The merchant was surprisingly a clothing merchant. As soon as we re-arrived at the wagon, he was pulling out clothing for both of us, having even seen my destroyed boots. That means he saw Noriko's odd shoes. I'm worried about that, but she scolded me again when I asked her to get rid of them.
The blisters on the bottoms of her feet and the obvious difference between our shoes (very thin) and hers (an odd material but thick enough to handle a lot of years of walking in) swayed me quickly. Or I've already been trained to give in to the Teacher without much fight. It's too easy to see her way.
She also fought me on wearing pants under the dresses, but I could see that practicality as well. It may change. She didn't wear pants under the dress she came here in, but her point was we would be walking through woods like this. She doesn't need insect bites nor scratches on her legs.
In the end it was an expensive purchase for both of us to have new clothing, but the merchant was willing to take my old sword in partial payment. I kept the sword the thief left behind because it was a nicer one. I also reminded him he owed me for saving his life. It leaves me with no coin in hand, but our needs of the moment met regardless.
As I drive the wagon I wonder how it was that a clothing merchant was right where we needed one. Noriko won't have to be seen in full public in my clothing, so she won't be marked very much as anything other than an island girl. At the same time, I'm wishing we hadn't found him. He won't stop talking and every fourth word is one he wants Noriko to repeat and learn. She's intelligent but how anyone can remember all those words at one time when she can't even follow the conversation to begin with is beyond my understanding.
I'm relieved when she finally tells him to shut up. She falls asleep soon after, exhausted, I'm sure. I'm also tired but driving the wagon is enough rest for now, now that it's quiet. When the merchant tries to drag me into conversation next, I pretend I can't hear him, then shush him and scold him into letting Noriko sleep properly. He's bored, but I can't care.
Calco, by wagon, is farther than I expected it would be from where we were. It would have been difficult for us to have stayed up on the mountain, especially with only that narrow passage to come down to this place when we needed essentials. I guess it's good we came down, even if the way it happened wasn't so good. Although...maybe falling was better (faster) in the long run.
I'd like to not repeat it, though. I can still feel Noriko warmly in my arms if I think about it. I've held her too many times already today and don't like how they now feel empty, even though she's behind me. A brief unexpected wish to have her sleeping next to me, leaning on my shoulder, or even her head in my lap, comes over me and I blush. Surely I don't need such a thing. I'm already worried enough that too much physical contact with her is going to make me turn into the Sky Demon, since I don't know how that's going to happen.
Still, to have her need my warmth and to be close has also changed me in a small way. I don't know if this change is good or not. I can't know yet, so I can only be worried. I've only tried to be kind and help her in the small ways she needs so she can continue to stand and walk forward into this life she has no knowledge of. If I can show her kindness, will she let me stay kind, too?
That thought brings me the old despair that's hard to fight, that says I should give up trying to fight at all. I hold the reins tighter in my hand and pretend that she's scolded me for having the thought. I think she would do that, if she knew, and was as unhappy about my fate - our fate - as I am. I give up thinking at all after a while, too tired to hold on to any emotion. I only hold on to the wind's message that tells me things are quiet and well enough in the back of the wagon and there are no thieves chasing after us.
The horse begins to pick up its pace at the same time I also smell the village. That wakes me up enough to pay attention with my eyes and ears again. It's nearly dark when we arrive outside the village doctor's place. The smell of blood and great damage to men's bodies is strong here and I'm not sure Noriko will survive. It will be another test of what she came from and what she knows, what she can stand strong in front of. I don't show it on my face, though. I only get out of the wagon and knock at the door.
A passing neighbor pauses to comment in the friendly way of small town gossips. The soldiers of the country were attacked and brought here, the closest city to the Sea of Trees, when they tried to enter it looking for the Awakening. I'm not happy to hear that news, but I can't be surprised when I see the injuries as I carry the merchant into the office. There would of course have been battle between greedy nations and men to win the Awakening.
I set the merchant down on the open bed, then check on Noriko. She's staring at the covered bodies on the floor, her eyes very wide, her hands trying to protect her heart. "This is normal. Get used to it," I tell her. If she's going to travel with me, she'll eventually see injuries of this sort. They aren't just sword wounds. They're wounds inflicted by someone who knows how to use energy attacks. That part worries me. I hope that person isn't still in the area. I'll have to draw on my own powers to fight that one.
The door bursts open again and three men walk in, wearing uniforms. The head, a captain the doctor calls him, is very loud and accusatory, claiming the merchant, Noriko, and I are suspicious and should be taken into custody. The doctor tries to calm him and gets labeled badly as well. What an unpleasant fellow. Noriko has been badly frightened by him, and his one remaining living soldier in the room is very distressed by the noise as well.
I grab the man and put my hand over his mouth to close it for him. "Could you please be quiet? Look at the bed over there." I help him see it by turning him to face that way. "He's one of your men, isn't he? He's badly wounded. Your shouting must be tormenting him."
I release the captain. He can only stutter in the face of a clear and obvious statement about someone under him that he should be having consideration for. "We have no intention of defying you. Our belongings are outside. Check them as much as you like."
While he's stunned and trying to recover, I walk out of the office as if leading him and his men to the wagon. But before they can leave the doctor's office, I've blown out all of the lit oil lamps along the street where we are. I quickly retrieve from my bag Noriko's things we don't want them to find and hide them. By the time they've come out with a lantern from the doctor's office it's as if nothing happened.
Noriko peeks out through the door at me and I give her an encouraging smile to let her know not to worry. She looks like she's trying to not worry, but her body is betraying her again. Her legs shiver and she can't come join me, nor move from the doorway. That's good enough for now. It's better for her to hold on to the door frame than me.
-o-o-o-
We're finally released to go into town and find an inn to sleep. The doctor warned me that they're already filled with soldiers. Not only are they there to find the Awakening, there's been unrest nearby and they're housed in Calco tonight and move out for their assignment in the morning.
He's told me how to find both inns and wished me good luck. If we can't find a bed in an inn, we'll sleep under the stars instead. I don't want to make Noriko do that, but I'd rather sleep outside of town than get picked up by the soldiers and discovered.
The first inn is full, so we move on. We pass a tavern where there's a fight breaking out. Locals spill out from it, complaining about the soldiers who don't care about the villagers. Apparently they complained to the soldiers about the band of thieves that attacked the merchant and were told that wasn't the duty of the soldiers to take care of. It's so irritating that the soldiers have such a lack of caring for the very people they're supposed to protect. Damaging the property of the poor villagers isn't any better, either.
As we pass the doorway, I blow out the candles in the tavern, leaving the fighters in the dark, which interrupts the fight. It likely won't help all that much, and is perhaps petty, but I tire of seeing it everywhere I go now. Honor and mercy are being lost and it's both sad and maddening.
Noriko and I were too tired to eat, although Noriko tried to not be wasteful. I was grateful for just that much. She did drink a lot of water, though. I was almost too tired to observe that she poured my alcohol into her water just enough to smell it, then drank it. It was only because she politely asked, and because she did it four or more times that I really saw it to understand it. Again, she was worried about what the drink here would do to her, like the trail food earlier.
I don't think that's why she ate so little, though. If she's really like me, she couldn't eat because the body rejects food when it's trying to recover from using so much energy to fight what's trying to take over inside. I don't like that similarity, but I'm too tired to say one way or the other. Fatigue in general would be sufficient and she hadn't slept all that long in the wagon. Not a full night's sleep anyway, and she was quiet after she woke up, another sign she's worn out.
As we go around the corner of the tavern she tugs on my jacket where she's holding on so we don't get separated in the dark of the strange city she doesn't know. She asks me a question in her own language, then blows and snatches with her free hand. That's twice she's seen it happen. She's observant to pin it on me. Reluctantly I nod. She's also going to see more than that if we stay together. She's seen the fire and now the wind with that much.
Just like with the fire, she doesn't comment further, nor does she seem worried by it. I wonder why? Are such things known in her world? She only gives me a tired smile in answer to my look, then holds her hand in a fist, raising the thumb in the air. I don't know what that means and it's a very strange reaction to have. She gives up with a slight shrug. Some things don't cross the language barrier.
There's one room left in the second inn. I take it without argument. We need to sleep. The nightman is talkative before sending us to the room at the end of the hall. There are two beds and a privacy screen. That will work well enough. I sit on the edge of the bed to the left and fish out my clothes that she was wearing earlier.
She's frowning at me, but she takes the clothes. To finish reassuring Noriko, I pull her books and pen case out and hand them to her. She thanks me, but instead of taking them, she sneak attacks me and places her hand on my forehead. I jerk back and scowl at her.
I don't want her to know, I don't want her to be the cause, and I don't want to believe it - that I've overworked and the change is coming. If I'm going to change now, it's only because I've had to work too hard today. I'm stubbornly fighting it already, the same as I do every time this happens. It's habit now and only time and rest are the cure. I hope we'll be left alone here in the inn that long.
This time, Noriko doesn't fight my unspoken scold. She takes her things and goes to her bed. I'm relieved and drop my bag, leaving it there. I unclip my sword and put it close to hand between me and the wall. I flop down with my back to her. I want even her to not be here now. It's too much a burden to carry when I'll need everything I have to just stay myself.
I do have to get up to use the chamber pot. That much I can't refuse. Then I'm back in bed. Noriko eventually gets up from her bed to do the same and to change behind the privacy screen. When she's back in bed and quiet, I finally slip into sleep.
I'm suddenly awake again, my back pressed up against the wall, completely surprised out of my sleep by someone I don't want close to me right now. A shivering, crying Noriko wails a pitiful set of words as she curls up into a ball around her aching heart that has lost its home and family. Once again I can only have compassion, but I'm too tired to do more than let her lie there until she calms down.
I shake her awake and make her go back to her own bed, then sit with her long enough for her to really doze off. With a sigh, I blow out her candle so the room is dark and climb back into my own bed. I hope that was sufficient so that we both can sleep off the exhaustion.
-o-o-o-
The sounds of heavy footsteps leaving the inn wake me up. Morning already. That must be the soldiers leaving. I tiredly rise to my feet to peek through the curtains on the window between our beds and watch the soldiers mount up and move out of the city. They're taking their dead in coffins with them. Calco should be quiet now. That's good. I'm so weak already I can tell it's the old ailment coming on. Sleeping wasn't sufficient to heal me. I'll be able to let Noriko walk about town if she wants without the soldiers here.
I hear a rustle from behind the privacy screen and turn. "I didn't know you were up," I say to her. She nods and then the world spins. I land on the floor painfully. My legs gave out suddenly. All my energy is gone, completely. I would normally just lie here until enough energy returns that I can drag myself into the bed. Not this time. This time I hear Noriko cry out my name and feel her footsteps coming towards me.
Without really knowing, without having the energy to control even the demon of fear within me, out of my mouth comes a very angry, "Don't - Don't touch me!" I struggle and strain to get myself up, and to the bed. I'm too heavy for her to lift and don't want her touching me anyway.
As last night, I don't want her to know, don't want her to touch me, don't want to have it confirmed that she, the Awakening is going to make this happen more and more frequently until I'm no longer myself. I don't want her here, in my life, and my fear and anger are rejecting her.
Once I'm up on the bed, my head clears a little. Noriko is standing petrified and I remember that not only can she not understand what I said, it's the first time I've raised my voice to her. From her perspective someone who's only been strong before her collapsed in total weakness. She can only be worried. My heart repents. "I'm sorry."
Noriko shakes her head, though her eyes remain wide. She forgives, though is still confused. She takes a step toward me and I scowl at her. I still don't want her close; the fear is still more strong than the compassion. That makes her pause. She obeys to stay still, but motions and tries to remember her words. I can't unscramble them, too tired to make my brain work that hard. She tries again, taking a deep breath to recover from her own shock. She clearly says her own words, an order to me followed by a motion at my bed.
My brain is slow to translate, and my body even slower to act. Her small courage comes to face me again and she dares me, taking a step towards me - a threat that she will disobey if I won't obey also. I note it, but my body has already finally moved to act on the slow request of my own. I do agree. Lying down is much better than sitting up. Finding even that small energy to move to do it is hard. If I could let her help it would be better to lean on her energy and strength, but to fight my fear is even more energy.
Once I'm lying down my fear continues to glare at her. I've obeyed, now she must also and stay away. I'm surprised by the flash of pain that crosses her face just before she turns to run from the room. My fear relaxes, but the rest of me worries now. My fear doesn't care, is only glad she left. Weary, I don't run from the worries, but I also can't dredge up enough strength to even call the wind to tell me where she's gone. Still...when she leaves the building, I know she has. I sigh lightly and do what I can do. Rest.
-o-o-o-
Light footsteps coming down the hallway alert me that Noriko has come back. They are nervous footsteps that come then retreat, but in an odd way. She opens the door rather suddenly and my eyes open to look at her to understand. She's nearly dancing, and her attention is on something in the hallway.
Slower steps are approaching. I groan to myself and work to pull myself up so that I can receive whomever it is at least upright. I have to prop myself up against the headboard of the bed to stay upright. I hope this will be brief. The little rest I had seems to be enough for this much, perhaps.
As Noriko turns her attention to me, coming farther into the room, she's followed by the doctor and another man in nice clothing. "Oh! What's wrong with you? You look exhausted!" The doctor's face has seen the sun and he comes straight for me. Noriko must have been anxious enough with him to make him worry also. I don't want him touching me either, nor can he help me. As his hand comes for my forehead, I block him with a scowl.
"Izark!" Noriko scolds from the foot of my bed and folds her arms, the Teacher glaring at the fear that's glaring back. The fear backs down. Even it doesn't have the strength to face the Teacher today. I just want them gone.
I tolerate the doctor checking my temperature. "Oh, that is a high fever. I wondered why the girl was so worried. You're very ill. What are the symptoms?" He grabs my wrist to check my heart rate.
"Doctor, I'm fine. From time to time this happens. My fatigue accumulates and bursts out all at once. I've been like this my whole life." I take my arm back.
"Oh, I've never heard of anything like that," the doctor's puzzled.
"No, and there's nothing you can do. I merely need to rest until my body recovers. There is no other treatment. It's my old ailment."
"So, you're a sick man, eh?" a loud voice from behind the doctor says suddenly. The aging wealthy man who came in with the doctor has scared Noriko with his sudden loudness. I'm not liking it either. In small rooms it really isn't necessary to be loud.
The doctor turns to calm the man. "Mayor, you're always brutally honest."
"Mayor?" I ask. My ears surely can't have been right. Why would the mayor have followed Noriko and the doctor here?
"That's right," the mayor says, not really quieting down very much. His face speaks disapproval. "The doctor told me about you. I want you to get rid of the thieves for us."
The merchant told the doctor last night that I cut the leader of the band of thieves. I hadn't expected that to bring the mayor to ask for aid. Perhaps they'd been looking for me to begin with when Noriko found them. It is work I need, but not today.
The mayor points at me and complains to the doctor. "Doctor, this man is too sick for the job. I thought the man who hurt the leader of the gang would be big and strong, but, oh boy, look at him. And what's with his little girlfriend?"
"You shouldn't be talking like that in front of the man," the doctor tries again to calm the mayor down. The mayor is another man who says too many words for saying nothing.
"But I'm right! How can I rely on a sick cradle-robber for this mission?"
I roll my eyes and try to bring the conversation back to something useful and get rid of him. Noriko is also beginning to be unhappy the talking is going on so long. "How much can you pay?"
"What?" I've interrupted them and they missed it.
"I said, how much is the pay for the job?"
"It's 5,000 zol," the doctor says. The equivalent of five gold. That's rather good, actually, for a poor village.
"I know it's not much, but it was all the villagers could give," the mayor is emphatic in his zeal and concern. "It might seem peaceful around here, but the band of thieves has attacked so many farms. There's about twenty men in the gang. They also attack traveling merchants and steal their goods and money. Anyone who tries to fight back gets killed or sold into slavery. We're very poor..."
"I accept your offer. It's my kind of job." That stops the mouth of the mayor ...for about one second.
"How...how can a sick man take on that kind of job!" He's loud again in his disbelief because of what his eyes see.
Noriko is suddenly in motion, arriving to stand between me and the mayor and doctor, her arms spread wide. Her scold is quite firm and her disapproval for the mayor obvious to all three of us. She hasn't understood the conversation, only finally lost patience with the mayor being too loud and scolding in tone.
The mayor blushes a deep red as I pull back in shock. Her strength in my behalf is even more than the strength from before, as much almost as the first lecture.
"See, she got mad because you've been yelling at him," the doctor knocks the mayor in the arm with his elbow, a more gentle scold than Noriko's.
"Uh, well...what should I say?" the mayor finds it difficult to recover.
I laugh to myself. Even I know how hard it is to recover when Noriko scolds like this. "Give me some time, Mayor. This is only temporary, I'll be fine in a day or two."
"Oh, if that's the case, then we'd be happy to wait," the doctor takes over to keep Noriko calm, I suppose. "We're glad you've accepted our offer. Some neighboring villages hired warriors in the past, but none succeeded. That man with the animal on his shoulder, he's the boss. When the patient you brought in told me about you yesterday, I thought maybe you could defeat them. That's why we were looking for you."
The mayor interrupts, "But, this money is precious because the poor villagers donated it in spite of their poverty. We shouldn't hire someone who's not really -"
"Mayor," I interrupt again. We need to cut this short. There's another thing they need to know. "You can pay me later. By the way, someone's behind the door."
"What? Who's there?" the doctor calls. "What do you want?"
The man chooses to open the door instead of run. It's the nightman who works for the inn. "He-hello. I didn't want to bother you when you were in the middle of a conversation. I work here. How would you like to have your meal? Other guests are eating in the dining room downstairs."
It's a weak reason to have been listening to our conversation, but it's sufficient for the doctor to ask if Noriko has even eaten yet. He requests that a meal be brought up for me. It will go uneaten, but I'm too weary to argue.
I need them gone. "Please, see that Noriko is fed her meal." I look at Noriko and get her attention. "Noriko, go." I point to the doctor and the door. "Go."
She puts it together as quickly as normal. She points to herself, the doctor and walks two pairs of fingers side by side, then points to the door. I nod tiredly. She tugs on her ear to indicate she wants to hear the word again. "Go."
She gives a nod she'll go, but pauses. "Water?" she asks. I shake my head. She frowns and puts her hand on her forehead. "Water?" She knows even that.
I sigh and can't keep the tired from off my face any longer. "[No], Noriko. [No] water." She gives in and pushes the men out the door with her. I'm already slumping down to lie on the bed. That was more than I could do. When the food arrives later, I barely register it. My body is wanting to change, slowly churning inside. I can only lie here, wishing it away, glad it's slow again this time, that resting is preventing it from doing more harm.
There is a moment in time that morning where a vague worry for Noriko rises in me, but she isn't here, having left with the doctor. I don't want her here, so the worry slips away again. When I wake briefly later, she's sleeping on her bed across the room. That's sufficient.
I'd thought because she had enough energy this morning that perhaps she wasn't like me, but perhaps she isn't at the full exhaustion yet. I still haven't asked her if this is her midnight and our midnight her morning. To learn to sleep at a different time would also be hard. I'm asleep again before she wakes up and she doesn't disturb me, kindly allowing me the rest I need.
