A/N: Thoughts on Season 6. Forgive me, but I couldn't get this out of my head. I've gone back and forth over the past week trying to decide if I should post it or not. After some encouragement from friends, here it is. No beta, all mistakes are mine.
The condo was quiet, but that was to be expected at three- thirty on a Thursday afternoon. The wave of relief Andy Flynn felt when he spotted her grey sedan parked in her normal space in the parking garage did not linger long after he stepped into their silent sanctuary. He had known something was off with her for weeks now, and he wasn't the only one, the entire team was worried. After removing his holster, he hung his suit coat by the door. Not quite sure where she was, Andy quietly placed his keys in the cobalt blue bowl while toeing out of his shoes. Slipping the black dress shoes under the hall table, he stepped through the living room to the balcony door; peering out, he was disappointed to find the space empty. Backtracking, he moved to the open doorway of their bedroom. The afternoon light cast an eerie shadow across the room; with a frown, he leaned against the door facing. The sight before him was unnerving to say the least. A seemingly asleep Sharon lay, curled on her side. Her head rested against his pillow, while his old green robe covered her. He had reminded himself several times during the last forty-seven minutes that he needed to stay calm but right now, at this moment, he needed answers.
She stirred the instant he sat on the edge of the bed, "What…what time is it?" confusion filled her voice. She thought she had set an alarm on her phone, giving her plenty of time to pull herself together before Andy or Rusty got home.
His voice was flat, "Not quite four."
"Oh…" with a soft hum, she rolled to look at him.
"Oh," his tone was mocking. His effort to stay calm was slowly vanishing as anger and worst of all fear threatened to consume him, "Is that's all you have to say?" his voice rose with each word.
"Andy…" She reached for him, but he stood quickly, just as her fingertips ghosted his arm.
"Jesus Christ Sharon!" He began to pace in front of the bed, "What is going on? I had to find out from Provenza that you were gone for the day; instead of in a meeting with Mason like you…" accusation laced his voice, "led me to believe."
"I…" her voice was almost foreign to him, "Simply said…I had a meeting, that wasn't a lie." With a low cough, she sat up, hugging her knees to her chest, his robe slipped down her bare legs.
Biting his tongue to keep from making things worse, he turned to look at her. His temper evaporated immediately as he studied her. She was wearing his soft lilac dress shirt from the day before, but it was the pale green of her eyes that stopped him cold. She looked tired…really tired. Running both hands through his hair, he moved back to the bed. Looking up, she held his gaze as he sat next to her. Unable to stop himself from touching her, ran his thumb along the top of her foot. "So…are you going to tell me what's really going on?"
Not trusting her voice, she slowly shook her head "no."
"Okay…" he breathed, still intent on getting the answers he needed. "How many…meetings" his voice rose an octave, "have you had in the last month or so?"
She wasn't dumb, she knew exactly what he was asking. "Four…or five." His exhale was audible as he stood again, he needed some air before he did or said something he would ultimately regret. In a few long strides, Andy stalked out of their bedroom before she had a chance to stop him. "Andy wait…" but her voice fell on deaf ears. Tears burned at the back of her throat as a fit of coughs threatened to strangle her. Sitting on the edge of the bed she wanted nothing more than to go after him, but she wasn't ready to face him or face the truth. This wasn't how this was supposed to happen, this wasn't how she planned on telling him. But now… now there was no plan. Her eyes slipped closed, her hand migrated to the center of her chest. She struggled to slow her intake of air as each breath became more and more shallow, giving her less oxygen than the one before. She coughed again, silent tears rolled through closed eyes down her cheeks. Minutes passed and all she could think about was the hurt in his dark eyes. Eyes still closed, she stood, intent on finding him. The wave of dizziness that washed over her was unexpected; stumbling forward she reached out, only be thankfully caught by his strong arms.
"I've got you…Shh…I've got you," he soothed, lifting her with no effort, he cradled her to his chest. Has she lost weight, he couldn't help but worry. She seemed so small, frail even.
"I was coming to find you," her breath was warm against his neck, yet her fingertips were ice cold against his shoulder.
He moved them back to the bed. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I needed to clear my head for a minute." Sitting beside her, he rearranged the pillows, making sure she was comfortable before covering her legs with his robe, "I just…I honestly don't know what to think. Not only are you shutting me out, but you lied to me…Sharon?" The question in his voice and the hurt in his dark chestnut eyes literally sent a sharp pain through her chest; unable to bear it, she looked away. "Oh no, you're going to look at me," his calloused fingers were rough against her chin, "and you are going to tell me exactly... what is going on."
Their eyes met again, both dark with fear, "I…can't do this." Her voice was so low, he strained to hear her. "I never want to hurt you…" She pulled his hand into her lap, once again the coolness of her fingertips surprised him, "You deserve so much more than I… can ever give you." He felt something push against the palm of his hand, looking down, he swallowed hard. Tears suddenly burned at the back of his throat. "I'm…giving you a chance to…walk away," Her voice broke, tears streamed down her cheeks, "Please…Andy... You deserve so… so much more."
His chest ached at the weight of the ring against the center of his hand. The shock that registered on his face was palpable, "What…no…Sharon? That is not what…this is all about. No!"
She moved her hand atop his, closing his fingers around the ring that symbolized so much, "Andy…trust me, it's for the best."
"No." He moved from the bed, pacing again. "Damn-it Sharon."
"Please," she wiped at the tears still falling, "I need you to calm down."
"Calm down…calm down!" His dark eyes bore into her, "Are you fucking kidding me? You're telling me… you don't love me, you don't want to spend your life with me and you expect me to stay calm?"
"That's not what…I said…I…" burying her face into her hand, her voice shattered into a muffled sob. She felt the bed shift next to her.
He pulled gently at her wrist, "Look me straight in the eyes and tell me you don't love me."
She slowly shook her head, "I…can't." Their eyes met again, "I love you so much…it terrifies me sometimes."
His voice was slightly lower, "Then…what is THIS all about? Because, I can tell you right now. You are not pushing me away. I will never, walk away from you. I don't care what you think Stroh may do…"
"I…" She ran her hand across her face, pushing the tangle of curls out of the way, "You don't know how much I…oh god," she sobbed softly, "wish it was just Stroh…" the defeat in her voice had an air of finality to it that chilled him to the bone.
He lifted her right hand in his, pulling her closer, "tell me…please. I deserve to know."
She cupped his cheek with her left hand, "I'm sick." That one word; the word no one ever wants to hear was like a knife through his heart. Her voice was muffled in his ears as he struggled to focus on her now flat, monotone voice, "I…haven't felt…like myself for a while now. I can't seem to shake this cold and… I started getting really out of breath swimming laps, my…chest hurts sometimes." She wiped at the tears rolling down his cheeks, "Hey…"
"Why didn't you…tell me? I…knew something was wrong," he whispered. He pulled her gently into his arms, into the warmth and safety of his chest. She trembled against him as he laid back on the bed, the weight of her body slight atop his. Running his fingers through her hair, he listened as she softly spoke of the damage to her lungs caused by the dust and debris from the multiple explosions. "We'll get a second opinion," his voice rumbled against his ear.
She looked up at him, the lost look in her eyes told him what he didn't want to hear, "I did. Andy, I've seen three different specialists in the last four weeks. They all say the same thing. The scar tissue in my lungs will never get better…only worse…over time." He pulled her back into his chest, holding her even tighter as her words sank in. "I don't…" her voice was muffled against him, "want to be a…burden. You don't…"
"Stop…" his pained voice interrupted her, "You will never be…a burden to me. Don't you know how much I…love you? How much I want you to be my…wife. If I never believe nothing else, I honestly believe that we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together." She lifted her head again, cloudy green reflected in his deep brown eyes, "Even if we only have a year or a month or god forbid even a day…" He ran his finger along her jaw, wiping at her tears, "I would want to spend that day with you, as husband and wife. That is the only thing I want, the only thing I need, really." She lowered her head back to his chest once more, the steady beating of his heart offered a calmness she craved. "Promise me…" his voice was low, his fingers moved slowly across her shoulder, "Promise me, no more secrets." Unable to speak she nodded slowly against him. "Here…" He shifted slightly under her, sliding her off the side of his chest, he sat up with low groan. Holding carefully to his forearm, she struggled to sit up beside him.
"This… is this what you want?" she quietly asked, searching his face for the answer.
"You're what I want…for whatever life we have left…Just you, the rest…" he shrugged slightly, "will work its way out, one way or another.
With a sad smile, her hand smoothed over the front of his light grey shirt still damp from her tears, "Can you forgive me?"
"Already have…" his lopsided smile slowly began to warm her heart. "But I do have just one more question."
She tugged at her bottom lip, "Okay?"
"Sharon Raydor…" he held the stately emerald cut diamond out to her, "Will you be mine…for the rest of our lives?"
Her breath caught, her eyes searched his for a few beats; leaning in, she brushed her lips softly against his, "Yes...fine." With a low chuckle, he slipped the ring back onto her finger, exactly where it was always meant to be. She traced her fingertips across the stubble on his chin, mossy green meeting dark chestnut once more, the fear that had been there only minutes before was somehow gone, replaced by love and most of all peace. With her soft sigh, Andy felt the last of her tension finally slip away. He pulled her in closer, taking a moment to reconnect and remember that together, they are always stronger.
