Jace walked away from Clary with a heavy heart. He wanted to cry, but he also wanted to be Simon for the sole reason that Simon had Clary. Jace had never before envied someone so much in his life. Simon and Clary were currently alone in Clary's dorm room and that image was stuck in his mind on repeat. Why was it Jace could never shake the hope that one day she might be his? Hope. Unfounded hope had literally turned his life upside down. He knew now that he'd always had hope, even when he'd told himself to get over her. Even when he'd decided he just wanted her to believe that he could be better and wanted her for the person she was, not a conquest; he'd always had hope. He knew that now.
But his hope was useless. It had been September, during the first week of school, that Clary had first looked at him in class. By October, Sebastian had noticed Jace's fixation and called him out on it. Toward the end of November, he'd tried to tell Clary how he felt, but she hadn't believed him. Now it was January, and Jace was starting to feel like he was doomed to always want her, yet never have her. He didn't want to be alone, but Sebastian was gone; Alec was undoubtedly still with Magnus and Clary was with Simon. There was no one for Jace.
Jace allowed himself to wallow as he continued his slow walk back to his, likely empty, dorm room. It had been a long and painful five months of university and Jace was feeling the full weight it at the moment. He was also having a hard time believing so much could happen in such a short space of time. Everything from his lifestyle to his values had been turned on its head. So, what did he have to show for his emotional anguish anyway? Minus one best friend and minus one Clary. Jace didn't have a word to define Clary with and he wasn't sure he ever would. She was both nothing and everything to him. He had no claim on her, no way to define her that felt right and yet, she was all he had. But that wasn't right, Jace thought, as a pair of beautiful dark skinned lips flitted across his mind. Trinity had been a friend to him after all. She was the one who suggested a sleep clinic for his snoring. Jace didn't want to be alone and maybe he didn't have to be. Quickly pulling out his phone, Jace typed.
'Hey,' Jace texted. 'You busy tonight?'
'Didn't get the girl I take it?" came Trinity's quick reply.
'No,' Jace texted back.
'I am just headed home,' she said. 'Meet at your place?'
'Sure,' Jace replied. She sent him her eta just as Jace reached his dorm. He was in no way surprised to find it devoid of Alec's presence. In fact, his assumption that Alec wouldn't be home was why he'd agreed to meet Trinity here. Alec was basically living at Magnus's these days and Jace found himself jealous of Alec - though he was still more jealous of Simon - because Alec was now with the person he'd pined for.
Had Jace pined for Clary? He wondered as he sat down at his desk and tried to distract himself with his computer. Maybe this was for the best. He didn't know the first thing about being in a relationship, so even if he was able to call Clary his, he would likely lose her to his own foolishness. Though Jace had hoped that with Clary things would be different. He'd always thought that even in a relationship he wouldn't be able to stop looking at other women, but since Clary had caught his eye, all other women had seemed dull in comparison. Yes, with Clary, Jace thought for once he could be loyal. An overwhelming sense of loss took hold of him. Why was he doing this to himself? Why was he thinking about this? Jace closed his computer since it had failed one hundred and ten percent to do its job as a distraction.
Jace heard a knock on the door and was glad. It was being alone that was making him crazy. He opened the door and there was Trinity. Her dark hair in braids and a smile on her face.
"Hey," she said as she walked in. Jace tried to return the greeting, but he broke down mid-way, sobbing like the pathetic person he was.
"Oh, Jace," Trinity said, surprise and concern in her voice. She took a step closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Jace had needed the hug, but he got a grip on himself quickly and pulled away.
"Sorry," Jace mumbled. He would have been fine if he hadn't spent the last quarter of an hour going over everything in his head. This was his own fault.
"I am going to go out on a limb here and guess you didn't text me for a booty call," Trinity said.
"Umm," Jace mumbled. He hadn't thought about that when he'd text her. All he knew was that he didn't want to be alone. Honestly, in this moment he wasn't feeling particularly sexy.
"Well it's a good thing I was only sort of in the mood," she smiled at him and moved over to sit on his bed. She patted the spot beside him and said with a sigh, "You said you didn't get the girl, so what happened? Let's hear it."
"I've been lying to myself for months," Jace gushed. Once he started talking he realized he actually really wanted to talk. "Pretending like I never hoped to one day be with her, but I was a fool."
"I am going to let you in on a little secret," Trinity whispered. "It's impossible not to hope."
"I knew it was never going to work from the beginning!" Jace exclaimed. "She's a good, responsible girl with a boyfriend no less, and I'm a mess. There wasn't ever any hope. Even if everything else wasn't in the way, I don't deserve her."
"The human heart doesn't work like that," Trinity explained.
"Yeah," Jace whined. "Enlighten me. How does the human heart work?"
"When you love someone," Trinity explained. "You want to find the best in them. You look for and cling to hope."
There was a sorrow to Trinity's words that made Jace believe she knew exactly what he was going through at the moment, or at least more than Alec did. Jace could have talked to Alec. He knew Alec would have listened, but Alec wouldn't have been able to empathize, as he was happy with Magnus.
"I know what you mean," Jace said but for once he wasn't thinking about Clary. He was thinking about Sebastian. Jace had been so blind to his faults for so long, refusing to believe what was right in front of him for fear of what he would lose doing so. Now there was nothing to fear as Sebastian was lost to him for good.
"Every time I caught my husband cheating and he said it was the last time, I had hope he was telling the truth," Trinity explained. "I loved him and I wanted to believe him. I wanted to have hope even though there was none to be had. It is impossible not to hope."
"You never told me you were married," Jace said, stunned.
"There's a lot you don't know about me," Trinity said.
"Are you still married?" Jace asked, curious.
"No," she replied. "Eventually I did give up hope."
"How did you do that?" Jace asked.
"The hard, messy and emotional way," Trinity said, sadly. "Why do you think I was scoping out eye candy at a college bar the night we met?"
"Oh," Jace said softly.
"But you and Clary never dated," Trinity said. "You won't have a horrible messy divorce to go through."
"Maybe," Jace said he couldn't help thinking about his breaking off from Sebastian. The most constant part of his life has been removed for Clary, even if after what Sebastian tried to do, Jace was glad of it, he still felt the loss.
"Jace, there is no point to your pain," Trinity tried to comfort him. "Either she will return your feelings and choose you over the other guy or she won't. It's as simple as that."
"She won't choose me," Jace replied. "So, all I have is my pain."
"And your racist friend," Trinity chuckled. "If I recall correctly."
"No," Jace said. "He's gone." Jace tried not to look as broken up as he felt, but he knew he'd failed when Trinity placed a hand under his chin and planted a soft kiss on his lips.
"He is worth your pain even less," Trinity told him. And in that moment Jace wanted to forget about his heart ache. He wanted to lose himself in her, even if it meant only a moment's respite. Jace brought his hands up to her neck and kissed her again, this time deepening the kiss, he slid his tongue into her mouth. She moaned softly and pulled him close.
A soft clicking noise and a sharp intake of breath made Jace turn to see what had made the sound. What he saw made him freeze in shock. Clary stood in the doorway having clearly just opened it. She was staring at him, her eyes wide. They remained like that, staring at each other wide eyed. Jace didn't know for how long, it could have been minutes or decades for all he knew. Then suddenly Clary bolted, her bright red hair disappeared down the hall as she ran.
Jace sat still immobile, staring at the place she'd been. He suddenly wasn't sure where he was or what he'd been doing before. He was trying to decipher the look on her face. The expression he'd just witnessed in her beautiful green eyes didn't make any sense to him.
"That was her, wasn't it?" Trinity asked kindly. Jace only nodded. "Then what are you doing just sitting here?"
"I-" Jace said. Why had Clary just shown up? Why wasn't she with Simon and what had that look on her face meant! Jace couldn't name the emotion he'd seen there though a dozen sprang to his mind, none of them fit.
"Go. After. Her!" Trinity ordered, pushing on Jace's back repeatedly to encourage him to move.
"Nothing's changed," Jace spoke hollowly.
"Like hell nothing has!" Trinity yelled at him. "Did you see that look on her face!"
"You know what that meant?" Jace asked eagerly turning to her.
"Yes," Trinity exclaimed. "That was the look on my face when I caught my husband in bed with another woman."
And suddenly something clicked in Jace's head and he was up and running. He darted through his door and caught a flash of red disappearing around the corner. Following her red hair, Jace turned the corner and saw Clary just ahead.
"Clary!" Jace called out. She stopped in her tracks and then slowly turned around. There were tears running down her face, but somehow, they only made her look more beautiful.
"Don't follow me," Clary yelled at him.
"Why did you come to my dorm?" Jace asked calmly, ignoring her words. Hope was burning inside him, brighter than ever before.
"That doesn't matter now," Clary sniffed as she turned away.
"Clary," Jace said softly, reaching out to wipe a tear from her cheek. "Of course, it matters."
"What do you want?" Clary whimpered.
"What I've always wanted," Jace whispered with all the affection of his hopeful heart. "Since the moment I first saw you."
"Yeah right," Clary replied and made to turn away, but Jace gently touched her shoulder, encouraging her to stay.
"Clary," Jace whispered as if praying. "You said you believed me." His hope was started to fizzle out but the embers still burned.
"I'm finding it hard to believe at the moment actually!" Clary huffed.
"I'm sorry you're upset," Jace replied holding Clary's face gently in his hands as if it were precious. She hiccupped through her tears and Jace couldn't help but smile at her. "Please tell me why?"
"Why!" Clary asked incredulously. "You were kissing some random girl!"
"Trinity?" Jace said, slightly puzzled. "She's just a friend."
"You usually kiss your friends with tongue?" Clary asked, taking a step back. Jace let her move away, but his hands instantly missed her touch.
"Well yeah," Jace said, with a slight chuckle. He couldn't help but be happy with hope alive in him, though in retrospect maybe laughing was a bad idea.
"You are the most horrible-" Clary yelled at him, but she seemed to be unsure how to end the insult and instead just growled in frustration.
"Oh, like you can talk!" Jace replied. "Where is your boyfriend anyway?"
"Simon broke up with me," Clary yelled back.
"What?!" Jace asked, shocked to the point of forgetting to breath for a second. "When?" Jace gasped.
"A few hours ago," Clary replied. "I was going to wait to tell you, but I wanted to see you... and then I saw you with your tongue down that girl's throat!"
"Clary!" Jace said desperately, scared he'd ruined everything. "Please, let me explain."
"You have one minute," Clary replied harshly with her arms crossed over her chest. Jace couldn't help but notice how cute she was when she was angry.
"I have spent my life courting women that meant nothing to me," Jace spoke as quickly and honestly as he could. "I recall most of their faces, but their names were meaningless to me. That is until I met you. Your name flitted around in my head like a caged butterfly and though I have yet to so much as kiss you, you have captured my heart. A heart, I might add, that I didn't know I had." She was looking up at him now, with wonder and Jace plunged on. "Clary for a long time now, all I have wanted is you."
"Really?" Clary asked so quietly Jace almost missed her words. Jace smiled and nodded. He could see understanding in her beautiful green eyes, but his gaze moved down to stare at her lips.
"Can I kiss you Clary?" Jace asked gently. There was nothing else in the world he wanted more at the moment, but not if she didn't want him too.
"Okay," Clary whispered.
Jace's heart was pounding, like it never had before when he'd been about to kiss someone, Jace moved those few inches toward her. He placed a hand on her waist and gently pulled her close. He placed his other hand at her neck then pressed his lips to hers. Every nerve in his body felt alive as they kissed. He felt Clary press her body firmly against him as her hands went up under his shirt. Jace had not expected her enthusiasm but he reveled in it. Clary returned his kiss with a need that equaled his own.
My beta's exact words were 'its about flipping time!' then she told me I wasn't allow to leave the chapter hanging. She wanted closure hehe. To bad so sad! I love cliffhangers. :D Did you enjoy getting more back story for Trinity? I feel like it added more to the scene where we first met her. I think she is still the only original character in this story... not sure how that happened but there you go!. :D
So how happy are my Clace readers? I know it was a longer wait than Malec but... was it worth it? Eek! I am SO excited for the reviews on this chapter! Oh and yes I will eventually get back to what happened with Jem. Sorry so many plots so little time. :D I have lots more planned guys. Don't think that just cause Clace and Malec are all coupley that this story is anywhere close to over!
Though my other Malec AU 'Elusive Love' is ending. The epilogue is being edited as I type this author's note. My writing too many stories at once problem hasn't gone away however as I have somehow started two more! I haven't updated anything and don't plan too until my vampire diaries fanfic is finished. I think one other story besides Roommates and Soulmates is enough. From the very beginning I planned for R&S to be the longest story I'd ever written so it isn't ending any time soon people. I have some time off work coming up so updates should be a little faster now. Sorry for the slowness these last few weeks guys. I basically wrote the entirety of Elusive Love during those weeks and my hours at work went up so... yeah... sorry. I wrote slowly. Hopefully back on track now though!
Sneak peek chapter 35
When they finally broke apart Clary saw the dark skinned woman she'd caught Jace kissing standing a few feet away from them down the hall, toward Jace's dorm.
"Finally got the girl huh?" the dark skinned woman said smiling at them. Jace turned in her arms to reply but all he did was confirm her words. "I'll leave you two alone then." And the woman left. If Clarys wasn't mistaken she seemed genuinely happy that Jace was kissing Clary and not her.
"What kind of friends are you?" Clary asked.
"I'm not sure," Jace replied. "Though I am starting to worry she might be my therapist." He laughed and Clary wasn't sure if he was joking or not.
And thanks to the lovely guest reviewer who reviewed FOUR times today! The reviews are on chapters 5,6,8 and 9 but when she or he gets to this chapter hopefully they will happy to hear how much I enjoyed reading their thoughts. I am always happy to hear someone likes my Tessa chapters as I worry no one does. And is it wrong that I wanted you to binge read till 2 am? lol Though I am glad you got some sleep. Thanks guest reviewer! If you log in next time I'll PM you back. :D
