15

The Hermit

"How are things going for you, Bella?" Zafrina asks, her pen tapping on her binder as usual.

Instead of counting the taps, Bella finds herself smiling so wide that her face hurts.

"Things are going really well. I think finally talking about James kind of released the hold the memories have had on me. I feel like I can breathe easier now. Does that make sense?"

"Yes. There's a reason you're seeing me. It's so we can talk about the difficult things and find a way to overcome them." Zafrina gives Bella a careful glance. "Can I ask what has you smiling so much? Don't get me wrong, I love it, but I'm curious."

"Honey-Edward. Edward has me smiling all the time. He's a great guy. I guess I could call him my best friend, seeing as he's my only friend. Alice and Jasper are family, so they don't really count."

"I was hoping you wouldn't withdrawal from Edward after what happened, but I'm glad the two of you seem to be moving along. Have you told him anything about your past?"

"No. Not yet. One of the great things about Edward is that he doesn't push, and he has the patience of a saint. I know he has questions, and I'll have to tell him someday. I need some time to adjust first," Bella admits.

"That's fine. You shouldn't do something just because you think you have to. Take your time and don't overwhelm yourself just to make someone else happy. You and Edward have gone back to your dinner nights. Are they back at the threshold or at your table?"

"At the table. Well, the other night we got pizza and just vegged out on the couch." Bella grins, remembering when Edward pulled her feet onto his lap and how she just let him. "He gets me to watch the dumbest stuff. He has terrible taste in entertainment. Movies, shows, music."

"Do the two of you touch?"

Bella blushes and stumbles through the progress they've made since the night they first held hands.

"He initiated the contact by pulling your feet onto his lap?"

"Yes. But it was okay. I didn't even anticipate a reaction. Being around Edward is easy." Bella pushes her long bangs out of her eyes. "Before you ask if I'm paranoid about the other shoe dropping, the thoughts still linger. But when I feel that way, it's like he knows, and I get a sweet text message or a silly picture. I taught him how to take selfies, and he is constantly sending me them now. I've created a monster."

Zafrina checks her watch and closes her binder.

"I am so happy to see you smile, Bella. I'm also happy with the progress you're making. So I'm going to ask you a very serious question."

"Shoot."

"Would you like to see me in two weeks, one month, or three months from now? Remember that at any time, you can call the emergency number, and I'll fit you in immediately."

Bella contemplates for a second.

"Let's go with three months. I hope that by then, I can make you proud."

The woman laughs.

"I am proud of you, Bella. Now let's talk homework."

o.O. .o.O.o

Bella is standing at her front windows, watching and waiting.

She hasn't pulled the curtains back since she pulled them shut two years ago, but here she is, glancing through the blinds like some kind of peeping Tom.

Today was a great day.

Her meeting with Zafrina went well, and she was able to say James' name without so much as a second thought.

Her psychiatrist left Bella with more homework.

Technically, she has time to complete it, but she's got this feeling deep in her bones that today should be the day.

She sees the familiar gunmetal-colored SUV pull up in front of the townhouses, smiling when she sees that Edward is still taking up both of their parking spaces just to piss off a neighbor a couple houses down. The guy almost beat down Edward's door while they were having lunch together one afternoon, and Bella watched from the shadows as they bickered.

"You're blocking the fucking spot. What makes you think you're so special that you need two?" the guy asked, red-faced and livid.

Edward squared his shoulders, blocking her view.

"Well, seeing as one spot is mine and the other is my girl's, I think that entitles me to park however the fuck I want to. Get the hell off my lawn, prick."

Edward slammed the door.

Bella clenched her fists so tightly her nails drew blood to keep from jumping into his arms and kissing the hell out of him.

It was so hot.

It left her hot and bothered.

She finds herself wanting to kiss him senseless all the time but doesn't give in because she isn't sure she's ready for a relationship. Kissing still leads to relationships, right?

Bella doesn't want to ruin things with Edward or pressure him into something just to make her happy. He calls her his girl when he isn't calling her Sugar, but he's an affectionate man. He could still only want her as a friend.

Her agoraphobia would make everything difficult anyway.

She's so lost in thought that she doesn't notice Edward rummaging for something in the backseat of his car.

She comes back to the present when he's walking up the pathway.

Bella takes a deep breath and opens her door before he makes his way to his.

He greets her with a big smile and holds up a familiar yellow box from The Bakery.

His smile grows even wider and the box drops to the ground as Bella steps out on her front porch for the first time in two years.

Two years and a couple of weeks, if she's being honest.

"Sugar?" Edward says hesitantly.

"I saw Zafrina today. She gave me homework. I'm sort of freaking out."

He rushes up her stairs and pulls her trembling body into his arms, squeezing her impossibly tight.

"I'm so damn proud of you."

There's something about the way he's looking at her, the way she feels in his embrace, that makes Bella forget their entire situation. Her eyes dart to his lips, and they're just begging for hers.

There isn't any hesitation or waver in her movements. She leans up until they are eye to eye, nose to nose and mouth-to-mouth.

Edward's green eyes take in her brown ones, trying to gauge her.

"Stay still," she tells him.

He nods.

"Don't move." Her lip quivers. But she can't help herself. She just has to. Even if it's just this once. Bella leans in and brushes her lips against Edward's so softly she doubts he can even feel it. But she does, and it makes her brave. She presses a little harder, and his hold on her tightens.

She's not freaking out that she's standing outside of her home, her sanctuary. Bella isn't freaking out that she's in the arms of a man and kissing him. She's definitely not freaking out when he starts kissing her back.

Edward grips her tightly until her feet leave the ground, and he carries her into the house. Their lips never separate, and the kiss doesn't deepen, but it's everything she let herself imagine it would be, maybe even better. His foot slams her door shut, and he takes her straight to the couch.

Bella's wearing a dress, and ever the gentleman, Edward sits down with her across his lap.

She doesn't worry that she's too heavy. That she's crushing his legs. She's too busy trying to memorize every single moment of this just in case it ends up being just a one time thing. Bella's arms wrap around Edward's shoulders, holding onto him like he's going to disappear if she doesn't.

His hands find their way into her hair.

They share short, panting breaths but don't stop.

That is until the timer goes off, and Bella turns her head toward the kitchen, abruptly ending their kiss. Still, Edward's lips brush across her cheek, never leaving her skin.

"That's dinner."

He's just staring at her with the kind of look that makes her want to melt into a puddle.

He hasn't pulled his fingers out of her hair, and she hasn't let go of her hold on him.

"I think it can wait five minutes," he murmurs.

"Maybe ten. Fifteen would be pushing it—"

His lips are back on hers, and she gasps when his tongue swipes across her bottom lip, all but begging for access.

Bella hesitates for a moment. She wasn't planning on this. Did she brush her teeth? Fuck it. She could never deny Edward anything.

His tongue is just as gentle as he's always been with her. Sweet and patient.

Can he tell that she has almost no experience in this department?

She swallows the paranoia slowly creeping in but finds herself relieved when he pulls away to breathe.

"Go check on dinner. I'm going to get dessert off your lawn and get out of these clothes."

His jacket is covered in flour and chocolate.

Bella looks down and her pretty black dress suffered the same fate.

"Yeah. I guess I should change too."

"Sorry. Hazards of the job."

She shrugs because it was more than worth it.

They separate and stand, but Edward pulls her in for another hug before he leaves.

"Don't go upstairs and obsess over this, okay."

"Okay. I'll see you in a few. Just leave the door unlocked and come right in."

She checks the meatloaf and decides that she has enough time to change.

She decides to pull on the sweater dress she made and rolls up the sleeves, fastening them with the buttons she added ages ago.

She bounces down the stairs, greeting Edward with a peck on his lips as he walks through the door at the same time.

Before she can head for the kitchen, he grabs her arm and pulls her into his arms.

"I really like this greeting," he tells her. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Sugar."

"I tried not to overthink it, to be honest. Zafrina left, and I kind of just wanted to do it then so she could see it, but I wanted it to be special. You're special to me so …" Her cheeks darken.

"You're special to me too. I'm so glad you waited for me to get home." He presents her with a slightly crushed box.

"What is it?"

"Open it," Edward says.

Bella opens the box, glaring at him when she sees what's inside the box. "I thought we agreed that my cookies wouldn't be baked for profit."

"They weren't. I promise. I mean the cookies were the special of the day. I let Rosalie name them because I wanted to make these special for you."

"And what did Rosalie name them?"

"Crack a nut, macadamia cookies. She tried to draw a picture of a set of nutcrackers, but somehow, it ended up looking like a dick."

Bella laughs.

"Pics or it didn't happen."

Edward pulls his phone out, making a big show that he finally upgraded. She rolls her eyes and takes a look at the picture he pulls up.

"Tell me you didn't let her put that in the storefront."

"I could"—he shows her another picture—"but that would be a lie. I couldn't resist. My sister is a lot of things, but an artist is not one of them. I sent a picture of it to my mom and told her that Rosalie was selling dick-shaped cookies. I could hear her yelling through the phone over the industrial ovens."

"And you say I'm evil. Your poor mom. She gave birth to two, wicked children."

"Three. I'm a twin."

Bella's eyes widen in surprise. "Really?"

"Yup. He was just here. Drove my car home for me and brought the cookies up. How did they end up on the lawn?"

Bella punches him in the arm when she realizes he's playing with her.

"You're a dick. Rosalie should have drawn you on the chalkboard." She stomps to the kitchen.

"Oh, come on, Sugar. I can't help that you're so naïve."

The words might as well be a bucket of ice water being poured over her head.

Edward watches her steps falter.

"Bella ..." He approaches her, but she throws her arms up defensively.

"Just give me a second."

He's quiet, watching her.

She's trying to go through the breathing techniques she's been taught. They've never worked before, but she really doesn't want to unravel in front of Edward.

Is this the other shoe she was just talking about with Zafrina?

Edward tries to approach again, slowly and cautiously.

She lets him get close and allows him to take her hand.

He places it against his chest and takes a deep breath.

"Breathe with me, Sugar."

Bella breathes in time with him until she can finally fill her lungs with air.

"Okay?" Edward asks, not letting go of her hand. "I hurt you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I've been told that a time or two before, and it just got to me." Her eyes water. "Can I have a minute?"

"Of course. Take your time."

When she makes it upstairs, Bella washes her face and stares at her reflection.

One little word and it feels like her entire day is ruined.

Naïve.

The girls in junior high used to call her that when she fell for the invitations to sleepovers and birthday parties. She showed up every time and was left humiliated every time they laughed and slammed the door in her face. They called her naïve when she fell for their trick at the dance.

She fell for the cruel pranks and jokes at her expense all throughout high school, just wanting to fit in.

"Fat, naïve Bella," they'd call her.

Worst of all, though, was James and Victoria, laughing about how naïve she was before they drove off in the limo she'd paid for. That little word played a big part in destroying her life. She never thought it would be a trigger though. She's never found herself in this situation before.

STOP!

Bella decides right then and there that the past is the past. She's done letting regrets affect her life. Because right now, it's pretty damn great. Edward didn't mean anything but a little ribbing. He couldn't have known the power behind that little word and would never do anything to hurt her. He promises that all the time.

She dries her eyes and puts an honest smile on her face before joining him in the kitchen.

She finds him pacing back and forth, pulling at his hair.

"Honey, I'm fine. Stop abusing your hair. I like it on top of your head." She steps into his embrace and kisses him on the mouth.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. You couldn't have known. I'm okay. I'm going to try really hard to stop letting my past rule my life. Now, let's eat, and then we can watch whatever terrible movie you pick out. Okay?"

"Okay."