what the Jotnar are actually like!" Loki continued. "I am clearly not any real son of Odin, and yet I am, so I have to act like it?! Everything is about my position and my race right now. Nothing is about the actual person! And yet, those two things I never had any control over!" he exclaimed. "I didn't choose being a Jotnar! I didn't choose for Odin to adopt me! It's not like I ever had a say is it?! I don't even want to be a Prince anymore! It's a stupid position!"
Sif smiled amused then she moved forward, and then she sat down on Lokis chair.
Loki blinked. "What are you?" he asked.
"I said I wished to help, and I meant it." Sif informed. "Sounds to me like what you need right now is just vent, and for someone to listen to the venting. So." she crossed her legs. "Shoot."
Loki blinked.
Then Sif smirked, and she laughed.
"What?!" Loki asked.
"YOUR FACE!" Sif laughed. "You look so confused! Like someone just told you the moon is made out of cheese!"
Loki scowled as he crossed his arms looking away.
"Sorry, sorry." Sif shook her head. "So tell me, what frustrates you?" she asked.
"What frustrates me?!" Loki exclaimed. "Where to even begin?! You know Skaldi from the mountain ranges! SHE keeps accusing me of trying to lure her away from her post as if that would benefit me! And let's not start on her husband, what in the All fathers name would I gain from pulling fishers away from the ocean! WE NEED FISH TO EAT! And that is not even beginning on those dusty old crows whom hasn't actually set a single foot outside of the palace for the last thousand years!"
And then, Loki kept ranting and Sif.. She didn't stop him, she didn't mock him. She just smiled as she crossed her legs and honestly listened while Loki just went on and on.
Until finally he had run out and landed fell back down on his back on the bed.
For a little while there was quiet.
"Feeling better?" Sif asked.
"Yes..." Loki muttered.
"That's good." Sif sighed. "Honestly, I never even knew how hard it would have to be a regent."
"That makes two of us." Loki finally admitted.
"Seriously, you are doing good." Sif informed. "Do you even know what you look like when you just stand around overseeing the evacuation?" she asked.
"Like a tall looming Jotnar enemy ready to strike and eat their children?" Loki asked.
"No… You look." Sif halted. "Powerful, mysterious… Exotic. Like something from another world. You are quite the sight. You should hear all the women sighing for you these days."
That made Loki lift his head. "Seriously?"
Sif nodded.
"And you?" Loki asked.
"I've known you for to long, the moment I remember it's you I just kind of laugh to myself." Sif commented. "It's just that kid who used to pull my pig tails back in the day."
Loki smirked amused sitting up again. "Sif I…. Thank you." he breathed. "I really did need this." he admitted.
Sif smiled lightly. "You're welcome, I am glad I could help." she said softly
"Do I really look that good?" Loki asked looking at his blue arm with doubtful eyes.
Sif smiled amused. "It's the way you carry yourself I think." she stated. "Also, helps you don't seem so outright sleazy anymore."
"Ouch." Loki replied then shrugged. "True though."
"See, that right there. That's the big difference." Sif smiled, she halted. "Is it to personal a question to ask? What is different?" she asked. "I mean, you really are acting different... And again, nothing to do with your skin color. What really changed?"
Loki quieted. "Well..." he hesitated. "Several reasons honestly. I think at Back in the day I… I lacked purpose. It felt like I had no real place among you. Like I didn't belong, so I had to carve my own place… By any means necessary. And I was jealous, jealous that all of you had your places and purposes and I didn't…I knew I was different from all of you. But I didn't know why." Loki looked at his hands. "No one would tell me, not even my own father. I would ask him, many times. Fathr, Odin. Why am I so different? And all he would say was that I was his son and I shouldn't worry about it! It's was so frustrating." he hissed. "Just answer me dammit!"
Sif breathed deeply and Loki continued in a distant voice.
"I wasn't even your equal." Loki breathed deeply. "I wanted to prove my worth to Odin, I wanted to be Thors equal in his eyes. But no matter my actions, it wasn't enough, so I got angry… Spiteful even." he sighed deeply. "I started to act out of spite... Back then, I thought it was the only way... The only way to make people see me." he glanced up meeting at Sif's eyes. "Heh look at that, it happened to you to. You're actually seeing me now."
Sif blinked. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well." Loki hesitated. "For as long as I remember, there has always been two kinds of people." he held up two fingers. "People like Thor and Frigga, who always saw me as this adoring little prince who needed their protection. Always thinking I was sweet and innocent, always defending me when not asked... But never actually seeing me." he shook his head. "And then, there were people like Odin, Heimdal and well... You. Who saw all my bad behavior Thor and Frigga would not. But that is also all they saw, a selfish arrogant menace always out to do harm. Neither were they actually seeing me."
Sif glanced down breaking eye contact.
"You needn't look so ashamed. By the end you were closer to the truth than Thor and Frigga. At least the things you saw were the real me. Only part of me, but at least it was real." Loki sighed. "Then Thor changed and..." he halted, swallowed. "It was so weird! The way he looked at me. He saw... me!" his eyes widened. "All of me! Good and bad! All of it." he gasped. "And it was... Terrifying. I hated it." Loki admitted. "I felt naked in front of him, that had never happened before! Then because he saw me, he could also pull up that mirror and I saw myself. What I was becoming, what I could become. And... I didn't like it either." Loki wrapped his arms around himself. "That creature, so filled with rage and vengeance. Guided only by hate... I saw him. The thing I was on my way to becoming... And I realized. I didn't want that. That's not what I want." he breathed. "Thor though told me, the choice was my own. I was the one deciding what I wanted to be and for the first time, I really had to consider... To Hel with Odin and his opinions, who do I want to be?" he asked looking up.
Sif nodded. "I see." she breathed. "So... What kind of person do you want to be Loki?" she asked.
Loki shrugged. "I actually don't know." he admitted. "I do how-ever know, I want to give people reason to be proud of me. Genuinely proud, and I want to be of help! To Asgard, to the people. Also Thor, but don't you dare say that to him!"
Sif smirked amused. "okay, it's a deal."
Loki smiled softly to, then spoke. "Look... About what I did. In the past. I'm sorry. I acted like a little spoiled brat. I was a spiteful child indeed. And didn't even care about who got hurt to satisfy my yearning for recognition."
"You wanted to be seen. It's okay." Sif assured. "Apology accepted. And i'm sorry, for never consider your deeper feelings. For refusing to see more than just your behavior. For not even trying to see deeper and see you."
"Well, you're seeing me now." Loki smirked. "I also accept your apology, thank you Sif."
"You're welcome." Sif smiled lightly. "Well… If it's okay with you, I am freezing my skin off here!" she stated standing up. "We should talk again soon! But if I may make a request, somewhere less freezing!"
Loki chuckled. "Fine." he stated. "I shall look forward to it."
Sif smiled, clearly happy by his reply and finally left, allowing Loki to lay back in a sight, this time… Honestly feeling so much more relaxed, the frustrations truly gone.
