– Chapter 2 – When Lemons Give You Life

There wasn't supposed to be a second one. Now there's a second one. We're gonna call this anthology "SIGASA RWBY." A more digestible name wouldn't you agree?

Now what do we have first on the agenda? Ah, yes…it looks like we're telling love stories today.


Alone inside the JNPR dorm room sat Ren, meditating all crisscross applesauce on his bed. The joke is that he's a kung fu stereotype. Nora suddenly burst through the door, wearing an expression indicative of a woman on a mission. "HEY, ARE WE CANON YET?!" she yelled in his direction.

Ren sat contemplating the canonicity ReNora, before responding "Hmm, no. I don't think we are."

Nora couldn't believe it. Years of weaponized booping have scored her no progress in trying to form a romantic relationship with Ren. The object of her desires, the petal to her mettle, the cream to her coffee (?). How could she have failed so badly? Perhaps Ren's sexy Volume 4 upgrade opened up the gates for more love interests. With so much attention from the Rensexuals, how could she compete?! It's not like she can just walk up to him and ask him out on a date! No, that kind of action was far beyond the realm of realism. It was time for a more practical, realistic solution!

Nora searches through Jaune's personal cabinet, throwing various articles of clothing into the air and onto Ren. "Aha!" she exclaimed. Next to Jaune's fake transcripts was a peculiar document. It was a faked RWBY ship canonicity authentication letter (a.k.a. RSCAL) with expertly forged signatures appearing as if Miles and Kerry themselves approved it. With this Nora would only need to fill in a few names, submit the paperwork for confirmation, and then ReNora would be canon!

She mails the letter via tying it to Mjolnir and casting it into the sky, but you don't get to see that because it was off-screen. After several minutes Ren suddenly shoots up from out of the clothes. He looked to Nora all wide-eyed and exclaims "We're canon now!" Nora leaps into the air with excitement and dives onto Ren, Jaune's clothes exploding in all directions from the sheer impact of the bubbly thigh goddess.

Then they had sex.


Our next story is about good 'ol Jimmy boy.

Ironwood beat his hotdog. No matter what he did, he wasn't able to prepare it properly. His anxiety rose after hearing the sound of Glynda's macaroni, hot and ready for his hotdog. Desperate to succeed, he activated his karate-chop action and hammered away to no avail. He strained, the veins in his head and neck bulging as he attempted to choke his limp meat in a death-grip. Glynda stopped mixing around her macaroni, feeling badly for James. She took his hand and looked at him assuredly. "We'll do it together" she said.

Ironwood looked sad, but then grinned knowing she had his back. Together they battered away at his hotdog. The sheer devastation they wrought together was a beauty to behold, and with their combined efforts the hotdog was finally ready. She took the pieces of freshly sliced hotdog and mixed it into the bowl of macaroni. The General wiped his forehead "Well, who knew mess hall duty would be such a hassle?"

Glynda smiled and rested her hand on his shoulder "But with enough determination and teamwork, we were able to rise above all obstacles."

"Oz would be proud." said James as they looked at one another chuckling. A moment of silence passed over.

Then they had sex.


Checking in on the villain of this story we have-
Oh wait, it's another letter from Cinder. I wonder why she was absent this time…

"Dear narrator, I regret to inform you that I'll be away for the chapter. I'm scouting an Atlas building with Emerald, *evil* scouting. We shall be threatening you all from a distance while we're here. As much as being far away from you all hurts, a job is a job. Emerald says hi by the way. She was all disgruntled because I told her to do it. Haha! That's Em for you.

Wish you were here!
[Heart] Cinder Fall

PS. We're probably having sex."

That you are my dear Cinder. Evil endeavors are fit only for the most daring and villainous!


Alright looks like there's a story about the new Sheep Faunus. Says her name is Fiona. Let's see, so looks like she was just walking down the same hallway as her high school crush and their eyes met-

Then they had sex.

Hmm…a bit short, but there's a tiny bit more to it. Apparently they had a pretty great relationship since then and have been together even to this day. Aww. That's really nice, everyone give it up for Fiona.

[Applause]

Good on her, that Fiona.


Y'all remember Deery right? The White Fang deer Faunus from Volume 2?
Did you know she got promoted in like less than a Volume after just showing up as a recruit in the second Volume? Talk about dedication to your work and perseverance. Not everyone has to get married to a potential spouse. Sometimes people are simply married to their job.

Now that's what I call work ethic. Give it up for Deery everyone!

[Applause]

[Cheers]

I'm sure her parents are very proud of her advances in the field of terrorism.


There's a bees story where-

Look we all know the bees smash, let's be honest with ourselves now.


We've got a story about Ilia being interviewed for being the girl with the strongest concentration of gay energy in Remnant. The host shakes hands with her and they take their seats. The host starts with her opening question:

"So, Miss Ilia, why are you gay?"

Ilia had an answer…

Then they had sex.


Oz idled in his seat at the kitchen table, having a very mellow day. Salem, his wife, came to him, appearing as if she was bearing serious news. He knew her well enough to know when she was preparing to speak seriously. He appeared attentive, ready to hear her out. She simply states "I am god."

"Wait…" replied Ozma. "You're god?" Salem nodded her head. Ozma sank further back in his chair, rubbing his forehead in disbelief. "My god." he uttered. Salem nodded her head even more. Ozma sighed, and bore grave news too heavy for Salem's ear. "I don't think I'm ready to be married to a god." he explained sullenly.

Salem nodded her head slowly in response, saddened by the news. She raised her finger and shot a fireball the size of a cheesepuff at her husband, disintegrating him instantaneously. She later turned his ashes into a glass trophy. From here on out she would create one of these for every time she killed his latest reincarnation, and then store them with her personal collection.

Then they did not have sex.


Upon reflection, we learned that love is a far more complex facet of existence than originally thought. Sometimes it takes innovation to see your desires through. Love often takes perseverance and teamwork to prevail. It can be found in those of even the darkest of hearts. Some find it in prolonged and healthy stretches of time. Love extends further beyond just being in people, but rather found in passion itself of all forms. Yes, even the form of a bee. For many, love is the answer. Love does not always last though, which is a reality we must accept.

So concludes this set of tales, at least for the time being. It's important to know love, but most importantly? Learn how to love yourselves. Stop reading this dribble. It's not good for your health. I'm certain that at least a dozen people were sent into critical care after reading the first one. Before you know it you'll be the next one having sex. You'll end up more rank and tattered as Jaune's cabinet clothes after this chapter. Go before it's too late! Shoo!