13
The Hermit
Bella wakes up with a smile on her face.
She's proud of herself for taking the bold step and inviting Edward inside for dinner.
While apprehension clouded most of her day, Edward was patient and kind. They talked about the craziest things, and she laughed so much that her stomach muscles are still sore this morning.
Edward named another special after her.
The blondies were delicious but Bella never questioned that.
Nearly every night following the first time they shared a meal, he's brought home dessert from The Bakery, and she hasn't found something that isn't perfect.
Edward is a very talented baker, and Bella happily reaps the benefits.
She wants to call Alice and let her know about what transpired, but her sister has been especially busy at work lately. Instead, she decides to call her psychiatrist because last night is considered a big success.
She grabs a bowl of grapes, planning to park herself on the couch, so she can start watching a show Edward told her about. Her plan is to catch up to where he is so there will be plenty for them to talk about after dinner tonight.
It isn't until she picks up her phone and sees the date displayed on the lock screen that it happens.
Bella's phone falls out of her trembling hands, shattering into pieces followed by the bowl.
Panic starts its slow creep up her backbone, settling in the back of her neck. There isn't an inch of skin that isn't covered in goosebumps despite the anxious sweat seeping out of her pores.
Bella fights the dizzying fear and stumbles through the broken glass. She doesn't feel the pain of the shards as she steps on them. She doesn't notice the trail of blood she leaves along the carpet as she scrambles for her house phone.
Her vision blurs, and it feels like it takes hours to reach Zafrina's secretary.
Bella chokes out her information. "This is a nine-one-one emergency. Please." She hangs up and curls in on herself.
She's still on the floor where she collapsed when her sister stumbles through the door followed by her doctor.
Alice screams in horror when she sees all the blood. Thinking that her worst fears are becoming a reality. Zafrina exits the kitchen and tells her about the broken glass.
They work together to get Bella up onto the couch.
She's not crying, but the sounds coming from her are soft and heartbreaking.
Alice wipes the angry tears falling down her cheeks.
"I didn't even realize the date until you called," she cries. "I should have been here instead of at the office."
"We have a session booked for next week. I didn't know it held significance. That it was a trigger. She's been doing so well," Zafrina whispers and places a pillow underneath Bella's head.
They've doctored the many cuts on her feet and are scrubbing the carpet when she sits up with a pain-filled cry.
Alice moves carefully as she approaches her emotionally fragile sister.
"Bella, it's Alice. You're fine. You're safe."
Bella grabs her sister's hands, holding them in a vice-like grip.
"How could he do this to me, Ali?" she cries. "I thought he loved me."
Alice looks at Zafrina, silently begging her for help.
"Bella, I want you to calm down for me," the doctor says softly.
Bella doesn't recognize the woman standing in her living room.
"Who are you? Where is James?"
"James isn't coming, Bella," Alice says. "He left you on your wedding day. Remember?"
Bella sobs.
Suddenly, it comes crashing down on her, and she can remember it like it was yesterday.
"I thought he was different, but he was just like everyone else. Why does everyone hate me so much? What did I ever do to them?" she asks.
Zafrina sits on the couch and pries Alice's hands out of Bella's.
She knew Bella suffered trauma before she was referred to her office, but Bella would never touch the subject of her wedding day. She always managed to find a way to direct the conversation somewhere else.
She hopes this will give her some insight, so she's cautious in her attempt to pull information out of her patient.
"What did he do, Bella?"
Bella pulls her knees to her chest.
"I never knew he could be so cruel. I thought it was beautiful that he wanted to see me before the wedding. I never believed in those silly superstitions. I had just finished getting my makeup done and stepped into my dress when she came for me."
"Who came for you? The wedding planner?"
"No," Alice spats. "Victoria, Bella's bridesmaid."
Bella whimpers but continues. "Victoria came into the room. I didn't even realize she was gone. She must have slipped out when the makeup artist was working on me. She told me James was looking for me. She took me to meet him in the church's garden. He looked so handsome, but his smile was off. I remember thinking he was having second thoughts, but I was wrong."
Zafrina leaves the room and comes back with a can of soda, pressing it into Bella's shaky hands. She tells her to take a few sips, and then asks her to continue.
"James looked at my wedding dress that took me weeks to find and scowled. He told me that I looked fat. He never once made me feel self-conscious about my body, but he never touched me with the lights on, and never in public. I should have seen it coming, but I was blinded by what I thought was love."
Bella takes a deep breath and manages a few sips of her drink.
"No, Bella. No one saw it coming," Alice insists.
Tears streaming down Bella's face are left unchecked. She doesn't understand where they're coming from. Surely, she should have run out by now.
"Continue," Zafrina presses, careful not to touch the girl she fears Bella Swan might fall apart before her eyes if she does.
"He said that he couldn't take it anymore. That it never should have gone so far. I thought he was saying that he wasn't ready to get married. I told him we could wait. And then she stepped into his arms. They laughed. If I close my eyes, I can still hear Victoria's wicked laughter echoing off the garden walls. She told me that she couldn't believe he'd gone with it for so long. That I was a bet.
"A bunch of their friends made a bet before graduation that James couldn't get me to fall in love with him within a year. I fell right into their trap. I thought I was head over heels after only six months. He told me that it snowballed. That he never wanted it to go so far, but Victoria kept pushing. I thought she was my friend. It wasn't until I watched them drive away that I realized I didn't have any friends."
Zafrina makes a motion that they need to stop, but Bella is too far goneāthe story continues spilling out of her.
"I started walking and didn't stop until I got home. You know, I never once questioned why James didn't want to move in with me until after the wedding. I locked the door and took a bath while I was still wearing my dress. And I decided that I would never put myself in that situation again. Ever again."
Everyone knows the rest of Bella's story. She hid away in her house and hasn't left since that fateful day. She refused to let anyone in, choosing to live half a life. But it's gone on for too long. Bella knows that. Both her sister and her psychiatrist know that.
"I've been trying so hard, Zafrina. I promise I have." She tries to stand but winces and falls back onto the couch. "I've let Edward in a little at a time, and he's so patient with me. We started having dinner at the threshold. Him sitting outside and me inside. But last night was a good night. I invited him in, and it was a lot of fun. We have plans to do it again tonight, but I can't."
"Can't what, Bella?"
"I can't look at him and not see James today. I won't be able to stop myself. He'll see me for what I am, and I'll ruin everything, and I don't want that to happen. Please, just give me something so I can sleep. I'm done with the day. Ali, can you just put a note on Edward's door telling him that I'm not feeling well. My cell phone is ruined or I'd text him."
Zafrina moves to her bag while Alice grabs a pen and paper.
Bella's hands are shaking so badly the words are barely legible.
They help Bella upstairs and her sister helps her get dressed for bed, kissing her forehead as Zafrina hands her two small pills.
"Thank you. Both of you. I'm so sorry."
"Never be sorry, Bella. You are a very strong woman, and when you wake up tomorrow, it will be a new day. You'll have dinner with Edward, and everything will go back to the way it was before. This is just a blip on the radar. If you wake up and need me, feel free to call my personal cell. I left the number right here on your nightstand," Zafrina tells her.
When they leave, Bella's body tries to fight the sedative but eventually loses the battle.
Instead of nightmares of cruel smiles and flaming red hair, her sleep is filled with dreams of green eyes that crinkle in the corners, the crooked smile that goes along with them, and the person who owns them.
