Chapter Fifteen - Bad News
I was fuming, seething, absolutely shaking with anger. And the worst part; everyone else seemed completely oblivious.
Seth and Angela were sitting together opposite me, looking every bit the couple Seth insisted they were not. Mum lapping up praise she received for her meal, loving the festive atmosphere and her revived role as a hostess. Our guest even seemed to be enjoying the fun and frivolity. The whole table was alight with joy and laughter. The whole table, except me.
"What the fuck are you doing here!"
My ex smiled cheekily in the doorway, looking as beautiful as the devil in a casual blue dress and heels. But before she could answer, my mother came hobbling out of the kitchen on her barely used crutches, beaming over Tanya's shoulder with a joy I hadn't seen in months.
"Edward!" She cried excitedly, "Tanya called me earlier, saying she was in town and wanted to get in touch with you, but didn't have your new number. I invited her to join us for dinner, and she's been helping me bake all afternoon! Isn't that great!"
No. No, it was not great. Not at all.
So, here I was, sitting perfectly like a trained puppy, pretending everything was just peachy, while Tanya, little demon that she was, actively socialized with everyone while discreetly rubbing her hand along my thigh. I wanted to break her fingers.
"Wow, Angela! All advanced classes, captain of the volleyball team, intern at Slatter law firm and you still find time to volunteer? I wish I was that productive when I was your age! You really are something." Tanya complemented, her bright smile worthy of an oscar as Angela blushed timidly and Seth puffed out his chest proudly.
"Well, it isn't easy, but I really want to get into a good law school. There are too many dishonest judges and lawyers out there. I just want to do my bit in the fight for justice." Angela replied meekly, tucking her dark hair behind her ears and pushing her spectacles up her nose. Tanya leaned forward as though genuinely interested, all the while humouring that dishonest grin.
"That's exactly how I feel about medicine. Being a surgeon is so important to me, because you're right on the front line; saving peoples lives, assisting their recovery, helping them rebuild and become whole again. It's what we both always wanted, right Edward?"
Oh, she just had to rub it in.
She knew how much I wanted to become a doctor, and had to know how heartbroken I was that I would never get to achieve that dream. I wanted to lash out at her, but under the weight of all eyes in the room, the only thing I could do was mutter a short, "Sure."
Mum looked over disapprovingly.
I never told her about Tanya cheating. She had just lost my dad and didn't need to hear it, so I kept the pain to myself, eventually playing off our breakup as amicable, lying that we were remaining friends. Never did I think my farce would come back to bite me in the ass. In an attempt to protect my mother from yet further heartache, I had inadvertently led her to be victim to Tanya's manipulation. She even managed to weasel my new number out of her, since obviously I hadn't provided it myself. I was furious that she would come here. Much less come here and act like the perfect person, all smiles and funny stories, knowing I wouldn't say a thing because family came first.
I couldn't help but be suspicious of her intentions. But one thing was certain, she had everyone eating right from the palm of her hand.
"I'm so glad you made the time to be here, Tanya. Edward's been working so hard for months, but no one from his work could make it." Mum chirped happily, practically beaming as she scooped more rice onto her plate.
"What about Bella?"
The water I'd just drank came spitting right back out again. Everyone gawked as I coughed and spluttered before my mother asked the damning question.
"Who's Bella?"
Confusion painted her joyous features as she looked from me to my idiot brother. I could have strangled him.
"She works with Edward. She was here a few days ago. Couldn't she come?"
Seth! Shut up! I thought desperately as all eyes immediately hunted for me. And I sat, chest burning, eyes watering, mouth dry, wishing desperately a black hole would just open beneath the ground and swallow me. Fuck.
"Edward? Who's Bella?" Mum repeated, a little hurt mixed with a silent threat that I had better give her an answer.
I scrambled for an explanation, any explanation to force the conversation away from such forbidden territory, when Tanya interrupted.
"Isabella? Isn't she the girl dating Jacob Black?" For the first time that night, she sounded sincere. Her deadly cerulean eyes piercing right through me as I practically sank into my seat. What could I possibly say?
"Uh... yeah, she does. But she couldn't make it. She... had plans with Mr Black." I lied, hoping hopelessly someone would just change the damn subject already, but of course, mum persisted.
"Why was she here? When? Why didn't you introduce us?"
"Um..." I stalled, not the slightest clue what to tell her. How could I explain this? Bella wasn't part of my home life, she could never be! But then, it was my own fault for bringing her here, and of course, Seth didn't know any better. Still, I didn't want to talk about her, especially not with family. She was off-limits. I'd die if they ever knew the truth about her. But how did I justify my silence to my poor mother, who was clearly trying to disguise how sad she was I would keep the girl a secret in the first place?
Hating myself for lying once again, I scrounged the first feasible explanation I could think of.
"She... she was with me when you... the day you... didn't want to go to the hospital. I had to bring her here to make sure she stayed safe."
"Why?" Please, can we just drop it!
"Um... I'm kind of... her guard now. At least, that's what I've been doing for the past few weeks." I reluctantly divulged. I didn't want them knowing anything about Bella, it wasn't safe, but Seth just had to open his mouth. They all seemed to take my explanation in stride, and for just a moment, I thought I was in the clear. Then Tanya exclaimed, "Oh, so that's why you were at that Ball! You were guarding her! Now it all makes sense."
The subtle smirk that suddenly slivered onto her face made me want to close my eyes and weep in humiliation. I guessed that was what I got for acting like some big shot. Now she knew the truth. I wasn't some amazing bodyguard hand-picked by Mr Black, I was a glorified babysitter. I felt her hand tighten on my leg and flushed deep red, thinking of all the ways she could rub this in my face. Honestly, if I had my gun, I would have aimed it right at my stupid empty skull.
Mum gasped.
"You were at that Ball too, Tanya? Were you there when those awful men tried to rob the place?" Tanya's smug grin immediately melted to make way for mocking sadness. Of course, I was the only one who saw through her facade.
She kept me trapped for the rest of dinner, regaling her audience with her tale of woe while her talons stalked up my leg, her rubbing becoming far more persistent to the point I craved nothing but to jump up and force her out. But that would not have gone down well, especially with my own mother staring sympathetically at the deceitful bitch.
I wanted to shove her away. Get up and expose her for the fraud she was, but I couldn't. Mum was just so happy. Maybe because she was finally feeling well enough to entertain guests, maybe because she felt sorry for me always being alone, and convinced herself having Tanya here would make me happy. Either way, I couldn't ruin it for her. Knowing the horrible news I was going to unveil once this feast was finished, I kept my mouth shut, and let her have her moment, even if it meant enduring Tanya's molestation.
As dinner finally came to an end, Seth saw Angela back to her car. She was a great girl, and I wished I could have taken this opportunity to get to know her a little better, but I had been a tad distracted. Said distraction slipped a perfectly manicured palm up my left arm, pouty pink lips pressing to my ear to sensually whisper, "They are so cute. They remind me of us when we first began. But then, they are a little too young to get up to the same things we did in school," She chuckled, before her teeth lightly grazed my earlobe.
"Why the fuck did you come here!" I quietly seethed, mindful of my mother who was only in the next room.
She looked amused. Perfectly coiffed blond hair falling over her shoulder as she shrugged innocently. "I wanted to get to know your family. I've never met them, and you talked about them so often. Your mother is such a kind, generous woman. She all but jumped at the chance to invite me to dinner when I called. What's the matter, Edward? All your other friends couldn't make it?"
I ignored her scathing remark, only thinking of ways I could force her out the open front door. Despite the cool air wafting through the house, I was so hot and uncomfortable standing before her it almost made me nauseous. This was my sanctuary. My safe haven. She didn't belong here.
"How did you even get my mum's number?"
Her smile turned indulgent, patronising, a look that was becoming frightfully familiar. I hated it when she looked at me that way. It made me feel inferior.
"I can get anything I want, Edward. But it seems you've yet to learn this. That's okay. I prefer being the smart one in the relationship." She purred, running her hand up the muscles of my clothed chest. I grabbed it, roughly shoving it away.
"We are not in a fucking relationship! Not now, not ever again! Stay away from me, Tanya! Stay away from my family! Or-"
"Or you'll what?" She challenged, face transforming into something cunning, like a poisonous snake ready to strike. "Do I need to remind you who my father is, Edward? What could you possibly do?"
I fumed, knowing she was right. What could I do? Though I'd acted hard and invincible at the charity ball, she knew the truth now. Knew I wasn't as strong, as skilled or as important as I'd made myself out to be. She, on the other hand, came from a family of power and prestige. She was right, she could have anything, but that didn't mean she could have me.
"Why are you doing this, Tanya? You broke up with me, remember? You wanted nothing to do with me. What's different now?" I demanded through clenched teeth, seriously and genuinely curious in spite of my rage. Why was she trying so hard? I wasn't rich, or powerful. I wasn't even that good looking. I wasn't anything special. Why couldn't she just leave me be?
And for the first time that night, I caught her control lapse. It was barely anything, a mere tick. A fraction of a second when her pretence collapsed. The smugness slipped and in its place a heated glare. With the moonlight at her back, her stunning baby blues burned right through me.
"You, Edward. That's what's changed. You're nothing like the timid little boy you were when we first met. You're stronger, confident, willing to stand up for yourself. It suits you, and it most definitely suits me," She whispered, voice thick with seduction as she sauntered closer. So close I could see her dark pupils dilating as she pressed her magnificent chest firmly against my own. I didn't know why I didn't immediately push her away. I wanted to, but the heat of her body left me feeling suddenly... powerless. I felt my own skin warm as she rubbed herself against me. Mouth suddenly dry and slack as she caressed places that hadn't been touched in months.
"We can try again," She practically panted in my ear, hot breath teasing my entire body. I could feel my resolve weakening even as I tried desperately to cling to some semblance of sanity. "Wouldn't you like that? For us to try again? I know I would. Because no matter how long we were apart or how many guys I was with after you, I could never get you out of my head. No guy has ever left his mark on me the way you did. Maybe I never loved you, but I felt something, and that's more than I've ever felt with any other man. I thought I could force you out, but seeing you again..." She sighed. I swallowed hard.
"I'm sorry for what I did in the past. I thought you could never be a part of my world, but I was wrong. You belong to this world now Edward. It's changed you. You're so much better then you were before. We can be better, together."
I didn't know what to do, my senses were going haywire. For so long, I resented her. Hell, I still did, yet for some reason, my body... craved her. It was a primal want, nothing more. A longing to be close to something. I had been lonely for such a long time, that the feel of her soft, warm, supple body grinding so insistently against my own made me crazy.
And even though I hated to admit it, hated it with every fibre of my being, in that one single moment... I was aroused.
Her promises, they were so seductive. What if I didn't have to be lonely? What if we could start again? What if..?
What if I gave her a second chance? Would it really be so bad? She wanted me, and I had to admit, I missed the intimacy. I had been alone for so damn long, and had convinced myself with the life I now had, I would always be alone. But what if it didn't have to be that way? What if we tried again? I could change her, make her appreciate me the way she never did before. And she could change me. Make me stronger, tougher, more equipped to handle this world of brutality and violence.
It was just like she said, she could make me better.
And that's when I realized...
Like a bucket of frozen water was dunked over my head, my arousal vanished. And in its place; disappointment. I pulled away, shaking in shame as she looked up bewilderedly, as though unable to comprehend my denial of her. I was disgusted with myself, embarrassed and ashamed. I took a deep breath.
"That's where you're wrong, Tanya. I'm not better then what I used to be. I'm worse. So much worse. I've done terrible things. Been a monster in the eyes of innocent people. You are right, it is my world now, but I will never enjoy being a part of it. And that's the difference between us. You're a smart girl Tanya, and you're beautiful, but you're toxic. You say you hate this world, but you love the power it gives you; the money, the control. I despise this world, but I'm stuck in it. And I've accepted that, for my family, but I refuse to sink so low as to enjoy it. And you do. As you yourself said, you couldn't live without the thrill. I can't be with you, Tanya. Because being with you, the real you, would make me lose everything about me you claim you felt something for in the first place."
And boy, did she not take rejection well. The contempt and fury that twisted her regal features could have shattered glass and brought tears to terrified children. She took a step back and then another, scowling like she thought her rage could strike me down then and there. The fire in her azure eyes honestly shook me to my core, but I kept a neutral expression as her beautiful face contorted into something ugly.
"You'll regret this, Edward. I swear to god, I'm going to make you regret this!"
Concealing my fear, I simply sighed, "Just go home, Tanya. Don't embarrass yourself any further."
And after one last scathing glower that promised nothing but revenge, did she storm out of my house, kicking the gravel with her pretty blue heels and mumbling angrily as she went. She passed Seth, who watched in confusion as she jumped in her car and peeled away, tires screeching violently as if they were in pain. We both stood still for a moment or two, then he turned and called out, "What was that about?"
I shrugged, trying my hardest to act unconcerned as he walked back inside. Closing the door behind him, a muttered quietly, "I told her we weren't getting back together."
Seth gapped at me.
"What?" He squeaked, gawking indignantly. I almost chuckled.
"Yeah, that's why she came. I told her no."
"Edward, why? That girl is smoking hot! And she was practically all over you tonight! Why would you say no to that?"
This time I really did smile. The genuine fear I felt at Tanya's parting threat melting away as I shook my head at my goofy little brother. I followed him into the living room where the pair of us promptly collapsed on the comfy couch.
"She's just... not my type anymore. She's a little too... high maintenance. Besides... I wasn't the only one with a girl all over me tonight. Not your girlfriend, huh?"
He flushed pink, colour spreading right to his ears, and opened his mouth to retort just as mum hobbled into the room.
"Well, I thought they were both lovely. The evening went so well, don't you think?"
We both kind-of hummed in agreement as mum slowly slid into her cosy old armchair, leaning her crutches against the floor and releasing a sigh of relief. I supposed she had chosen to forgo her wheelchair for today, perhaps in an attempt at independence. I felt sad, knowing that, after her next round of chemotherapy, she would once again be bound to that chair, far too weak to do anything out of it.
And those thoughts brought me right back down to earth with a sickening thud. The pit in my stomach I had almost forgotten once again took centre stage, and as the mindless commentary of a meaningless TV show faded into the background, I agonised over how to tell my mother I couldn't be here to help her while she suffered.
Forty minutes passed excruciatingly fast, and as the credits rolled, mum yawned, "Well, I should be getting to bed. See you boys tomorrow."
"Wait!" I cried. Mum and Seth both stared wide in surprise as I flushed in embarrassment. With the pair looking at me expectantly, I sighed.
"I... I need to talk to you about something." The soft dim light of the living room illuminated mum's confusion as she lowered herself back down in her chair, gazing intently. I gulped, throat dry, and fiddled with my fingers as I worked up my courage.
"I um... I... my boss is taking me to Rome." I spat quickly, so quick I was almost certain my words were completely indiscernible. But my mother's look of shock proved otherwise. She gaped for a fraction of a second, before her worn, tired eyes brightened in excitement.
"Really?" She squealed enthusiastically, Her grin making me want to sink into my seat and disappear altogether. She knew I'd always wanted to see the city; if only the circumstances were more kind.
"Yeah... but um... there's a slight problem."
I wanted to come right out and say it, but my mouth was stalling and my mind was screaming. Knowing how disappointed they were going to be was crippling. Still, I forced the words forth; gagged and spluttered until finally stammering, "The trip is next week. I'm not going to be here for your chemotherapy."
The silence that followed said everything. Cowardly, I kept my head down, but I knew too well what they both had to be thinking. Seth voiced his thoughts first.
"But... can't you get out of it? We both need to be here, in case mum reacts badly like last time. You remember what it was like, how bad it was? You can't just skip out to go on vacation!"
"Seth, don't," Mum reprimanded before I could scrounge a defence. "This... this is for his work, it must be important, right Edward?"
I was about to answer, still not brave enough to look into her disappointed eyes, when my brother cut me off.
"No! He's not being forced, right? Is this trip really more important than your family?!" He screeched. A wave of contempt washed over me, and I scavenged the bravery to raise rueful eyes, only to once again sink into myself. He was glaring at me. Me. I didn't even know my sweet younger brother could look so... disgusted. But the fact that it was directed towards me... It was like a sock to the gut.
"Seth-" I began, but again, was cut off.
"Seth, enough. Edward works very hard to provide for us, you know this. You know without his job we would still be living in that tiny apartment, or most likely on the streets by now. You also know he would be here if he could. Obviously, this trip must be very important to his boss, right Edward?"
I wanted to cry at her understanding, though her sadness was clear. Insightful as ever, she knew on some level I couldn't get out of this. Her calm only appeared to anger Seth further, because he jumped to his feet. Screaming, "That's not good enough!" Before storming from the room and slamming his bedroom door with a force that shook the house. I'd never felt like such a failure.
I wanted to go after him, but I was paralysed. This was his night, and I hated myself for ruining it. I hated myself for burdening him with all this responsibility. I hated myself, for everything.
"I'm sorry mum," I muttered shamefully. I couldn't even look at her.
"Edward, it's alright," Came her kind reply, as her hand found comforting purchase on my leg, "I know how important your work is to you, and we can survive here without you for a few days. It'll be tough but... we'll manage."
Even though her words were gentle, I could feel her panic, and it made me feel even more like shit. I retreated to my room before her forgiving tone and kind eyes made me weep like the desperate man I was. I loathed myself for being weak. I wished I was brave enough to stand against Mr Black, but I was a coward in so many ways. And without his paycheck, I wouldn't even be able to afford mum's next chemo session, let alone be here to attend it. This job meant sacrifices, I knew this, but the thought of her alone in the hospital, weakened with no one by her bedside made me sick. Seth wasn't a legal adult, he couldn't sign her out, and he couldn't take care of her. They were both dependent on me, and I wouldn't be here for them. Instead, I'd be in another country, babysitting my bosses 'girlfriend'.
I hoped they'd be alright without me. I hoped Seth would forgive me. And I sincerely hoped tomorrow would be a better day.
