Chapter Seven - The Past And Now

I thought I loved Tanya Denali. No, I did love her.

We met during college. She was training to be a surgeon, but she was more than just smart. She was a 5'5, strawberry blond, blue-eyed bombshell. And from the very first day we met, I was hooked. She had always seemed so... otherworldly. Too flawless to be dressed in scrubs, poking at preserved brains while our professor droned about all the possibilities that one organ held. Yet despite looking like the envy of any supermodel, she'd raced ahead of us all, proving without any doubt that medical school was where she belonged. She was gorgeous, intelligent, talented, ambitious and the pursuit of every straight, single guy in our college.

So it came to everyone's surprise, no more so than my own, when she pursued me.

I was deliriously happy for the duration of our relationship. She was my first. My everything. I had worshipped the ground she walked on. In my eyes, she was perfect.

There was only one trait she had ever lacked; loyalty.

When my father died, she was the first person I called. She'd soothed me as I openly sobbed, even offered to fly home with me, to be by my side while I dealt with my grief. But as much as I'd needed her I knew her education came first, so I declined. After making the hardest decision of my life to abandon my education and support my shattered family, I returned to college one final time, to pack my things and say goodbye. I expected her to be there for me, but what I didn't expect was knocking on her dorm-room door to find a naked man in her bed behind her, looking just as shocked to see me as I was to see him.

After everything that had happened, that was the final blow I simply hadn't needed. I didn't even confront her, just walked away with her screaming that she could explain. Well, she didn't have to. Clearly, two weeks was long enough to betray me for the next available guy, and I didn't need her to break up with me to my face. I just packed my things and left. It wasn't like she couldn't get in contact with me if whatever she had to say was really that important. But no. She hadn't even called, not once.

Not until now.

She hadn't explained much over the phone, only that she was in town and really wanted to see me. I wanted to refuse, it had been years, what right did she have to make demands of me? But a residual part of my past self that always found it difficult to say 'no' to her had reared its ugly head, and my exhaustion addled brain had agreed. Yet, despite my reluctance, I couldn't deny I was curious. What did she want, after so long? Part of me was just itching to know. And so, here I was. Walking into the small restaurant, I took one of the tables closest to the door and waited. I didn't even really know why I had agreed to this, but I at least wanted a speedy exit available if things turned sour.

She came five minutes late, strutting in like a princess, looking just as gorgeous as I remembered. Long blond hair tied up in an intricate braid, carefully styled strands laying skillfully against her high, defined cheekbones. Pale blue eyes popping against subtle green eye-shadow and whatever black crap women put on their eyelashes. Perfectly tanned skin barely covered by a short green dress that sparkled like a thousand diamonds with every step she took. I admired her, I couldn't help it, and was watching so intently that I managed to catch the brief look of disdain as she scanned her surroundings.

Well, that's new.

The restaurant wasn't anything fancy. In all honestly, it was just the first place I found that stayed open past midnight. The way her pretty plump lips pulled up in a half sneer, you would think I'd invited her on a date to McDonald's.

Had she always been such a snob, or was I simply projecting my own negative feelings? I didn't have long to ponder, because just then her cold judging eyes finally landed on me.

The scowl vanished in an instant.

"Edward, it's so good to see you again." She greeted me pleasantly. I'd be lying if I said the same, but not wanting to seem rude, I stood and held a chair out for her as my mother would have insisted. She sat far more gracefully than I believed she could have in that low riding dress, but I wouldn't let my mind linger on such petty thoughts, and quickly took my seat.

And then we just... stared.

She didn't seem nervous at all, and I resented her control, because I couldn't stop my hands from wringing under the table. It baffled me how she could look so calm, but then, I supposed, she always was. Even back in college, while everyone else was drowning under the pressure of papers and exams and part-time jobs, she always managed to be composed, mastering everything with ease. Balancing social, school and home life while simultaneously being top of the class and acing every mock exam and practice paper we had. I had envied her then, but never resented her.

Not until now.

Luckily for me, she was not content to sit in silence for long.

"You look good, Edward. I was worried, after you dropped out, that you might start drifting. I know what getting your PhD meant to you. And I know what it must have taken to walk away from school. I'm... I'm glad things worked out for you. And I hope you're... happier now, then you were after... after everything."

I gawked at her, not exactly sure what to say to that. It sounded as though she'd been practising that speech for quite some time. Even the gaps between her words seemed rehearsed, like she was forcing herself to seem sincere without actually knowing how to empathise with me. But, no that couldn't be right. I was probably just projecting my job onto the situation. Having to deal with petty criminals and crime lords alike at all hours of the day and night had opened my mind to all different types of evasive and controlling behaviour. Luckily, I was saved from pondering on it too harshly when a very enthusiastic waiter chose that exact moment to come and take our orders, giving me enough time to collect my bearings while he read her the specials and openly flirted. Once he left, I decided to get straight to the point.

"What are you doing here, Tanya?"

She looked startled by my abrupt words, but quickly composed herself, fixing her face back into a pleasing smile.

"I came to see you."

I raised a sceptical brow. She sighed.

"My father has an important event he's attending in a few days time, and he asked me to fly back down here so I could join him. He wants to show me off to a bunch of his business partners I suppose, and I remembered you told me you lived in this city, and, well... I've been wanting to clear the air between us for a while now, but with school and everything, I never really found the time."

"Well, I'm glad you finally decided I was worth a moment of your precious time," I told her coldly, before quickly scolding myself. I was supposed to be showing her I had moved on, not that I'd been pathetically wallowing over what happened between us all these years. Which, technically, I hadn't. Far more important events had taken precedent over my life, but I knew there would always be a part of me that housed that love-sick kid. Starstruck by this breathtaking woman who actually paid attention to me, chose me over her vast variety of suitors and completely shattered me when she'd chosen to run into the arms of one of those suitors while we were still dating. Still, I wasn't going to sit here and berate her for it all as I'd once fantasised. I was different now. Older, wiser. I needed to remember that.

"Edward," She huffed irritably, like I was a particularly annoying child. I bristled at her tone, but she charged right ahead before I could protest.

"I know what happened between us was... unfortunate. But you have to understand. School was an incredibly stressful time for me. My father is always pushing me to be the best at everything, second place is a failure in his eyes. I was under a mountain of pressure, and I just... needed a way to relieve it. I tried to be there for you, after your father died, but every time I called to talk about my problems, you'd just start crying, and I'd have to spend hours on the phone comforting you, and by the time we hung up, I hadn't gotten a chance to tell you anything about me. I know what I did was stupid, and at the worst possible time. I never meant for you to see what you saw, but I just... I needed release. And you weren't there. Think me an awful person if you must, but I didn't want to waste the best years of my academic career being an emotional security blanket. I had enough of my own problems and yours... yours were just... too much."

Had... Had I really been that needy? That self-absorbed? That sunk into my own head I didn't see that she needed me to? I supposed I knew the answer to all those questions, and the truth made me cringe. I guess... I had been a tad overbearing. Well, maybe more than a tad, since my world had just imploded, my mother and brother were also grieving and I couldn't bring myself to burden them with my pain too. I guess I had put too much pressure on her, and had only ever called her to talk about myself. But if she'd really felt so strongly about this, why hadn't she said something? I may have been distraught over my father's passing but if she had just told me she was having a hard time, I would have been there for her too, I know I would have. Maybe I had been a little difficult to handle, but if she'd really cared for me, she would have at least had the decency to be honest, not off hunting for the next guy to give her 'release' two weeks after I left!

Still, I supposed I couldn't fault her too harshly. She had been under a lot of pressure. I'd never met her father, but she'd told me once he was a wealthy man and wealthy men were often very determined to see their children succeed, most viewing their kids as little more than extensions of themselves. I had always thought that school was a breeze for her, but I supposed she wasn't nearly as well put together as she'd presented herself on the surface.

Taking a deep calming breath, I mentally prepared myself for what I was going to say next.

"I can't tell you I know exactly what you were feeling back then, but if all of this was really bothering you, why didn't you just tell me? Or... break up with me amicably?"

She scoffed. Actually scoffed and twisted her face as though she smelled something repulsive.

"And what? End up being the bitch who broke up with her boyfriend right after his father died? Do you think I wanted that on my conscience?"

"So cheating on me was the morally superior option?"

"Edward, I didn't even know if you were coming back! I was being crushed with finals, my father constantly using his contacts to find out my grades, not to mention all the extracurricular bullshit he insisted I participate in just to flesh out my resume. When I slept with that guy, it was just... a spur of the moment thing. He meant nothing to me, I can't even remember his name. If you'd picked up the phone and told me you were coming back the next day, it never would have happened!"

"Are you really blaming me for what you did?"

She sighed again, casting her eyes demurely downward as if I was the one behaving unreasonably here. But just as I felt familiar guilt creeping across the corners of my mind, something ignited a legion of memories I thought long dead and buried.

I remembered that look, almost every time we got into an argument, she would shoot me those poor, pitiful eyes, and I would melt right into her hands. I use to think her incapable of doing anything duplicitous, but the more I remembered, the more my hands began to shake. Had... had she done it on purpose? Every time I felt like the worlds biggest scumbag for not giving her everything she wanted... had she made me feel that way... intentionally?

What was happening?

"I'm not blaming anyone. I didn't come here to fight. I just wanted to see you, not dig up old demons." She raised her eyes again, and I realised with disgust, there was no shame in them. I told myself I should be just as unaffected by the past as she apparently was, but suddenly realising just how many times she had manipulated me, forced me to do things I didn't want to do just to keep my sweet, innocent girlfriend happy...

Steeling myself, I met her gaze and asked a question I'd agonised over for a long time.

"Did you ever actually love me, Tanya?"

She was momentarily taken aback, but her mask was back in place almost immediately. Always needing to be perfect.

"Edward, we were twenty years old, what did either of us really know about love? You were sweet, and kind and you treated me nicely, by far the kindest a man has ever treated me before but... we were kids. What we shared was never going to last. My father has my life set out for me, and that includes the type of man I'm going to marry. And I'm sorry Edward, but you... you never would have made the cut. The timing may have been all wrong, but at least... at least we broke up before you got too attached to me. It's time we both moved on from the past. I can't hold on to you, and you shouldn't try to hold on to me. You need to let me go."

Ouch.

That... that hurt.

Her words... they were so mangled, like she had a lot she wanted to say and she'd just shoved them all in a blender and spat out whatever came up first. It burned, hearing her say that she never really loved me, especially since I'd cared so deeply for her. I thought our love would last forever. Childish, I know, but I had been a fantasist back then. Only when life showed me just how cruel it could be, did I truly feel the burn of her betrayal. And now she was telling me none of it meant anything to her? That she'd been planning our end before we even began? Why had she even dated me if she always believed I wasn't good enough? Perhaps I was a naive little boy who believed I would spend the rest of my life with the first person I fell in love with, but I did love her. And she said she loved me back. How could she have lied so convincingly? How could I have fallen for it all?

Despite telling myself no matter what happened tonight, I wouldn't let it affect me, I was devastated.

I had loved her, and yet that wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't good enough for her.

But who was I kidding, I wasn't good enough for anyone. All I did was screw things up. I was a complete and utter failure.

"Is this the reason you wanted to see me tonight? To tell me you never loved me, and that I need to move on?" I whispered weakly, trying my damnedest to hold back tears. You will not cry! God damn it, not again!

She ran her tongue along her glossy top lip before sitting up a little straighter and plastering the generic smile back on her face.

"No. Actually, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to accompany me to this party my father is taking me to next week. As my date. Just not... you know... a real date."

I blinked.

"Are you telling me, that you called me out of nowhere after two years of silence, so you could tell me you never loved me, justify cheating on me, tell me to get over you and then ask me to be your date?!"

She rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to make this difficult, Edward. I may not want a relationship, but we can still have fun together. It's a fancy dinner party, and I didn't want to show up on my own. And you were already here, so..."

I launched to my feet, the chair tipping backwards and crashing against the silver tiled floor, reverberating loudly in the quiet restaurant, drawing many eyes from both patrons and workers alike. But I didn't care about their staring. Their judging eyes or their assumptions.

I was seething.

First, she made me feel like shit, then she had the audacity to make me feel expendable? Like I was just a toy she could play with whenever she wanted and then toss aside? And what, I was supposed to be grateful for that? Happy for a place in her life despite the fact I'd only be there for her convenience?

Fuck. That.

"I am not your fucking bitch, Tanya! You can't string me along on a leash while fucking every guy you think is better! Who the fuck do you think you are?!"

"Edward, be quiet! You're causing a scene!" She hissed venomously, looking around frantically as though terrified she'd see someone she knew.

I was so done with this. Yanking out my wallet, I threw two twenty-dollar bills on the table before walking straight out the door without looking back.

"Edward! Don't you dare walk away from me! Come back here!" Her shrill demand followed me as I stormed all the way to my car, but I ignored it. Ignored it like I did all those years ago, like I should have done when I got that damn phone call. Jumping inside, I blasted the radio as loud as it would go and peeled away from the sidewalk just in time to see her standing outside the restaurant, gawking after me, completely dumbfounded.

I sincerely hoped I never saw that selfish cow again.

AAA

"That's it, Edward, really focus your anger, just picture someone you hate is on the other side of this bag, and you have to destroy it to get to them." Emmett's encouraging voice echoed through my mind as I continued to pound the crap out of the punching bag. My knuckles were hurting, my muscles aching, every inch of me covered in sweat. But I didn't let any of it slow me down. I embraced the pain and with every hit, a certain persons face stayed in the forefront of my mind.

I couldn't go home after 'dinner', not trusting myself around mum or Seth, and desperately needing to blow off some steam. So, in a moment of what I considered pure insanity, I'd chosen to come here. It felt bizarre, just strolling into the manor when I wasn't expected, or invited. Yeck, I didn't even know if I was allowed to be here when it wasn't for work, but I was so worked up, so tense, so volatile, I needed to let it out somehow and I'd heard through many mouths the gym in the basement was the perfect place to do just that. So, I slunk through the halls like a burglar in a silent movie, just waiting for the boss or... anyone, to come out and tell me I wasn't welcome, but no one did. And when I finally stepped off the elevator, it was to the sight of a massive space, thousands of dollars worth of equipment and dozens of guys making use of it, minding their own business, paying me no attention at all.

Well, almost. I'd found Emmett in a corner lifting weights, and was just as surprised to see him and he was me. I didn't know if I was really broadcasting my emotions that clearly, or if he just sensed something was up with me, but he immediately abandoned his own workout and took me to the boxing area, where he showed me how to box, and then let me at the bag like some rabid dog off its leash.

He didn't ask why I was so upset or try to talk me down, he let me be angry and work the anger out of my system while never once leaving my side. I was so lucky to have a mentor like him. If I had been placed with anyone else, I firmly believed I would have been dead by now.

I was so pissed off at Tanya, and a part of me still couldn't compute that the sweet, considerate, hard-working girl I'd fallen for in college had transformed into this monster who looked at me so apathetically while telling me I was just temporary fun. Not even transformed, if my suspicions were correct, she had always been this way, and I was so, so blind.

I loved her with everything I had and to come to the realization that, at the very least, she had manipulated me throughout our entire relationship and at worst, I was just some stop in the road... I was enraged. I never should have gone to that fucking dinner, never should have given her the satisfaction of seeing me shatter right before her uncaring face! But no, that wasn't right. It was better that I knew, but the fact that I'd reacted so pathetically...

I was right in front of her, after all this time, I could have said everything my younger self had been dying to say for so many years. But... I hadn't. I just sat there and let her destroy my world all over again, and then I ran. I had the opportunity to call her out on all of her bullshit excuses and I had sat there like a trained monkey, silent, devastated, trying not to cry, and then I ran.

I should have been used to it by now, the two-faced backstabbing nature of people. But, for some reason, even though she cheated on me, and never cared enough to try and reach out afterwards, I had still never seen her that way. Despite all the pain she caused, she was a part of my past I considered 'safe'. Now, it was like another cruel joke. Life had decided to once again kick me down and once again, I had just laid there and taken it. Why was I so weak? Why couldn't I defend myself? I hated being so timid! I hated being so spineless! I hated everything about me.

Another hour and Emmett urged me to call it quits. I wanted to keep going, but he pulled me back by reminding me I still had work the next day, and would be of no use to anyone if I couldn't lift my arms. Collapsing back on the exercise mat, I felt the remaining dregs of strength leech away, leaving me with nothing but a cold, hollow emptiness. I felt like utter shit.

"Tired, Cullen? Is babysitting the boss's squeeze really that difficult? Is the little lady too much for you?" An arrogant, snide voice mocked. I barely had the strength to lift my head, meeting the sneering gaze of a tall, muscular dark-skinned man I remembered only as 'Tyler.' I'd never spoken to him in person before, only recalled his patronising tone while I was busy getting my arse kicked by Jasper. He looked a bit older than me, late twenties or early thirties, with the whisper of crows feet surrounding his unkind eyes. Not knowing what his problem was, I forced myself into a sitting position, fully intending on confronting the prick, when Emmett beat me to it.

"You think you're such a big man, Tyler, I dare you to call Bella a squeeze in front of the boss. I fucking dare you." His tone belied all the vindictive glee he would feel if such an event came to pass. Tyler shrugged, undeterred.

"I'm just messin' around, Emmett," He chuckled, holding his hands up in mocking surrender. "But while we're on the subject of the boss, have you asked him what Bella's last name is yet?"

"Tyler!" Emmett spat, all humour gone. "Fuck off!"

He bowed tauntingly.

"You got it, boss. Maybe I'll go down to the basement and have a little playtime with Eric. Better be careful around that girl, Cullen, 'cause you really don't want what's happening to him to happen to you. But I think, if I ever got you down there, I'd have a lot more fun with you." He winked, sending cold shivers through my entire body. Emmett glared as he swaggered away.

"What was that about?"

"Fuck him, he's just jealous 'cause he's been working here for years and has never been trusted with a senior position. Meanwhile, you've only been here a few months and already have a job most guys would be salivating over. Little shit needs to get over himself. If he wasn't such a hothead he would have been promoted a long time ago."

I kept my eye on the man as he began violently pummeling the punching bag I'd just vacated, resolving never to be alone in the same room with him. Something about him just made my stomach roll, but his words had piqued my interest. Turning back to Emmett, who was now doing squats on the mat beside me, I asked,

"What did he mean, about Eric? And what was that about Bella's last name?"

Emmett didn't stop in his stride, though his face was visibly more strained.

"Boss signed off on Eric. Pretty much gave everyone in the house free reign on him. A lot of the boys have already taken a crack at the poor bastard. I'd give him a month before his body gives out."

Well, I hadn't expected that.

"But... but surely they wouldn't want to do that. He was part of your team."

"Was, Edward. Was a part of our team. I'm not the only one loyal to the boss, you know? The man is very smart. He's built his empire on the shoulders of guys like me, who would shoot ourselves just to keep him alive and his business thriving. If the boss is betrayed, we're all betrayed. Now I, personally, would have given him a merciful death by now, but boss isn't exactly in the business of being merciful. If someone tries to fuck him over, he fucks back. Hard. There's a reason people fear him."

For the hundredth time I was dying to ask exactly what Mr Black had done to garner his loyalty, but after his reaction the first time I'd broached the subject, I wouldn't dare go there again. Deciding to go the safer route, I asked my next question.

"And Bella's last name? What's the deal with that?"

"Forget it, Edward. Tyler's just dicking around with you. Just don't ask the boss about it, alright?"

"But why?" Why would asking make Mr Black angry?"

He grunted, ceasing mid-squat to glare at me through sweat-damp hair. I gulped, thinking I'd pushed him too far, berating myself, once again, for being too curious. I watched cautiously as he propelled himself up, padding down his face with a rag before meeting my eyes with steeling determination.

"He doesn't know it. That's why you shouldn't ask what it is. It's a bit of a sore spot for him. He's lashed out more than once on the subject, and trust me when I say, there are very few things that can make that man lose his temper. So it would be best if you just drop it."

I stared at him blankly, blinking owlishly. I didn't understand.

"He doesn't know her last name? How can he not know?"

"Probably because she's never told him. Most likely the smartest thing she's done since she got here."

I couldn't quell my look of utter bewilderment, despite Emmet's constant griping that I needed to get better and masking my emotions, I was too drained from the days' events to even attempt to hide it.

I'd heard the boss call Bella's full name before, hadn't I? It was... It was... But, no, I couldn't actually remember a time anyone had used her last name. But how could that be? All Black's money, all his resources, and he couldn't discover one girl's name? The name of the woman he had sleeping in his bed? I didn't understand, and Emmett didn't elaborate. I couldn't let it go.

"So let me get this straight; he kidnapped her, has been holding her prisoner in this... this... fortress... and he doesn't even know her full name? How does that even happen?!" I squeaked.

Emmett gave me a flat look.

"Well, it wasn't exactly planned, Edward. It wasn't like all his other jobs where he's calm and meticulous and plans everything out so thoroughly. He just... went abroad for business and came back with an unconscious teenage girl. I've tried asking him what was going through his mind when he took her, but... all he's ever told me was that he... felt something. Something he's never experienced before, when he first laid eyes on her.

"He didn't know anything about her at all. All he knew was that he had to have her, so he just took her. She's never given him any real information about her old life, or her family, nothing that could help him track them down. As far as I know, he tries a new method every now and again, but, for whatever reason, has never really put his full weight behind it. Personally, I see it as more of a battle of wills between the two. He doesn't want to just find out, he wants her to trust him enough to tell him. But, as you've probably already guessed, she doesn't trust him, and I'm betting because she knows exactly what he'd do with that information if he had it, and not having it pisses him off because he's used to having everything. This is the only real power she has over him, and she clings to it because she still fantasises about returning home. Obviously, that's a fantasy the boss is quite eager to crush."

Huh. I never would have thought of that. Never would it have occurred to me that someone like Jacob Black would willingly surrender something he desperately wanted just for some... trust. But then, there were times he was... oddly... affectionate with Bella. Because of her unwillingness to be with him, it always came off patronising and pushy, but perhaps... perhaps a part of him really did want her to want him back, especially if it meant she would no longer make any more foolish attempts to run from him.

Whatever the reason, I admired Bella's bravery. She must have balls of fucking steel.

"Do you think Eric knows? He was closest to her, wasn't he?"

Emmett snorted. "Trust me, Edward, Eric doesn't know. He would have sung like a fucking bird by now if he did. Just... put it out of your mind. It has nothing to do with your job, so drop it. Because I don't think Tyler was kidding about what he'd do to you if you ever ended up in the basement alongside him."

AAA

Pulling up to my driveway, I immediately had a feeling something was wrong. The kitchen light was on, which was strange given how late it was. Strolling in, I was met with the sight of my brother sitting stone-faced at the dining table while my normally docile mother was white with rage, looking visibly exhausted, clearly just coming down from what was likely a loud and indignant lecture. Both their heads snapped up the second they noticed me enter the room, and despite my own tired mind, I would have had to be a fool to miss the silent plea in my baby brothers eyes. I gulped. This wasn't good.

"Hey guys, what are you doing up so late?" I asked, feigning casual, trying to defuse whatever invisible tension I felt perspiring in the room. It didn't work.

"Go on then. Tell your brother what happened in school today." Mum demanded accusingly, looking far too intimidating for a sick woman in a wheelchair. Seth's eyes returned to the table before mumbling a moody "I got suspended."

My mouth dropped open in shock. Seth was by far the most well-behaved teenager I'd ever known. All he ever did was study, paint, play games and hang out with friends. He'd never been in any kind of trouble before. Not once! Suspended? How-?

"Over what?"

"He was suspended for fighting!" Mother practically hissed, her normally kind and compassionate face twisted with rare rage. Seth glowered at her.

"I didn't start it, mum! How many times do I have to tell you!"

"Don't you raise your voice to me, young man. How is this going to look on your record when you start applying for college? You didn't start it. The teacher was right there, you could have just gone to him and told him those boys were bothering you! But no, you just had to prove yourself and break his bloody nose!"

"Woah woah woah guys, hold on. Stop," I interjected, clueless but also not looking to incur any of my mother's wrath, I held up a hand to respectfully tell her to keep quiet, before turning my attention to Seth. "What exactly happened today?"

"I was just walking to my table for lunch, then one of the members of the basketball team decided it would be funny to yell across the cafeteria that the only reason I could afford my brand new clothes was because I was blowing Mr Molina behind the bleachers. I tried to ignore him, but then he ran over to me. I asked him to let me pass and he knocked my tray out of my hand. I gave him one warning to back off, and he shoved me, so I punched him. It wasn't my fault the little pussy went down like a pile of bricks after just one hit."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my mother gearing up to scream again, but I once again held up my hand to silence her. Looking closer at my little brother, I expected to see cuts or bruises, a busted lip, something. But there was nothing. I knew that jocks typically ran in packs; it was insane he managed to get out of there without so much as a scratch.

"Then what happened?" I asked, rather eager to know if my little bro finally got revenge against one of his tormentors. If this was the same asshole kid who'd beat him up a couple of months ago for wearing raggedy clothes, then it sounded like the shit had it coming. It wouldn't have been wise to say so in front of my mother though.

"His friends were about to jump me, but a teacher was actually standing pretty close, and intervened. He had James' friends pick him up and take him to the nurse while he took me to the principal. A few hours later, we," He gestured to himself and mum, "were in the principles office with James, his dad, and the teacher who saw what went down. James was claiming I started it, and his as- butthole of a dad was demanding I be suspended. The principal told him that if he suspended me, he'd have to suspend James too. Then the guy started yelling about how James was a star athlete and going off to college next year and couldn't have a suspension on his record, so the principal offered to drop the matter if James and I apologised to each other. James refused, his father backed him up, and now we're both suspended."

"For how long?" I questioned, quelling the urge to give my brother a well deserved high five. I wanted to, but with mum sitting right there, that high five would have cost me my life.

"Three days. Jokes on him though. He's in his senior year. It's gonna hurt him a heck of a lot more than it'll hurt me."

"Seth Carlisle Cullen, don't you dare treat this matter so brazenly! That one boy is not worth all the trouble this suspension could cause you. And the fact that you don't even seem sorry is what worries me the most. You know how much your father hated violence! What would he say, if he could see you now?!"

Immediately I knew mum had pushed Seth too far. He stood, chair rocking dangerously behind him, scarily reminiscent of my own experience mere hours before. Glaring at my mother with a viciousness I had never seen in him before, he said, "The fact that dad hated fighting back is the reason he's dead. Don't try and use him to guilt trip me, mum! If he had fought back, he'd still be here, so you want to know what I think he'd say? I think he'd say 'well fucking done'!"

And with that, he stormed off, the sound of his bedroom door slamming followed seconds later. I was completely stunned.

A broken sob came from beside me, and almost at once, Mum burst into tears. I was quick to throw my arm around her. Hastily producing the sweaty rag I'd used during my workout, I handed it over apologetically, and with a grimace did she gently pat the dirty cloth at her tears. When she spoke, her voice was soft and defeated.

"I shouldn't have brought up his father. I know how he gets when I do, I was just so frustrated. I should go and apologise to him." I quickly held her hands in mine before she could wheel herself away.

"No, leave him. He needs some time to cool down. I'll go talk to him in a bit, if he's still awake, but he probably just needs some space to be angry right now. Come on, it's late and you need to rest. things will be better in the morning, you'll see."

Despite her initial protests, mum allowed me to escort her to her room and guide her into bed, the argument with Seth having knocked more out of her than I initially thought. She made me promise to talk to my brother before practically collapsing from exhaustion, and so, after scoffing down some leftover macaroni and taking a nice hot shower, I was outside Seth's door. I knew he was still awake, light was shining beneath the doorway. On any other day, I might have scolded him for being up so late, but special circumstances called for special measures.

"Seth," I called quietly, sore knuckles rapping against the hardwood, "Can I come in?"

I took his silence as consent.

Walking into his bedroom, I noticed he'd put quite a few more decorations up since the last time I was in here. His walls were covered floor to ceiling with posters, from Xena: Warrior Princess to Pacman. He also had apparently spent a great deal of the pocket money I was providing on art supplies; multiple pallets of paint and splotchy canvases leant against his large easel, a rather impressive looking project resting half complete on top of it. He was sitting at his computer, violently slamming his finger on the enter key, not looking at me. I knew he wasn't quite ready to face me yet, so I just perched myself on the edge of his Crash Bandicoot bedsheets and waited.

After a few minutes of just silence, he finally spoke.

"I'm not sorry."

I chuckled lightly, "I'm not angry at you, kid. If I were in your position I would have done the exact same thing. Although, congratulations for putting that little shit to the floor. Couldn't say it in front of mum but... you gave that asshole exactly what he deserved."

He immediately turned in his spinny chair, gawking at me in utter amazement. A small grin cracked the corners of his face before his features turned sombre.

"I didn't mean to say those things about dad." His voice broke, like he was trying his hardest to hold back tears. I sighed, ruffling a hand through my wet coppery hair. He looked miserable.

"It's okay, Seth. Even though you know you'll have to apologise to mum tomorrow-" He nodded shamefully, twisting his jumper between his fists, "- what you said wasn't entirely... untrue. And even though I would, and will, encourage you to find better methods for dealing with bullies going into the future, I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself like you did."

His sorrowful frown slowly twisted into a sad little smile. He mimicked my action with his own tawny hair before heaving a heavy sigh and muttering, "I just wanted to defend myself for once. I know dad always said that violence is never the answer, but I just... didn't want to be a victim anymore, you know?"

I nodded sympathetically. If only he knew how far I had strayed from our father's teachings, I didn't think he'd feel quite so guilty about punching one brat in the nose.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" I replied thickly.

"Do you think... do you think that dad... might still... be with us, in some way? Like, spiritually, or something? I know it's a stupid question, but lately, I've been getting these strange feelings. Like... like someone's watching over me. But not, like, in a bad way. Like they're trying to protect me. Keep me safe, you know? Do you think that dad might still be... around? Looking out for us?"

I could tell how embarrassed he was just by asking the question, so I suppressed my brotherly urge to mock him for it. Instead, I gave him a gentle look and replied, "I'm sure he is, kid."

His responding smile made me glad I said the words, but deep down, I knew I didn't believe them. My father would be disgusted at what his oldest son had become, and as such, picturing him looking down upon me like an angel, or hovering around like a ghost, was neither pleasant nor comforting. He was gone. A part of the past now. And for the sake of myself and the family I had left, I could no longer dwell in the past. I had to look towards the future.