Tag to 5.07 Moral Hazard. No beta, all mistakes are mine. Just a warning this chapter contains panic brought on by a nightmare so you may want to skip if that kind of thing bothers you.
Her tired green eyes followed the flow of white wine as it swirled into her glass. Cell phone balanced on her shoulder, Sharon Raydor listened as Patrice filled her in on how the Lieutenant was feeling. "I'm glad he's resting well, Patrice. Please don't tell him I called to check in on him," She smiled. "I don't need him holding that against me."
She could hear Patrice chuckle from the other end of the phone, "Don't worry Sharon, your secret is safe with me. Tell Andy I said goodnight."
"Oh…" Sharon took a small sip of wine, "Andy's not here."
"But I thought we saw you two leaving together," Patrice questioned.
"You did…we did. He…um. A young man Andy sponsors called and need him tonight."
"But Rusty's there with you?"
Sharon frowned slightly, "No…Rusty is with Gus tonight. Patrice, why all the questions. I'm perfectly fine here by myself."
Silence filled the air as Patrice weighed her words, "I'm not saying that…exactly. It's just, today was a very trying day for everyone. I know you are excellent at your job and…you seem to be able to compartmentalize everything in order to keep work and home life separate, but Sharon today your entire team came under heavy gun…"
"Patrice…" Sharon interrupted, "I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I'm fine. I promise. Take good care of the Lieutenant…and have a good night." Sharon quickly ended the call even before Patrice could respond. Placing her phone face down on the kitchen counter next to her glasses, she cradled the wine glass in both hands for several moments before quickly downing its contents. Turning she placed the empty glass beside the sink. Reaching for the bottle, she stepped toward the refrigerator but stopped just before her hand touched the handle. She looked back at the empty glass, then down at the bottle still in her hand. With a deep sigh, she moved back to the sink, uncorked the bottle and poured another glass, this one not quite as full as the previous one.
Wine in one hand, Sharon moved through the condo turning lights off and checking the locks. Walking straight through the bedroom into the on-suite bathroom, she took another sip of wine before placing the glass on the counter. Slowly she undressed, letting each piece of clothing drop to the floor. She looked at the bathtub, considering a bath, but decided a nice hot shower would do the trick.
Taking a few more sips of wine she waited for the water into warm before stepping into the steaming shower. The water was almost too hot, yet it felt good against the tight muscles of her neck and back. She raised one hand to the tiled wall, leaning forward she allowed the torrent of water to wash over her. Her eyes closed, her mind drifting back to earlier in the day. "No," she mumbled to herself as the sound of gun shots played in her mind. She could not, no…she would not let herself go there. With a frown, she reached for the shampoo bottle and in her haste everything on the small shower ledge tumbled to the floor. "Damn-it!" Slowly she knelt, gathering up the offending bottles one by one. Realizing that her relaxing shower just wasn't going to happen, Sharon quickly washed and conditioned her hair before shutting the water off.
Some fifteen minutes later, Sharon lay in the dark across the foot of her bed clad in black panties and a black tank top, her still damp hair twisted on top of her head. The headache that had been swimming behind her eyes all evening was now pounding at full force, making her regret that second glass of wine even more. She pulled Andy's green robe tighter, her nose slipping just below the edge of the soft fabric, she willed his calming scent to wash over her as she imagined that she was snuggled safe in his embrace.
~~~~~~SA~~~~~
She gripped the silent radio tightly in her left hand while holding her heels in the crook of her arm, quickly she took the stairs, climbing toward her team still two floors above her. With only one flight left, a barrage of gun fire crackled over the radio. Her heart caught in her throat as she continued forward, the Lieutenant's voice filled the space around her, "Officer down…Officer down…god-damn-it Flynn!" It was as if time had stopped as she slipped silently from the stairwell into the bullet-ridden hotel hallway, the acrid smell of gunfire still filling the air. Her shoes slid from her grip, bouncing against the carpeted floor. She could hear voices shouting all around her but none of their words made sense. Her eyes locked on the bloody sight several feet in front of her, she knew instantly she was too late, his dark chestnut eyes would never see her again. The radio slipped from her hand, the scream bubbling up from deep inside her, "No, No!"
Sharon bolted upright on the edge of the bed, unsure for several moments of exactly where she was. A cold, damp sweat covered her body, her hair sticking across her cheek and forehead. She struggled to catch her breath, "just a dream, it was just a dream," she mumbled over and over in hopes of calming herself. She reached out in the dark for Andy's robe, but she couldn't find it. She stood, somewhat unsteady as a wave of nausea washed over her. She stumbled for the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time. Once her stomach was empty, she slowly stood. Turning on the bathroom light, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She removed the clip that held some of her hair up, with shaking hands she ran her fingers through the loose curls before securing it in a loose bun on top of her head. Splashing cool water against her tearstained face, she then reached for her toothbrush. The minty taste threatened to turn her stomach, but she willed herself to push forward. Once back in her bedroom she picked Andy's robe from the floor, cradling it against her shivering body.
She sat heavily on the bench at the foot of her bed, it had been a while since she had last had a nightmare that shook her so deeply, but she could in fact remember exactly when the last one was. The day Andy told her about his blood clot still haunted her. That night, even with him just down the hall, the most vivid of nightmares chased her from sleep. She had spent the rest of that night and many nights after that listening to Andy sleep from the hard floor of Rusty's bedroom. Her love for Andy scared her at times, she never expected to fall so deeply in love with this man, but she had and there was no turning back from it now.
Slowly she began to pace, unable to shake the uneasiness brought on by her nightmare. She went to her closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and Andy's old LAPD sweatshirt, she slipped her feet into her worn black flip flops. Moving back to the bedside table she searched for her phone, before remembering that she left in the kitchen earlier. Turning lights on as she went, Sharon made her way to the kitchen. Her phone rested beside her glasses on the counter, lifting it, the text that he sent less than two hours before brought tears to her eyes;
Goodnight sweetheart, love and miss you. -A.
As the tears slid slowly down her cheeks, she knew what she had to do. Slipping her phone into her back pocket, she headed for the door. Once in the hallway she realized that she didn't have her glasses, but she didn't have the patience to go back for them. She stood, eyes fixed to the floor as she waited for the elevator. She swallowed hard, trying to stem the tears that continued to fall. Her hands balled into tight fists, Sharon's eyes slipped closed for a brief moment until the soft ding of the elevator won her attention. As the elevator doors slowly slid open she stood suspended in time, unable to believe her eyes. Andy stood against the back wall of the elevator, his surprised eyes slowly moving up her body until they reached her tearstained face. In one swift movement, he stepped from the elevator, quickly pulling her into his arms. "What's wrong? Is it Rusty?" The panic in his voice was palpable, yet she couldn't speak, instead she shook her head against him. "Emily? Ricky?"
"No." She whispered softly. Burying her face into the crook of his neck, he could feel her hot tears sliding down his neck to his chest.
"Come on." Gently he guided her back to the condo. She stood motionless as he unlocked the door and lead her inside. "Sharon, you're scaring me here. Please tell me what's wrong, where were you going?"
She shook her head as small sob escaped her, unsure of what to do, Andy pulled her back into his arms gently rocking them back and forth. They stood there for what seemed like forever until finally she pushed back to look at him. The love and concern that shown in his eyes filled her heart with hope, finally replacing the fear that had taken root there. Without speaking she lead him down the hall, Andy studied the unmade bed as they entered the bedroom, his old green robe still resting on the bench at the foot of the bed.
Slowly she began to undress, with Andy silently following her lead. She sat on the edge of the bed while he walked into the bathroom. His eyes taking in everything before him, her work clothes scattered over the floor, the empty wine glass still on the vanity. "Damn," he ran his hands across his face. He should have realized the events of the previous day had gotten to her more than she could ever admit. Quickly he picked up her clothes from the floor, turning he grabbed the empty glass on his way out of the bathroom. She still sat on the edge bed, staring at the floor. "I'll be right back." He didn't wait for her reply, making his way through the condo, Andy stopped in the laundry room, sorting the clothes into the appropriate baskets. Once in the kitchen, he rinsed the wine glass before placing it in the dishwasher. He filled a glass with water, downing it in two large gulps, his eyes drifting to her forgotten glasses sitting on the counter top. Filling the glass again, he sat it on the counter while he reached for the bottle of Tylenol in the cabinet next to the sink. Shaking three capsules from the bottle, he picked up the glass of water, before moving through the condo turning lights off.
Sharon still sat on the edge of the bed, but he took it as a good sign that she had pulled the cover back. Andy quietly moved to kneel in front of her. Holding the capsules out she took them from his upturned palm. Her hands shook slightly as she lifted the glass to her mouth. She handed the half full glass back to him, "thank you," she smiled softly.
Moving around to his side of the bed, Andy turned the bedside lamp off before settling down on his back. He gently pulled her to him, her head coming to lay on his chest, her hand slipping down his stomach to rest just under the waist band of his boxers. "Why did you come back?" Her voice was so soft he strained to make out her words.
His fingers automatically drew soft circles on her hip, "I couldn't sleep, I missed you, I…need to hold you." She sighed deeply against him. "Where were you going?" His voice was deep against her ear.
"To find you." Her breath caught in her throat, as the tears threatened to came once again.
"Hey…" he gently soothed. "I'm here, we're both fine."
"I know…I just…had a really bad dream and I couldn't stop…" She sobbed softly against his chest, "It seemed so… real."
He bent down, kissing the top of her head, "Sweetheart, it was just a dream. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."
"I know; I keep telling myself that." She pulled away from the warmth of his chest to roll to her side. Within seconds, he was behind her, his arms pulling her flush with his body.
"Promise me one thing?" His tone soft, but serious.
"Anything."
"Next time you decide to look for me in the middle of the night, call me first, just to make sure that I'm not already on my way here. What if we had missed each other tonight? Just the thought of you being on the road that upset…"
"I know…" She pulled his hand to her chest, "It was stupid…I was stupid. I just couldn't stand another second not knowing if you were okay." She rolled in his arms, intent on capturing his lips. "I love you… I love you so much it scares me sometimes."
"I love you too." His lips found hers in the dark morning surrounding them. Their kiss was slow, deep, filled with the fear and passion coursing through both of them. He could kiss her like this forever he thought with a gentle moan. He leaned in capturing her lips again, "Think you can sleep now?"
"Maybe." She kissed him one last time before moving back to allow him to spoon behind her.
Her feet moved to their favorite spot just between his knees, his hand coming to rest flat across her stomach. He listened for a long time, waiting for her breathing to even out into the soft sounds of sleep. He wouldn't ask her the details of her dream for he could more than guess the sights and sounds that haunted her for they were the same that haunted him.
