Chapter Nine - Lonely In A Crowded Room

"Tanya? What are you doing here?"

My ex was standing in front of me, in a terrifyingly short bright pink 'gown' that covered nothing and showed absolutely everything. She smirked.

"My father was one of the invited guests. You should have told me the reason you couldn't come with me was because you had a job at the hotel! You really hurt my feelings by just saying no." She pouted, although I could tell her 'feelings' were far from actually hurt. I could clearly see the amusement behind those widened, watery eyes.

It was funny, but as soon as I realised she was faking it, a flood of memories came rushing back. She used to pull this face all the time, mostly during arguments, and when she did, I'd always cave and do exactly as she pleased, not wanting my beloved girlfriend to be sad. Making that connection suddenly made me feel sick; how many times had I let this woman walk all over me?

I glared at her, letting her know I wasn't falling for her act.

"I don't work for the hotel, I'm private security. And you know damn well that's not why I said no, Tanya."

My words seem to shock the tears right out of her, eyes going dry as the Sahara desert as her poisonous smirk returned to her pretty face.

"You're working private security? What happened to the Edward who wouldn't even kill spiders?" Her question was mocking, but I could tell she was genuinely curious. I was guessing when she called me to dinner a few nights ago, she had not expected me to have changed so drastically. Little did she know just how much I'd changed.

"Well, I still don't kill spiders. I do, however, work as a guard for a very powerful man. A powerful man who wouldn't like seeing me talking on the job, so if you wouldn't mind," I told her loftily, gesturing her to leave me alone. Of course, she ignored me and instead turned to scan the crowd, obviously wondering which influential people in the room I belonged to. Her full, bright pink lips were pursed as she turned back to face me.

"So who is it? You still live in the city, so it can't be anyone that important." The sneer on her face quickly melted away as I spoke my next words.

"I work for Jacob Black."

Everyone in this city knew who Jacob Black was. He wasn't just a high-level criminal who worked underground making millions a week from drugs and guns, he was also the CEO and founder of a successful, multi-layered company, specializing in computer protection software. His software was one of the best in the business, sold internationally to people and organisations worldwide. I had once been told that the software was used to collect information on anyone who had it installed on their device, and yet, as far as I knew, no one had ever come out and aired suspicion to the fact, and the protection was almost completely unhackable, to everyone but him. Yet despite his company's success, he was a low profile man. He'd never gone on television talking about his business, and even though his product was sold globally, I'd heard it was masked under several shell companies all around the world, so he, as a man, never drew too much attention. He ran his business privately, only really known for the industry in the city, the city he also owned as he had investments in hundreds of other smaller companies expanding the country and beyond.

He was very good at keeping a low profile, clean reputation, using his company to account for his millions while hiding what was really going on beneath the surface. But anyone who was a part of my new world knew how dangerous he really was. Famous in the world of crime, virtually unknown in the world of known billionaires. Which was why, I supposed, he would risk flaunting Bella around in front of cameras and paparazzi. No magazine or newspaper in this city was permitted to use his picture unless they wanted a massive lawsuit, so he wasn't worried a picture of them together might end up in front of someone missing her. Emmett was right, he was a very smart man, and despite how menacing he was with his men and his guns and his skills in torture, his intelligence was by far the thing I feared the most.

Tanya's face said it all. She knew exactly who he was.

"Mr Black? You work for Jacob Black?"

Her tone was astonished. I nodded like it was no big deal.

"Yes, I do. Now if you'll excuse-"

"There's no way someone like you works for a man like him! Much less as the guard he trusted most to bring with him tonight!" She laughed aloud, though thankfully not loud enough to be heard over the orchestra currently performing Beethoven's 6th Symphony, (yes I was a dork and knew exactly what that was).

"What's so funny?" I seethed. She giggled hysterically.

"Oh, Edward. That was a good one," she practically wheezed, clutching her chest. "To think that the boy who cried after losing his virginity now works for one of the most powerful men in the world! That's what's funny!"

I flushed a deep flaming red, mortified she'd bring that up at a time like this. My eyes darted frantically, insuring no one was paying attention to us, before hissing, "Will you keep your voice down! I'm not joking!"

"Sure you're not, next thing you know, you'll be telling me you're also a part of his underground organisation." She snickered.

My heart all but stopped.

"You... you know what he is?" I stammered, completely dumbfounded. She breathed in deeply, face flushed with amusement at my expense. The devil in her eyes was alight with mischief, her whole face twisting in an unpleasant grin.

"Of course I know who he is, Edward. Everyone in this room knows who he is. Didn't I ever tell you, what my father does for a living?"

Her mocking, sing-song voice had me completely wrong-footed. I stared slack-jawed down at her obnoxious smile, silently shaking my head. She puffed out her chest importantly.

"My father is an arms dealer, Edward. He buys and sells weapons from men like Jacob Black. Even joined him in a massacre he initiated on a rival organisation operating out of Egypt a few years back. That was a dirty affair let me tell you. Are you honestly telling me that you, you, are a part of that world now?"

I nodded dumbly, nearly unable to process the bomb she'd just unloaded on me. I couldn't believe it. The girl I used to idolise, worship, believed just as innocent as I was, came from a world of crime, death and violence. I was so... so knocked off balance, trying to squeeze my old memories of her into this new image was near impossible. Her stunning features and desire to be a world-renown surgeon just didn't fit with this dirty world of blood and destruction. Almost as much as Bella didn't.

The look on Tanya's face could only be described as smug.

"Well, who would have thought, that morally superior Edward Anthony Cullen now works for a criminal. The mighty sure do fall far don't they, Eddy?"

Her mockery was just enough to knock some sense back into me, and the elegant chaos of the ballroom suddenly returned in short sharp focus.

"Morally superior?" I spat back defensively. Her arrogance didn't waver.

"Don't think I forgot what it was like to date you, Edward. You'd judge someone if they parked sideways. And now look at you, working for one of the most dangerous men in the world, as his private security, no less. I have to say, all things considered, I'm impressed."

She didn't look impressed; no, in fact, she looked just the opposite. She looked like she thought this whole series of events was just one big joke. I knew I was remarkably different now then I was back at school, but was the thought of me working for Jacob Black really so unbelievable, she was laughing at me?

"What's so funny?" I questioned suspiciously, my self-esteem near completely deflated.

She shrugged one shoulder, uncaring, before quickly snagging a glass of wine from a passing waiter. Bringing the flute to her ripe rosy lips, did she casually say, "I'm just wondering how long you'll last."

Her words; there was something so cruel, so hurtful, about the complete callousness of her tone. Like she really couldn't give a shit about me no matter which way the dice rolled. Had I honestly meant so little to her?

"Meaning?" I questioned weakly, trying to sound uncaring, and failing miserably.

"Boys like you weren't made for this world, Edward. You're a nice guy." She made it sound like an insult.

I scoffed breathlessly, trying desperately to bury how deeply battered my emotions truly were.

"I didn't realise being a nice guy, was such a bad thing." I croaked hoarsely. She merely shrugged.

"Not bad, Edward. Just... boring." She quickly dumped her glass on another waiters tray before taking a step closer to me, blocking my view of anything but her.

"You see, I used to think it was sweet. When I was in high school and all those chubby-cheeked baby faced boys would fawn all over me, buying me gifts and trying to woo me. But then I got to college and... I missed it. I missed the thrill. The excitement of being in a house surrounded by big men with guns, knowing that anything could happen at any time; I missed it. I tried to move past it, I honestly didn't want to be a part of my father's world forever, which was why I latched myself on to you.

"I thought that a sweet, innocent, naive, hopeless guy like you was going to make me a better person. That if I stuck around you long enough, I'd feel what you felt, care as deeply about people as you did. But it didn't quite work out that way. I was born to be a part of this world, Edward. The blood, the death, the violence, it's in me. But it's not in you. It got to the point where I could barely stand you. Heck, not even your roommate could stand you. You were too obsessed with being a good person, too obsessed with being just like daddy. You have no idea how much your friends use to mock you behind your back, because of how much of a sap you truly were. And Edward, no matter what you do, that will never change. You can put on an expensive suit, carry a gun, surround yourself with criminals, but at the end of the day, you'll always be that quiet, timid little boy who was convinced that someone like me could actually love you."

I almost cringed. I didn't want to listen to her words any more. They weren't just making me upset, they were making me angry. Who was she to tell me who I could and couldn't be? This may not be anywhere near the life I'd envisioned for myself as a gangly young man on my first day of medical school, but it was my life now. And despite how timid and submissive I was, that had to change when the world showed me just how brutal and cruel it could truly be.

I wanted to yell, to curse, to scream, but I knew the consequences of making a scene in such a formal setting. So I glared. I glared so harshly I thought my eyes would burn right through my sockets. Staring the snide girl before me down, I growled lowly.

"Okay, Tanya. Stop acting like you know what's best for me. This is my world now. My life, my job, and I've survived so far. You may be daddies little princess, surrounded by thousands of men, with guns, but I'm one of those men with guns. I'm one of the ones who walk into danger, and I don't need you telling me that I can't handle that, because I'm still alive. And yes, I'm here, as Mr Black's security. The one he trusted the most, to bring with him tonight. And if you really know as much about Jacob Black as you claim, you should know, that he only ever hires the best."

I couldn't help the immense satisfaction as her mocking smirk slipped from her sneering face. Yes, I was twisting the truth, but there was no reason she needed to know that. I just wanted to prove to her that I wasn't that weak little fuck I was while we were dating. I wasn't just going to stand here and take her abuse, listening to her putting me down like I now realised she always did. I never faulted her for it, believing every word she said. But not now, not anymore. I was no longer a lovesick loser. She held no more power.

Her ice-cold eyes seemed to freeze on me, sharpening like the point of a spear as she stared straight through my soul. Then, incredibly, her wicked glare melted into a small conniving smile.

"Finally grown a backbone I see. You know what, I kind of like it. I never thought you had it in you, Edward. I really, really didn't." She licked her bottom lip, then looking up at me beneath her thick curly lashes, did she lean forward and whisper in a sultry purr, "Is it wrong, that you, like this, is kind of turning me on?"

I retreated immediately, practically launching myself back against the hard gold wall. Her eyes were devouring me, watching me like a starving predator and me, her prey.

"Don't even think about it, Tanya, its never going to happen." I hissed, revulsion coursing through me at the mere thought of touching her again. She may have been visually stunning, but she had a heart as dark as a nightmare. No way was I falling into her trap again.

She smirked at me, her eyes alight with lust as they hunted all over me.

"Oh, I don't know, Edward. I'm rather used to getting what I want."

Not thinking twice, I scowled at her and sneered, "I don't want you."

The fiery look on her face transformed instantly. Heat freezing to ice as she clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes, pupils constricting as she raised her head pridefully.

"Have you met someone else?" She demanded to know, watching my face intently like she was trying to catch even a hint of a lie. I could only smirk.

"Someone else? You mean, someone better?" I taunted, enjoying having the upper hand for once. She scoffed.

"As if you could find anyone better then me!"

And just like that, I was completely done with her bullshit. Just like at dinner, I couldn't stand to listen to her vile any longer. She was too toxic. Too hateful. Nothing but trouble. I had to get away.

So looking her right in the eye, I said the most dismissive thing I could think of.

"Tanya, literally anything would be better than you. But I don't have time to stand here and tell you all the reasons why. I don't have time for you. So pardon my manners, but I've got work to do."

And without giving her shocked, mortified face a backwards glance, did I dislodge myself from the corner she'd backed me into and walked away from her. I needed to find Bella.

AAA

I couldn't see her at first, and I was having a mini panic attack. Mr Black was currently standing on the edge of the dance floor, talking to an overweight, dark-haired gentlemen who looked more like the godfather in a mobster movie then I'd ever seen in real life, but Bella wasn't with him. I cursed Tanya for wasting my time and distracting me from doing the one thing I'd been brought here to do tonight. I considered going to him and admitting I'd lost her, but I didn't want to get my first bullet wound unless it was absolutely necessary. So instead, I scoured the magnificent hall, moving quickly through the happy crowd trying hard to mask my panic.

There were too many people. And they were all dancing and moving around. Finally, when I was just about to concede to my fate and run to Mr Black with my tail between my legs, did I catch the familiar sight of a pretty purple dress.

Taking purposeful strides towards the large balcony doors, I swiftly slid one open and stepped out into the cool brisk air. The balcony was quite large, with a curved stone wall and a tall wrought iron gate that led down a flight of steps leading to the gardens. But I wasn't really interested in the scenery, because the visage of a gorgeous young girl stood with her back facing me, her body slouched forward on the gold stone, staring at the gardens blanketed by the darkness of late evening.

The relief that flooded my heart was quickly squelched when she looked over her shoulder, and I caught sight of one stray tear lingering on her left cheek. Seeing it was me, she quickly turned away, and in a voice thick with unshed tears did she mutter a bitter, "What do you want?"

Rubbing my hands over my covered arms as though protecting myself from the coldness of her words, I approached carefully, closing the door behind me and blocking out the chatter of the party. It was just us.

"I came to find you. Are you alright? Would you like me to escort you back inside?"

She turned on me quickly, her deep brown eyes red with dismay and anger as she glared a piercing glare and stared me down coldly.

"What is your problem? Can't I get one moment of peace in this circus before I'm forced to perform like a dancing bear? I just wanted some time alone! Is that too much to ask?! God!"

I shuffled under the weight of her gaze. I didn't really know what to say.

"I'm... I'm sorry Bella. I just wanted to make sure you were alright out here, and that you didn't..." I trailed off, but she knew exactly what I'd been too cowardly to say.

"Didn't what, didn't run? Well, you don't have to worry about that, Edward. You took the only opportunity I had to run. I won't get another chance like that for a long, long time."

She turned her back to me, tilting her face towards the sky, dark and starless under the fog of the city. Even though I could no longer see her emotions, I somehow felt her turmoil. The way her shoulders hunched and her tiny palms limply clutched the wall... she was so filled with longing. Her hopelessness damn near broke my heart.

"I miss them, Edward. My family. My friends. I miss them all."

My head snapped to attention, stunned she was sharing such sentiment with me. She usually went out of her way to avoid and ignore me, pretending I wasn't there; yet in this rare, rare moment, she was letting me in.

"Do you have any idea what it's like, to be in a room surrounded by people, and still be all alone?"

I wanted to say something, anything. Appeal to her sudden willingness to talk to me and let her know that she wasn't entirely alone. That I did, in fact, understand what it was like to feel lonely. And hopeless.

I was about to blurt something out, something that might hopefully make her feel a little better, a little less miserable. When behind me, in the ballroom, through the closed glass doors, someone screamed.