Title: One BOB Too Many

Author: Jackie

Summary: Story 3 of the BOB series. Harm decides to do a little shopping for Mac.

"I'm still at JAG, Mac. . .I know I promised we'd go out but. . .Okay. . .well, love you." I shut my cell phone and with an evil grin, stare up at a massive, neon sign reading "Pink Fuzz/Blue Ballz." The name refers to a. . .sexual emporium of sorts. A business that houses all sorts of naughty items from sexy lingerie to XXX films. Oh, and did I mention it has toys? Not that I've been here before, I'd just overheard one guy discussing it with another while I was at lunch with a client this afternoon.

That's when the thought occurred to me: It was my six month anniversary with Mac and, technically it was BOB that got the ball rolling. Who'd ever think that a Battery Operated Boyfriend would lend such a helping hand. . erm. . .buzz.

I extricate myself from the 'Vette and then head inside, thankful that my sea bag was in the car. Walking into one of these places with my uniform on. . .talk about a no no. I flash the girl behind the counter a grin and inform her that I was just looking around and would find her if needed.

Instantly, my eyes are bombarded by a mixture of blue and pink neon with words like: videos, lingerie, fetish, vibrators, condoms and so on. What I find inside the class counters, doesn't surprise me. The last time I was at one of these places was when I was a Middie at Annapolis. Oh! I forgot, also during a bachelor party for one of the boys on the Seahawk when I was a fledgling pilot. Bachelor parties usually bring up some kind of weird items. Hey, we may be officers and gentlemen, but we still do know how to have fun!

One little thing worries me though. I've never realized how many sizes and shapes and colors were really available when you head into the BOB department. There are some endorsed by several women, who I assume are porn starlets. Shrugging, I continue down the, seemingly never ending counter and stop at a section called "life like." This completely gets me curious.

"Life like?" I snort out, "Yeah, right. . .nothing like the real thing." Feeling a pair of eyes on me, I raise my head to find a blond haired, green eyed beauty staring back at me. Since I am already here, I figure it's time to get some information out of her. "Excuse me, why are these so 'life like'?"

She smiles sweetly at me and then laughs. But, it isn't just ANY type of laughter. No, this woman's laughter sounds like. . .well, like she'd just swallowed some sort of small woodland creature that was trying to escape. "Well. . .it's the material they are made from. . .it makes them so LIFE LIKE!" Her voice isn't much better. I am not too sure a chipmunk could hit the octaves she just did.

I cringe slightly, thank her for the, less than informative details and am about to be on my way when I feel it land in the palm of my hand. "Oh God." Not only is it in the palm of my hand, it's also. . .VIBRATING!

"You see. . .give it a squeeze?"

"Do I have to?" I shriek out, yelling over the rather loud vibrating mechanism which is shaking my hand just a little too vigorously. As I try to search for an off button, the girl reaches over, grabs my hand and FORCES me to squeeze the umm. . .umm. . .product. Something about that is rather sick, but, then again, I did come in here willingly. Maybe if I'd been prepared?

Next time, I'm shopping online, thank you! This is just. . .just. . .it's a little close for comfort. "See, life like!. . .It should feel just like your own."

"My own doesn't vibrate." I feel the need to point out which only makes her chuckle like a hyena in labor. "Could you shut this off please?" Finally she does and I drop it on the counter with a muffled 'thunk.' Disgusted, I rub my hand on my jeans then shiver slightly. I can't believe I just had a. . .ewww.

As I try to relay that was just looking, blondie disappears under the counter and brings up yet another 'life like' which is rather. . .large and. . "Now this one. . ."

I take my hand away quickly and, literally, jump three feet back. "Woah, lady. . .I am just looking for something for my. . ."

"Your boyfriend will love it, trust me. . ."

My hands shoot up out of their own will, seeking surrender. "I'm not gay. . .I'm looking for a. . .for my girlfriend. . . She has one and if it wasn't for it we wouldn't have gotten together and ever since. . .Why am I telling you all of this?. . ." By the look she's giving me, blondie is wondering the same thing. "Look, I just want one for my girlfriend, that's all."

Blondie seems alright with the notion and puts away the last BOB. "Is there something you have in mind."

Oh yea, because I buy these every week. Uh huh. "I don't know what I'm looking for."

"Okay, can you show me which one she has." I nod and walk someway down the counter stopping at one called the pocket rocket. "Okay, that's a conventional vibrator. . .did you want something similar or something. . .life like?"

I'm not a prude and I really couldn't care if Mac owned one or three hundred and one, however, the life like thing is worrying me. Fine, yes, I'm a little jealous. . .sue me. "None of the life like ones. . .but something. . .nice. . . something that she'll be able to relax and have fun with." Jeez, I sound like I'm trying to buy shoes or something.

Reaching into one counter, blondie produces something that looks like an essential part of the space craft. "This is the new thing. . .It's sleek, small enough to carry in a purse, discreet and for a limited time we're selling it with another vibe that comes with a remote so that, if you and your girl are on the road, you can buzz her whenever you want."

I glance at both products, my eyes stopping at the 'on the road' product. "Whenever I want?" Imagines of me using the remote on Mac in court. . .Okay, that was mean. "How about just. . .this one, alone." I point at the non-remote one and shrug. If I took the remote one home, who knows what sick ideas Mac and I would come up with. We do have court on Monday and. . . "I'll take it."

Rather that wrapping it up, blondie picks out another one. "This one too. . .this is my personal fave. . .orgasms galore." This contraption looks. . .truly scary. "Trust me, she'll adore you for it. . .She can leave this one at home and then just take the other one on the go."

Hmm, sounds reasonable. "Good, I'll take both."

"Oh!" She exclaims, her high pitched voice threatening to make my ears bleed. Blondie dashes to the left, sliding to a stop next to a larger glass counter against a wall. "We also have the Super Sexy Girl - Gimme Some Lovin' package that brings two vibes and an assortment of thingies that you can put on it. . .It even brings some things for you." She winks up at me and grabs the box.

"Guess I'll be taking that too." I sigh, then reach into my back pocket to pull out my credit card.

Twenty minutes, a three hundred dollar charge and one pair of jet fighter boxer shorts later, I am headed back home with my find which blondie – real name – Jerri – nicely wrapped up for me, free of charge. I really can't complain seeing as she even threw in a box of cherry flavored and glow in the dark condoms. Gee, ain't I lucky.

Not being able to wait any longer, I drive directly to Mac's and let myself I not the apartment. Quietly I step in and then make my way over to the bedroom where Mac's sitting on her bed going over the case for Monday. "Harmon Rabb Junior, if this is an ambush to get my case notes. . ." She jokes, knowing I wouldn't ever do such a thing. Putting down the notes, she kneels oh her bed, takes one of my hands and tugs me over. "I missed you."

"I. Did. Too." I punctuate between kisses and then snake my other arm between us, handing there the bag with the wrapped boxes. "For you."

Mac's face lights up like a kid in Christmas time. "For me? What is it?"

"Open it." I nudge her to slide over and take my place on the bed next to her. Watching intently, I chuckle as she rips open the first box, laughing hysterically when she sees what's in it. To her credit, Mac doesn't blush, simply moves on to the next with a delighted laughter. "See, tomorrow is our Six month anniversary and I figure, since BOB is what got us together. . ."

"Oh, Harm." She pushes the gifts to the side of the bed, then pins me down beneath her. "You're crazy you know that?"

"Over you." Grinning, I lock my ankle with hers and spin us over so that I am on top. We kiss passionately and I stop long enough to suggest something. "I think you should give one of these a spin."

Mac's eyes light up with mischief. "I would love to." She says, then kisses me hard, stopping only to chuckle. "But, you forgot to buy the batteries." I curse loudly, then rest my forehead against hers. "It's alright, we'll get some tomorrow." She rolls us over again, straddling my waist as she starts to work on my belt buckle.

For the moment, I forget about the BOB adventure. Batteries, how could I have forgotten the main component? I guess that is what happens when you have one BOB too many.