Hearing Noriko's calm lecture, having her kind faith, practicing in peaceful solitude - they haven't really prepared me for the reality of facing the fear within me. It's such a large part of who I am. I've lived afraid of myself for my whole life, and afraid of others just as long. This is the first time I've trusted anyone like this.

Even on the caravans, I kept to myself and was at best ignored save when the owners needed to give me instructions - until Gaya. She forced herself on me, and proved herself to me, but not enough to tell her my secrets.

I couldn't even tell Noriko those secrets tied to that deep, dark, and looming fear. That part of me is still trying to adjust to the fact she does know and doesn't run screaming and fainting. I think that's one of the reasons I would like for us to be on the road again alone, so that part of me can really 'experiment' with what it means for her to walk with me so calmly. Then it might settle better.

Still, I practice. I have to practice. I can't allow that level of demon form out again. It's too painful, and too frightening to think of what it can do if I can't control it. If it can pull small mountains down, it can destroy cities, not just men who anger me. I'm practicing it even as I drive the wagon into the capital city of Guzena: Selena. Noriko finally has the opportunity to see one of our capital cities and it looks like she approves.

I'm practicing because I'm practicing not killing Banadam. Anger's just about as hard to control as fear, so I figure the practice for one is the practice for the other. He and Gaya were waiting for us on the road outside Selena, having been sent there by Gaya's sister, Zena, who is a strong seer. Geena had told us they would be meeting us, so we weren't surprised.

It turned out Banadam had asked to escort Gaya not just because they are of the same tribe and to politely keep her company, but because he wanted to see Noriko first thing. He was overly familiar in his greeting of her, and he ignored the rest of us. She was pointedly disinterested in having such direct attention, but he refused to open his eyes to her desires, only assuming his were sufficient.

I glared at him, trying to get him to see better, but he only glared back, as if to declare war with me. He doesn't understand what he's engaged in battle, and I'm not the worst of his opponents. Even I won't push Noriko. Women are formidable. She is impossible and terrifying when angry. A soft and cute small creature that bites without warning and no one will believe it was that creature that attacked you to give such a wound.

So, I'm practicing and trying to remember that she'll defend herself sufficiently in this matter. If I step in the way, I'll only cause sharp things to fly at me. However, I reserve the right still to become her defender, as that is my proper role.

Gaya has me stop the wagon outside a house in the middle of the city, not too far from the temple and government complex. She told us while we waited during Noriko's early recovery that Zena had been the seer for the king before one of the evil ministers, Wazalotte, brought a beautiful seer named Tazasheena into the court. The weak willed king had been bedazzled and fallen for her, and replaced Zena with the new seer.

Since then things have been hard for Zena. It's obvious that means in bad ways, because the broken windows on her house haven't been replaced. Gaya says they're broken every time they're repaired so they've simply stopped repairing them. It's a sad state for things to be in such that Zena can't even get simple and proper redress for such uncivilized behavior against her.

Gaya leads us into the house, which is opulent enough to still show the level of respect Zena was once held in. We reach the door into the main sitting room and there is Duke Jeida, his sons, two young ladies, and Gaya, sitting in a large upholstered chair.

"Twins, Izark!" Noriko whispers to me, excited, since Gaya hadn't warned us. I place my hand on her back to calm her at least a little. We are guests here. She takes my arm, as she'll do when she's excited but entering a new situation, a little unsure how to face it so letting me guide her.

I'm relieved the sisters dress differently and smell different. I won't have to rely on eyesight only to tell them apart. Gaya is a warrior and smells of the strength of one. Zena is the weaker of the two, her strength being an internal one. I wonder just how strong she is, since I've only ever talked to one strong seer before. Could she see things others haven't been able to?

"Sis. Hey. What's wrong? You look in a daze." Gaya is getting Zena's attention, wanting to introduce us properly, but Zena's been staring at us, or off into space, since we walked in. I'm not sure it's a good idea to interrupt if she's seeing something. I've heard that can hurt seers.

Zena blinks. "Wh-what?" She looks around. Then rather sadly says, "It's gone."

"What? What's gone?" Sometimes Gaya is slow. Obviously it's the vision Zena was seeing that's gone.

"The room was filled with light," Zena spreads her arms wide and looks around with a peaceful expression on her face, as if she would bask in the light she mentions. I freeze slightly. That's what it feels like to be with Noriko. Was she seeing what Silent Mask can feel? She was staring at us.

"I'll bet you were dreaming of food again," Gaya scolds Zena. "You're often falling asleep with your eyes wide open." I want to face palm. Her own sister and she has no idea what it's like to be a seer. Even I learned it just talking to them in taverns.

"Sorry everybody," Gaya says to the rest of us. "My sister's been stressed recently so..."

"That's okay," Banadam says. "Maybe it would be too much for Zena to investigate Noriko's situation now."

"Of, of course. Not now. No reason to rush," Noriko says, somewhat embarrassed to be singled out. We discussed on our way into town that Zena might look into who attacked us and who sent them, but it certainly didn't need to be mentioned in that way before introductions are even properly begun.

"Investigate what?" Rontarna asks.

Gaya answers. "Noriko was attacked by strangers before her group left the village. So I wanted my sister to find out who they were. But we'll do it later. Zena looks too tired for that."

"No!" Zena's hands bang down on the arms of her chair, startling Noriko, who grips my arm a little tighter. She's too uncertain in this place with people she doesn't know. I'm starting to feel that way myself, just a little. Things generally feel off in the room. I do have to wonder if there's a little sibling battle going on, though. If Zena is never quite understood by Gaya, then she may feel she has to always fight to be seen. "I'll do it!"

Gaya argues with her and Zena argues back that she's just fine, not helping either Noriko or me. We back off as she approaches with firm footsteps. Like Gaya, she has little comprehension of the finer social niceties, I decide. She grabs for Noriko's hand. Oddly, she then grabs for mine. Didn't she understand what we were asking for? The reading shouldn't need to include me, which is likely to warp the answer.

"Mmm...what is this?" Zena is confused. "The image is so chaotic I can't make any sense of it." As I thought adding me is problematic. I try to get my hand free, but she has a very firm grip on it. "Yes, I should be able to...," she mutters, "if I concentrate harder, I might be able to understand what this means." That won't help, unless she's a very strong seer. She suddenly freezes, then a soft, "Aww," comes from her lips. "It exploded." She slumps, dejected.

"What, you mean that thing that would happen when we were kids? When you pushed too hard and everything would go blank?" Gaya asks, worried.

"Yeah." Zena lets our hands go and Noriko hides behind me just a little, holding me again. I reach back and take her hand in mine and hold on to her hand tightly as well, but behind me so the others can't see it so easily.

I'm somewhat disappointed Zena wasn't strong enough to see anything either, since it was the same for all the other seers, except this was the first one who went so far as to explode her vision. At the same time I'm glad she didn't see anything other than that. Our futures are still not set in stone, and she could see the light Noriko brings with her. Both things are relieving.

"Does that mean she won't be able to see what might be attacking Noriko, to use her powers?" Barago asks.

"Here, use me as a test case to see if it's really gone," Agol offers. His daughter is a seer so he has a better understanding of what they go through.

Zena tries, but can't see anything. "I'm sorry. But it will come back, maybe tomorrow, maybe the next. I just need time to recover." She's trying to apologize and reassure us.

"Does it mean Noriko's attackers are too strong?" Gaya asks.

"Ah, sorry, it's probably our fault," Rontarna says, rubbing the back of his head. "We pressed Zena to examine a romantic relationship even though she insisted that wasn't her specialty."

"Ah! Shut up, Rontarna!" Koriki grabs Rontarna. "That's supposed to be a secret! "

"I didn't say anything about Izark or Noriko!" Rontarna protests.

"Idiot! You just did!" Koriki hits Rontarna over the head and they start fighting.

Noriko is gripping my hand so tightly that I'm caught between blowing up the room and trying to calm her down. She might blow it up first, or fill it with fire. I might survive that option.

The room is blowing up just fine with us not saying anything, but it's only making it worse to have the words continue to fly from person to person. I hear the words that they asked because Banadam likes Noriko so much they wanted to know if he had any hope. He blushes so red he's the one in flames and he scolds them loudly. Noriko's hand is very hot in my hand and I'm quite sure she's also blushing and wishing to melt into the ground. This has gone on long enough.

"Um, everyone, please let's calm down." Duke Jeida has stepped in to be the water on the flames. He manages to soothe things over enough that everyone relaxes and apologizes.

Now that it's calm enough she can be heard, Noriko lets go of my hand and steps forward. Shame is on most faces as they have to face the person they've injured. "Everyone, excuse me, please. I'm sorry. I thought I had said it clearly before. I am Izark's." She bows a small but polite bow and steps back to my side.

I keep as neutral a face as possible. I hadn't expected such a declaration to come from her mouth, although I should expect it, I suppose. It echos the role of servant she's played before. We both know that we can't afford to be separated, nor would we willing stay apart. It's a sufficient response.

For those who believe we're romantically tied, or might be, it also answers to their questions - however they wish to interpret it. For it to come out of her mouth as an apology makes those who are feeling ashamed feel it even more. She's effectively shown how exact and harsh her scolds are.

The two young ladies in the room invite everyone in to dinner, and everyone is relieved to have the distraction. By mutual consent Noriko and I hold back, letting the others go before us. We need to recover somewhat after that disturbing chaos.

The dinner conversation surrounds the political climate of the city and country, which is degenerating similar to Zago as the ministers take more and more power because the king won't prevent them from doing so. Many of the good ministers have been ousted already.

Duke Jeida and his sons are staying at a farm outside of town, working for the farmer there. He and I speak on other topics after dinner until they have to return. I think he's helping me to finish calming back down, which I appreciate. I'm apparently the only one who can have a decent conversation with him of the younger generation. Agol joins in and Noriko listens closely when the girls don't have her distracted. Then it's time for the de Gilenees to leave.

Zena takes us out into the garden to sit in the fresh air. She has a gazebo there that fits us nicely. The atmosphere is nice, until Banadam catches my eye. He isn't looking at Noriko this time. This time his eyes glare at me. I'm done with hiding from him. I fold my arms and narrow my eyes at him, letting just a little bit of the demon out. That was too much, to put Noriko into such a position, and he needs to know that he needs to step out.

When his eyes go to Noriko as his only defense, I lightly put my hand on her back and invite her to sit, then sit next to her close enough to claim her. She's already comfortable with that distance from before, and after the attention today it makes her relax to have me that close. Banadam turns away to lean against the post of the entrance he was standing in and fold his arms to pout. He looks like he's thinking of what plan he can devise. I ignore him from then on.

"Zena, can I help you?" I ask her. I'd like to know what she wants to do next. If she'd like help with the thugs bothering her, I could help with that.

"Oh, that's right," Barago perks up. He understands my intention quickly, having been one of those thugs long enough himself. "Agol and I are good fighters, but not as good as Izark. We could all help you."

"I know," Zena smiles. "Gaya told me about you guys. Thanks for offering to help. Well...let's see. Actually, I read my own fate when the bad stuff started. The answer I got was that I should just be patient for now, and wait it out. So while I was waiting it out I did a lot of thinking.

"I thought about the things that troubled me in the past. I thought about my powers. I asked myself why I could see the future. Then I started to wonder what exactly the future is. I wondered if it's what we call destiny? And if so, does that mean our destiny is determined at birth and all we do is follow the path that fate has decided for us? I asked myself this question over and over."

"I remember you used to ask that question when we were young," Gaya comments.

"That's right," Zena agrees. "As I grew older, however, I decided that wasn't the way things were. I decided that the future I see is just a 'place'. A 'place' we can go to. But we can all decide what to think and do when we get to that place. Depending on your choices, you can make your own fate. So I decided we determine our own future after all.

"All this time that I was under such stress I wondered, if there is such a thing as destiny, could destiny be the goal that we pursue at that 'place'? If what we do is up to us, not predetermined, maybe when we get to that 'place', we find our mission waiting for us."

Zena smiles a big smile. "While I was wondering about all that stuff, Gaya and her friends came and then you guys arrived. After Gaya arrived, I knew what I could do now - journey."

"Journey?" Agol asks.

"Yes. Grand Duke Jeida and I discussed it. I'll use my abilities as a seer and go on a journey to find the missing ministers. After all, I'm no longer employed by the state to take up all my time, so I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want." She smiles, not concerned about her unemployment.

Her enthusiasm rises as she finishes telling us her plans. "Other countries have troubles, too. In the midst of this turmoil, many good influential people everywhere have disappeared. I want to find them and help them find each other. Will you guys come with me?"

I've heard words that I needed to hear, that have stopped me from moving forward myself for just a moment as they fall into me. Zena has spoken from the years of experiences she's had in seeing for herself and other people, and then seeing what results from those visions of the future. Her words carry much weight with me. It's what I needed to hear at this point in my life: the reassurance that I can choose where I am in the end, who I am, and what I am.

The silence as I assimilate her words goes on long enough she says, "Think about it. It's up to you. Take your time. Anyway, we haven't solved Noriko's problem yet."

"Sounds interesting," Barago says, "more interesting than licking Nada's boots."

Agol moves to put his hand on his daughter. He has her to think about, too. I'm sure he's concerned about all the traveling, but she's held up well so far. His question startles me. "What do you think about the Sky Demon and the Awakening?"

Zena turns to him thoughtfully. "Well...they sound scary, don't they? I have no idea what or where they might be. Nor do we really know what they will become and what they'll do in this world. Those predictions definitely bother me. But as I said, the future can be changed. I don't believe in unyielding fate. So, no matter how minor they may be, solving the problems that lie in my path will be my mission."

Like Noriko, Zena also believes it might be possible for me to change my fate, to change the destiny that awaits me. It's added to the knowledge Noriko has given me. It will take likely several weeks for me to come to terms with the idea, but it's another tug on the lead to turn me to believe that it might be possible.

I don't commit tonight. It's a worthy goal, but I need time to think about where to go from here, and Zena is right. We need to focus on keeping Noriko safe from the current threat.

-o-o-o-

I'm rooming with Barago. Zena was wealthy enough that she has many bedrooms in this house. It isn't the largest in the city, but it's still very nice. The beds were comfortable, but I feel like, as I rise from mine, that I slept worse than I have the whole time we were at the rental house.

I leave the bedroom quietly. I've risen before anyone else. The garden is cool and comforting this morning with birds and insects calling their morning songs. I wander slowly, tired and listless.

A footstep sounds at the entrance to the garden from the house and I turn. My face goes sour. Banadam has arrived and is unwelcome, but it isn't my home to tell him to come or go. I turn away and ignore him. "You're up early," he comments.

I think about not answering, but practice, and say, "You, too," continuing my slow walk.

His dense head doesn't understand and I hear him walking my way, though not stridently. "I didn't think anyone else would be awake."

"Everyone else is still sleeping," I inform him, since I know.

"I see. Then this is a good time." I pause and turn to look at Banadam over my shoulder. What's he planning now? He turns to look into my eyes. "I wanted to talk to you about something. I guess you already know, but I ...love Noriko." I can't help but turn to him, my eyes widening that he would so openly come to talk to me about this.

"I confessed my feelings to her last night, but she said that it isn't possible for her to return my feelings. Do you prevent her from seeking a husband because she's to serve only you as your servant? That seems rather cruel to me. I would like to change your mind, and ask you to allow me to seek her hand."

My disbelief that I'm in this situation, hearing these things, is large. I address the issue that irritates me first. "Noriko isn't my servant. She may choose anything she wishes to choose. If she's chosen to follow me, and to forego any romantic interests, then it isn't my place to say otherwise."

Banadam looks confused. "She isn't? She told Gaya she was."

I shake my head. "What need does a wandering swordsman have for a servant? I saved her life and she had no money to pay. Perhaps she was trying to explain how she wanted to repay me? I don't know. She still couldn't say some of the things she wanted to say well, when I left her with Gaya."

Banadam rubs his head, trying to put my perspective in with everything else strange he has in his head. "So, then, you won't mind if I try to win her hand?"

I turn away from him. "It doesn't matter what I want. You need to open your eyes better or she'll scratch them out for you, Banadam. If she's already told you she won't return your feelings, you'll only make her angry to continue."

Banadam is suddenly angry. "Why do you say that? Noriko is kind and gentle, with great respect for others. To say she will attack me..." He suddenly stops, then says, as if he's had the sun come out, "You...you love her. You don't want me to try because I'll be a rival!" he accuses me. While it angers me that he says it, inside I want to spitefully tease him that he's so late for dinner he's missed breakfast.

Then he's confused again. "If you love her, why haven't you said anything? She's willing to stay with you already. Surely she would accept you, if she desires you that much."

I turn to Banadam in shock. "You haven't been listening at all, Banadam!" I scold loudly, losing my patience with the man. "Noriko's already chosen what she'll do, and she's already told you what her intentions towards you are. Leave her alone!"

His eyes are wide, then he points at me. "You've already told her? And she...rejected you?" He goes angry again, "Then why do you make her stay with you?"

I want to slit the man's throat. He constantly chooses to warp words the way he wants to hear them, and none of them are right. I'm suddenly feeling a thing I don't want to feel. My legs give out and I collapse to sit down hard on the ground. My muscles are shivering and I can barely stay upright. Everything is beginning to not work, and the world around me goes hazy.

I only focus on breathing for now. I need to get back to my bed, and this was bad timing. I don't need to show weakness before Banadam, and Noriko is still in danger. If it is a demon I'll be needed to protect her. It's too soon, too close, too unexpected, like the other times since I left Noriko at Gaya's, then was with her again. I don't understand. Did the adrenaline enter my system because I was arguing with Banadam, or is it something else? What causes the weakness?

I thought it was the overuse of energy, but I haven't used hardly any, except against that woman, and that was very minor. Is it a difference because of the newest physical change? That frightens me.

"Izark!" I hear Noriko's feet and turn away.

"I don't need help!" I scold her loudly. I don't want her to keep acting the servant, and I don't need Banadam to add more strange things to his head.

Painfully I push up to my feet. I'm caught by sturdy hands, Gaya's hands. "What is it, Izark?"

"He gets this way sometimes," Noriko explains. "He needs to rest for a few days. Can you please help him get to his bed?"

Gaya helps me walk back into the house and to my room. I can barely see, hear, or function. But I wish I hadn't said that to Noriko. I do need her help. I need to understand why this happens. But it's too late to ask it now, or hear the answer. I need to sleep first.