A/N Missing scene from White Lies Part One. No beta, all mistakes are mine.
The dark green eyes reflected in the mirror were strange to her. There was a blankness there, that matched the numbness coursing through her body. Yes, she had killed a man. Something she never really thought she would have to do. Shoot to injure but not to kill; those were her intentions as three rounds left her gun. It wasn't until she stood over Dwight Darnell that this strangling darkness over took her. In her mind, she saw herself squeezing the trigger one last time, a bullet right between the eyes. But in the long hours that have passed since that moment in the courtroom another gunshot has reverberated in her ears time and time again. In the end it didn't matter that she never took that forth shot, Dwight Darnell died regardless. His blood was on her hands and no matter how hard she scrubbed she could not wash it away. In the ladies room two floors below the Major Crimes Division, Sharon Raydor gazed into the eyes of a killer and they were her own.
Andy Flynn paced slowly up and down the hall outside the bank of elevators. Glancing at his watch, he stopped. Leaning heavily against the orange wall, he wondered what could be taking her so long. It had been over fifteen minutes since the desk clerk had called to let him know that she was on her way back up. Finally, he heard the clack of her heels against the tile floor long before he saw her round the corner. She stopped, staring at him, the expression on her face passive, yet unreadable. "Everything go okay with Behavioral Science?"
"Of course."
He studied her features, hoping for some glimpse into how she was really doing. He knew asking would be a stupid idea because he was positive that she would not tell him. He stepped closer, silently praying that she didn't back away from him. "I thought maybe…we could go home for a few hours. I thought it might do you some good to take a hot shower, change out of yesterday's clothes…"
"No." She slowly shook her head and he knew there would be no changing her mind. "I'm not going home until we all can go home and right now that is just not possible."
"Then come with me." He stepped away from her.
"Andy, I…"
"Sharon, I'm not taking no for an answer." He interrupted. "I need a few minutes alone with you and if truth be known, you need the same thing." Crossing her arms tightly over her chest, she pulled her bottom lip underneath her front teeth, her eyes slipping closed for a brief second. With a half nod she stepped out to follow him.
Without thinking his hand easily migrated to the small of her back. She jumped slightly when his firm hand made contact. Stopping, she turned back to look up at him. "It's not you," her voice was so soft, it almost brought tears to his eyes.
Hand not moving, he ran his thumb gently up and down her back. "I know." He could almost feel her relax into him as he lead her down the hall.
The break room was empty, Buzz's witness having completed her statement before the Captain finished at Behavioral Science. Settling Sharon in at a table in the corner of the room, Andy began two cups of tea. He watched in silence as she crossed her legs, her chin coming to rest on her hand as she stared off into nothing. It was a pose he had seen quite too often in the last thirty hours. It was a pose that caused his heart to ache as they waited for the body of Chief Taylor to be removed from the courtroom. He wondered just how many times she had done that already today. "I spoke with Ricky again earlier this morning and Emily called about an hour ago." He attempted to draw her from her reverie.
"I…" She started, but the words failed her.
With two piping hot cups of tea in hand, Andy placed the cups on the small table before sitting across from her. "They just need to hear from you that you're okay. It doesn't matter what Rusty or I tell them, until they hear your voice they're going to worry."
"I know. I just can't…not here. When we go home I will call them." She reached out a shaking hand for her cup of tea, but thought better of it.
Andy reached for her hands, surprised at how cold they were, he gently guided them around her warm cup before moving back to his own. He missed the contact the second he let go, but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. It had taken all the will power he had not to touch her yesterday in the courtroom. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and get her out of there but he simply couldn't. One day when she is ready to hear it, he will tell her how proud he is of the strength and fearlessness she showed. For the rest of his life he would never forget what it felt like watching her advance on Dwight Darnell. To say that he was terrified would be an understatement; yet, as the three rounds tore from her gun a certain air of calmness drifted over him. Until she turned and then he saw the darkened green of her eyes and his heart ached. That deep green had not faded in the slightest, in fact as his eyes met hers now some thirty hours later he would have to admit that they were darker still. "Amy got you one of those salads you like from down the street." Andy stood intent on retrieving it from the refrigerator.
She caught his hand before he could move away, "Don't. The thought of food…" she shook her head.
Andy sighed deeply, taking his seat again. "You need something, you haven't had anything since we had cereal yesterday morning."
"That seems like… a lifetime ago. Does it seem like that to you?"
"Yeah." He watched as she finally lifted the cup to her lips, her eyes sliding closed as the warm liquid slid down her throat.
"I keep replaying what happened over and over in my mind…trying to make sense of it all."
"Sharon, you had to shoot him, you had no choice…"
"No…not that." Andy looked at her, confusion evident on his face. "I can't think about that…about killing…" Her gaze drifted away from his, "Andy, did you notice anything odd about…Judge Richwood yesterday?"
Her question hung in the air between them. If Andy was totally honest, the Judge was the farthest person from his mind. Andy leaned back in his chair, his heart suddenly feeling heavy again, "No…but I wasn't focused on him. Sharon, what are you saying?"
She stood quickly, "I don't know, I don't know." Slowly she began to pace in a small circle, "He…didn't take cover. Not once, that I can remember seeing. He stood the entire time, watching Dwight and everything else play out."
Andy moved quickly to her side, "You're sure?"
He could feel her tremble against him, "It's what I keep seeing in my mind."
"Captain?" Provenza's voice startled them both. "Sorry to interrupt, but Chief Howard is ready for us."
"Thank you, Lieutenant…a minute, please." Provenza nodded his head, his eyes meeting Andy's for a brief moment before he quietly closed the break room door.
"Maybe he was just in shock, you know frozen in place," Andy tried to reason.
"You're right, you're probably right." She reached up, gently straightening his tie. "Thank you for this and for giving me a gentle push, I did need these few minutes alone with you. Andy, will you promise me something?"
"Anything." His left hand moved to her waist.
"Don't let me shut you out."
Their eyes met once again, the depths of her green orbs swimming with hurt, fear and something else that nearly brought him to his knees. "Never. I promise."
She ran her hand slowly down his tie, with a small tilt of her head she turned, his hand sliding off her waist to fall by his side. His eyes followed her out the door and down the hall until she disappeared from sight. He breathed out, a soft growl escaping him. 'This is just the beginning,' he thought, his hands balling into tight fist. She wasn't fooling him, he could see the fear and self-hatred in her eyes. Killing this dirtbag was eating her alive but one thing Andy was certain of, he would do everything in his power to help her find her way out of the darkness and into the light.
A/N2 this was not what I originally planned to write, but I didn't get the chance to rematch Monday's episode until yesterday.
