Maia wished Simon would let go of Izzy. Sure, Maia had no issues having Izzy for a roommate, but that didn't mean she thought Izzy was good for Simon. Maia was so certain that Simon would get hurt no matter how their little 'friends with benefits' thing ended. Backup orgasm indeed! The guy deserved so much better. After all, Simon had been able to convince her to hear Jordan out, which she'd believed to be an impossible task.
The problem was that Maia didn't know how she felt about Jordan anymore. Seeing him in the halls was messing with her resolve. Her memories were betraying her as they clung to the good things, and tried to forget the bad.
Her mind went back again to that day in tenth grade. Jordan had just handed her the note, and Maia spend the rest of class with it clutched in her hand, thinking about the boy who'd given it to her. She'd never looked twice at him until that day. He'd been just another kid in her class until she'd seen the affectionate look on his face as he'd placed the worn piece of paper in her palm.
'You're cute.'
To her tenth grade self, that had meant everything. Though in some ways, it hadn't been the words that had moved her, but rather the attention they represented. Jordan saw her, and for a girl who'd spent her whole life living in the shadow of her older brother, being seen was everything. Maia could remember so perfectly waiting just outside the classroom door for Jordan to get out, holding the note in her hand.
"Hi," she'd said as he appeared. "I liked your note." The resulting smile on his face had lit a spark in Maia's heart, warming her from the inside. Maia remembered reaching out her hand to him. Then the glowing feeling when Jordan took it, and they walked down the hall holding hands.
It's funny how some memories were crystal clear while others blurred together. She remembered walking home from school with Jordan for many months after that, talking and laughing. She didn't remember when their first kiss had been, but she could remember the event itself with perfect clarity. It had been one of those walks. When they'd reached the point where Jordan usually turned back, he'd stopped and faced her. Maia could remember the determined look in Jordan's eyes as if he'd been planning this moment in his head for days. Then Jordan had leaned slowly forward and gently touched his lips to hers. It had been a brief kiss, a high schooler's first kiss, but she would always remember it just as she would always remember the expression on Jordan's face that day at the lake.
Other memories were burned into her mind as well. Less pleasant ones. Such as the horrible things they'd said to each other during their many fights. She couldn't forget how their relationship had exploded from the inside out. She and Jordan just weren't compatible. No one who truly belonged together could fight that well and that often. There was something fundamental about who they both were that created chaos. If she was the spark, he was the oil. Without him, her embers had nothing to burn to the ground.
Yep, she was going to regret agreeing to talk to Jordan, though since she couldn't really avoid him, agreeing to Simon's terms hadn't felt like such a big deal. Jordan had after all been stalking her for months, standing down the hall and watching her out of the corner of his eye, or sitting on benches across the room and stealing glances from time to time. She had to give him some credit for trying to be subtle about it - if Maia wasn't such an observant person she probably wouldn't have even noticed him hovering - but it was disconcerting, and frankly creepy, even if he never got without three metres of her. She supposed it was nice of him to keep all the stalking to public areas, but the bottom line was that Jordan had freaking come to school here just to be near her, and he wasn't about to just go away, therefore, she would have to talk to him sooner or later. She'd just been fooling herself in thinking maybe she could get out of this without having a face to face with her ex.
At this point, Maia just wanted it over with. She wanted to talk to Jordan so they could put this whole mess behind them, but for some reason, he wasn't making the first move. She knew Simon must of told his roommate by now that she'd agreed not to break his nose, so what was the hold up?
'I thought you said Jordan was dying to talk to me?' Maia texted Simon a few days after agreeing to his terms.
'He is,' Simon replied a few moments later. 'But he is also scared silly.'
'Hey, I am not that scary,' Maia texted back.
'Whatever you wanna tell yourself,' Simon texted back with a laughing emoji. Maia rolled her eyes at him and put her phone back in her pocket. She was just leaving class, wondering what to do with the hour she had till her next one, when she spotted a familiar shock of blue hair.
"Lily!" Maia called across the hall. The little asian girl stopped and turned to Maia before waving her over.
"Hey, how are you?" Lily asked.
"I'm good," Maia replied. "How's Raphael?" Lily's unrequited crush on her totally uninterested boss was one of the few things about her previous roommate that Maia could actually remember.
"Amazing as ever," Lily replied, quickly.
"From the tone in your voice I'm guess he's also just as uninterested as ever?" Maia asked.
"Yeah," Lily sighed. "But at least he doesn't date anyone else, so maybe it's not me."
"Definitely not you," Maia assured her.
"You always know what to say," Lily said, smiling. "Why ever did you stay in dorms? I told you that we could get a place together for second year."
"Yeah, I know," Maia said, trying to be polite. "I guess I just kinda like the dorms." This was a lie, but telling Lily that Maia hadn't wanted to live with her just felt rude. Maia could have gotten a place off campus by herself, but she couldn't afford that, and no other friends had offered to bunk with her.
"You're so silly," Lily chuckled. "Dorms suck. Speaking of, how is your new roommate working out?"
"Good," Maia replied. "She's just a little too outgoing for me. Likes to go to bars and stuff."
"Could be worse," Lily said. "This morning in class, I overheard two girls complaining that one of their roommates was messer than a pig in shit, and plays the same three songs on repeat all day."
"Wow," Maia laughed. "Yeah, I prefer Izzy." They'd been walking together down the hall as they spoke, turning a corner, Lily motioned to the door on their left. Maia could see other students gathering in the classroom.
"This is my stop," Lily said. "It was great seeing you."
"Yeah you too," Maia replied, waving. Lily turned and joined her classmates, choosing a seat near the back.
Turning to walk back the way she came, Maia decided to kill some time and went to the cafeteria to sit alone in an out of the way corner and actually get some homework done before her next class. She ended up getting more done than she'd expected, and the time moved quickly. Packing up less than a hour later, Maia headed to her next class.
Though she knew she should have been thinking about the lecture, Maia's mind wondered. She couldn't help but think about what would happen when Jordan did come to talk to her. Maia suspected that Jordan wanted them to get back together. She had suspected this all along, which was probably why she'd put off talking to him for as long as she had. Maia liked being single. She started dating Jordan in the tenth grade, and it felt like she'd spent most of her life in a relationship. Maia had only recently realized how wonderful being single could be. No needy boy always after her time, no trying to pay attention to topics she cared nothing about, no crazy long conversations about what to eat for dinner, no arguments about who should clean up after, and no interruptions when she's trying to relax and have some 'me' time. Yep, being single was awesome, and Maia wasn't ready to give it up. Hopefully Jordan wanted something else.
Class ended, and Maia was on her way back to the dorms when she saw him. He was moving towards her, and getting closer than he usually did when just watching from afar. Maia knew this was it; Jordan was finally here to talk. As he moved closer, she couldn't help noticing how good looking he was. Maia could remember only too well how overwhelmed she'd been that a guy like this had been interested in her in the first place. Jordan seemed like the kinda guy who liked skinner girls, not curvy girls like her. There weren't many people in the hallway with them now, and with Jordan walking straight for her, somehow it felt like they were alone.
"Hi," Jordan spoke literally the first word he'd said to her since arriving at this school in September.
"Hello yourself," Maia replied. "What took you so long?"
"Yeah well… ummm… I-," Jordan said sheepishly. "Sorry… I'm sorry, for the ummm... stalking."
"By stalking do you mean following me to this university, or following me around campus?"
"Both," Jordan confessed.
"I kinda figured," Maia sighed, trying to keep her composure. "Alright let's hear it."
"What do you want to hear?" Jordan asked.
"Whatever it is you need to tell me so we can both move on with our lives," Maia replied, trying to keep her tone neutral.
"Oh," Jordan said, his shoulder's visible slumping. "So you only agreed to speak to me to get rid of me?" He looked so sad, his whole stature sinking a little.
And now Maia felt guilty… fantastic.
"Jordan," Maia sighed. "We tried dating. It didn't work out. I don't know what you want?"
"I thought that was obvious," Jordan replied. "I want you."
"You do know the definition of ex girlfriend, right?" Maia asked, trying to be polite. "'Cause I'm pretty sure 'no longer yours' is listed there somewhere."
"I know," Jordan sighed. "It's just, well I miss you." He shuffled his feet nervous before continuing. "Since the moment I lost you, I've missed you. Being here is better than being back home, because here, it's like you aren't so far away. I know it makes no sense. I know I'm- I mean I'm sorry for everything that went wrong, not just the stalking." He mumbled the last few lines.
"Apology accepted," Maia replied easily. It wasn't like Jordan had been a horrible boyfriend or done anything truly wrong. Their separation had been more about lots of little fights building to a breaking point, rather than one main event. He had been needy, and she'd been frustrated. He'd been messy, and she'd been annoyed. She'd wanted to move away for school, and he'd been nervous about being so far from home. She'd probably done things that had annoyed him as well, but Maia only really knew her own side of the story. She remembered how angry she'd been with him right after they'd split up - angry and heartbroken - but she wasn't mad anymore. Maia had long ago learned that holding a grudge hurt you more than the person you had the grudge against. This is one of the things her parents had accidentally taught her. Being mad at them hadn't made her feel better. Expecting more from them than they could give her had only brought Maia endless disappointment, so she'd learned to let things go, to overcome her anger, and not let it sap the life out of her. Maia never forgot, but she always forgave. She was going to make a life for herself that wasn't defined by those who brought her into this world, and she was going to do that without dragging her baggage with her. After all, you could only blame your parents for your problems for so long until those problems are just your problems. Maia didn't want to still be blaming her parents for her problems when she was middle aged.
"You have that look on your face," Jordan said smiling at her.
"What look?" Maia asked.
"That fierce look you get, like you might take over the world someday," Jordan explained. She liked the way Jordan was looking at her. It reminded her of the way he used to look at her, like she was the center of the world.
"Who knows," Maia grinned. "Maybe I will."
"I love you, Maia," Jordan whispered suddenly, taking a step closer, though he was still a few feet away. "I loved you then, and I love you now. You are the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning, and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep at night."
"I don't know what to say," Maia mumbled. "I- it's been so long, and yet here you are. Don't you remember how it all fell apart? We don't mesh or something. Do you really want to do that again?"
"Yes," Jordan said quickly. "And again and again and again until we figure it out. Because no matter how it goes down, no matter what happened between us, I know my life is better with you in it."
Maia groaned a little, tilting her head back. Why was he so insistent? Why did he have to make this so hard? Was it possible that they remembered all of those fights differently? For surely, if Jordan had the same recollections as her, he wouldn't want to try again.
"I don't think I can give you what you want," Maia finally spoke, feeling like a horrible person as she said the words.
"I don't care how you are in my life," Jordan began, very obviously throwing his pride out the window. "I just want you in my life. Even if all we do is hang out and study or something, I want to see you."
"You mean without the stalking?" Maia couldn't help but laugh. Stalking wasn't really a laughing matter, but since Jordan had kept it to hallways and public areas, and been rather terrible at it, Maia felt like laughter fit the situation.
"Yeah," Jordan smiled back.
Maia thought about it. That might not be so bad? A few hours of studying once a week in exchange for no more stalking. Maybe she could wean Jordan off her somehow and get him to move on?
"Why don't we meet in the library this sunday," Maia suggested. "Around two?"
"Okay," Jordan said quickly. The hope in his eyes almost made Maia take it all back and give him a definite no, but something stopped her.
So who likes Jordan now? ^_^ And no Maia has no idea what stopped her. We shall have to wait and see. :D Is it just me or are my author's notes getting shorter?
Sneak Peek Chapter 80
"You do know what 'I don't know' means, right?" Alec replied to Izzy's question about what he could major in.
"You must have at least some idea," Izzy argued.
"Not a clue," Alec replied. "At this point I am thinking I will just have to be an undeclared second year student for all eternity."
Even Izzy, as competitive as she was, knew the tortoise and the hair had it wrong in this case. Even if she tired herself out running ahead, this indecisive tortoise wasn't about to beat her to the finish line. Now that Izzy had actually taken her intro to Marketing class she'd decided that wasn't the right path for her. But a list of major's she didn't want did nothing but limit her options. She needed to make a decision.
So far Izzy had ruled out Marketing, Nursing, English, Mathematics, Accounting, Biology and History, but that still left her with far too many options to choose from. She understood why so many first years didn't declare. This was going to be a little more complicated than she'd expected.
"Why did you pick history?" Izzy asked Magnus the next time she hung out with her brother at his boyfriend's place since Alec was so rarely home.
"It fascinates me," Magnus replied. "I have always wondered what it would be like to live through time, live apart from time. To be able to watch history unfold, but alas I am only human and the closes I can get to witnessing history is studying it."
PS
If anyone here likes Babylon 5 I just edited a really well written fanfic for the character Londo. It's called 'One Night with the King' and it's written by gin007. Check it out if you are interested! :D
