Tadfield. Just before closing time in the bookshop. Uriel and Ammun enter.
My goodness, don't you both look handsome! All dressed up! Are you off to an occasion somewhere?
Dinner and dancing at a new club in Oxford. Would you two like to come along with us? We hear you do a mean tango.
Crowley glides up before Aziraphale can reply.
'Fraid not. We're off to London.
We are?
Yes.
Well, next time perhaps. We'll let you know if the place is any fun.
They make their goodbyes, and Aziraphale closes up the shop.
Ammun looks quite attractive when he makes an effort, doesn't he?
Always has.
What's going through Crowley's mind are those long BC millennia where Ammun swanked around as a major god while Crowley was forced to do time as a temple prostitute or concubine whenever he couldn't manage to slide off somewhere to escape notice altogether.
Aziraphale finally clues in to the demon's glum mood, and says nothing further. They drive silently to London, Crowley not even bothering to play any music along the way.
Fancy dinner somewhere?
No. Crowley, let's just go to your flat. You've got something there worth drinking, I trust?
To Mayfair it is.
Upon arriving at the flat, they magic their overcoats into the closet. Crowley starts toward the liquor cabinet, but Aziraphale puts an arm around his waist and steers him toward the bedroom. Stops Crowley at the foot of the bed.
No, don't magic them off, let me undress you.
Piece by piece Aziraphale removes Crowley's clothing – jacket, buckle . . . kilt and sporran . . . runs his hands up Crowley's ribs and slides the jumper and undershirt up over the demon's head . . .
Sit down.
Aziraphale doesn't kneel to remove the demon's boots and socks, instead hoists each leg like a farrier shoeing a horse. Slipping a hand down Crowley's leg and pushing off the last sock, he pauses to notice what shapely feet the demon has. Massages his cool hand over the instep by the ankle joint and then down to press his index finger between the toes, massaging each one as if playing This Little Piggy Goes to Market.
Unnhhh . . .
Crowley begins to squirm. Aziraphale gently releases the demon's foot, turns to face him. Crowley clutches him tightly, head against the angel's stomach. Aziraphale runs one hand through the demon's russet hair, strokes his shoulders with the other.
Who's been a bad, jealous demon?
Crowley grimaces and buries his face against Aziraphale.
Come, lie down.
Crowley slides back onto the bed, throws an arm across his face. Aziraphale magics off his own clothing, climbs aboard, and sits sideways next to Crowley. He strokes the demon's chest.
Crowley, do you wish I weren't such a . . . well, bit of a middle-aged dumpling, really?
This jerks Crowley out of his sulk.
No! Angel, don't say things like that.
Well, you're so slim and beautiful. Solid muscle. Not a scrap of fat on you. When I see you and Uriel and Ammun together I feel so . . . inadequate. Like a giant marshmallow.
Crowley is now in a panic and sits up, clutching Aziraphale's arms.
Angel! Don't talk like that about yourself!
He traces his warm hands around the angel's shoulders and fuzzy pectorals.
Haven't you noticed your muscles from all that kendo? And bicycling all over the place with Madame Tracy has toned you up beautifully.
Do you think I should try to lose some weight?
No! I love your upholstery. Soft on the outside. Solid as a brick inside. For Satan's sake, Aziraphale, what's gotten into you?
Aziraphale smiles.
Still jealous that I might consider Ammun handsome?
The two gaze into one another's eyes. Then Crowley laughs.
Aziraphale, you are such a bastard.
Just so you know, Crowley, there isn't anyone in the entire universe that I consider more attractive than you. Nobody. And I've had a long time to look around. I love you, Crowley. Only you.
Crowley has melted into a puddle of goo by the end of this statement, and curls up with his head in the angel's lap.
Forgive me, Angel. I'm sorry I was such a shit.
I forgive you. But now you must make amends, of course.
The two position themselves for mutual fellatio, and are soon aloft in a golden cloud of Divine Ecstasy.
