C8: Worry
"I love you so much. I promise I'll come back to you."
"Don't go! Please!"
Her hand reached out for him, but he was already over the hill on his horse.
Gone.
She was laying down on her bed, her mother grasping her outstretched hand.
"Hold on, my baby, hold on," she shook and wept, trying to keep her daughter close. Trying to keep her alive.
But she felt so weak. Tired and sad. Something had been lost. A part of her heart was missing. She was dying without it.
"I want to see him again."
"FILI!" Den screamed as she sat up in her bed and took deep, shuddering breaths as she felt her tears fall. She realised she was at home and that she had been dreaming and slapped her hand over her mouth to quieten her sobs.
It would do no good to disturb any neighbours tonight, not when she knew it was just a dream.
Yet, why did it hurt so much? Why was it, the loss of Fili made her cry out in agony? That she felt every sharp pain in her heart, as though someone was stabbing through her body?
She did not know. But she wanted them to stop. These dreams of sadness, hurt, and suffering. Of death.
But...not of him. Not of him and his smile and his kind blue eyes. They haunted her in her waking moments, but she wouldn't give them up. There was so much love in his gaze.
Finding that sleep had escaped her yet again, Den swung her legs out of her bed and wiped off her face.
"Back to the grind, I suppose," she dried her tears and quickly got to work. She showered, dressed, and locked up the door to her flat as she made her way down to the bar.
She did her usual checks. She dusted, swept, and mopped the floors, listening to the songs from her favourite radio station. She even sang along to a couple, though always stopped herself when she opened the door out back to bring the bucket out.
As she emptied the grey, dirty water down the drain outside, she looked out the front. The street was quiet, as was usually expected for so early in the morning. But...she'd been hoping to see Anders.
Ever since she'd kissed him (albeit on his cheek), she'd been waiting for him to turn back up for that breakfast.
Nothing.
Four days and he hadn't even jogged by again. Maybe she'd misread things? Been too forward and frightened him off...
But something wasn't right. She felt it in her gut and she really wanted to see him and make sure he was ok. It just...it just didn't feel right for him to not come by after everything. They may have only known one another for a couple of days, but there was definitely a connection there. She had felt it and she was SURE he had also.
The only issue was, even with Jane encouraging her to 'give him a call!' they hadn't actually swapped numbers, emails, or addresses. She literally had no way to get hold of him, other than his name.
And that's when an idea struck her. She had remembered his name well enough, but she'd also remembered what he did for his job.
What had he said exactly?
"Not a lawyer, but very good with the office...I have my own PR company. JPR."
Of course! He said it was small, but they worked in advertising, so SURELY he'd have a website. 'Johnson PR'.
That's all she needed to type into google and sure enough, not only did the company pop-up but so did the contact information. And an address.
Surely...she couldn't just turn up?
Well, it WAS her day off tomorrow and she needed to go sort out the accounts at the bank, so if she just happened to pop by-
'No, don't start thinking like that. He'll think you're a stalker!'
'Go to him!'
That voice again! The one telling her to do these things and be near him. Maybe she was finally starting to lose the plot and she should leave him be.
She made up her mind.
"I won't do it. I can't do it."
The next day...
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Den muttered to herself and looked up at the building in front of her.
According to the website, the company had been around for a good few years now, but it looked so clean and modern, it could have very well been built that day. The glass revolving doors emitted a few people out and in every now and again and she knew she must have looked a little strange, just standing there. She could have been waiting for someone, except every few minutes she'd take a couple of steps as if to go in and then immediately moved aside and shook her head.
She smoothed out the bottom of her smart sweater for the fifth time and took in her outfit again. She hadn't thought about it for too long that day and thought she looked rather smart, until Jane had teased and reminded her that was her 'flirting' outfit. Den hadn't realised she had a 'flirting' outfit, but...well, the trousers hugged her hips and the shirt was only slightly low cut. It gave her confidence...and, alright, if she HAD to admit it, then she'd put it on a few times before to go out and flirt with the handsome coffee shop employee. But only because she wanted the biggest cookie on display.
She looked up at the building one last time and took three, deep breaths to calm herself.
'What's the worst that can happen? He can tell you to leave and not bother him again in a personal capacity.'
Ah, but THAT was where Den had a cunning plan. Not only had she talked with Anders about his job, but she HAD asked him about advertising advice for the pub. And that was why she was here. Well, that was what she would say if he demanded to know why she'd turned up, unannounced and without an appointment. Perfectly innocent.
'Except, he wouldn't say that. He's not like that.'
"No. He isn't," she said to herself quietly and set her shoulders back, "right. Come on, feet."
Determined, with her head held high and her chest puffed out, she walked into the building and straight up the stairs.
She took her time, admiring the clean, organised pictures, plants, and relevant posters as she went. She wanted to appear as casual as possible.
And then, she came to his office door.
She knocked twice and waited.
"It's open!" A distinctly feminine voice came from within and Den pushed open the door, tentatively poking her head in.
She was in the right place...right?
She didn't see Anders, but a woman sitting down at her desk, behind a laptop. She glanced up and smiled politely, a pleasant sight on her pretty round face.
"Good morning, can I help you?" She said in an obviously practised greeting, but Den could see this woman was friendly enough.
"Hi, I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm in the right place," she moved the rest of the way in, shut the door behind her, and walked over to the desk, "I'm looking for Anders Johnson."
The woman behind the desk stood up and held out her hand.
"He's not here right now, but I'm his partner, Dawn Johnson. Is there something I can help you with?"
Den wasn't really concentrating. She was momentarily shocked, not only by the fact this woman was Anders partner (possible wife, considering they had the same last name) but also because she was a considerable size and obviously heavily pregnant.
'Oh, God. Oh, Fuck. He's married. He's married and he's got a family, oh my god-'
'Don't panic. Keep smiling and shake her hand!'
Den practically beamed at the woman and took her hand and shook it vigorously.
'God, think! Say something, she asked you a question!'
'It's fine! There has to be a rational explanation-'
'Have to get out of here. NOW.'
Den, as politely as she could muster, shook her head, and maintained her almost painful smile.
"It's nothing, really. It was a discussion we had last week about some advertising," she could feel herself growing flustered and pointed behind her at the door, "I'll come back another time when he's here."
Hoping that was the end of it and seeing she would NEVER come back after discovering his 'sordid secret', Den tried to turn and leave, but Dawn called out to her.
"He won't be in for a while. He's resting at home after the accident and-"
Den turned back around quicker than lightning.
"Accident?" She had known something was wrong and felt her stomach turn as all sorts of images ran through her head, "Is he all right?"
Something vulnerable must have shown on her face because Dawn's polite greeting face dropped away to show genuine concern.
"You didn't know?... Are you a friend?"
"Uh...well...he's been helping me out with my pub. Advertising stuff and-"
"You're Denny!" Dawn pointed at her and gave her a real, warm smile.
Den could only blink at her for the familiar use of her name, confused as to how Dawn knew already.
"Axl told me about your pub! He says you do great ales!" Dawn offered as she saw the confusion on Den's face.
"Axl?" Den thought quickly to the few nights previous when Anders had brought his baby brother in tow, "OH. Anders brother, yes! And he would say that I gave him a pint as a congratulation for his engagement."
"Yep. I'll have to come by sometime after the baby and try some," Dawn's hands rested on her bump and she could see the excitement at the impending arrival.
"Well, we do breakfast, lunch, and a pub dinner as well."
"Oh, exciting. You know-"
Den realised they were getting off-topic and quickly cut Dawn off.
"Sorry. I don't want to interrupt, but you said something about an accident?"
"Oh, right. Well, he was mugged a few days ago outside his apartment."
"Oh god!" Den's hand flew to her mouth in shock.
"He's all right, just bruises and cuts. I did warn him about walking home so late at that time, but he never listens," Dawn sighed heavily and shrugged her shoulders, "but he's staying at home to rest."
Den realised why he hadn't come back. She also realised that he'd been attacked the very night he'd walked home from her pub.
'Oh, God.'
She felt AWFUL. The guilt wasn't entirely on her, of course, but that didn't make her feel any better. She should have insisted he get a taxi or an uber!
"Could you urm...could you pass on a message for me?"
"Sure."
"Well...when he's better if he wants to come back to the pub for breakfast, tell him he doesn't have to pay. It's on me. And...well, I was worried about him. And rightly so, I see. Could you also tell him thanks again for the help and-"
Dawn held up her hands and laughed.
"I have a better idea."
Dawn turned away briefly and picked up her pen and paper and scribbled a note. She tore off the strip and handed it to Den.
"What's this?" She saw the name of an apartment building, a number, and a street-
"His address."
Den looked back at the woman and shook her head.
"Oh, I couldn't just turn up-"
"Well, I think he'd appreciate the company PLUS you'd also be doing me a massive favour," she again turned back to the desk and plucked a small folder off of the top, "he really should read these by tonight and I was going to drop them to him, but I've got an appointment with my midwife. Help a girl out?"
She handed her the folder and Den reached out and took it, even though her hand shook slightly. She couldn't just turn up at his apartment, even with Dawn's explanation...could she?!
"You don't think he'll mind if I turn up?"
"No, he-" Dawn was cut off by the sound of Bolero blasting from her phone and quickly reached over and checked it.
"Sorry, one second," she answered it with a small smile and Den wondered if it was Anders, until, "hi Ty. No, no, I'm still at work."
Den watched her converse on the phone and Dawn decided to draw her in.
She pointed to the phone, rolled her eyes, and mouthed 'men'.
"Yes, I'm taking it easy. Yes, I know what time the appointment is. Yes-Ty, Honey, I'm actually with a client right now, I'll call you back. Ok, I love you. Bye."
Dawn hung up and gave Den an unfathomable, 'well, that was interesting' look.
"Sorry about that, my husband likes to check on me every...oh, five minutes?"
'So she's not Anders' wife. And it's not his baby.'
Den finally relaxed and smiled.
"Expectant fathers get that way. Are they your first?"
"That's right," Dawn looked at Den and the folder she had passed to her and looked hopeful as she asked, "so you don't mind dropping it off for me?"
Did she mind? If it meant going to see Anders?
"No," she shook her head and hugged the folder tightly against her chest, "no, not at all."
A short while later...
As Den shuffled about the bags in her grasp, she kept checking the folder that Dawn handed her was still in her tote bag, separated from the other bags of food she had picked up.
She realised, turning up at his apartment with the folder was a good enough explanation BUT if Dawn had been right and he would appreciate her company...well, she couldn't really turn up without SOMETHING special, could she?!
She was a little nervous as she stood outside the door, moving to press the buzzer but pulling away a few times.
LUCKILY, somebody had seen it as her struggling with her bags and took pity on her. The door opened and the man on the other side smiled and held it for her.
She'd thanked him and quickly moved in, finding no excuse to stand outside and wait anymore.
She made her way to his floor and found the door bearing the numbers Dawn had scribbled on the note for her.
Slowly, she forced herself to knock three times.
She waited for a bit and just as it looked as though he may be resting or indeed out, the door opened and revealed a familiar tuft of hair.
"Hi-oh my god!" Den gasped as she looked into Ander's battered and tired face.
He had a black eye, a thick cut on his lip, and a plaster on his forehead that seemed to cover stitches. He really had been mugged.
'My poor Fi!''
What? What had the voice just called him?! Was that...confirmation that he was really from her dreams?
"Den?" He asked and she wasn't sure what to do. She really wasn't sure what to do.
