Chapter 5: A Pair of Ideas

Winter should never have let the lawyer talk her into waiting for Qrow before hearing the conversation. The idea was that by having him be present it would eliminate the need to re-explain the loophole they found while also allowing them to have any of their questions answered.

A perfect idea, except that for some reason Qrow was taking longer than expected. He said he would be available over his scroll in an hour, which gave Winter just enough time to get herself back over to the lawyer's office. But he was now thirty minutes late, which was thirty minutes that she could have taken to get something to eat. Now that the hangover had lost much of its edge, her hunger was beginning to take over.

She folded her arms and sighed before looking up into the ceiling. "Can you at least begin to explain what you've found?"

"Actually, I can't. I've got about two minutes left in my lunch and I'm still eating," they said, pouring a cup of thick chowder from a thermos. "This meal isn't going to just finish itself off, after all."

Winter raised an eyebrow. "But you're a lawyer. Aren't you paid on commission?"

"Yes, but you see," they began to cut their steak into bite-sized bits, "I once worked so hard that I forgot to eat for three days straight. Ever since then, I take all of my meal times very seriously. In fact," they popped a piece into their mouth, "I made it a goal to have three meals a day, because otherwise I would just end up not eating."

She really wasn't believing them on the claim, but at the same time they were treating their lunch like it was a religious act. "And how did you forget to eat for three days?"

"Well, I was an intern at a tax firm once, and they were just too happy to have me handle the file for the man we know as Headmaster Ozpin of Beacon Academy." Another bite of potato salad was crammed down their gullet. "Apparently he not only has quintuple citizenship, but he has the strangest set of assets I've ever seen. And this is off the record, but he has a ton of old items that he claims are to be of immeasurable value and apparently twentynine dependents that are his grandchildren or something."

"Hmph," what an unbelievable story. "If you say so."

"Anyway, to get back to your point about waiting for Mr. Schnee-Branwen, it's like selling an idea to a married couple," they said through a mouthful of sandwich. "There's no point in pitching the idea if the other isn't there."

Winter had never felt herself snap so quickly to attention. "Never use that analogy again. Please."

"The pitching part?"

"No," Winter pinched the bridge of her nose. "the marriage one."

"But you are married though, so it's actually very-"

"Please, just… stop. Finish your lunch and..." she took a deep breath. This was getting very annoying and she was getting very hungry. "Just finish your lunch."

"Hey, I'm here." Finally, though, Qrow crackled through her scroll. "Sorry for being late."

"You are not forgiven."

"Excellent!" the lawyer finally put away all of their plates and bowls and spoons and knives and forks and cups. "I just finished my curry, so it's the perfect time to get into it all." With a final dab of their napkin, they began the meeting. "So as you know, you are both, fortunately or unfortunately, married. And since the time to challenge the marriage has passed, there is no way to change this. However, I believe I found a solution."

Taking out their scroll, they projected a virtual map up above their desk. "Mr. Schnee-Branwen, if I recall-"

"Qrow. Just call me Qrow."

"Anyway, Qrow, Winter tells me that you're from Mistral, correct?"

"More or less," he confirmed. "Not sure exactly where on the continent I was born, but it's close enough."

"And as we know, you," they looked at Winter, "are from Atlas. This technically makes this an international wedding that occurred across borders. Specifically," they drew a line between the middle of the continents, "this is technically an international marriage."

Winter didn't think it worked that way, and judging from Qrow's low, drawn out hum, neither did he. "And what is so special about this international... category?" She didn't want to use the M word, and she was sure that he also appreciated it as well.

"Well, according to some documents about the way the marriage system is supposed to work, due to your physical distance with each other there is the possibility of a very slight, very minute chance of unbelievable proportions that there was an error."

"Only slight?" Qrow bit through.

They pushed up their glasses. "It's success rate so far has been one hundred percent, so hence the very small room for error."

"But there has only been been marriage because of it," Winter's hand clenched. "That's hardly a proper sample size!"

"Maybe so, but numbers speak for themselves. Back to the point, however," they looked into her eyes. "Because of the international marriage and the chance for error, this means that you are allowed to challenge the system by requesting a review."

That got their attention, and both she and Qrow became still.

"The idea is that an officiator or whatever of the system would come and meet the two of you . From there, they would judge your interactions and determine if you two are a proper fit or not."

Qrow was the first to ask for more. "And what are they judging based off of?"

"Oh, you know, the usual - cooperation, attraction, planning, the regular marriage stuff. You plan an event," they leaned back in their chair, "so like a picnic or something, and then they just watch how things go. And at the end of the day, they decide if you should stay together or not."

"So we just have to fail the exam, right?"

"I mean," they shrugged their shoulders, "if you really want to fail, then sure. But then you lose the benefits of marriage, such as-"

"I'm okay with losing what I don't need." Qrow's voice echoed through the room. "How do we get this started?"


The rest of the afternoon was a blur. With the meeting over and Winter taking what she described as a 'life-or-death situation of lunch', Qrow was left alone in his small hotel room. And for that, he was able to sit and stir, to think about what they were going to do.

The review itself didn't seem so bad - pick something and 'fail' at it. He might have failed at dying according to the lawyer, but he was sure he could fail at something else. But the true task was figuring out how to fail in such a convincing manner that the proctor would dissolve the marriage.

And of course, the easiest way to fail was to plan something big. Like, real big. So big that it would be impossible for he and Winter to properly complete. But it couldn't be obvious either. They had to actually try and succeed, but really fail.

(And making the proctor miserable would also be a bonus, but that would be kind of cruel. But hey - they served a cruel system, so perhaps it was warranted.)

Back to the plan, though. The easiest way to make something fail was to invite too many people. So that probably meant inviting his nieces and maybe Tai while Winter would invite Weiss.

Honestly, the answer was pretty simple.

First, he needed to get drunk. The drunker he was, the more likely he was going to come up with something stupid. Then he needed to convince Winter to get drunk because two drunks were better than one when it came to making bad plans. Then they needed to make their aforementioned bad plan.

Satisfied with his course of action, he pulled out his scroll. Winter should be done with lunch, so now would be the perfect time to call.

She picked up on the third ring.

"I trust you have something worthwhile to discuss. What is it?"

"Winter, grab a beer. And if you don't have one, buy one. We're going to plan the worst camping trip ever."


A/N: Alright! More of this!... though since given the nature of the chapter, its humor feels a little weak. They're having a discussion about what they can do, after all. Still, given the premise of what's coming, hopefully the next chapter will be more fulfilling in the humor department.

Reviews!

Megan T of Sea Doves Sudeo: I'm glad you enjoy the fic so much! I'm a bit more active on Ao3 since there aren't any content limitations - so you'll probably find more Qrowin work from me over there under the same name.

TheTrueOverlordBear: Yeah, one could - but it looks like they're getting an out!

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. I have plans for this to end soon, so stay tuned! But for now, though, have fun and I'll see you all soon!