Try to take it easy on Bella. She's pretty much going in blindly
17
The Hermit
It turns out the only movie Jasper bought that wasn't dubbed in Spanish is an action flick, so after dinner, Bella and Alice decide to clean up while the boys watch.
"I tried to tell him that dude was selling bad DVDs, but he never learns." Alice laughs, filling the sink with soapy water.
Bella is working on putting things in Tupperware and splitting it up so her sister can take plenty of leftovers home. Jasper will be grateful.
"He tries, Ali."
"Speaking of trying, Sugar." Alice turns off the water and leans against the sink, giving her sister an interrogating gaze.
"It's just a nickname. He gave it to me when we first started texting because we both enjoy baking," Bella explains, not meeting her gaze. "And to be fair, I call him Honey because he's sweet."
"That kiss 'hello' was anything but sweet. What the heck was that, Bella? Seriously, it was hot. Like steam the windows hot."
"There isn't much to tell. We like to kiss. I don't have to explain anything to you. That's what I pay Zafrina for."
"I'm your sister, and up until this guy moved in next door, I was the only kind of friend you had for years. So, you do owe me something." Alice's eyes narrow. "Are you together?"
"I don't think so. I'm not a prime candidate for dating material, am I? I can't leave my house except for a couple of steps, and I'm still unstable. Edward isn't the magic cure, and I've had plenty of bad days. We're just friends."
"Bella, we're talking about the guy who ate dinner with you on your stoop for weeks. He names baked goods after you and looks at you like you hang the moon. How can that not be a relationship?"
Bella shrugs and holds up a pan of green bean casserole. She knows Jasper doesn't like it but her sister does.
Alice shakes her head.
"You know what I think?"
"Not really, but I feel like you're going to tell me anyway."
"The two of you are something special. I've never seen it before. The way you move ... you orient yourself around him without even thinking about it. When he moves, you adjust your position at the same time. Like magnets or gravity. You're like a satellite or something," Alice explains.
"Don't be ridiculous, Ali."
"I'm serious, Bella. I think the two of you are destined for greatness. Jasper and I are always praying for you. I think it's finally starting to pay off."
Not wanting to start a fight on what has been a very good day, Bella remains silent.
"If the past few months haven't convinced you that you're in a relationship with that really great guy sitting in your living room, I think you're being dumb." Alice's eyes water. "You haven't called me for help in ages because you have him. I'm so proud of what you've accomplished thanks to Edward. Tell me why you think you're just friends."
Bella closes the refrigerator and turns to her sister, leaning against the cold metal she'd had Edward pressed up against earlier.
She smiles.
"I think I really want everything he's willing to give me. I've never felt this way before. My heart hurts when he leaves, and my body aches when he smiles at me. My lips tingle at just the thought of kissing him. He touches me like I'm made of hand-blown glass, well, except for earlier."
Alice's eyes widen. "I heard a bang. What happened?"
"He swatted me on the butt, and it was like I was another person or something. I pushed him up against the fridge and attacked him."
"I still don't get it. Why don't you think this is a romantic relationship again?"
Bella's smile falls, and she starts wringing her hands. She hasn't rubbed to the point of blisters in so long and hates that she can feel a sore spot forming.
"Because I can't leave my house, Ali. What do I have to offer him? He says he'll wait, but what if that day never comes? What if I'm stuck in these four walls for the rest of my life? I can't condemn someone to this life just because I don't want to be alone." Bella wipes her tear-filled eyes. "I would give him up before I'd ask that of him."
"The hell you will," Edward says from the doorway.
Both girls jump in surprise.
He pushes past Alice and pulls Bella into his arms.
"I told you I'm not going anywhere. I'll tell you every single day forever if I have to until you believe me."
Edward takes her face in his hands.
"You give me plenty by just being you, Bella. If you want to stay in these four walls for the rest of your life then I'll gladly come home to you every night. But I believe in you, Sugar. You are so much stronger than this, and I'll be with you every step of the way."
He kisses her tear-stained lips and pulls back.
"Please don't ever talk about giving me up because just the thought of you sending me away is killing me."
Alice watches her sister, waiting for her to calm down before grabbing the bag of leftovers off the stove.
"We're going to head out. You two have some stuff to talk about. Call me, Bells."
Bella merely nods against Edward's shoulder. She's upset that he heard her conversation. She's embarrassed that she can't stop crying. She's so tired of crying.
Edward just holds her, whispering that he's not going anywhere and pleading with her to believe him.
When Bella finally calms down, she pulls out from his embrace and his arms fall to his sides.
"I'm going to go upstairs and wash my face. Just don't go."
"I'll be right here, Sugar."
She starts to leave the kitchen but feels panic slowly creeping it's way up her backbone. Her steps falter. When she turns around and sees Edward, it's like magic how fast the feeling melts away.
He gives her a cautious smile.
"Um, can you come upstairs with me?" she asks in a small voice.
"Yeah."
He follows her up the stairs.
Bella washes her face and avoids looking at her reflection. She knows she'll see shame in her eyes, and she can't handle that right now. Instead, she washes her face, careful not to let Edward out of her sight. When a gust of wind from the small window pushes the door shut, Bella panics. Her face is covered in soap as she scrambles to open the door, failing miserably when her sudsy hands slip and slide off of the knob.
"Sugar, calm down," Edward calls through the door.
She finally steps back, and he opens it, barely having time to catch her.
Covered in soap and a fresh round of tears, Bella clings to Edward, whispering heartbreaking words over and over again. "Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me."
"Bella. Look at me," he says.
The soap burns her eyes, but she does as he asks.
"I am not going anywhere. You're so stuck with me it's not even funny." He wipes some soap off of her lips and kisses them softly.
"I want you to take one of your pills. And then I want you to take a shower or a bath, whatever it is that will help you calm down. I'll sit right outside this door and talk to you the entire time if you need me to."
He pulls the bottle out of the medicine cabinet, and Bella's head hangs in shame.
She hasn't needed one of them in so long that she's skipped a refill. She's been so proud of that fact. And now this.
"This doesn't make you weak, Sugar," Edward says, handing her a pill and a cup of water.
She takes it. It's not an instant relief but knowing that it's coming helps her go through the motions.
Bella turns the water on, gathers some pajamas and a fresh towel. She gives Edward one last look before she slides the door shut and stands there. Waiting for the panic. She's so embarrassed. She's a basketcase. If he walked away from her right now, she wouldn't blame him.
"I'm really sorry, Sugar. I hate that you didn't realize I was interested in being with you as more than a friend. But, baby. I've considered you mine since the night you agreed to eat dinner with me on the porch. I just didn't want to scare you."
Bella blows her nose and steps under the warm spray.
"I guess that means I have a lot of time to make up for. When I get off work tomorrow, we're going to have our first official date," Edward says through the door.
She doesn't say anything.
"We're obviously going to be inside, but it's chilly out, so I want you to wear that pretty dress you made because it's my favorite. I like you barefoot because I like to see what color your toes are painted, but if you want, you can pull out those fuzzy rainbow socks—I like those too."
Bella smiles as she shampoos her hair.
"I'm gonna show up with a bottle of Coke. I'm not going to tell you what kind it is because I want it to be a surprise. I'm going to have take-out because you will never cook on our date nights."
She's rubbing conditioner into her strands, and her smile grows.
"We'll light some of those fancy candles that are going to waste in your junk drawer and enjoy dinner before we pull up your 'Sappy Shit' playlist on your phone."
Bella's face flushes. She was so embarrassed when he found the names of her playlists. But then he showed her his list, and it made everything better. While she has names like "Smexy Songs" and "Christmas Crap", Edward's lists start with the phrase "the one with that one song that …"'. She almost laughs as she washes her body, in a hurry to see his face again.
"I don't really know how to dance. My mom tried to teach me the basics one time when she thought I was going to prom. Instead of going, I went and hung out at a burger joint with some friends. Somehow soda got spilled all over my beat-up Saturn, so I spent the rest of my night at one of those do-it-yourself car washes. It was awesome, obviously."
Bella wants to tell him that she was invited to the prom her senior year but Alice overheard her supposed date talking about how he was taking the head cheerleader. Bella stayed home and cried while her sister attended the dance, and her parents avoided her bedroom.
Instead, she steps out of the shower, feeling refreshed and dries off.
"Anyway, back to our date. We're going to stumble through some of your songs, and then we're going to sit on your couch and watch a movie that I let you pick out. I'd prefer it if you chose a scary one, so I can hold you extra tight."
Bella's getting dressed when she hears his head hit the door.
"Ow, so yep. I'm gonna knock your socks off. That is if you decide to go with those fuzzy socks that I love. If not, I'm still gonna kiss the heck out of you. A lot. I'm talking, the next day we're both going to look bee stung."
She wants him to kiss her like that right now. But Alice was right. They do need to talk. She smiles as she runs a brush through her hair and pulls it into a messy bun. Bella wipes the condensation off the mirror and takes a good look at herself. Her eyes are bloodshot and swollen. She uses some drops and rests against the counter, listening to him plan their first date.
"I'm going to finish the night by walking you to your door. And I'll kiss you one time, chastely, because it's the end of our first date after all. I'll go home and climb into bed and send you a selfie that'll make you smile. I'll ask you what you're doing the next night. You'll tell me that you're free. I'll ask you what you're doing the day after that, and you'll answer the same way. We'll go back and forth until you yell at me about how late it is and that I have to work the next day."
Bella opens the door, laughing a deep belly laugh when Edward falls onto his back at her feet.
"I didn't think this part through."
"You're a dork." She offers him a hand, and he doesn't let go of it once he's standing.
"Tell me we're okay, Sugar."
"Honey, I think our first official date sounds pretty great. I don't know how you'll top it, but I'm sure you'll find a way."
"You didn't answer my question."
"I'm just dealing with some insecurity right now. I'm sorry about earlier. I just have these moments where my past comes back to haunt me no matter how hard I try to fight it. I'm embarrassed about how I reacted." She checks the time. "Do you think maybe we can talk for a bit. I'd like to explain some things before tomorrow."
"Of course. Lead the way."
Instead of taking him downstairs, Bella decides to do it in her bed. She knows the day and the conversation they're about to have is going to exhaust her, and she really shouldn't sleep on the couch.
They settle against her pretty, gray headboard because Bella admits that she doesn't want to see his face.
Her fingers rub at the spot on the back of her hand before Edward reaches over to stop her.
"You don't have to look at me to hold my hand, Sugar." He kisses the abused skin.
Bella takes a deep breath and begins.
It's the exact definition of word vomit.
Bella never anticipated sharing everything with Edward tonight, but once she starts, she can't stop. He needs to know. All of it. And then he can decide what he wants to do with the information. It would be painful if he chose to go back to being friends, but she would live with it. She'll take any piece of him that he's willing to give.
From the kids in school to the sham of her wedding, Bella tells Edward everything, and he doesn't ask questions or make a sound, but she can feel him squeezing her fingers when she touches a particularly rough spot.
"My life wasn't that great before, but James destroyed everything. Victoria and his friends are just as guilty, but he made me lose my faith in love and that there are good people in the world," she explains. "I just think everything came to a head on the day of the wedding. I couldn't take it anymore and chose to lock myself away because I was afraid of getting hurt again. I still am. I'm terrified to lose you, and I'll always be afraid of that. You're wonderful, and I wish it was that easy, but it's not. It's going to take time."
She's so proud of herself for not crying. She feels like there's a weight lifted off of her chest that she didn't realize was there. The weight of not telling Edward about her past has been affecting her in ways she didn't realize.
When she's finished, Edward asks his first question. "Where have your parents been while you are suffering, Sugar?"
"When I asked to see a doctor in junior high because I thought I was depressed, my mom bought me a membership to Weight Watchers. They always blamed everything on my size. That if I were smaller like Alice, people wouldn't be so mean." Bella shrugs. "But the diets and starving myself never did anything to help. Kids hated me for some reason or another. I could never understand it. I eventually stopped trying and turned into an academic bookworm.
"And then James happened. We went to the same community college—I was going to school for photography. We ran into each other in the library, and he apologized for the way he treated me in high school. He promised to make it up to me and swept me off my feet. I should have known something wasn't right, but I was starving for attention, and he was giving it to me.
"When James decided we should get married, he didn't even get me an engagement ring, but I still agreed. My dad told me that he always thought Alice would be the daughter he'd walk down the aisle."
"Were your parents there that day?"
"Yeah. Mom got to play the happy mother-in-law to be, and Dad invited a bunch of his colleagues. After everything went down, they had the audacity to blame me for embarrassing them. They told me that I'd asked for it. That I shouldn't have fallen for the first guy to take an interest in me. It didn't take long for me to tell them to just stay out of my life. I couldn't handle their verbal and mental abuse when I was already going through hell. Alice cut ties with them when they tried to cut me off financially. My grandfather left us money that we couldn't touch until we turned eighteen. That didn't stop them from trying to control it. It cost me a lot of money in lawyer fees, but I finally won what was rightfully mine."
"I know you're getting tired but I want to tell you something." Edward pulls her until she's straddling his lap.
He places his hands on her hips and squeezes.
"You are perfect to me. I wouldn't want you to lose an ounce of who you are. I love how soft you are." He makes a bold move and grabs her butt with both hands. "Your ass is phenomenal. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You're so sexy without even trying, and you are mine, Sugar."
"I might need you to remind me from time to time," Bella tells him, leaning in and kissing him with as much passion as she can muster.
She's slightly drugged, so it's probably not as spectacular as she thinks it is.
Edward makes a show of tucking her into bed and leaves when he's sure she'll be okay.
"I'm only next door, Sugar. You need me, I'll be here in seconds."
She's asleep before he leaves her room.
