'When we get back to school after the holidays,' Magnus texted. 'Would it be alright if we talked?'
Alec stared down at his phone. Why would Magnus text that he wanted to talk? It made no sense, but even if all Magnus wanted to do was talk about the weather Alec knew he'd agree. If he didn't, the possibilities would eat at him. 'We need to talk' can mean so many different things and Alec would lose many nights sleep wondering what Magnus would have said if he ignored this text.
'Okay,' Alec texted back.
"It's Christmas!" Izzy whined. "No phones!"
"Sorry," Alec said quickly putting his phone away and pulling his focus back to his family. His mother, Maryse, was in the kitchen making their rather late breakfast, since Christmas was the one day his parents actually allowed themselves to sleep in. They had just finished opening presents and Alec's, six year old brother, Max, could be seen sitting in the corner running his new toy car up and down the side of the sofa making 'vroom vroom' noises. Izzy was jumping up and down in excitement as she tried to decide which of her new designer clothes to try on first. Alec's father, Robert, was sitting in his favourite chair overseeing the chaos with a smile on his face.
Alec sat down with on the couch across from his dad and smiled as he looked at the Christmas tree that lit up the room. They'd decorated it just yesterday. It had twinkling lights wrapped around it and Christmas ornaments that glittered in the light that filtered through the window. The glitter reminded Alec of the eye shadow Magnus sometimes used, which just made Alec's mind fall back into his Magnus-induced spiral of frustration, that had only been made worse by that open-ended text.
Alec desperately wanted to message Magnus back and ask what the heck he wanted to talk about so badly he would bother to ask on Christmas day! But, Alec sensed somehow that this wasn't something to talk about over text. Nevertheless, the suspense was killing him. What if Magnus asked or pleaded to be Alec's friend again? Could Alec say no once more, or would he give in when Magnus's beautiful eyes looked at him? Saying no last time hadn't been easy. What if Magnus was in trouble and needed help? What if Magnus just wanted to tell Alec off for yelling at Clary? Alec tried not to let himself imagine the only thing he wanted to hear Magnus say. Getting his hopes up was the one thing that could really hurt him, even more that he currently was. No, his emotions he could control, Magnus he couldn't. Alec sighed deeply as he gazed at his wonderful family home, beautifully decorated for the holidays. Why couldn't he just be in the moment?
"What's the matter son?" Robert asked putting down his book to turn to Alec.
"Oh, just that life sucks sometimes," Alec replied sitting down next to his dad.
"Not sharing I see?" Robert observed. "I know you are all grown up now, but that doesn't mean I don't want to know if something's bothering you."
"Yeah, yeah. I know," Alec muttered. "It's just…". The day he had told his parents he was gay they hadn't even known what the word meant. It had been weird for a while after that, with them treating him differently, but as time went by they must have realized he was still the same person, because the weirdness melted away. However, Alec had never talked to his parents about his love life before since he had so little to say on the matter it had hardly been an issue until now.
"You can talk to me about anything, Alexander," Robert said gently.
"I kinda like this guy," Alec said awkwardly.
"And this guy doesn't like you?" Robert replied as if he could read Alec's emotions off his face. Alec relaxed. He felt comfortable talking to his dad about this; it was just a little odd.
"Yep," Alec said. "He just wants to be friends."
"Ouch!" Robert said laughing lightly.
"Oh, great!" Alec said sarcastically. "My father laughs at my pain."
"I'm sorry," Robert said still grinning. "But that's a classic line."
"Now, Magnus has texted me that he wants to talk," Alec continued, emphasizing talk with air quotes. "And I have no idea about what!"
"Ah, that is a bit confusing," Robert said consolingly.
"Breakfast is ready!" Maryse called from the kitchen. Alec got up and made to move into the kitchen, but he felt his father's hand on his shoulder and turned.
"You won't know until you talk to his guy," Robert said. "So, don't stress out about it. There's nothing you can do now. If you want to talk after, call home."
Alec smiled at his father. He felt better just having confided in someone. Max ran past them straight for the table, with his new toy truck in hand, almost hitting Alec in the leg in his haste.
"Yum Yum! Vroom Vroom!" Max cried as he scrambled up into the chair and sat ready and waiting.
"Someone's hungry," Robert laughed.
"Did you see me daddy!" Max asked distracted by his father's voice. "Did you see my new truck?"
"I bought you that truck, remember?" Robert chuckled as he and everyone else joined Max at the table. Alec's mouth watered just looking at the amazing meal in front of him. They usually had a cook, but his mother never let anyone else in her kitchen on Christmas. There was bacon, sausage and a mountain a pancakes next to a huge bowl of scrambled eggs. Alec always preferred his mother's eggs to anyone else's. He'd asked her once and she said the secret to making them so fluffy was baking powder, a whisk and some love. He hadn't learned that love wasn't an actual ingredient in cooking until he'd gotten a little older. As a kid, he used to look for love listed as an ingredient in recipes until Aline explained to him what his mother had meant. Everyone served themselves and no one was willing to give up eating long enough to carry on meaningful conversation for several long moments.
"Mommy makes the best food ever!" Max cried as he make a huge mess devouring his breakfast.
"This is delicious, mom," Izzy agreed.
After a few more moments of satisfied silence Izzy spoke again.
"Oh, and Alec," her teasing tone worried Alec. "I overheard you talking to dad." Alec groaned. Just what he needed. His mettlesome little sister getting involved in his love life. When Izzy had found out Alec was gay the first sentence out of her mouth was to suggest a few guys she knew and start planning blind dates for him.
"Izzy," Robert cautioned. "If Alec doesn't want to talk about it-" But he was cut off.
"Then Alec can just deal," Izzy huffed. "He dates so rarely and never gives me the chance to tease him!"
"Izzy," Maryse sighed, but his sister grinned wickedly and continued.
"I think Magnus is going to confess he liked you all along and has just been being stupid up until now," Izzy said. "I bet you guys are going to be too cute to stand in no time."
Alec groaned again. This was the kind of thinking that would crush him if he let himself hope. Wasn't two months of living in the friend zone enough? Why was Izzy doing this to him?
"Please don't Izzy," Alec whispered. "You haven't even met him."
"But I know you," Izzy said beaming at him. "And no guy could resist you for long."
"Magnus doesn't seem to have had a problem with that," Alec growled. "Can we please talk about something else!"
"You are no fun," Izzy sniffed then she turned to her other brother sitting beside her. "Max, when you grow up I shall expect better."
"I do better big sister!" Max said reaching his arms up to her. "I fun!" She hugged him and thankfully the topic was changed. Max was always excited to show off new things he learned, whether it was words or how high he could jump and he never disagreed with Izzy, who Alec suspected was his favourite sibling.
After breakfast, Max helped Izzy select outfits from her many new clothes while Alec watched. He didn't feel as in the moment as he was trying to be but he had a wonderful Christmas all the same.
When the clock struck midnight on New Year's, Alec tried not to think of kissing Magnus but failed miserably. He was getting his hopes up despite his intentions not too. Izzy wasn't helping either as she continued to tease him at every opportunity.
When it was time to go back to school, Alec hugged his parents and sister - despite her being so very annoying - then picked Max up and spun him around a few times, wondering how much bigger Max would be when Alec saw him next. After putting Max down and hugging him one last time, Alec turned to face his family.
"If you don't text me after your talk with Magnus," Izzy threatened. "I will spam text you until summer break!"
"Don't be a stranger," Maryse said forcing another hug on him. "Call if you want to talk."
"What your mother said," Robert added as Alec grabbed the handle on his luggage and boarded the plane, with one last wave over his shoulder.
The distraction of finding his seat and getting his luggage stowed away wasn't nearly enough. In less than five minutes Alec was worrying about what Magnus wanted to talk about. What distractions the holidays offered him were gone and Alec had nothing but time on his hands while he waited for this plane to take him back to Magnus.
Alec was more nervous than he thought he had the right to be. The guy he had dirty dreams about, who he'd never even kiss in real life let alone dated, wanted to talk to him. A guy, he might add, that didn't like him back at all and wasn't about to change his mind. Alec took a deep breath as he reclined his chair back. He was going to sleep. Yes, sleep was the best plan. No thinking, no worrying, just blissful unconsciousness. The lights dimmed, other passages started asking for pillows and Alec closed his eyes. He'd already asked for a pillow and was rather comfortable as far as being on a plane was concerned. As Alec tried to calm his mind for sleep, the endless possibilities of what Mangus wanted to say ran themselves unendingly through his head.
"Oh, Alec I like guys, it's just that I don't like you."
"Alec, it's not that I don't like you, I just don't like you right now."
"We should be friends again. You are over this silly crush now aren't you?"
"I was just hoping you would cat sit for me on spring break. I'm going to the beach to meet up with my new girlfriend."
"Clary doesn't like you so I have decided I don't either."
"Camille is being mean and I need a hug, but don't get too close cause I don't like boys like that."
Alec shook his head violently and sat up. Sleep was clearly not going to happen. Alec tried and failed to distract himself on the trip home. He thought of a million other things Magnus could want to say, each more painful than the last.
When the plane mercifully landed, a driver was there to meet him at the airport. When Alec was dropped off at the school, he went straight to his dorm and collapsed onto his bed, face first. He wasn't sure how long he laid there before his phone went off.
'Alec?' Magnus's text read. 'Are you back yet?'
Alec seriously considered changing schools before he answered.
'Yes.'
'Can we talk?' was Magnus's instant reply.
'Come to my dorm.' Alec texted. He didn't have the energy to get up or go somewhere else. If Magnus wanted to talk he could come here.
In no time at all there was a knock at his door. Alec took a deep breath, got up and went to answer it, too drained and tired to care if his hair was a mess from the plane. When he opened the door, Magnus stood before him. He seemed different than before, more vulnerable somehow.
"How was your Christmas?" Magnus asked.
"Good," Alec replied automatically. "It was nice to see my brother and sister."
"I bet," Magnus said awkwardly. He wasn't usually awkward and Alec was at a loss for what exactly was happening.
"I just arrived," Alec said, trying to explain his disheveled appearance and rumpled clothes.
"Sorry," Magnus said quickly. "I didn't mean to intrude. I mean, if you want to get settled…"
"No, it's alright," Alec said. He didn't want be left to wonder what the heck Magnus wanted to talk about. Better to just get it over with. Magnus, it seemed, didn't have this same opinion as he remained silent for several moments before speaking again.
"How was your date?" Magnus asked.
"My what?" Alec replied confused.
"I saw you with that blonde in the cafe," Magnus confessed.
"Oh, that went far too horribly to be called a date," Alec said with a slight laugh. This whole situation was making him nervous. Magnus smiled at his answer; Alec just couldn't figure this guy out. Was he trying to be confusing on purpose! What the heck was he smiling for?
"So you aren't still seeing him then?" Magnus asked next.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure he wants to talk to the crazy guy who ran out of the cafe after about five minutes," Alec said with heavy sarcasm. "Great date I was." Magnus didn't reply and Alec just couldn't take the small talk anymore.
"Is this all you wanted to talk about Magnus?" he asked, resisting the urge to add that if this was the case he could have saved Alec a whole lot of stress by just not texting beforehand!
"No, it isn't," Magnus said. "I just don't know how to start."
"Why are you here Magnus?" Alec asked.
"Saving myself misery is only causing me misery," Magnus whispered.
"What does that mean?"
"It means," Magnus said biting his lower lip and looking down at the ground. "I miss you."
"I miss you too, Magnus," Alec said a little exasperated. He was way too tired for this. "But if you don't miss me the same way I miss you..."
"I might," Magnus started still looking at the floor. "I mean… I-I just…"
Alec suddenly couldn't breathe. Was he hearing what he thought he was hearing? There was a small voice inside his head trying to warn him that this would lead somewhere painful, but he couldn't listen to it. He couldn't shatter this moment. He was scared something would snap and Magnus would take it back. His hopes once fleeting were now soaring high above his head and out of his control.
"Do you really mean that?" Alec whispered.
"The first time I saw you… I liked you," Magnus confessed in a whisper, looking directly at Alec now. "Your eyes are like clear pools of still water, so very blue. I was very disappointed when I thought you were there with Aline. You are beautiful, Alexander."
Alec wasn't sure if he would ever again be able to string a line of words together into a sentence. Was this real? Despite Alec's confusion Magnus's words had his pulse quickening and his cheeks flushed.
"Why?" Alec whispered, unable to form a more detailed question with any coherency.
"I'm scared," Magnus said. He seemed to understand Alec meant 'why didn't you tell me sooner' despite Alec's vague question. "Every relationship I've ever had ended badly. I don't know if I can give someone the power to break me again."
"You think I'm going to break you?" Alec asked in a whisper.
"Maybe not on purpose," Magnus replied softly.
"Magnus," Alec said slowly taking a step closer, his mind suddenly clear again. "When I am around you I… I feel like my life has been taken off a dimmer switch. Everything is brighter, sharper, louder. My heart pounds in my chest and I just want… to be near you, to hold you… to kiss you..." Alec broke off when he realized he'd been leaning in almost close enough to actually kiss Magnus.
"I didn't realize I was so exciting?" Magnus whispered. Alec felt Magnus's breath on his face and couldn't help but lean in further still.
"You're more than that," Alec's mouth was millimeters away from Magnus's lips now, but Magnus wasn't backing away. "You make me believe in magic." Alec could feel his pulse racing. If this was an elaborate dream, then Alec was in no hurry to wake up.
"Alexander," Magnus whispered before he moved a fraction closer, connecting their lips. A whooshing feeling rushed through Alec as he threw himself into the kiss. His imagination hadn't done Magnus justice. His lips were soft and warm as they moved with Alec's. Magnus's arms went around him and Alec could have jumped for joy if that hadn't required stopping the kiss that was making his body sing. Alec was finally holding Magnus. Finally kissing Magnus! His hands were greedily moving over Magnus's body when Magnus's lips released Alec's. Before Alec could be upset their kiss was over Magnus was kissing his neck instead. Alec moaned involuntarily and moved his head to the side as Magnus's lips sucked at the soft skin of his throat.
"Magnus," Alec gasped. Magnus straightened up to look in Alec's eyes.
"Yes?" Magnus said smiling. Alec just stared, he looked so happy. It was this, more than anything, that made Alec realize how true Magnus's words had been. Alec felt like he was high; all the exhaustion of his sleepless flight now replaced with adrenaline.
"You look so happy," Alec observed.
"As I said," Magnus replied. "I missed you."
Alec's body wanted to move, his heart pounding in his chest. Jumping, Alec wrapped his legs around Magnus's waist. With his arms around Magnus's neck he kissed Magnus with everything he had. Magnus's response was to hold Alec tight to him and return his kiss with enthusiasm.
When Magnus set Alec down, he swayed slightly, his sleepless night catching up with him. Alec grabbed Magnus by the hand and pulled him over to his twin bed.
"Trying to get me into bed already, Alexander?" Magnus said, but Alec knew he was teasing.
"I'm tired, okay," Alec laughed.
"Might be for the best," Magnus said with a grin. "Your bed is rather small, though you seemed very awake a moment ago." He paused then added with a chuckle, "Not that I'm complaining."
"I didn't sleep on the flight," Alec mumbled.
"Why not?" Magnus asked, innocently like he totally wasn't the cause.
"Just my silly head," Alec said still unable to keep a smile off his face despite how tired he was. Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and kissed him again before lying on the bed and asking Magnus to join him. As they lay in each other's arms, a new feeling in Alec's chest glowed happily.
So I know no one likes Tessa so I got very little reviews on that chapter but you guys like Malec right? Lots of reviews pretty please! I have been planning this for ages and we are finally here! Short author's note today because I am uploading this before work rather than make you wait another ten hours. See I can be nice. :)
Sneak Peek chapter 21:
"Jace likes Clary?" Magnus asked. This was news to him. Magnus knew very little about Jace except the snoring and womanizing complains Alec had shared while they were friends.
"Jace freaking loves Clary," Alec corrected. "He is like a whole different person since he met her."
"That's so weird," Magnus laughed. "When I think about Jace all I can think of is you complaining about him."
"Yeah," Alec said. "We are kinda friends now. I know it's a bit strange but it turns out he's actually an okay guy."
