A/N Tag to White Lies Part three. No beta, all mistakes are mine.
The mustard colored plastic chair was hard and un-forgiving. Leaning forward, her eyes focused on the light green tile beneath her feet. She slowly counted the black specks littering the dreadful tile, willing the numbers to fill her mind. She thought if she focused hard enough on those black specks then she could keep the look of fear that filled Andy's deep brown orbs from playing over and over in her mind. Her hands clenched tightly to the cool metal of Andy's bracelet, his sobriety ring sat loosely on her index finger. She thought about how many times her fingers automatically slipped under the edge of this same bracelet, twirling it softly against his wrist. Holding it now, it's weight heavy in her hands offered no comfort what so ever.
"Captain?" Provenza's voice was soft, yet it easily startled her. "Any word?" She looked slowly up at him, her eyes saying more than the soft shake of her head. "Was he… still conscious in the ambulance?"
"Yes." Her eyes drifted closed for a brief second, she could almost still feel the tight grip he had on her hand during the relatively short ambulance ride to Saint Leo's.
Provenza sat heavily beside her, "Good, that's good." She shrugged her shoulders before returning her attention back to the black specks on the floor.
"Patrice is on her way, Buzz and Rusty too. I'm sure the rest of the team will also be here shortly. Were you able to get in touch with the kids?" Leaning back in the chair, her hand moved to cradle her chin. She nodded slightly, again choosing not to speak. Provenza's eyes moved to the very familiar ring sitting lopsided on her finger, a deep sigh escaping him. "Sharon,"
Before he could continue, her worried green eyes met his, "Don't. Please, there's not one single word you could say that would make me feel better."
"Okay." Provenza nodded. "I understand." Silence was not something that he easily associated with Sharon Raydor, but he could understand that silence was what she needed at this exact moment. He watched as she leaned forward again, her normally perfect posture long forgotten. It was at this moment that his eyes were now drawn to the bracelet she gripped tightly in both hands. Not being one to be easily rattled, there was something so moving about seeing her hold tightly to his best friend's bracelet. It was if that bracelet anchored Andy to her and maybe in her mind it did.
"Mrs. Flynn?" Sharon quickly stood, not bothering to correct the doctor approaching them. Rolling his eyes, Provenza stood as well.
"Doctor?" Sharon's voice was even lower than normal, her worry evident in the tone.
Staring at the young woman before them, Provenza though she looked no older than his youngest granddaughter. She even had the same bouncing, blonde ponytail. "Mr. Flynn is stable. His ECG and echocardiogram were both normal; we are waiting for his blood test to come back but I'm confident in saying that this was not a heart related episode."
Sharon glanced quickly at the Lieutenant, the fear in her eyes finally replaced with hope. "If not his heart, then…?"
"My primary diagnosis is that Mr. Flynn is suffering from esophageal spasms."
"But," Sharon frowned, "Andy takes reflux medication every day."
The doctor cleared her throat, her uneasy eyes briefly meeting the Lieutenant's before returning to look at Sharon. "Mr. Flynn has been without his medications for several days, that along with stress could have easily contributed to the episode he experienced."
"Medications?" Provenza quickly recognized the tone in his Captain's voice and couldn't hide the slight grin from dancing across his features. "Including his blood pressure…"
"Mrs. Flynn," the doctor interrupted, "I suggest you take that up with your husband. I can take you to him now, if you would like."
Shaking her head, Sharon crossed her arms over her chest before turning her attention to Provenza. "Lieutenant, if you would check in on Andy while I let the children know their father is okay."
"Of course, Mrs…Flynn," Provenza smirked. "Lead the way Doctor." Following closely behind the pretty, young doctor, he paused just outside the emergency room door to catch a fleeting glance back at his Captain. She was once again sitting, her phone in one hand, yet she had made no effort to dial anyone. Her other hand still clutching Andy's bracelet, rested against her heart. With a deep sigh, Provenza turned back to find the doctor waiting for him.
Andy stared intently at the ceiling of the small emergency room cubical. His mind going back to the precise moment in the murder room that his world turned upside down. He could remember holding tightly to Sharon's wrist as she cradled his head in her hands, her eyes begging him to stay with her. She never said more than his name, she wouldn't in front of everyone, but he could read her eyes and the volumes they spoke. A low noise from the doorway drew his attention; looking up, Andy was surprised to find Provenza leaning against the cool glass.
"Where's Sharon?"
Provenza slowly moved closer to the bed, "Letting Nicole and everyone know that you're okay."
"Oh." Andy looked back to the ceiling, "Is she mad?"
"She's tired. She's upset, even though she would never admit to it and she's relived. I'm sure mad will follow soon enough. Ye gads Flynn! Not taking your medication for a few days during one of the worst cases of our careers. Could you be more of an idiot?"
Shrugging his shoulders, Andy held his hands up. "There's not one single excuse that I've come up with that sounds even half way decent. I messed up, I get that. I…thought I could handle everything, but I obviously I couldn't." Crossing his arms over his chest, Andy looked directly at his best friend. "What if Darnell had gotten to Sharon before she…" He slowly shook his head, "I keep playing it in my head, over and over. I could see her advancing on him from where I was but I couldn't do a damn thing to help her."
"Is that what this is all about?"
"Maybe," Andy sighed. "I don't know. I can't let it go, this fear that has taken root inside of me. Even today when we were entering the warehouse, I felt this weight." Grimacing, Andy shifted trying to find a more comfortable position, "She has no business being in the field, but lately she's been right there with us. I don't like it."
"Well none of us like it, but damn-it Flynn!" Provenza huffed. Pulling a chair from the corner of the small room, he sat with a heavy sigh, "She's a damn good cop and have you ever stopped to think that she feels like this every single day? She sends all of us directly into harm's way on her own orders, yet you don't find her collapsing in the murder room."
"Yeah, well…maybe she's stronger than I am."
"Definitely smarter." Provenza shrugged as his best friend glared at him. "Look, I warned you about this. I told you falling in love with…her would only spell disaster. And now here we sit. Does she know you feel…"
"Are you crazy!" Andy interrupted, "No, she doesn't know and she can never find out. I promised her in the very beginning that I would keep this... out of the office."
Provenza studied his friend for a long while, neither of them speaking. "Well, you need to fix this. Whatever it takes, whoever you need to talk to, I don't care. Just fix it."
~~~~SASA~~~~~
Sharon held to Andy's arm as they walked into the darkened condo. She had been noticeably quiet on the way home but then again so had he. "Can I get you anything?" She asked as they entered their bedroom.
"No, I just want to sleep. Are you okay?" He ran his hand along her arm.
"Fine." A tired smile that never reached her eyes, drifted across her face, "I need a shower and then I'll join you." She stepped away from him, his hand falling heavily to his side. He watched in silence as she entered the bathroom, closing the door gently behind her.
Andy slowly undressed. Once he was down to his navy boxers and white undershirt, he pulled the covers back, settling down on his side of the bed. He noticed the sound of the shower just coming on as he tried to get comfortable. The single lamp on Sharon's side of the bed cast a soft glow about the room. He checked the time on his phone, it was well after midnight but thankfully he didn't have to spend the night at the hospital. They would both rest much better in their own bed. A muffled sound from the bathroom suddenly drew his attention, he shifted on the bed trying to figure out what he heard. Frowning, he sat up, straining to listen. Slowly, he eased off the bed, padding over to the bathroom door. Leaning his forehead against the cool wood of the door, he listened again. After a few moments he finally registered what exactly he was hearing and his heart fell in his chest. Quietly he eased open the bathroom door, hot thick steam filled the small room. His eyes slowly migrated to the shower stall and the source the heart breaking sound. Sharon sat naked, huddled on the tiled shower floor. Her back was to him, her face buried against her arms resting on her knees as the hot water cascaded over her body.
Another muffled sob, shook her entire being, thus springing Andy into action. In one swift motion, he pulled his t-shirt over his head and shed his boxers. As quietly as possible, he eased the shower door open, stepping in behind her. "Andy…I'm fine." She breathed, without looking up. Carefully he eased down on the floor behind her. "Andy, you don't need to…"
"Shh," he soothed. Carefully he wrapped his arms around her wet body, she shivered despite the temperature of the water. Easing her onto his lap, she automatically buried her face into the side of his neck. "Let it go, sweetheart. Just let it go." He wasn't sure how long she sobbed against him, her hand holding tightly to him. As the water falling around them began to cool, her muffled cries finally tapered off. With a gentle kiss to the side of his cheek, she eased off his lap and stood, reaching to turn the water off. She pushed her hair back from her eyes, squeezing the excess water from it. Reaching out, she slowly helped Andy to his feet, careful not to let him go.
Not speaking, they took turns drying each other off. Minutes later, they settled down in the bed, neither bothering to dress in their night clothes. He rolled to his side, pulling her tightly against his chest. "I'm sorry." She whispered.
"No…I'm sorry. I was an idiot."
She sighed deeply, his muffled voice warm against her ear. "Don't ever scare me like that again. I thought…I had lost you."
His thumb moved slowly up and down across her stomach, "You're not going to get rid of me that easily."
She chuckled softly against him, "Me either. Andy, I know our jobs put us both in danger each and every day. We knew going into this that it wasn't going to be easy."
"Sharon…" he tried to interrupt.
"No," She shook her head against him. "Let me finish. I know…what happened in that courtroom changed both of us. Andy, I know you so well. I can see the fear in your eyes when you look at me, but we can't let that fear control us. None of us know how much time we will have together. Anything could happen, job related or not."
"I know."
The sadness in his voice tore at her heart. She rolled slowly in his arms, mossy green meeting deep chestnut in the soft bedroom light. They held each other's gaze for several beats, her hand seeking out the rough stubble now apparent on his cheeks. "I love you."
He leaned in, placing a chaste kiss against her soft lips, "I love you."
She moved from the warmth of his body to turn the bedside lamp off. As the darkness of the early morning surrounded them, she settled back against his chest, his hand coming to rest across her stomach. The last few days had been really rotten but they had gotten through them together, the same way they would face each and every day they were given. No one knows the exact meaning of forever, but their love will live on, forever in their hearts.
A/N Thanks to everyone who took this journey with me. Your encouragement was amazing. For those of you reading my other story Private Vengeance, an update is coming soon. Thanks again everyone!
