This chapter is a recap. If you don't want a recap of the previous chapters in Kahlil's POV, you may skip this.
although... I did leave some hidden clues here for the future in this story.
A Reflection
- Kahlil's POV -
Ah, yes. Is it finally time for my turn? Besides that terrible experience in- a month back. Not trying to break the fourth wall or something, but it seems like I already am. Is it better this way, or do I continue this human life?
I actually enjoy this human life. I actually have emotions for once, and they're so fun to experiment with.
Oh. I'm not doing this on purpose, everything I feel, everything I think is all real.
And you can probably guess that I'm not human like the rest of these folks in this town. I am a living demon inside of a walking flesh of meat, although I can't say that to myself because I like this body. No, I didn't possess this body, infact... I can't possess any creature anymore.
You see, I made a stupid deal with another demon in another realm or dimension in your case. And that deal is to live in a perfect life with no issues of dying. I guess it was hard at first to be living in it, but soon over trillions, billions of years, I'm actually living up to age 18. Yes, I never lived up to 18 before... but I surely do not remember those memories.
I only remember memories in my current life that I am in. So I've been doing this for ages.
I sat on my bed then laid down, staring up at the ceiling. ... Although I am annoyed at the choices I make. I still blame myself for breaking up a perfect family who soon can't accept their son to be homosexual. Or do I blame my dad for not accepting me? I don't know anymore.
Do we go over the past so far or do not? This section would be useless either way. So suit yourself and enjoy.
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July 22nd was going to be a special day for whoever met me. It was the day that I disappeared into the jungle and never return, also known as me committing suicide. I know it's appalling, but I had it all planned out and everything, until my parents took me out of my room and went over a tradition that they totally made up. I could tell by reading their minds. They just want me to hang out with them, which in this case, I didn't want to.
I had no choice but to go with them. We went to this diner, just to "talk." Unfortunately, they decided to change their minds and tell me to make a friend before I could enter my home ever again. That was a done deal, I could have gone missing you stupid parents. But no, it didn't go that way. Instead, a worker's appearance caught my attention. Being the person, I was and the deal that my parents and I made, I decided to wait for his shift to end. I could have just left and missed that opportunity, but my mind told me not to.
The first day where I met... Mason? He has two names for some reason... I don't know why... I'll just call him Dipper. It's easier. It was... tough to have him on my side, especially when he decided to go along with the other people's beliefs about me. But he didn't seem like he was mind-controlled, so... did he make the decision on his own or is his brain telling him misleading information?
So I made a choice to disappear from his sight, and lucky me, he actually followed me. So I just continued the normal act that I used towards strangers.
I love his confusion so much, especially when his thoughts are all over the place, I couldn't even read every last one, they were just moving so fast. Our introductions began, and I knew this ride was going to be a fun one.
But I question something about Dipper's self-doubting and his negative thoughts... is he suffering the same thing as I was?
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It was the night of the day we first met, Dipper was having trouble making up an excuse for Stanford, his uncle. So I helped him and gave him some confidence to dwell on. At least it turned out good.
July 23rd. It was night time as I didn't realize Dipper was the boy I was toying with... infact, why was he in the jungle in the first place? It is dangerous during night time, and it will kill you by getting lost forever in the jungle. I still wonder why he entered the jungle in the first place.
July 24th. It was the next day as I decided to visit Dipper at his workplace. Something saddens me at that time, its that he had a crush on Wendy. Which crushes me for some unknown reason. Since we barely know each other, I didn't let him into the drama I had with Wendy at the time.
July 25th. When something at his job made him feel down, as a starter friend, I decided to cheer him up. And luckliy, it worked, with the words chosen carefully.
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It was the same day when Dipper was upset about his job. Instead of leaving the atmosphere in a quiet, eerie way, I decided to show him what this jungle holds. Luckily enough, he enjoyed it.
I lied about having family issues that evening. It was more of wanting to spend more time by myself rather than with him. Maybe because I just wanted to lay in bed all day like I'm doing right now. I still don't understand the human mind as I know it. I don't think any humans understand themselves.
July 28th. Ah. The pink tribe... I do wish I could kill them all, but I do hold myself back sometimes. I don't want to overuse or use much of my powers. Maybe a little telekinesis here and there, whenever I'm lazy.
I think... on this day, I was in a hurry with Dipper or a bit irritated still. Now, I do remember memories of the past, but I do not remember how everyone was feeling. It sometimes fades away like a human's brain. Unless... that's normal for every creature... I probably wasn't thinking at that moment, since... I led him straight into a territory that I didn't want to go through. Eh. It's in the past, I can't change it.
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... ... My parents also made up another tradition. Although it wasn't made up since they created it ever since they discovered this show. ... I still remember how I felt that night. I didn't want to go to the show just to watch my ex-boyfriend perform, so I tried my best to hide within the crowd.
And that... drama I had with Wendy. I really wish I can stop acting like that. Maybe because I think the person is going to leave me when doing things such as "ghosting" or "avoiding" me, and then they come back and try to befriend me. I was even reading what her mind said, but I still wouldn't believe her. I don't understand myself sometimes... and I wish I did.
I'm glad Dipper cleared some things up that day, making me give her a second chance.
July 29th. I could have asked... I could have asked, but... I was a bit nervous, and I think Wendy noticed it too.
``You don't have to hide it.`` Wendy said, giving me an ice cream cone with a banana flavor.
``... I know... but... isn't it a bit... weird? It's not normal and...-`` I said, speaking slowly. I was soon interrupted by her.
``It's not weird. You don't have to be normal, Kahlil. Trust me. Being normal is boring, and you know how I am with my adventurous side.`` She said, walking on the sidewalk.
I followed behind, staring down at the ground. ``Yeah. You wished to explore the jungle, but your parents or loved ones won't let you.`` I said.
``Yeah... I wonder if the rumors are true... have you been through it?`` She asked.
``... Yes... multiple times.`` I muttered, eating my banana ice cream quietly.
``Oh, wow. You must love nature, then, just like me.`` She said.
``Mhm...`` I mumbled, looking away.
``Just don't forget who you are. You are your own unique person, no one can copy you.`` She said.
``I know.`` I said. The silence erupted between us. I was getting brain freeze every time I touched my icecream. I decided to take a break and stare at it.
``... I don't want to sound mean..`` I looked up at Wendy, confused. "Sound mean" of what? You're not lying at all. So... what do you mean?
``... I know... Dipper has a crush on me... It's very noticeable.`` She said.
I snorted. ``I think everyone in the diner knows. He can't hide his emotions very well.``
``I can tell.`` She chuckled. ``...I only see him as a friend since I have the whole deal with Robbie.`` She added, looking at me. I nodded. Don't even mention him, I hate him. Although she avoids talking about him around me since... she knows my relations with him. But it's a bit strange that she's been less thinking about him. I know in a relationship that each person loves each other very much that they are always on their mind. I'm not going to ask, but... I think their relationship will end soon.
``Will he be sad if I tell him?`` She asked.
``Of course. I don't think... I mean... I don't really want to say my opinion about it, but... if he ever asks you out, you know you have to tell your status.`` I said, finishing my banana ice cream afterward.
``Yeah. Well. I hope it goes well with the two of you.`` She said. I halted, staring at her. What?
``... Excuse me?`` I said. I saw her stopped and turned towards me. ``You're very easy to read, Kahlil. Ever since you crushed on a boy last time, you couldn't stay still. So I know you are crushing on Dipper as well.`` She said, smiling.
``...Y-You know nothing.`` I huffed, looking away from her. My cheeks were turning red. I guess... I can't hold my emotions in too.
July 30th. I think scaring him is a habit for now on. But you know what's stupid? Me having my episode worked up all over again, and it's a confusing site to remember. Maybe it's...
...
I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER THAT FAR. I sat up and covered myself with my blanket. ``I didn't want to remember that far! No, no!`` I said, rubbing my head. ``No. no. No no. We are not going in that territory, and I refuse to!`` I uncovered myself and let out a sigh. I stared at my hands, shaking a bit.
``...I have so many nightmares from that past... and I wish to not experience it again.`` I said, wiping my tears away. ``...I just hope he can get put in jail soon.``
.
I went missing for a week, and I worried my friends about me so much. ``... I'm safe in my home... he's not going to get me.`` I whispered quietly to myself. ``He can't.``
...
..
Can I hate myself more this time? I acted the way I did with Wendy. I did it to Dipper, and I hate it so much... I also almost did it with his sister... but realizing that she got bullied makes me recognize I was being a bully to myself. And to them. I think that snaps me out of my mean thoughts.
I am glad that we made up in the end.
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``Just keep distracting yourself, and you'll be okay.`` I told myself. I sighed and lay back down on my bed, staring back up at the ceiling.
I never experience a horrible headache from reading someone's trouble mind with so much crap happening in it. And I don't want to experience it ever again. So I decided to scare the person who's trouble mind was, and of course. It was Dipper's. Of course, he always has something bothering him in that mind of his.
And he called me a child... he called me a child... I really can't hold my emotions in. But he didn't notice it so... he's blinded by love. Or... I'm just in a one-sided love of this... or.. he doesn't know the signs. He should ask his sister, she knows a lot about it apparently.
AND. I- I-... Aug. 16th. I showed my powers to this freak. Although... I might have scared him to the point that he won't tell anyone. Even if he did, I think no one would believe him, and I would be telling lies about it.
... And I'm a bit overprotective... I need to calm that down...
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... Aug. 19th. Don't tease 9th graders around Dipper, gotcha. Befriend them? I don't know. Could I befriend a few 9th graders? It's a bit weird now that I'm saying it. But we're in school, so... I don't know.
And don't get into another argument anymore... I mean, I can't promise that. We all do, but at least it doesn't turn out worse because we make up in the end, and that's good.
Not good when a girl literally crushes on you the first time they meet you. Jeez, I didn't realize "Love at First sight" was a common trend nowadays. Not to be rude to Pacifica or anything, it's just dumb.
"I wish I would just disappear" committing suicide is not the right choice, Dipper... it's not... and it's... bad. You don't want that to happen, and I'm sure you're family don't want that either.
Aug. 20th. And once again, the dense atmosphere between him and me disappeared. Although I think I was being a bit pushy still. Oh well.
...
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I'll just combine these two dates... or... sections... there were a lot of days between our last meet up so... sections it is. On Aug. 23rd. Somewhat, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and decided to go grumpy. Luckliy Mabel cheered me up with the line, "Haters will be haters." And it made my day a lot better.
On Aug. 30th. ... Now I think about it, I don't want to talk about it. It was a stupid decision I made, and I feel so stupid that I accepted it. What was the point?! I should just listen to what Wendy mentioned before. Just be me.
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Aug. 31st. Guess I'll just go dig a hole and stay in it. Is what Pacifica told me when I... bailed out. As I said, I don't want to discuss it. But I would never dig myself a hole just to disappear from her sight. I just think it's her fault for crushing on me for " Love at first sight." Or... when reading her mind, she thinks I had the same feelings for her and hoped that I would say yes.
I swear, she doesn't know how society works. Maybe she can try with someone else who is dumb or smart enough to take advantage of her.
.. I think Dipper doesn't understand himself all the way and can't really see the love signs... It kind of hurts me to know that he doesn't see it. But then again, he doesn't have feelings for me so... I shouldn't be saying anything.
But... it's coming together slowly... and I'll be waiting for that to happen. I'll just enjoy being his friend until that time comes.
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I sat up and stared up at the clock, seeing it already be evening. ``... I feel like I talked to you guys about 4 hours... Nah. I froze time.`` I said. The colors were coming back to the environment as I sighed. I looked out of my window, staring at the jungle behind my house. ``..Well. It was nice talking to you or myself in this case.`` I said, turning and getting up from my bed.
``Enjoy the rest of your day.``
End of Chapter 15
