I am in so much trouble. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid if I move any direction I'll be hated, but I have to fix this. Noriko won't answer to any request, emotional or otherwise, and won't let me come near her. Her anger was passed on to all of the ladies and they've all scolded me most soundly as they stalked out of the laundry area of the underground river caverns, carrying their wet burdens to the surface to dry in the sun. The fury of a woman is a very frightening thing.

The man who tries hard inside me wants to mope. I was only thinking of her after all. Now that I've defeated the Source of Evil, the seers are saying the world over that the Sky Demon chose light over evil, life over destruction. The good people of the world rejoice and the evil ones scramble, trying desperately to hold onto whatever power they can.

It will still take time to change things and people's minds, as well as all of the political situations that are falling apart. Still, Noriko doesn't have to be here for all of that. She can go home now. I can send her.

Yes, that does hurt me to say that, but the truth is, now that I'm connected to the World of Light, I don't need to have her by my side as my prevention from becoming Destruction. I would miss her terribly, but I wouldn't die and I wouldn't become evil just because of that. I know how much she misses her family, and how much they miss her now that we can go to the World of Light and see them and know what they're feeling.

Gaya had brought it up as they washed the clothing. I was coming down to join them, tired of sitting in the council room, getting odd looks, adoration, and far more attention than I wanted. I'd paused to hear Noriko's reply. The problem was, I was also worried about this issue at the same time and she picked up on it.

I'm struggling with the fact that since I allowed us to merge enough to truly understand each other, I once again have made an unintentional mistake. Our connection is so close now that sometimes the thoughts cross between us, not just the emotions. It's not all the time, nor even really consistent, so it's harder to practice and learn how to control it.

Surprisingly, it's my turn to be chaotic. Noriko's mind isn't like her emotions which are chaotic. Her mind is sharp, brilliant, and ordered. Only things she's focusing on are at the surface and even then they rarely pass between us. If I focus I can gain a glimpse of what topic she's working on.

My mind ...well, I'm so used to talking to myself in my mind to work things out I don't have many restraints on it I guess. I'm certainly repentant today and have promised myself to work much harder on it. I don't need to have these kinds of results. (I shiver again and try to breathe deeply.)

She arrived in front of me very cross and startled me out of my thoughts. "No! No, Izark!" Her scold was severe and filled with pain. "Stop worrying about sending me back. I know you can. I know they're there and that's one of your gifts. We'll go when we retire...or something.

"It's a gift you could send me, and that's enough. All the worlds are big enough that when one goes traveling to another side of it, then gets married and settles down, one doesn't return. Stop worrying on your own. I'm not leaving!"

She turned from me a half turn and covered her mouth, trying to repress tears. "Unless...unless you really don't want me. I thought...I thought you loved me."

I panicked. I tried to defend my thinking, then realized that it wasn't right. She was acting, making a point, and just as I realized it, she finished making her point. She sent a full wave of anger at me.

I froze. It's such an unusual emotion from her, particularly for me to be the target. I'd been worried until then it could happen, and tried to avoid it, but somehow I'd stepped right in the way of that which is the very angry Noriko.

"I know that Izark. I've been walking beside you for how long now? I know what you are - a traveling warrior. I have been trying my hardest for that whole time to be someone who stands beside you in that position. I've never asked you to be anything else.

"I'm not a delicate flower - not any more - and you wouldn't survive without me next to you anyway, even if you have finally made peace with yourself. Our relationship has evolved again, but it hasn't devolved. I'm not a stay-at-home wife." The anger and hurt spilled out of her without restraint, drowning me.

Then she took a deep breath to pull it back in at least somewhat. Quietly and firmly, which was even more scary than her fierce scolding, she said, "Fix it, Izark," and walked away to some distant corner of these lower catacombs to recover.

She's not recovering well, though. Her emotions continue to swirl around her, eating at her, and she won't let me help, or even apologize. It's hard to be in her maelstrom, although she's trying to keep it to herself as best she can now that the anger has run it's course and the other emotions have come up over it.

I had to deal with my own emotions, but that had to come after the rest of the scoldings I received. Her words had echoed through the caves to where the other ladies could hear them and I've been roundly told that I'm a cad for thinking such a strong and loyal woman should be left at home to rot, or sent away a disgrace to her family, and after all the effort she's put into standing next to me, too.

Since that wasn't what I was thinking at all, I was rather peeved to be scolded for it. The frustration she would play with my own emotions to make her point got added to that, when she knew it wasn't a truth to begin with.

So as her anger swirled around in her, mine did in me. Like most things along our emotional connection, as that slowed down for both of us, and she went into regret and that slipped into depression, I wasn't too far behind. Those were mostly hers, but she wouldn't let me help her take them to their end, stubbornly refusing to let them go. She just pulled them more closely to her. I didn't like that. It made me feel ...slippery.

It's an odd way to put it. It feels like the goo of the special power of Sido. Like the slime of Nada. Like the whispered warnings of the beginning of those souls who become lost to their darker emotions to be food for the demons. If anything were to teach me that I'm not a demon it would be that. I find it anathema, not food. It's completely counter to the light.

I suppose that's why I'm most desperate to get her to let me help her. I know she wants to apologize, and I would readily forgive. That's all it would take. For her to want to stand in the darkness confuses me, worries me.

I'm not used to her also being human and standing both in darkness and light. She's my source of light, she who showed me it both existed and could be within my reach - for too long, I suppose. She also has the right to choose where she'll stand at any given moment. I...just don't want her to for this long. It makes me sad and hurt for her. I know it's not really where she wants to be.

I also need to apologize. I was thinking for her, rather than thinking of her. That's what she's angry about, I think. Instead of asking her what she wanted I was only thinking she should want to go home. It's taken me some heavy thinking to come around to understanding that's what she might mean about wanting me to fix something. It would be better if we could discuss our future together, rather than worry about it apart.

Honestly, it took Duke Jeida's thoughtful calm words to help me see it. Niana sent him down to talk to me. She worries instead of becoming angry or upset. That's what she was feeling as we told her our story for the first time, and why she opened her mouth to the mayor. She wanted for anyone to help us who could because she was worried about us. She was worried again when she left with the other ladies, worried that we were too angry with each other. She's kind, to worry about us like we're her own children.

I can't know for sure if that's what it is until I've talked to Noriko, so despite my terror that I'll mess things up again and not say things right, I'm hunting her. I'm keeping things at a constant worried emotional level, but trying to hide just how far I am from her physically. It's hard to do when that's our oldest and most practiced connection and I also follow that same link to find her.

When there's only one wall between us, I lean against it to pull some courage from its solid form and cautiously talk to her through the connection so she doesn't hear me being this close. "Noriko?"

There's a pause before she answers with a stern, "Yes?"

I can only press on. "...I'm sorry."

Again the pause, then a slightly softer, "...Thank you."

I let her know what I've tried to learn. "...What do you want?" She has a flash of a firm feeling that might be approval, but I'm not really confident.

It was sufficient for her to answer to it, which is a lot better than what I was getting before. "If you really don't want to drag me around after you, send me home. But it isn't what I want. I love you. I'd rather have a real wedding while we're here with friends, then continue to travel with you, adventuring and helping this world fill with light and peace again, then go study with Doctor Clairgeeta, then open a university, or at least be a top person at one. But that's just dreaming."

Almost all of it was said rather calmly, like she's thought quite a lot about it, really, and I realize I'm quite late to the dance. It's very likely she was angry because I wasn't involving her in my thinking. I wasn't asking her what she'd already thought about. I'm definitely going to have to remember this lesson.

The last sentence, though, needs addressing in a different way. She was quite depressed when she said that one. She doesn't believe her thoughts have meaning or purpose, and perhaps that's also my fault in neglecting to wonder about them. I chance slipping around the corner into the little alcove she's hidden herself in. She ignores me even still, choosing her dark emotions over me, but there's something else faintly there this time.

Noriko's sitting with her knees pulled up, an arm wrapped around them, her cheek on her knee. Her other hand has a finger tracing through the dirt beside her. She looks rather literally like she's emoting: balled up around the pain in her belly and sorrow in her heart.

Because she's choosing to ignore me when she knows full well I'm here, I do as I please. I need to hold her, to comfort her, to help her escape from those feelings. So I settle down behind her, where she can't scratch me from so easily, and slip my arms under hers to hold her close to me and rest my head on hers lightly.

The healing hug does its job and breaks through her stubbornness. I anchor in my calm, quiet love for her and in my emotional apology and allow her to cry out her pain of loneliness. I'm surprised when it leaks out that she was lonely for me, too. That in keeping me away she gave herself that pain.

That's what leaked through and I saw a glimpse of, what let her ignore me so I could come fix it. It's also loneliness for if I were to send her away. I sympathize with that one. I would be very lonely without her, too.

I'm again a little surprised when that emotion relaxes and the next one comes. When she cries...her emotions are less chaotic? Or is it because she's had the time to feel them all already? That surprise is interrupted by the realization of what this one is. It hurts terribly because it's another one I gave her all without understanding. I wasn't rejecting her at all. I was only concerned for her and her feelings towards her family. I don't want to send her away, not really, and I don't hate her.

It hurts enough for her and for me that I turn her towards me and hold her to my heart, as if I could merge with her physically here in this place. "I really am sorry, Noriko." She can feel the apology and acknowledges it, but her pain doesn't go away until it's been cried out.

That's my lesson as to why it's one at a time when she cries. Her tears help her clean them from her soul. We've done it this way before, but not with tears - on her part. I cried them for her because she was too weak of body to do it herself. I sigh and relax a little better. It helps to have that worked out.

Then depression comes. I wait, wondering if this will be the same, but her tears slow and it doesn't go away. It does start to lessen in intensity after a bit, but then stalls as if on a rock that won't go away. Since I only have one clue from what she said before, I try it.

"Noriko, you have wonderful dreams. I think it would be great if you could teach. I've been thinking that once the countries on this continent are moving forward again, it would be good to go over and help the eastern continent as well. Doctor Clairgeeta is a good man. He would be good for his country, too."

Because the City of Light repelled the government army and because of the good news about the Sky Demon, Donya has already become a hotbed of civil war and the government has been toppled. The former prime minister, Minister Nash, returned from here to the capital city two days ago.

Zena says the people of Donya have welcomed him back and he's likely to be reinstated as Prime Minister within a month. The other leaders who are here, including Duke Jeida, are beginning to put together their plans to return also. I've been thinking of going with them to help them as needed. I'll wait to talk to Noriko about it until after we have this fixed, though.

My words seem to have been what she needed as the depression goes away and she relaxes enough to say, "Thanks, Izark." That's an improvement, that she's willing to talk to me civilly. We sit for a minute, waiting to see if there are any stray emotions that still need to be dealt with. Those were the worst ones. There is one that's looking at me, but I'm not sure I know what it is.

Noriko decides to ignore it for now and emotionally asks what emotions I have that we should also address. I sigh. While I have some I'm not sure now is the right time. Ah...never mind. She's asked for a specific set. She wants to know why I've been thinking of sending her back. That I should answer now.

I'm mostly worried for her, as usual. She's scolded me for the first one already, but it still has been part of the whole. I'm worried for her safety, worried I'll be busy and miss something that gets through to hurt her while we're fighting together. Noriko sends back the feeling she has when she's holding onto the back of my jacket and she's watching my back.

I know that's what it's from because she sends me the memory of it at the same time. As I said, thoughts - and memories - are part of this new level. She can do that. I'm not sure I could do that. It's more part of her power in the world of light than mine - the power of the mind.

I consider what she's sent, then kiss the top of her head and send back calm strength as I put away the emotion. Her courage is what holds her at my back and keeps her from being worried. She isn't afraid. I'll remember that when the worry comes back again. (Some emotions and worries cycle through many times before they're put to rest. My fear was very much like that.)

I consider my anger, then decide that it won't be resolved here. It needs to be resolved by her, but with others than me. It's something she needs to fix, but I don't need to beat her over the head with it here. Instead, I send her the fear I have of her being angry with me. I don't really want to have it happen again.

I'm not sure I like the grin that comes on her face. "You've lived through this one. They're all the same. I snap inside, growl and snap outside - having my say, then go cool off, followed by remorse, regret, and depression if it was bad. You've handled it well. I don't think that's a problem, really.

"And any husband should have just enough of a healthy sense of self-preservation, I should think." I silently chuckle at that, since she was teasing, using the words I've even heard from married women gossiping together. Still, it doesn't really help me that she thinks this is going to happen again. She recognizes that with a sigh. "I'll try to remember to have a sense of relationship preservation at the same time, though."

I briefly squeeze her. That works for me. "Okay."

She stays there to see if I'll show her anything else, but she still has one left of her own that isn't leaving me alone. I realize she's actually sitting in her internal pool of light - well mine since she's looking at my emotions down where she sees them. Since she's inside me, I can move her. I surround her with my power and strength and pull her back up and into my arms, where she properly settles back into her body.

I think that I'm doing the right thing for the emotion she has, since it looks like insecurity and typically when she feels protected and comforted in my arms that's enough. We sit long enough I get confused, though. It isn't going away. She unexpectedly giggles. "What?" I ask.

"Not everything gets solved so easily...and we do really have it easy compared to everyone else. Everyone else has to guess at the emotions of their partner and can't do what we can. We've run into the same problem everyone else has."

"What's that?" I want to know.

"We have to use our words to communicate." Well, yes. I'm learning that, too. She wasn't willing to let me help her until I came to do just that. "I'm feeling insecure because you haven't told me yet what you've decided to do, what future path you're going to put me on." Ah...? Oh. Umm... How to address that?

We haven't actually talked yet, and I don't want to anger her again...but after talking to Duke Jeida, it did occur to me that she probably already knows what I want to do generally. Having her tell me what she wants tells me that, too. We can still talk specifics at any time, but ...given what she said ...oh dear. This is going to be rather embarrassing and difficult, isn't it?

I let go with one arm, and run my hand through my hair, trying to get my thoughts in order. As it gets more and more difficult, I rest my elbow on my raised knee to lean on my hand and look at her as directly as I can which isn't very. "This part is harder, isn't it?"

"Usually, but it's the most effective and necessary." I look away unable to argue. Words may be hard to say but they are that.

My emotions slip out before I can get any words out. Noriko takes a breath and anchors. She turns my head with her hand so I have to look at her again. She's kind, "It's okay, Izark. I won't be angry or bite. I really do want to hear what you have to say."

I sigh. I would be just as happy continuing on with things like they've already been going, but she's asked, and I've already had pressure from the rest of our friends when she isn't around. They also want it and others are stern that we should have it, and before now even. I take a breath for courage. "Noriko, ...will you marry me?" The blush won't be held down now that I've had to say it.

She's suddenly frozen, her eyes wide. All sorts of things go through me, but mostly the thought that if she's going to say she's already decided she wants a formal wedding rather than go home, she should have expected something like this, shouldn't she? (I try to ignore the small but sudden worry if she was hiding that she really does want to go home. We've already gone through this whole mess - I mean lesson - over that.)

Noriko finally blinks, then smiles. "Yes, Izark. Nothing would make me happier. ...Does that mean I can ask Gaya and Zena and the girls to help me plan a wedding?"

To have it said so comfortably... "...Yes."

She throws her arms around my neck. "Thank you, Izark!" Her happy ecstasy swirls around the both of us. It's so sudden and huge I instinctively grab hold of her with my free arm. I would like to calm it down with that much, but it doesn't.

It's a lot better than the unhappy from before. That much makes me happy, but it's a bit hard to tell what's her happy and what's my happy with this much emotion rushing around us. Her emotions when they are like this are like when I use energy. It's even sparking here and there in small bright sparkles of light, bouncing around this little room. I'll have to watch and see just how many emotional attacks against people other than me can prove her emotions are the same as energy. Her scolds come to mind.

"Shhh, shhhh," I finally say with a laugh. "It's nice, but it's like being drowned again."

"I'm sorry," she says, "I can't...but," she takes a breath and tries to get it under control again. It takes a bit until it's contained. I can feel it straining to be let out again. "I'll let it out with the girls who will be just as excited and happy as me. That will get it to settle down, sharing it with them. These kinds only do that, you know, settle when shared, but I know this one's too much for you."

I smile at her and put my hand on her head. "I'm glad you're happy." She tips her head and grins, the light inside shining brightly, but also contained. They go well together.

"Ah, does that mean you're okay with me following after you instead of hiding in your cave?" She's suddenly calm, but worried, the happy becoming distant.

I blink. "You move fast." Even that was out before I've caught up.

"Yeah, I'm a woman?" dryly said as if I didn't already know.

I disbelieve. "Really?"

She affirms, "Yup. Every one of us. I've been protecting you, you know, but I can't forever. You need to understand what reality is and how to deal with it."

I groan, thinking of all the ladies and not so much ladies who've cornered me and made me work for pay because they could. I've been through more drama than I care to live through already. She's heard many of those stories already and was sympathetic then. I suspect she won't be this time. "More lessons? It's really going to be harder?" This one was quite hard, actually, even if I have learned some really important things.

Noriko laughs, "Yes, I'm afraid so." Then she is sympathetic, at least a little, "But then, wouldn't life be boring?"

Not really. Not when you're around. But she means if she weren't. After a moment I sigh, "Yeah, I guess so." I'd have to go back to working for people I didn't want to if I wanted that sort of excitement back in my life. At least I get a much better end result if it's her.

She rubs the top of my head, "We'll get to the end of the lessons and be an old married couple eventually, I'm sure."

Eventually! I grab her wrist, move it to my other hand, then rub the top of her head roughly, "Sooner!" I need to let off steam. This lesson has been too much.

She dives in and tickles me. She's too pleased at just how ticklish I am. I'm gasping for air early. What a merciless demon she is when she wants to tease. I can't fight back because I'm too distracted to properly not hurt her. I'm going to have to learn yet another level of control.

I learn it quickly enough. Just enough to finally get Noriko pinned down on the ground so that her tickling hands can't get to me. The laughter is still dancing in her eyes and on her face, but she relaxes and relents. I sigh in relief. I wonder if it's because she had to repress the happy. It came out in another way and we've laughed it out perhaps. It was hard for her to restrain it, after all.

Her hand twitches and I'm suddenly alert and suspicious again, but she's looking at my hair. I glance at it, then raise a surprised eyebrow. I guess I had just enough control already learned from that practice. Carefully I let her hand go and she reaches up and takes the light blue lock that's hanging down in her fingers, curls it slightly around her fingers, and runs her fingers down the lock to its end. I'm wondering if I'll get my repayment for all of what I've just had to go through. Blue will do that to her, so I'm not preventing what she wants to do.

She tugs on the lock in her fingers gently until I lower my head just enough she can kiss the end of it. I can feel her desire rising and she represses it, wanting to just enjoy playing with my hair for a moment. I'm surprised she repressed it. All of the rest of the recent emotions have been rather explosive and that one is usually.

Noriko slowly plays with my hair, focused on the feel and touch, and continues to repress the shudders that go through her faintly. While she's quiet again, I have one more thing to say. "Noriko...," I say quietly to make sure I have the attention of her ears.

"Mmm?"

"Yes." She sends an emotional question. She's forgotten her own question. "Yes, I'm okay with you coming with me. I won't hide you in a cave."

Her fingers have reached the ends of the hair still in her hand. She doesn't let it go, but she does look at me finally, "Thank you." The fight is over. I've learned an angry Noriko will punish me by putting me through more lessons than I have capacity to stand. It is my turn. I give her a kiss to hide my eyes from her and because I want one.

When I rise, my eyes are sapphire blue. Noriko stares into them and is lost until I kiss her again. This time she doesn't explode. Instead, I'm able to love her gently ...until she finally lets it out at the end. It isn't as wild as the other times. It's also very sweet and pleasant. I approve greatly. "Let's do that again."

"Later," she answers. "That took a lot of energy."

"It was very nice, though," I praise her, wanting to make sure we do that again later.

Noriko smiles lazily as she runs her fingers through my hair. "Yeah," she agrees.

When her fingers go from calm to itching to braid, I put a stop to it and languidly stand. I lift her up to her feet. She's calm until she suddenly has wide eyes. "Oh, no!"

"What?" I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Laundry! I forgot!"

I give her a small smile then turn away, leading her out of the hidden alcove. "Gaya said she'd take care of it." That's all I'll say on that. She'll need to do what needs to be done and they'll surely let her know what that is.