"Is Klink able to see me?" Colonel Hogan asked Helga as he entered the Commandant's hut.
"Whether he is or isn't has never really bothered you, Colonel Hogan," Helga mused.
"You know me so well," Hogan hummed, opening Klink's. "Hi, Colonel Klink."
"Did I say you could come in?" Klink asked, crumpling the paper he was writing on.
Hogan took a seat and shook his head. "I just wanted to talk to you, sir," he said in an innocent.
Klink sneered and set his pen down. "I'm very busy, Colonel Hogan. Tomorrow, two men are coming to inspect the camp," he said. "Which reminds me, you better have your men on their best behavior." He jabbed a finger in Hogan's direction.
"What for?" Hogan asked, folding his arms. "You really should stop letting every Tom, Dick, and Harry in here, sir. This is a prison camp, not a military parade."
"They're coming here about that escaped prisoner I told you about earlier. You know, the one with the disease. I'd rather they come and take him away before we have an epidemic here."
"Well that's all fine and good, but they may be a little late," Hogan said.
Klink smiled, his mind slowly processing the English he'd been fed. "See, I knew you would—wait what? A little late for what?" the German asked, bracing himself against the desk.
"There's been an outbreak of pink eye in my barracks. Three of my men are already sick in bed, and two more are showing symptoms of it."
"You let that disease ridden criminal into the barracks?!" Klink accused, pushing himself up from his desk.
Colonel Hogan stood up as well, ready to defend himself and push this conversation into the right direction. "No, of course not. I don't like my men getting sick any more than you do. It's a coincidence."
"Coincidence? That's an awfully convenient coincidence," Klink said. His lips were twisted into a frown so sour it could rival a lemon.
"Well do you want to search our barracks? Touching things that could just be crawling with pink eye?" Klink thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "And I'm sure whoever is coming tomorrow wouldn't want to either. So I propose you quarantine my barrack until the men are better and move the healthy ones temporarily. I'll tell my healthy men to line up outside for inspection."
Klink shook his head in disbelief. "How can I trust you, Colonel Hogan?"
"If you want to send your men in there to search before the others get here, be my guest. Just don't blame me if they call in sick the next day," Hogan replied.
The German waved his hand. "Alright, fine. Move every healthy body to barrack number four."
"Thank you, Commandant. I'll remember the times like this after the Allies win the war."
Klink stomped his foot on the ground to dismiss Hogan. The American gave a half-hearted salute before exiting the man's office. "How did it go?" Helga asked, finalizing the letter to Berlin she was typing.
"Oh, the usual."
Colonel Hogan walked outside and saw his crew sitting by a wash basin. He strolled over with his hands shoved in his pants pockets. Why did it have to be so damned cold? Couldn't wars take place in the spring and summer?
"Any good news?" Kinch asked. He leaned himself against the wall of the barrack watching LeBeau and Newkirk tend to the clothes. Carter stood next to the Sergeant while hanging clothes on a line.
"Klink bought it hook, line, and sinker. Carter, have you had any time to generate our little outbreak?"
"Oh, yes sir. I mixed together some paint to make the eyes look puffy and their noses red," Carter replied.
"Good. Just make sure it doesn't actually hurt them," Colonel Hogan warned. "Newkirk, LeBeau, what's the progress on getting our friend adjusted to German life?"
"We thought maybe we could take him out to the pub in town tonight so he could rub elbows with some Krauts," Newkirk suggested. He let the shirt he was washing sink into the water while he dried his hands. His fingers shriveled like prunes doing this work. The chill didn't help but to turn them into ice sickles.
Colonel Hogan shook his head, dismissing the idea. "No, too risky. Not on the eve of two German officers about to visit the camp. Klink will tighten security for sure."
"We could always introduce Schultz to him," LeBeau mused. "I doubt he would mention it to Klink."
"What if he does? Our plans would be all for not," Carter worried.
"Easy. Bribe him. They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That goes double for Schultz," LeBeau answered.
Hogan nodded his head in agreement. A bumbling Kraut would probably be the easiest on James anyways. Not to mention Schultz cared more about his position as a guard than he did the reputation of the camp. "Alright then, men. Once you're all done with the washing, help me begin quartining off our barrack and moving to barrack four. Can't have those Krauts sticking their noses where they don't belong."
