I could feel the monster, but I couldn't feel the demon, at least not in a way I understood. This is really the first time I've confronted one. Demons are rare and hide as much as they can because they live forever, but they can die if attacked. They find one person they can work through, who affects others until it can feed off of many. This one tried to use us while staying hidden, and it commanded the spirits of the villagers.

I was reassured that the demon had been weakened significantly if not killed, and was no longer within the boundaries of the forest. I feel a vague sense of uneasiness. It might be my worries rolling around inside me, but it feels more similar to what I feel when monsters and creatures are near. I can't know which until something else presents itself, but if this travel today can help me learn more about myself and the world I live in, then I'll learn it.

I've been seeking that knowledge my whole life. That Noriko has taught some small part of it to me has encouraged me to keep seeking. I've learned many thing today already, including how to kill a demon. It's how I thought, but it was good to have an example of it from Irktule.

The uneasiness inside makes me want Noriko to be close by, and I worry about her feet. We're walking again and she still doesn't have properly toughened feet for it. She finally puts her hand on my arm. "I'm okay, Izark. If they start to hurt too much, I'll let you know. You've already run enough, carrying me. Please rest some."

I try to nod and let her be, but soon she's saying, "I'm okay, Izark. Please don't worry. I ran. I'm sorry I let it catch me in the house. I didn't let it do that again. I'm sorry I didn't properly protect you from getting eaten by it."

Her assumptions are confusing and surprising and I stare at her. Protect me? Let it? How could she have affected either one?

I finally can only shake my head at her. "It was easier to kill from inside. Thank you for saving me from it." She now looks at me in surprise. I explain, "When you called to me, it was about to take over my mind, but it gave me a memory of you because of your call and that helped strengthen me. So did your words. Thank you." Those were things she could do to help me. Maybe she can understand the difference and not expect so much from herself.

"Ah..., [your welcome]... I was worried when it seemed like you were almost gone. I'm glad I was able to help you regain your strength. It tried to do that to me, too...but it couldn't access any of my memories. It could only use it's own. It wasn't hard to fight it because of that."

I frown at her. I didn't want my memories at all. "I wonder why it couldn't see your memories?"

"Maybe I'm just different enough...or too [freaking] logical." She grins at me. I smile back. That is her best attack after all.

She turns away and blushes. My heart pauses and I realize I've learned something new. I now have a new attack against her, if I ever choose to use it some day, one just as good as the tease. It's another ten minutes later that I realize that we're holding hands and I've been holding on rather firmly.

I casually let her hand go and rub my neck as if working out a kink. Her shoulders relax. Did I do that again? Or was it her this time when she was trying to calm my uneasiness? What's happening that I'm not paying attention and doing odd things? Is it related to the change that tried to come on me? Or is it one of the little changes she's been making in me? Neither one was terrible. Just very uncharacteristic for me who hates touch.

Actually, it's rather disturbing how much I relaxed when she put her arm around me, and how the pain dissolved when I was holding her. I frown. Is there something about her that affects me? I would say it was helping me, actually, to make those things go away, but because I'm naturally suspicious of everything the Awakening could do to me I'm not quite sure I can believe that yet. But it also seems similar to what she did to Banadam, the change that let him release the fear and come to himself. Is it a new power she's gained?

When she begins to limp, I decide to experiment. "Noriko, come. I'll carry you so you can rest your feet." I crouch down so she can't argue, although she tries, then gives up. She did promise she would let me know when they hurt and they do now.

As she climbs on my back and we get settled, I can feel one of the rocks in my stomach melting. Her arms wrap gently around my shoulders and I almost cry at the gentle warmth. I walk with her silently, only feeling what she's doing to me. I'm sure she doesn't know. Her head starts to nod. I would say she was using too much energy to do what she's doing to me, but that isn't it.

I don't know how to take it, but just like I relaxed, when she was finally settled in my arms she also relaxed in the same way. How my arms can make her feel this soft peace I have no idea, but I'm grateful for this excuse today to feel it from her. I turn to say quietly in her ear, "Just sleep, Noriko. It's okay. I have you. You won't fall."

She shifts slightly so her head can more comfortably rest on my shoulder. Her warm breath on my neck makes me shiver once and then I'm breathing her breaths. "Thank you, Izark," she murmurs. The large feeling in my chest is one I don't know, but it's one that won't be denied any longer it's standing so firmly in my face. I can only gaze on it mutely.

-o-o-o-

The tunnel we pass through to get to the other side of the mountains has many holes to the surface, and is close to the surface itself for most of its length. It's an odd and beautiful thing to see. It would be good if this passage could be opened up for travels again, we all agree.

Noriko is playing with me, experimenting with the distance between us since she's on her own feet again. Now that she's admitted she does it and why, I'm paying attention. It won't be proper experimentation results this time and when she gives up with a sigh, confused, I smile to myself. It's a way to distract myself from the feeling of dis-ease that's come back, now that we're getting closer to the border.

I want to know that for real, not just as an experiment or a tease. Is this how I feel other demons? Is it because it has a killing intent against us? It's similar to that feeling. Like it's glaring at us from a distance, wanting to kill us for injuring it, biding it's time until it can strike.

Because I'm worried that it will attack us again, I'm experimenting with one other thing. Holding Noriko in my arms gave me a sense of peace and melted worries away, as if by her touch she could finally do what she's been trying to do this whole time - remove my fear from me. The energy that came from Irktule, which is energy like I control, added to my strength. Is there a way that I can do that for myself?

As we've walked through the woods to the border, I've been experimenting with pulling in energy, but not to use it against something else. Instead I'm seeing if I can store it within me, use it to rebuild my strength. It's difficult to learn it. Sometimes I think I've done it, and then it leaks away and the strength is gone again. It's like Noriko trying to learn to talk to me through the heart connection. Lots of trial and error. I wish I had someone to ask like she could ask Geena.

I also have to pause and rest between times of experimentation. Until I can actually get strength from it, most of the strength leaves and takes a little more with it. I wonder at that, too. I'll work tomorrow on learning if there's a reason more leaves me than what I've gathered.

Maybe that's why I have the times of exhaustion. If I'm giving up a part of me, not just using the energy, then that would happen, I think. That is, a part of my personal energy is given up each time to accumulate to a large loss that would then have to be recovered through sleeping for two to three days.

If I could learn to not do that, and learn the other, perhaps I wouldn't have any more episodes of my ailment. It's not like I ever had a teacher for these things from the beginning. It's always been experimentation and using what works best. But Noriko's been teaching me many things so now I can see things a little differently and try new things. I'm grateful for her today - even though I'm teasing her with her own experimentation.

We reach the end of the tunnel and there is a narrow land bridge that must be crossed for us to be in Guzena. The sense of dis-ease turns into a sense of foreboding and I'm looking all around, trying to see if I can tell where it's located. It seems to be coming from my left. Noriko is on my right.

She looks down to the canyon below us and I take her arm in my hand. "You'd better hang on to me, and not walk too close to the edge." I can only see us both falling yet again. Did a demon push her off then? I shiver and try to not think of it.

We're suddenly not where we were and I'm in the tight grip of something. I felt the wind move, but didn't see the rock bird until it was upon us. The demon that's controlling it made it wait until we were almost across the bridge, so it came from behind us. Noriko's cry of surprise came to my ears as I was grabbed so I know it has her, too, plus her presence is with me at the right distance away. "Noriko, wait for me," I ask, not needing her to do anything brash until I can also get free.

I didn't feel the presence of the rock bird, for all I felt the wind, so this demon must also be able to hide its presence while in another living creature, like I can. I wasn't able to feel it in the hair monster either. I wonder, if I can get it to come out of the rock bird, would I be able to tell of its existence? These thoughts are fleeting and distant as I struggle to get free of the firm grip the claws of the bird have around me.

Before I can get free, it has released us and we're flying towards a cliff face. I panic and struggle to catch hold of Noriko's hand before she can be smashed against the cliff, or broken below it. I manage somehow to catch hold of her hand and make an energy shield to protect us both from slamming into the cliff and we're falling.

I pull her into my arms to hold her closely, my hatred and anger at the demon rising for putting Noriko in such a dangerous situation. I have us righted sufficiently that I land on my feet, but I stagger and slump to my knees, then drop her, the strength gone from me again.

I gasp as my fingers turn into claws. I'm holding my arms around myself to stop this change, but it's already come on me. Surely I can't have used so much as to go so fast to the highest level? It's like the episode before. Too sudden and unexpected.

I leave Noriko's side before she can see too much, headed for the bird. I want to know if the demon is still inside it, and if not if it's okay. Once I had Noriko safe, I also blasted it with just enough energy to see if the demon would leave it. I place my hand gently on it. It's knocked out, but will recover. I can't sense a demon at all but the killing intent is very high.

There are sounds behind me and I turn. Noriko's running for me as fast as she can, recovering from a stumble and behind her...the demon is in the face of the cliff and is breaking it off, as much or more as fell with Kiemos and me into the river outside Calco. But this is all rock and not dirt and earth, and it's headed for Noriko. I run as fast as I can past Noriko and catch the point of the cliff face where it sheared off, not holding back. It will take all I have ever had and more to prevent this from killing Noriko.

I pull the energy from all the earth and air around me and spiral it up around the cliff face, holding the demon tied to it. It will die with the rock for this. All of my anger, disbelief that it's tried this, hatred of its evil, rise up with it. I make the energy bind tighter and tighter to the demon and the rock until they are crumbling into gravel and dust together. I place a shield over Noriko and myself to keep the largest pieces from hitting us until they're all on the ground in front of me.

I can hear Noriko's feet running towards me. I'm confused. I'm not seeing differently and my claws are gone. I don't feel the same as when I'm normal, though. I feel...lighter, like I'm not really quite in my body. I'm not sure I'm breathing, but I can feel my heart beat through my whole body in a regular rhythm. Then suddenly the most pain I have ever felt slams into me as if the cliff face is hitting me after the fact. "Aaahhhgh!" My hands go to my head which is where the sharpest pain is coming from and I slump to my knees.

My eyes go wide as my fingers feel something move under them, then with a RI-IP the bandana Noriko made me is torn in half and a point of something grows out of my forehead to slip through my fingers. I'm powerless to prevent it. All of the times I've held this in, this next change, are now past. I'm not in control this time. I close my eyes and then cry out again as my whole body explodes into pain.

Something is ripping through my skin all over my body. My hands grasp the ground so I don't topple over completely, and they are claws again, sharp points digging into the ground. My toes are the same: claws that grip the ground as all of me cries out in pain and my heart cries out in fear. I didn't want this. I never wanted this! My heart wants to cry but I can tell in this form I can't.

I feel like I'm encased in stiffness, yet I know that my speed and flexibility are increased in a way I don't want to experiment on. In this form, this level of power can catch a mountain and destroy it and not care. There would still be strength and energy left to continue to fight or destroy.

The pain finally subsides enough I can see and focus outside of myself. I slowly look up and Noriko is standing close to me, staring at me in shock. I shiver in fear.

She drops down to hold my wrist where I'm still holding on to the earth, pinning me in place so I can't flee, which I desperately wish to do. "Izark. It's okay." She sounds desperate. "It looked very painful, but it's okay. I'm not afraid. Does it still hurt?" She's worried for me. I don't want her this close - to see this - but she's telling me she knows I don't. I don't know how she can not be afraid, and my heart hurts.

She waits for me. When I'm able to finally take a breath and blink at her because I don't know what's next, she asks, "Is this the first time?" I nod. I also wonder why she's talking mind to mind when she's standing here. My tongue moves and I understand. She already understands I can't talk in this form.

I want to cry. How can she already know what I am, understand this, and not be what I don't want in my life? Will she accept this form when I hate it and abhor it from before it ever coming on me? Is she leading me to want to be like this so she can finally show her true self? I'm as afraid of her in this moment as I am afraid of me.

It doesn't help me that she begins to talk again, the Teacher who I want to run from in this moment of grief and pain for me. "Your eyes are a beautiful blue, Izark. Like the color of the coat I'm making you, but brilliant, like gems. Your hair also is blue." She reaches up to gently take a portion of my hair in her fingers and I flinch, not really wanting to see the light blue that rests on her hand, although it catches my eyes. It's such an odd, yet beautiful color for a monster to have.

"It's similar to my coat but a little darker." I'm trembling. How can she compare the colors she sees to the colors she chose before I ever had this form on me? How could she have known? She releases the hairs and I can look at her again. "Izark...in my eyes, you are beautiful. I know this is scary, but you are still Izark." I freeze, my breath stopping. "I know your heart. What you look like is not as important as what is inside. This is [word]."

Noriko lightly brushes her fingers over my shoulder and it feels odd, like pressure on one place, but her fingers are higher than actually on my shoulder. "[Word] is protection, and in many cases it is also meant to scare the viewer so that battle can be avoided. This [word] is like that. I would think it would also cause damage if you needed to use it as a weapon as well."

She pauses. I need a better definition for that word, and she caught me. I can only listen now and try to understand once she reaches her point at the end. Otherwise I will be lost without understanding. "Izark...in my world there is a creature called a [porcupine]. It is a very gentle creature, not a predator at all. It has a thick coat of spines that lay back on it and look like hard fur.

"When it is threatened, or angered, those spines, called [quills], stand upright so that it has an [word] that is around it, even on the tail. They are hard and the ends are barbed, and they come out of the hide of the porcupine very easily when they are standing on end. If you touch them, they stick in you and are very painful. Sometimes dogs will chase them and they will hit the dog on the nose with their tails, leaving many quills behind the owner has to carefully pull out.

"You are like the porcupine, Izark. You are gentle inside, but sometimes you are threatened and your [word] comes as a response to protect you." I think I finally understand that she might be saying "armor" or "shield". "It can do damage and looks frightening, but it is not the actor. Your gentle heart is. You are protecting me, and your armor has come to help you do that. I am not afraid of it, because I am not threatening you."

Well, she is, but not so that she understands it, and not in the way that perhaps this form would recognize. It's how my mind perceives it. At the same time, she's said a few things that I needed to hear. She still believes that she has nothing to fear because of the man I am inside. At the moment I still have my mind, so yes, I can choose to act the way I want to. I'm quite relieved I can in this new form. Every new form I worry it will be the one I'm lost to.

Noriko sits back and switches to speaking out loud. She has tired. "It's the first time, so I would think your body is trying to understand itself, trying to know how to be this way, but it will go away again, and only come when you call it, the same as the level of change before this one only comes when you call for it. Perhaps it will take practice, but you will be able to learn it. I know you will."

Inside I'm gaping at her. Why would I want to? I understand I need to control it so it doesn't happen in dangerous situations, but if I can prevent it from happening at all, I would much rather do that. I don't want her to be saying it because she not only expects it, but even wants it to happen again...not that she's ever asked me to change for her.

Sadly she adds, "I just wish it didn't come at such a high price as the pain you had to go through. That was hard to watch." She reaches up to gently touch my face and again the touch is odd, telling me my skin is rough, even though she's touched it lightly. "Is it okay? Are you still in pain?"

I shake my head and she slumps slightly. "That's good. ...If you're out of clothes, you can wear the coat I made you. The stitching isn't done yet, but it is wearable. Just remove the needle before you put it on or it will stick you." She smiles slightly. "I'm afraid I can't repair this outfit at all."

I look down. Oh. That's rather embarrassing, actually, and I'm not sure I wanted to see the armor she was talking about. My skin is black, all over. Coming out of the backs of my arms and legs, and so I must assume my shoulders as well, given how her touch felt, are large scales that look like if they relaxed they'd cover my legs, arms, and shoulders properly again.

That would be the tearing of the skin I felt, then, was those lifting. They also tore my clothing to shreds until I have only the equivalent of a loincloth on. My belt is the only article of clothing that's survived. Even my boots were destroyed by the claws that came from my toes and the one at the heels.

That reminds me of the first thing that went and my hand moves to my forehead slowly as it passes her. I stop before I touch, though, also being reminded of what happened very first. "It's okay," Noriko says. "It only ripped in the middle. I can fix that. We will have to find it, though."

There was something else that caught my eye as I watched my hand. I sit back to see better, although she still hasn't let go so I can't move far. Without thinking, because I'm immediately concerned, I reach for her forehead. Seeing my hand again makes me stop. I can't touch her with hands like this, but the blood seeping from the wound on her head is worrying me. Rocks were falling around her as she ran from the cliff. Some have hit her.

As if she doesn't know, doesn't feel the pain, she's thinking again of me. She holds out her free hand. "Izark. Please don't be afraid of yourself. Here. Learn how to grasp things. Even the claws of the bird didn't do us damage. Go slowly if you want."

She's right. Claws can hold other things rather gently, actually. It's a thing I wouldn't mind having one lesson on. But it's for an ulterior motive this time. She's given me an opening to block the Teacher. I slowly reach for her wrist trying to understand how this body works. I carefully wrap my hand around her wrist loosely until my claws click together from either side. I can feel the tremor of a shiver that goes through her.

"It's okay to touch me. I'll let you know when the pressure is right if you can't tell."

I swallow. I can trust her in that much, though, so I close my hand a little more until I just feel her skin. "That is a gentle hold. You could tighten it if you were afraid you were going to lose your grasp." I swallow. So far this body has responded to me properly. I hope it will continue to do so. I slowly close down farther until I think it should be about right for if I wanted to hold her hand, to know where she was.

She nods. "That's about right, for holding hands. If you wanted to be sure you could tighten a little more. It doesn't hurt." Very slowly, and watching her face this time to see if she shows pain, I tighten my grip more until she nods again. "Any more than that will probably hurt. That's about what it would be if you wanted to drag me after you to keep me safe, but on my own feet. Try going back and forth now, so you can get the range."

I pounce, as it were. That's what I was waiting for. I pull her forward until we're face to face, trapping her and leaving her no escape. Her hand releases my hand she's been holding and I flex the wrist and prepare to catch her. "Noriko. Can you not tell?"

"Tell what?" she's confused, and concerned about why I'm doing something unexpected, but she still isn't afraid.

"You are sounding like you want me to be the Sky Demon."

Noriko's face goes to utter surprise. She leans back as much as I'll let her so that she can more fully see my face. I don't think this one shows much emotion. "I-I'm sorry if it sounded like that, Izark." She's at a loss, then suddenly the strength of Noriko, the fire of anger is lit. That's what I wanted to see. I wait, not letting her say no answer.

"Izark," she says firmly, "you were like I have been the whole time I've been in this world. Lost, in pain, unable to understand. I've given you only what I've wished for every time I've been in that place: a thing to help you understand yourself and your world.

"You don't have to believe me. You don't have to ever want to be this again. But please, don't be afraid of yourself. Power feared will only overwhelm your mind until you are doing things you don't want to do.

"I've always lived trying to understand my world and myself so that I don't have to fear, but can act rationally. I have only tried to give this to you. Isn't it what you've already done for yourself when you learned to control the powers you call on when your eyes and teeth change?

"From what little I know, you already are the Sky Demon. If you want to control your power so you don't destroy the world, then don't let them overwhelm you. Learn this the same as you have the others. It's up to you." She turns her head sharply away. "What I want doesn't matter."

I know the water fountain is next. "No. What Noriko wants does matter, because you are the Awakening. What is it you really want, Noriko?" She will tell me today, or today I will kill her. She has seen this form and asked me to wear it without fear.

Her tears fall, but they aren't merely tears of grief, loneliness, or sorrow. Today they're tears of anger. "How can you believe me in that, if you won't believe me in the other, Izark?" She rises to her feet, wanting to flee. I don't let go. It's a grip she can't escape, nor can the Awakening escape the question.

"Tell me."

I see the wall break inside of her as her face crumples. Around her tears she finally tells me what she really wants. "I want Izark to always hold me in his warm arms. I want to see Izark smile at me. I want him to trust me. I want to live peaceably with Izark. I want to not have to see fear in your eyes any more." That last one is the real truth. The others were angry emotional words. But she isn't done.

"And some year, when you've decided what you will do and you have chosen light and good, I would like to not just be Izark's, but to also have Izark be mine. I am only ever afraid that you'll leave me. I can't bear that pain. But the pain of your distrust is nearly as unbearable. If you cannot trust me, then send me home!" She sways.

As I speak to her, to answer her, she sinks to her knees. "Noriko, I'm sorry. I needed to know. To be sure." Her answer is still as it always has been. The right one.

She's breathing deeply. "I needed to be sure because, Noriko,..." As my final words leave my lips, I realize that it's both because I've forced her to tell me her innermost secrets, and because she's been wounded more severely than I knew, and I barely pay attention to the words themselves as she collapses unconscious before me. "...I have fallen in love with you."