…
…
...
...
…
...
GILGAMESH
...
…
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
Gilgamesh did not move.
He was leaning against the pillows in his bed, which was much larger than usual as it now consisted of the two smaller ones pushed together, and very complex thoughts were running through his head.
Had he ever cared this much about anyone? Had he?
His mind was ready to argue with that strangely accusing question. He cared about his parents, and of course, about Enkidu. But that was different; they were, after all, his family.
This woman… Arturia… she was his wife, but that did not mean that she was part of his family. He shouldn't have cared so much, so deeply about her, since it had been just a contract.
A contract. Nothing more.
Then… why, why was she in his arms, deep asleep, holding him as if she meant to never let go?
His eyes travelled down. And why was he holding her close to him as if his life depended on it…?
Her long blonde hair was sprawled over his chest, where her head was resting as well, and he could see her naked form gently rise and fall with every breath she took in her sleep.
He had already known more or less the shape of her body, having selected clothes for her ever since they had gotten engaged. Yet he had not been able to prevent himself from studying, caressing and almost worshipping every inch of her the night before – while she had done the same to him – once their initial, impatient frenzy had calmed a bit.
Now it was the early morning, and he had woken up to find her body leaning on his, enveloped in his arms, and the calm, peaceful expression on her face was not lost on him.
She had fallen asleep on him. And after such an intense night, she had fallen asleep in bliss.
He shook those thoughts aside. Why did he have a strange feeling, aside from the obvious pleasure at seeing her features like this? The unmentionable feeling of wanting to see such an expression on her face again, again and again, every single day?
Every. Single. Day.
He closed his eyes.
Oh, he knew that his wife Arturia had become immensely precious to him. He knew that he cared far too much about her. Far too much if compared to when he had first considered the contract, at least.
As for the rest, well, he probably didn't even know how far it truly went.
Again, he eyed the woman he was holding close to his body. A strong feeling of possessiveness invaded him.
She was all his, and not because of the contract. It was – it was something different.
Somewhat irritated, he deigned to give this something a name, since it was as if his treacherous mind wanted to keep reminding him about it. Not that it was needed; he just couldn't forget about it. Not even if he wanted to.
He could not forget that he loved her.
Just thinking about it so openly, without any attempt at denying it, made his heartbeat increase a little, and his brow furrowed slightly.
The things this woman did to him… just loving her did this to him?
After giving her another long, hard stare, his arms tightened around her. He had reached a conclusion.
Yes, loving her did this to him. And he did not find anything even remotely wrong with it.
There was no need to think more about it. He knew she did not feel the same, even though there was a definite possibility that there was a hint of something there that, given time, might grow.
And with everything in his power, he would ensure it grew. They were married and it was unlikely that she would leave either way, but he wanted her to choose to be with him. He refused to let her go, but he would not force her; the ultimate choice was hers.
However, for now, as things were at the moment, he could delude himself into thinking that she did feel quite deeply as well… at least for tonight.
He did not want to let her go. Not from his arms, not from his – their – bed, not from his life.
Guided by a strange impulse, he brought his hand up, to touch her. He was already touching her, but something in the gesture of letting his hand travel through her hair before reaching her cheek fleetingly was peculiar and appealed to him.
"Arturia…" he murmured, caressing her face.
Concentrating on his wife's gentle breathing, Gilgamesh let sleep finally overcome him.
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
…
...
ARTURIA
...
…
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
She woke up on her own, not with the alarm clock, feeling calm and reasonably relaxed. She couldn't recall having slept so well in quite some time.
But she had never woken up in such an unfamiliar position. She stretched under the blankets… only to feel several unexpected things.
One, she was naked, and she never slept naked.
Two, there was an unfamiliar and uncomfortable sensation between her legs, as if she was slightly sore.
Three, the bed was much larger than she recalled it being.
And four, there was someone in the bed with her, someone as naked as she was.
She sat up with a jolt as everything crashed back into her mind. Her shocked eyes landed on the serenely sleeping form of her husband next to her – very close to her – with one of his arms still thrown around her waist.
Oh no.
Oh no.
Oh no.
What had she done.
What had they done.
What had they done!
Before being able to control herself, a cold, soundless dry sob escaped her mouth and shook her body. She looked around, her head jerking from side to side wildly.
Even though the room looked more or less the same, she could feel it was different.
She was naked on the two united beds, her hair was down and a complete mess, she was almost crying, for heaven's sake… and she had had sex with her husband the previous night.
Consensual sex. Very enjoyable sex.
She could call it whatever she wanted, but the fact remained: she had slept with Gilgamesh the night before, because she had wanted to, and she had enjoyed it and it had been great and…
But this was not supposed to happen.
This should not have happened!
It did not happen. It hadn't really happened. It was all a bad dream.
Well, not such a bad dream, after all, considering how her body was still tingling pleasantly all over and–
No!
No, no, no!
Fine. It really had happened. But it wasn't right.
It. Should. Not. Have. Happened.
How could she have let it happen? How!?
She had been so foolish. What had she done…?
Silent, irrational tears ran down her face, those awful, wretched things that she thought she had managed to repress forever after her humiliating breakdown at the hospital, when Gilgamesh had been with her–
No! She had to stop thinking about him!
Another difficult thing to do, since his arm was still around her waist – her very much naked waist.
She still had tears on her face. What if he woke up…?
As in, right now…?
No, she could not let such a thing happen. She could not face him now. Not after… not after…
She attempted to organize her thoughts, recalling the night before. They had had a petty, foolish argument in the evening and that, coupled with the increasing tension of the past months, had escalated to this.
She could not face Gilgamesh. She could not speak with him. She couldn't – she didn't – she wasn't able to.
It wasn't about cowardice; she just needed to understand things before facing him. Right now, she wasn't… ready enough. This was not something she could take lightly.
She needed… she needed to think.
But without him. He… he was the person with whom she had just had sex and was therefore making her thoughts be so chaotic and jumbled!
Carefully, she lifted his arm from her body and set it on the blankets. She stood up from the bed quietly and almost stumbled over the clothes that were scattered at her feet, noticing that some of them were even out in the corridor. How had her underwear been thrown so far as to now be next to the mirror? And how had some of his clothes landed on top of the closet, when she distinctly recalled having ripped them off him herself–
Fighting a hot blush, she quickly picked up some of her things before leaving the room to go the bathroom downstairs. She did not want to risk waking him.
When going through her favourite living room, she noticed a red mark on the wall, complete with glass shards strewn on the floor. It was the result from the previous evening, when Gilgamesh had thrown his wine glass against the wall before kissing her senseless–
Enough with such thoughts.
In the shower, she let the water run over her body for several minutes, almost numbly scrubbing herself.
What. Had. She. Done.
She had never felt like the night before. She had felt herself being different, her skin had burned with every touch of his, and she had wantonly touched and kissed everywhere she could reach, too.
What had she done…?
She didn't know if she had been in her right state of mind the previous day, she didn't know what she had been thinking, whether or not she had been thinking at all, she just didn't know anymore!
And why was she feeling so wretched right now? Why was she such a mess!?
Why was she not upstairs, yelling at Gilgamesh–?
Wait. Where had that come from?
That was a very odd and extremely unreasonable thought. She knew that this was not something she should take out on him.
Her problem right now was with herself.
She had had sex with Gilgamesh. It was true that it took two people to have sex like that, so she knew that there was another person in the matter whom she could blame.
She could, that was true – but she was not going to, because it would have been wrong.
She couldn't even blame it on him…!
It wasn't his fault she was feeling like such a mess right now. Yes, he had taken part in the act, but from the very beginning, he had never made a mystery of the fact that he was interested in the idea of sleeping with her.
Yet at the same time, he had never, ever, pressured her towards such a thing. Throughout the whole year, he had never done such a thing; in fact, he had even given her his word, when they had had to share the bed, that he would be respectful.
She had been the one who had started pushing them towards the bedroom the day before.
Why. Why had she done such a thing?
And again, why was she feeling like this now…?
Suddenly she jumped up, feeling that the water that was still running was no longer hitting her on the back of the neck but full on her face now. She brusquely turned around, rapidly blinking the droplets away.
It was morning. And it was Saturday. So that meant that this was the day in which Iri would settle into her new apartment, and Arturia had of course promised that she would go help her.
They were supposed to meet at half past eight. What time was it again?
She quickly finished the shower and got dressed with what she had taken from the bedroom. Luckily the keys and her summer jacket were in the hall, so she could silently grab something from the kitchen and reach the door without the danger of waking up Gilgamesh.
Sakura had the day off, so Arturia didn't have to worry about the girl; the housekeepers were going to come only later in the day, while the cleaners had already come the previous afternoon, which meant that they weren't going to come by today.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she could see the wild look in her eyes, among many other things. Her hair was still unbound, difficult to go through with her fingers – especially with the very fresh memory of Gilgamesh's fingers going through the locks – and she had love bites everywhere on her skin. Literally everywhere.
She was going to have to wear a scarf the whole time, to cover at least her neck. It was lucky that, even though it was late summer, it was quite cool outside, so long sleeves and a light scarf would be justified.
When glancing at the clock, she was surprised to notice that it was eight o'clock sharp. She had woken up early then.
Or maybe… she and her husband had gone to bed early.
Stop. She had to stop thinking about the previous night.
About his hands that had feverishly been all over her shivering body, about his lips that had kissed her everywhere so passionately, about the way he had held her so securely as she had come undone in his arms–
She shook her head firmly. Iri. She had to think about her sister. And Shirou. And adorable little Illya.
Yes. She had important things to do with her family today. Gilgamesh would have to wait.
No matter what she did though, she knew that his blood red eyes were probably going to haunt her the entire day.
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
Before ringing the bell at her sister's new place, she did need to take a deep breath and calm down enough to be able to face Iri without giving herself away.
After all, the previous night it had been just… just sex. She had no right to feel this affected when it was nothing more than a very close physical contact with Gilgamesh.
…right?
Who was she trying to fool.
She had learned long before that it was best not to overthink anything when he was involved, but she could not help it in the occasion at present.
They had not had just sex. They had not simply… slept with each other. She could try to avoid admitting it as much as she wanted, she could try to look at it from different perspectives, but she could not deny the truth.
They had not had sex; they had made love.
The physical deed in itself was the same, but there was a difference – a difference that was not in the purely carnal aspects of it, but in the feelings involved… goodness, the feelings.
It was so odd. Why had he been so kind in making love to her? Why, while not holding back in passion, had he treated her with so much gentleness and care? Why had he been a considerate lover?
He had touched her not as if he wanted to use her body to just get his own pleasure from it, but as if he wanted to… shower her with love.
Where had that come from?
She shook her head. Her emotions were overwhelming her, preventing her from using her brain; she was being terribly delusional and foolish, and it was time to stop.
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
Iri's dark red eyes observed her the whole time; it was obvious that, at the very least, she suspected that there was something not quite right with her.
Arturia was certain that there was nothing on her visible skin – she was indeed wearing a light scarf to hide some of the most prominently suspicious red marks on her collarbone and neck – which would have given away what had happened the previous night. But she knew Iri better than that.
She was her sister, with whom she had grown up and who knew her very well. She had certainly guessed that something in the back of her mind was bothering her. The white-haired woman probably wasn't able to guess what it was, but she certainly knew that something was making her more confused and dazed than usual.
Arturia knew that Iri would not press her about it if she didn't offer an explanation on her own; however, her sister had surprised her by surmising that something was wrong not actually because of her behaviour, but simply because of her voice.
Her voice was hoarse.
Iri had actually been unsuspecting of the true reason for it – after all, the cool weather and the scarf were more than enough justification – even though she had disapprovingly told her, "You didn't take care of yourself properly, Ria!"
Well, Arturia's impish mind readily replied, she may not have taken care of herself, but Gilgamesh had taken care of her, and the previous night he had made her scream–
She should stop that thought, immediately, or she was going to blush in a very undignified manner.
Luckily, there was too much work to do to let herself be lost in any kind of unchaste thoughts.
For several hours, her troubled mind managed to keep quiet because, between the children and the moving of the furniture and going through the boxes full of stuff, it was a very busy day.
Arturia didn't even realize how much time had passed when Iri went to the new kitchen to prepare some snacks, as she had been playing with Ilya, who was being adorably sweet.
Ten-months-old Illya was smiling, a cute baby smile, and the blonde woman simply could not resist – she smiled back.
When she lifted the little girl up in the air, she gurgled and giggled lightly. Arturia could not help chuckling as well, while little Shirou clapped happily.
Mindful of the kids' young age, she started to spin in a circle, with them laughing, and she did not feel like restraining herself or holding back anything.
And she laughed again, looking affectionately at her niece and nephew, and spinning with them in the room, while everything was spinning with her, the dark wooden furniture, the white walls, the toys scattered around, the golden hair of the person standing at the entrance…–
Wait, what?
She halted abruptly in her motions, having enough presence of mind to keep Illya cradled to her chest and Shirou to her legs.
She stared, mutely.
Her husband was standing by the entrance door, his blond hair down instead of spiked up as usual, dressed extremely casually, and he was returning her stare, quite unabashedly. His eyes were firm on hers and, as much as she hated herself for her reaction, she could not avoid blushing violently.
That was because she remembered all too clearly the last time she had stared into those blood red eyes; it had been when he had kissed her,right after making her–…
She could not have such thoughts while she was with the children.
Six-year-old Shirou, completely oblivious to his aunt and uncle's exchanged gaze, happily ran towards Gilgamesh, who reflexively stopped him from jumping up in his arms and then ruffled his red hair, breaking the gaze he was exchanging with his wife.
Since he was now concentrated on the little boy, the woman bent her head down to look at Illya, only to see her large, dark red orbs staring back at her with what seemed to be eager curiosity.
Arturia had to suppress a sigh. Her mind was seeing things everywhere.
And then she wondered. What was Gilgamesh doing there?
Her treacherous heart started to beat faster. He wouldn't want to talk while her family was present, right? He wouldn't…?
She had calmed down a little, since several hours had passed, and she could reflect a little more lucidly. Admittedly, it had been rude of her to disappear from bed like she had done in the morning, without a word and without even leaving a note, but in all honesty, what had he expected her to do?
Thankfully, a second later Iri came in. She gave a small smile and a nod in Gilgamesh's direction, making Arturia realize that she was the one who had let him in.
"Thank you for coming, Mr. Ur– Gilgamesh. I would not have been at ease knowing that my sister had to go home alone at this hour, especially since we are so far from your house."
Arturia turned her head towards Iri, not paying much attention to the way she had addressed her husband, focusing instead on what her words implied.
Was it already so late? She mentally berated herself. She wasn't usually so forgetful about the time, and yet, it had just happened twice in a row, and on the same day.
Since she had come over on foot, it seemed that her thoughtful sister had not wanted her to be in any kind of danger, and had of course called her husband to come pick her up. Arturia had already forgotten about her former purpose of spending the night there, and did not deem it wise to bring it up now – nor did she actually want to, to be honest.
Normally, she would have been touched by Iri's concern – well, she actually was – but, after what had happened with Gilgamesh the night before…
She was not left in her silent ponderings for long, because Iri strode forward and gently took her husband's arm, yet with more firmness than anyone would have expected from her.
"Please, join us for dinner. Shirou, come help me set the table."
"Yes, mommy!" he enthusiastically answered, following his mother and her 'hostage' out of the room.
The blonde woman trailed after them almost numbly, barely noticing baby Illya's tiny hands grabbing a fistful of her hair and trying to stuff it into her mouth.
Mechanically, she carefully untangled it, and then began to rock her slightly. She knew the little girl was tired, and she hoped she would soon fall asleep.
Iri came to take her daughter from her sister's arms to nurse her, so Arturia went to help little Shirou. He stubbornly refused her intervention though, proudly explaining that he had learned how to set the table properly from one of the other children at the hospital, and he obviously wanted to show her.
She observed his progresses and approved them with a smile and a few words of deserved praise, and yet she could not help noticing how Shirou nervously looked for Gilgamesh's approval as well.
But what surprised her the most was the fact that her husband actually gave him a nod. A civil, complimentary nod. Almost a kind one.
She quickly averted her eyes from him, actually worried that he might catch her staring. She did not want to meet his eyes again, no matter how cowardly that was of her and how much she silently rebuked herself for such a behaviour.
Dinner was incredibly awkward, but probably just for her. Iri chatted peacefully, mainly with Shirou – who was on his best behaviour, no doubt to impress Gilgamesh, and the thought made Arturia smile in spite of her confused thoughts – while Gilgamesh only made a brief, surprisingly positive, comment on the food.
She remained silent most of the time, not only because she was wondering about the strangeness of this 'family dinner', but also because she could not help thinking about what she had consciously avoided thinking about the whole day.
She had slept with Gilgamesh the night before, and she didn't have the faintest idea about how to proceed from there.
Apparently, she was not going to have the time to figure it out either. Before she knew it, dinner was over, and after they had done the washing-up together with Shirou – Gilgamesh, strangely, joining in as well – she gave her sister a smile before leaving.
The white-haired woman, instead of taking her leave as usual, hugged her fiercely, and Arturia could not help hugging her back after a surprised second. Baby Illya was asleep, and Shirou's eyelids were drooping. Arturia gave him a kiss on the forehead as she always did, Gilgamesh ruffled his hair once again…
…and the next thing she knew, she was seated in the car, with her husband next to her, and he was starting the engine to drive them home.
She had thought dinner had been awkward. Being in the car, alone with him, was a whole new level of awkwardness. She doubted she had ever felt this edgy, even though the weeks before had indeed been filled with tension as well.
She did not know what to think.
She had always loved her light jacket. Now that she thought about it, he had chosen and bought it for her – including the long-sleeved t-shirt she was wearing underneath, together with her scarf – but right now they all seemed so suffocating, especially in the already narrow space inside the vehicle.
She was going home in a car next to her husband, with whom she had had uninhibited, passionate sex the night before. A husband with whom there had been no shared intimacy until the day before, since their union had been nothing but a convoluted arrangement ruled by a contract.
Not a very comforting thought for her already troubled mind.
Why was he not talking? Why was he not saying even a word to her? And why was she not talking? She usually said something, something inconsequential perhaps, but she did not spend the car ride in complete silence, unless it was a comfortable one.
They did not live that far away from Iri's new place, in spite of what her sister had said, so they were home before she had found enough resolve to decide to say anything, or rather, before she simply found anything to say at all.
As soon as he had parked in the underground garage, he turned the engine off.
But he didn't step out, and neither did she. There was so much tension in the air between them that a knife would have been able to cut through it.
Eventually, she could not handle it anymore. To hell with it, she decided. She was tired and worn out, and she just wanted this awkwardness to be gone.
Abruptly, Arturia looked up at him, ready to say something, anything, perhaps yell at him, or just utter his name…
…only to find him staring at her as well, with those tempting crimson eyes… those eyes that had roved all over her body less than a day before…
Without even knowing how, they were in each other's arms, kissing feverishly, and shortly after, without a clue on how they had arrived there so fast, they were in the bedroom again… and all those suffocating clothes were gone.
As her nails were digging into his back, his mouth sucking on her neck, his hands in her hair and his body all over and inside her… a wonderful haze made of pleasure was back over her mind.
Though neither of them would ever acknowledge it, that night was even better than the one before.
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
…
...
GILGAMESH
...
…
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
When he woke up in the morning, he lost his nerve for a moment at noticing that he was alone. Where was she? Where had she gone?
It didn't take long to ascertain that she was not in the house though. He became worried: it was Saturday, she did not have work yet he had no idea about where she was. She could not have been gone for long, since the bed sheets were still warm, but he felt his apprehension grow.
After what had happened the night before – sleeping together was something neither of them had expected – he did not know how she was feeling, nor how she was reacting.
He could always make guesses of course, and probably accurate ones. For example, he was fairly certain of the fact that while she could have plenty of reasons to face him with wariness – once he found out where she was – one thing she did not have to worry about was a possible pregnancy, since he knew she was on the pill as he had discovered back when she had gotten sick.
Yet even though he had become familiar with her and could guess most of his precious wife's possible reactions, that was still all they would be: guesses. And he could not afford that.
Not with her.
Guesses and assumptions were not enough when it came to her. She was too important.
He groaned. He had never, ever, considered the thought of being stupid, but this would come to a change on this day. He could be a complete and utter fool, and it was time he recognized it.
He shouldn't have let his desires overcome him like that. He had now had sex with his wife, and he could not undo it.
He could have stopped the previous evening. She could have stopped as well. But neither of them had done that. Neither of them had done that… and there was truly no going back now.
For his part, he had never woken up feeling more rested. He had enjoyed and savoured every second of the previous night, and he was not about to try to deny it. Especially since it had been with her.
And he was fully aware of the fact that she had enjoyed it as well. In spite of having told him, many months before when she had become sick, that she disliked the thought of sleeping with him, she had not shown any sign of disliking what had happened between them last night.
Both seeing and feeling her come undone, and join her in it… had been utterly magnificent.
However, he could not deny that he did not like waking up and not having Arturia next to him. He was certain that he had pulled her body to him before falling asleep, therefore it meant that she had silently sneaked out. The fact that her clothes were missing among the ones scattered in the room was an additional proof of it.
He frowned, and as he took a brief shower and got dressed, he recovered his garments to make sure the staff would not find them. How Arturia had managed to toss his trousers on top of the closet was beyond him, and it required quite a bit of effort to take them down.
He contemplated the idea of calling her, as he didn't know where his precious wife was. It was likely that she had gone to her family, maybe to speak with her sister–
Oh, but of course. It was Saturday. How could he have already forgotten?
During their nonsensical argument the evening before, she had told him that Irisviel was going to settle into her apartment with her two children on this day, and that she was going to help her.
With a surge of irritation and wariness, he remembered that she had also mentioned wanting to sleep at her sister's. Did this mean that he would not see his wife until Sunday?
He had a busy day ahead, having Skype calls to make around the globe, which also meant having to consider all the different time zones. He had to take care of his company and he knew that Arturia would not tolerate him interrupting her time with her family.
He sighed impatiently. His schedule on this day was truly bad luck. He had to – needed to – see his wife, but they both had other engagements that would keep them busy the entire time.
With no other option, he briefly checked the other rooms of the house. In the living room they both liked the most there were still the shards of the glass he had thrown against the wall, together with a large red mark. The staff would not dare ask questions, of course, but it was still an unusual sight and he was not feeling inclined to fuel any gossip, therefore he reluctantly decided to clean up as much as possible.
Nothing else in the house seemed amiss though. He had noticed earlier that the bathroom in their room was dry, which meant that she had likely taken a shower in the bathroom downstairs to make sure she did not wake him.
He shook that thought away. An incredible amount of work awaited him, and the beautiful face of his wife, which continued to appear in his mind, could not keep distracting him.
While he had always been firmly convinced that his work needed to take precedence over everything else, in this case, just in this case, he knew it was not true.
He would have given anything to be with Arturia in this moment. He wanted to be with her. So, so badly.
…
*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*"*
…
When he saw a phone call coming from Irisviel's number – he had had his sister-in-law's number ever since he had needed to call her to take Arturia out to dinner on her birthday – he almost expected the white-haired woman to yell into the receiver.
He had not forgotten her – in his opinion, rather pointless – threat from the previous Christmas, and he could not know whether his wife had told her about what had happened the night before.
Instead, to his mild surprise, the Einzbern woman politely asked him, in a worried tone, if he could come pick up her sister, since it was already late and her new apartment wasn't exactly close to their house.
Glancing at the clock, not having realized how much time had passed – he had just concluded his last Skype conference – he curtly assured her that it would not be a problem and hung up after verifying the address.
He should have known that Arturia would not tell her sister about what had happened the night before. While she loved Irisviel dearly and shared with her more than she would have shared with anyone else, his wife was still a very reserved person.
But this phone call also meant that Arturia was not going to spend the night at her sister's. Since it had been Irisviel who had called him, however, it was likely that Arturia didn't even know about it.
And that meant that she had no idea about her sister's request.
With a smirk, Gilgamesh took his keys and went to retrieve the car, knowing that he would surprise Arturia once again.
He was looking forward to seeing her, speaking with her and, if she consented, possibly kissing her as well.
...
...
A/N: But we know he did more than that, don't we? ;)
With the next chapter, this story's rating will be changed to M. Thank you so much for reading!
