Six weeks we've been wandering. Two weeks following this river. Three days waiting at this bend, where there's a nice beach. I want to be going on, but the river doesn't go with us past this bend. I am rocks inside again.
We've reached the latest time Noriko estimated she would have symptoms from her experiment. I don't want to live through the results of that. I want to believe that nothing will happen and I'll have wasted time here in the place. My worry and the weight inside won't let me leave it.
Noriko comes up to me, almost as testy as I am with the waiting and emotions and asks if I'm looking this direction to protect us from monsters. I tell her no. I don't tell her that in that direction is the place I'll be leaving her. In six weeks she's learned the language fairly well. By the time we reach that city, she'll know enough, and it's far enough away from the Sea of Trees to not have seekers in it.
She requests I practice with the stick blades again. It's something to do and might get my worries to calm some. I agree. We work our usual practice, which includes sparing lightly against each other now so she can learn what it is to face someone with a sword. She seems tired when we're done, and she sits quietly by the fire as I fix the meal.
Noriko also can't eat as much as usual. When she collects the dishes to go and wash them at the river side, which is the easiest chore she's learned to do besides collecting firewood, I watch her closely. As she begins to slump to the ground, my heart goes with her. The rest of me is there to catch her before she hits her head. She's as limp as a wet cloth, and her temperature is climbing, making her shiver already.
I leave the dishes where they've fallen and carry her back to where her bed is already unrolled in preparation for tonight's sleeping. I think I won't be getting much sleep for a while. Not that I sleep more than four hours a night anyway, but this is going to be very difficult.
I already don't like her being out of my sight very long, and I've become too accustomed to having her protected between my arms while riding on the horse. To hold her just this distance, it's almost more than I can do to put her down and turn for her bag to hunt for the herbs and instructions I'll need.
I want her to not live through this, nor make me. I'm afraid of what she's done.
It's already obvious which one will be first. Her temperature has risen quickly. All of them have elevated temperature. This one is severely high. It's one of the two that demands we be here by the river. Only cold water can keep a person alive when they're so hot.
I still wrap her blanket around her. I'm going to have to hide my heart to do what must be done. For now, I prepare the tea she'll need to drink to help her body fight the disease. I rinse the dishes in the river and put the herbs in her mug, then pour what remains of the boiling water over them. I steep them for the length of time in the instructions, then filter the leaves out and wait.
When she whimpers in distress, I'm by her side to lift her just enough so I can put the mug to her lips. She drinks too greedily at first, then slows down enough to get most of it into her before she passes out again. I set her and the mug down, then rise to my feet to pace.
Finally I take a breath and scold myself firmly. I remove my belt, sword, and knife, keeping them close by. My boots and socks also come off. I consider what else I'm wearing. With a sigh, I switch to my night clothes. They'll handle the water best, and I don't need to ruin more clothing while we're in hiding. Then I'm pacing again, although staying close to Noriko.
Before I feel ready, she's moving. I knew it was coming, though. Her breathing has been panting for a while now. She's pulling at her blanket, and at the neck of her dress. I swallow and help free her from the blanket. She's in a panic now and I can't hold back the tide of time.
Steeling my heart, I gently undo the laces of her over-dress, unwrap her belt, remove her shoes and socks, then as carefully as I can, remove her dresses from her. Every time I touch her skin she hisses in pain. It's soft and bubbled up, and very red.
I'm as gentle as I can be as I lift Noriko from her bed and carry her to the river. The skin like this is very fragile. I'm glad she's too weak to move, too fevered to care that I've undressed her, preferring that over the pain of being clothed. I lower her body into the river, her feet pointing out into the flow of it, and sit so that I can hold only her head, under her hair. I use my energy manipulation skills to prevent sticks and other things floating down the river from running into her. Until the fever is over, her skin is in danger.
It's hard enough to know that under my fingers is not just water from the river but her own hot blood because I must touch her somewhere to keep her from floating away. I use as much energy rather than touch as I can to counterbalance that, but even that can put too much pressure on her skin on the downward side of the flow as the river presses her into the shield. The river blooms red where I sit and in other small places, then it is washed away, then blooms again.
That calls creatures who would like to eat whatever is offering itself to the river. So then I'm also using the energy to send them away. Noriko is not for eating, I tell them. Some are harder to discourage than others and I have to forcibly remove them to other places. They and the flotsam are enough of a distraction for a while from her form in front of me, which I'm terribly embarrassed to have to see. She doesn't care nor will she in the end, I suspect.
I'm almost to dozing myself when Noriko interrupts her panting and moans, "Izark. Izark." She's become conscious enough to be aware, then.
I lift her head up just far enough for her ears to be uncovered. "Noriko, I'm here." She's slipping from my grasp at this angle and I have to shift my hands to keep her here as I lower her head again. She gasps in pain and I'm sorry, but there's little I can do. She passes out again after a short time. I would be chilled for sitting here this long except that she's actually warmed up the water that pools around me and her head.
It's when the water close to Noriko begins to cool that I realize that her head is cooling as well. In only a few more minutes her panting slows until they're only breaths of pain. I chance letting go with the upward side hand and brush water lightly over her face to cool the skin there. I would regularly lower her face into the water, save her nose, to keep the flesh there from puffing up too much. I can tell it's firmer now than it was, and I'm relieved.
While the fever would have lasted a full turn of the planet at least for those of my world, she's recovering at only a quarter of that time. I've come to this unwanted duty with no expectations, however, so will obediently do what needs to be done for as long as her body not of this world requires me to.
Within the hour I can pull Noriko from the river and carry her again without breaking her skin. I hope this world will heal her head wounds quickly, too. She's just warm enough to dry herself with her own heat by the time I reach her bed. I leave her uncovered for now and return to the river to wash my hands.
I don't watch the flow of the river when I'm done, but return to her side and cover her lightly with her blanket again. I'm quite sure that her temperature was much higher than ours would ever be. She's just lived through a compression of what we would have.
I didn't get any of the childhood diseases. I can't get ill, other than my personal ailment, just like I can't die because I heal too fast. I review the other three diseases on the list. One of them requires a poultice. I take out the herbs for it and begin to grind them. If that first one was fast, I'll want to have this one already prepared.
I'm just finishing that when she's already waking up again. I'm a little surprised that we might go through all of them in one big trouble. Somehow I was thinking they would come with days between them. I shudder to think that they could all come at the same time. That would be very bad. It's good the fever is already done, should any of the others do that.
Noriko goes from waking up to panic. "Izark! Izark!" She curls up around her belly, then arches in pain. "Insects inside. Help!"
My eyes go wide. I'm not ready for this one, either. I swallow but go to her and remove the blanket from her. I put my hand on her. She grabs my hand and places it over her upper abdomen. It's as if she already knows what I am. I swallow again. She's in pain but doesn't have her eyes open. I close my eyes and feel for the creatures that are growing inside of her. They're growing quickly and move around just as quickly. So I'm quick to kill them with my energy.
Noriko immediately moves my hand to a new location and I do it again. I'm using only a very small amount of energy, not wanting to hurt her insides, so she has me do it another three times. She relaxes and an expression of complete distaste crosses her face then it relaxes as she passes out again, her hand relaxing to fall off of mine. I cover her with the blanket, then move quickly to find a proper place for what's at the end of this disease.
I'm trying to not think about what's inside of her. It isn't what would be inside of us. It's changed to be something different in her, more like tiny monsters than the parasite we would fight. I pluck up the soft leaves that we use in the wild, set them next to the log I've placed behind bushes close enough to get to quickly, far enough away we don't have to be accosted by the effluence.
She's calling for me again, again sooner than I expected, and again she has me kill the parasites until they're gone. This time it was lower on her belly. Her skin is smooth and her belly muscles not so soft as they were when she arrived. Riding demands the belly muscles work, so those muscles are more toned on her now.
I'm glad to have her pass out again, so I can stop touching her and cover her. I go and dunk my head in the river to cool it. This is very hard. I plunge my hands into the river next, up over the wrists, to cool them also. My hand still clenches, not wanting to give up all the warmth.
I slump. She's going to defeat me in just having done this. But I can't let her, and I can't let myself lose to things that aren't what I really want. There are times I must drop my burden for a moment, but I can't stop carrying it, or I'll lose and the whole world will lose. I firmly remind myself that I am the Sky Demon of Destruction if I don't fight. I focus on that until my heart can harden again.
Then she's calling to me and I take that shield with me as she places my hand over her lower belly. I focus only on the job I need to perform and nothing else. I cover her again, and pull the soap from my bag that I bought for this time before we left Calco. It's perfumed with herbs that will be cleansing and that I find pleasing.
I place the soap near the edge of the river and return to sit by the fire to finish drying myself off from sitting in the river before. I'm amazed that this one has gone so fast as to not even have allowed my clothes to dry yet.
-o-o-o-
The last call comes, and this time I'm relieved that she places my hand on her lower back. There are very few creatures inside her this time and I'm sure this is the last time. Still, when she lets go, I make sure, working carefully from her upper back and down, checking to make sure and killing any tiny ones that have survived. It's easier to work on her back. I don't even bother to cover her this time.
I was right. Not much time has passed and her eyes are wide open. I immediately pick her up before she can even say anything and have her to the hidden log. I set her on it and leave quickly. I studiously ignore the sounds, and blow away the smells until Noriko comes crawling out from behind the bushes. My heart goes out to her at that. She is still so very weak.
I've removed my shirt for this one. I pick her up and carry her to the river and place her in it. While not-thinking as much as possible, I wash her body from head down with the soap, killing any parasites on the outside as I go. The tiny living come out with the dead and cause even more troubles if this step is missed. I firm myself with dire images of what will happen to her (and now me) if I don't wash her in places that are embarrassing but absolutely essential.
When I've finished washing Noriko from her head to her fingertips and toes, I settle her in her blanket again, then return to the river and strip my pants and wash me. I make sure I've killed anything living, since who knows what will happen to this world if I haven't. Then I wash my pants with the soap and it's nearly gone, only a quarter what it was at the beginning. I probably won't ever want to smell the smell again, for all it was pleasant at the beginning. I don't want to remember why I had to use it.
I lay my pants out to dry by the fire and pull on a different pair that's simple enough to put on, then put my shirt back on. I check on the poultice, then pull out the most important set of herbs. I bring my blanket over and find sticks the right length and size. I've set two of them into the earth near Noriko's head when she moans again. I look at her, but she's still not quite conscious. I look closer and move to get another packet of herbs. It's another tea, and I pour the hot water over the leaves.
It's steeped just long enough when Noriko begins to struggle against her blanket. She gasps as I reach her. "Noriko, what is it?" I ask.
She says a word in her language, then says it again, "then ow".
Ah. "Itchy," I supply. She grits her teeth and doesn't answer. Rather she gives a groan.
She's much more aware this time. Enough to ask "How long?" and her eyes are looking at me, so I can't avoid answering.
I shake my head. "Noriko different."
"How?"
How do I answer that? "...Faster."
She raises her head and looks at me in surprise. "Faster [word]...fix? Faster cycle?"
Soberly I answer, "Faster everything."
She still wants to know more. "Symptoms worse, better, same?"
I can only shake my head. It's too different. She drops her head back down to rest and moans. "Herbs? Please?" she begs.
I reach for the tea and help her drink it. She doesn't want much and it looks like swallowing is difficult. When I take the mug away, she begs again, "Poultice?"
I'm not liking that. It's the one I didn't want next. Well, I don't want any of them. I remove her blanket again and can only stare in dismay. Again her skin is raised, large welts rising. Where she rubbed them on the blanket they are angry and even larger. And they are everywhere. That means inside her mouth, too, given how hard it was to drink. She was talking to distract herself from the itching.
I morosely reach for the poultice, hoping there's enough. I pick up a little on my finger and paint the worst of the welts. Her expression goes from relief to irritation. I sigh to myself and dedicate myself to painting every welt with the poultice, trying desperately to ignore the small firm breasts as anything other than more skin raised with welts to tend to. I'm going to burn in a rather dark hell for having to be Noriko's nurse. It really isn't what I wanted at all. I keep the image of the Sky Demon in front of my eyes until all of her exposed skin is covered by the poultice.
She's made very grouchy sounds the whole time, which helped me focus on something other than her as well. It doesn't help me that she's aware this whole time. I don't want to die to her anger. When I stop, she pauses, then says, "Head?"
I sigh. I really hope there's enough poultice now. Trying to conserve as best I can, I paint the ear that's exposed to the air. She gives a little pleased moan. I shiver. I move to her neck under her hair and she does it again. I grip the rock the poultice is on more tightly, then have to remind myself I can turn it into dust and relax my grip a little. I shiver as there's only one more place to paint the skin.
It's hard to paint the scalp without losing most of the poultice to the hair. Her hair is slightly coarse and a dark brown, but to put my fingers into it to paint her scalp... I take a breath and do it anyway and she begins to hum. If only she could hum when I did this any other time.
I am lost. I've wanted to run my fingers through her hair since she started falling asleep on my chest as we rode together. The hairs would tickle my face and I would have to brush it off. The first time I rested my hand on her head to comfort her, I was very startled at how her hair felt to my fingers. For all it is coarser and thicker than mine, it's also fluffy, like some of the more gentle creatures of this world.
For all my trouble and embarrassment until now, I decide to appreciate and enjoy this singular moment. She's pleased and won't kill me, or scold terribly. I'm quite disappointed when I reach the end, the poultice kindly reaching it with me. She stopped humming half-way through the application, but I barely noticed. She's sleeping again now.
I gently touch her hair one more time, then cover her lightly and move to the stream to use the last bit of soap to wash my hands. The poultice is washed off, but my fingers will feel Noriko's hair for some time to come.
I look up at the sky and take a deep breath. The next one is the one that kills adults. It's very difficult for the patient, because it brings great fear with it. I've already given her the first dose of the tea, in the hopes that it will help her early, because she's going through them so fast.
It was already nearing night-fall when she collapsed. It's now half-way or less through the following day. I wonder if we'll be done in only one full day. Suddenly the wind brings bad news with it. Men are nearing our campsite. I move to Noriko and check on her, tucking the blanket in around her tighter. I set the final sticks in place at her head and shoulders and loosely put my blanket over them.
When the men are where they can see me, I'm bent over the poultice rock again, grinding a new poultice. I'll have to touch her again in dangerous places this time, too, but she'll die if I don't. The lungs constrict until no air goes in at all and the person suffocates to death. The poultice makes the lungs relax and breathe air properly. I make a lot of it all at once this time. I've also placed the herbs for smoking near the tent I've made over Noriko's head. It should be obvious what's happening here and I'm hoping the men will be scared off by it.
They bluster and I must rise to discourage them with words of warning. They do not want whatever it is Noriko has. They claim she's already died and I ask why they can't smell the smoking herbs then. Then they claim she isn't sick at all. I'm weary and it's hard to argue with them.
I'm nearly ready to just pick them up and throw them as far as I can, far enough they can't walk back, when Noriko obligingly begins to cough. I make my point and they back off, making their boastful excuses, heading away as fast as they can go.
I'm to Noriko's side quickly. If all the others were fast, I don't know how fast her lungs will close. I need to be faster than that. She's doing her best to breathe around the desire to cough, so she understands the importance of doing that much. I use my control of fire to light the herbs under the tent at the same time as I pick up the poultice.
I kneel behind her and pull off the blanket from her upper torso. Taking up some of the poultice on the two forefingers of each hand, I place it centered on her back over her lungs and do the same in the front, again keeping myself from thinking of anything other than keeping Noriko alive. Palms to skin and I'm massaging the poultice into her, trying to get it to the lungs, warming her and the poultice slightly so her skin will absorb it better.
A worry frown is between my eyebrows. I'm worried we're still too close to the other times her skin was abused. There are some troubles, but I manage to be gentle enough to not break her skin or cause her to bleed. I will her to keep breathing through the difficulty and listen for the times she breathes in, rather than the constant coughing.
Suddenly air is rushing into and out of her lungs properly. She relaxes slowly. My hand moves on it's own. I'm not wrong. There's no time of reprieve. She's keening in pain. Her hands grab at her head and hold it as if to prevent it from breaking.
I put pressure at the base of her head at the back of her neck and with a little bit of energy make her pass out. No one understands why, but when we help a patient be able to breathe again, things are wrong with their head. Pain, strange visions, things like this afflict them.
I lie down at Noriko's back after covering her again. I make sure the smoking herbs will continue to smolder for a while. I hadn't really noticed how tired I was until I had to talk to those men. I need at least one hour of sleep. I'd rather not sleep, but her coughing will wake me up. There's the possibility this will be my only time until she's recovered. I don't need another repeat of Calco all over again.
-o-o-o-
Noriko moves, trying to roll over. I lift my head to look at her, struggling to my elbow and struggling to wake up. It hasn't even been the hoped for hour. She looks at me briefly. "My head. Oowww," she complains.
"Noriko sees what?" I ask her.
She tries to see, opening her eyes to slits. "Izark is a [bear]...Earth creature." Well, it isn't one she's afraid of. That's a positive for this round.
I rise to my feet, suddenly feeling very old and tired, although I'm not the first. I pick her up as a whole package this time and walk to the river again. This is the other reason we're here. I only have to get my feet wet this time, and she only has to have her head in the water. This is called a brain fever, this part. As long as they're breathing okay, the head must be kept cooled as much as possible to counteract the other negative things that have happened to the head.
Before she can't hear me from having water in her ears, I tell her, "Izark will protect Noriko." I sit next to her, trying to stay awake as the water cools her head.
Slowly I can feel her fear rising. She finally whimpers and I put my hand on her shoulder, letting her know I'm still here, protecting her. For a while that's enough as she fights the fear her mind gives her. Then it's too much and she reaches for my hand. I'm surprised when she puts it over her eyes, as if she wants me to send away what she's seeing in her mind. I don't do anything but sit here this time. I don't need to blind her over nothing. It's only the mind fever.
The coughs begin again. I lift Noriko and carry her back to the tent and settle her so she'll properly be breathing the smoke. I use my fire skills to get the embers hot enough again, then it's time for the poultice again. She's already unconscious before I even begin that part. That's fine with me. When she's breathing well, she doesn't wake up and cry out in pain, so I lie down next to her again to get what rest I can.
-o-o-o-
Noriko's terror hits me with great force and that is met by the force of her grasp on me as she rolls over and grabs me tightly, burying her head in my shoulder. I wonder if she can tell it's me like I can tell she's next to me. She hasn't run from me yet. But she can't stay here.
She protests when I make her let go so I can rise to my feet again. She is less afraid when she's in my arms again. I'm sleepwalking, really, and everything is muted for me. When she doesn't want to let go of me at the water's edge, I let her hold my sleeve and put my other hand over her eyes like last time. She moans a distressed comment. "Yes, I know," I comment back. "It is awful. I completely agree."
"Wrong smells, wrong seeing, wrong hearing," she complains at me. I can only nod tiredly. Yes, she should be having those symptoms now. She's almost to wrong speaking, too. "Head-heart stupid afraid." I pat her arm where I can reach for being held. She sighs a wavering sigh and nods. She'll bear with it like all the others. It's just not enjoyable.
Her coughing wakes me back up and I move. She shakes her head. It takes a few moments to remember why that doesn't work. I push up and pick her up again. Under the tent the herbs are getting low. I add a few more. It's hard to stay awake long enough to apply the poultice. I'm sure any other man would be greatly appreciating this moment, but I can barely survive it without toppling over on top of her to snore.
When she's breathing again, I cover her one more time and lie down before I really do fall over. But she's still aware. She rolls over and holds on to me tightly, shivering and still afraid. I pry her arms off of me and roll over, then roll her back over so she's breathing the herbs properly. I hold her instead, pinning her down and letting her know I'm here at the same time. We both fall asleep rather quickly.
-o-o-o-
I was not prepared for the next awakening. Before I can even come awake, Noriko is halfway to the river. At least she's going in the right direction. I'm up on my feet and leaping into the air. I search the river from there so that I can land next to her. She's actually swimming quite strongly. How she isn't damaging herself, I have no idea.
I grab her around her middle and haul her out of the water so she can breathe. She's like a large slippery fish, struggling to return to the water. I'm irritated, tired and grumpy, not needing this level of difficulty while still trying to come awake. "Idiot!"
Somehow that catches her attention enough that she manages to get turned around to hold me tightly about the neck. I carry her back to the beach. I put her down, or try to anyway, and she refuses to let go. "I'll run," she warns me. So. She has some cognitive ability. The warning is appreciated.
I shift her to one side so that I can lift her above my hips. I bend down low over the river, thus making her head be close to it, too. Doing her best yet again, she forces herself to release her tight grip around my neck just enough to let her head fall back into the water. Her hand is now holding my collar, which is a little better, but I don't want to stand like this for a long time. She's whimpering in fear with every breath, but she obediently keeps her head in the water. "Noriko, don't run."
She nods. I set her down. We're deeper into the water than before, but here is where I've come and begun. I pry her hand off my collar and she protests in fear. "I'm here," I reassure her and move her hand down to hold my shirt lower down so I can sit more properly. So that she doesn't run away suddenly again, I hold on to her other hand, on the far side from me. With both of us holding on to the other, she might be able to fight the fear enough to stay still.
When the next coughing fit comes, it doesn't have the same force behind it and she doesn't wake up. I carry her back to her bed and massage the last of the poultice into her lungs. This time, I don't sleep. This time I sit in front of her where I can watch her face. I don't know if she'll run again, or even remember me. Sometimes the brain fever leaves a person too damaged.
-o-o-o-
The breathing pattern changes and I'm instantly alert. I put my hand on Noriko's shoulder to hold her in place. She turns her head slowly to look at me. "I think it over, Izark. Smell okay, see okay. Hear okay yesterday." I wish it was yesterday, I'm glad it was only today.
"Head hurt?" I ask.
"No. Breath okay."
I slump next to Noriko, resting my head on my hand to just watch her. She slowly opens her eyes, as weak as when she collapsed at the beginning. Slowly her hand moves to the one I'm resting on the ground between us. It just covers mine, no strength in it at all. "Thank you, Izark. I'm sorry. You worked hard. Thank you." Her eyes close again as she falls into recovery sleep.
It's rather as I thought. She'll never comment nor show embarrassment for what we've just been through. She'll only be grateful to have survived and that I was willing to make that happen at all. I turn my hand over and gently wrap my fingers and thumb around her hand. I can't say if this has been more bonding or damaging or both. I gaze at her, my heart aching, until I need to complain.
"Whatever you are: fate, destiny, some god. Whatever it is that's brought the Awakening into my life to cause such trouble: you owe me. You owe me for stealing my future to make me into something evil that I don't want to become. You owe me for these times that make my heart hurt and long to keep her. You owe me if I have to kill her in the end. And you owe her for not even letting her know what evil she was brought here for, when she doesn't want it any more than I do." I bury my head in my arm resting on my raised knee.
Whatever it is has kept her alive again, even for all she worked so hard to die in this last day. But the doctor's words scold me. "She's done this because she wishes to live." I cringe in pain. I, too, wish to live.
Will I be able to walk away? I don't want her to see me turn into some evil monster. I don't want to hurt her if I do. If she's too close to me when I become Destruction, will she be the first thing I kill? I couldn't bear it. Not any more.
I desperately don't want this bond that's forming. I'm afraid to face it. ...I'm desperate with the desire to keep it, for love of any kind, for any kindness, for her warmth and acceptance. I cry silent tears of despair.
