Once more, Olivia found herself sitting next to Sophia on her bed, but she was at loss for words for a moment. This was a moment that she'd often dreamed of for the last twenty-five years, and she couldn't believe that it was happening.
Thankfully, Sophia was able to speak. "Is this real, and not just one of my dreams?"
"Oh, it's all real." Olivia told her. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"Having a panic attack in Alex Cabot's office."
"Alex is just over there, standing in the door." (Olivia pointed her out to Sophia, smiling when they waved to each other) "Do you remember anyone else at the office? Casey, maybe?"
Sophia nodded. "That red hair is burned into my brain."
"She's with Melissa right now, looking after her."
"You already know about Melissa? Where is she?"
"In the children's wing—according to Casey and Alex, Melissa had a panic attack when you went down. They've been looking after you and Melissa since and made sure that you two were brought here, and that I was called."
Relieved, Sophia moved her hands down to her middle, stroking her bump.
"Your baby is healthy, too." Olivia said gently. "The doctor told me so."
Sophia leaned back in her bed as she felt the gravity of her situation sink in.
After a minute, and not really caring that Alex was observing, she spoke again. "I was raped by my ex-husband. We've been divorced since Melissa was born, but I saw him today because I had to tell him about the baby, but he just didn't want to hear what I had to say, and he just lost it. I got what I deserved…"
Sophia's lip trembled and Olivia immediately caressed her cheek to comfort her. "You did not deserve this at all, Sophia. Nobody ever deserves to be hurt like this, ever."
"So… it wasn't my fault?"
"Not one bit. I can understand if you don't want to talk about this just yet, but we are going to have to."
Sophia wiped at her tears with the back of her hand and exhaled heavily. "Because you're a cop, and I'm a victim?"
It hurt Olivia's heart to hear her daughter call herself that, but it was a fact, so she nodded. "Yes, exactly. Are you good? Need anything?"
"I'm good. I don't need anything." Sophia exhaled again.
"Okay. Keep going, and just tell as much as you're comfortable saying." Olivia coached. "We can always finish later."
Taking her mother's words into account, Sophia plowed on. "A few months ago, we got together for the sake of old times, and we had a had a little too much to drink. Fast forward to a few weeks later, and I find out that we made Melissa a playmate. I'm happy, don't get me wrong, but when I told my ex today, he lost it and started ranting and raving about how he didn't want to have to pay child support to another kid. That's when he lost it, and, well… you get the picture."
"Yes, I do, and you survived, Sophia, which is the most important part. I will help you because I'm the sergeant of the Sex Crimes Unit at the 16th Precinct in the Upper West Side, but first, I just have to know how you knew how to find me."
Panicked, Sophia asked, "Are you mad I did? I always knew the adoption was closed, but I became curious about you and wanted to get to know you, even before what happened today."
"I'm not mad at all, and it's actually a relief to hear that you want to get to know me, because I want to get to know you, too."
Calm again—or as calm as she could be—given her situation, Sophia continued, "I did some digging around after I turned twenty-one, and my files were unsealed by the court because I was finally of age. After seeing your name, I looked you up in old newspaper articles and microfiche records at the downtown library. Alex's and Casey's names came up a lot, too, when the articles and records covered the extra memorable cases, but as it turns out, they are easier to track down because they're both more in the political spotlight than even your whole squad is. I would have come sooner, but life got in the way. Today was my first attempt in awhile to look for you or them, and it was just a stroke of luck that two of the three people on my list were in the same room. Looking today was the only thing on my agenda."
"Good girl. My partner contacted the rest of the squad, and she's gone to look for them because they should be here by now."
"Is she going to fill them in on the situation… on me?"
Olivia nodded. "Yes, and if you tell me the name of your ex, I'll go tell them, so they know who to look for."
Sophia grabbed her mother's hand. "Oh, please don't go!"
Sophia's distress was genuine, so Olivia beckoned to Alex. "How's this—you can tell his name to Alex, and she'll go tell them."
Agreeing, Sophia turned to Alex, now at the foot of her bed. "I'm not even kidding, but his name is Gunner DiMaggio. He works at the Madison Pub, across the street from Madison Square Garden. I work there, too."
Alex nodded in understanding. "I understand. Is there anything else you think Olivia's detectives should know?"
Sophia wracked her brain, but came up with nothing, so she said, "No, but my deepest thanks to you and Casey for everything today."
Alex gave her a very kind smile and said, "Anything for my family, Sophia," before she took her leave of the Bensons, all the while realizing that this was going to be a long case, and for the first time in eleven years, she and Casey would be working together again, and not only that, but with SVU, their most favorite squad. This was going to be a long case.
Sophia was a really good sport about undergoing the rape kit, mostly because Olivia stayed with her during the whole ordeal.
After it was over, Sophia also underwent an ultrasound to check on her baby, something that she was happy to include Olivia in. She also gave her the rest of her victim statement, something that she would have labelled as even more emotionally draining than it already was, had her mother not been the one she was talking to.
Something that really made Sophia's emotions really hit the ceiling was when she learned that she wasn't going to be allowed to leave the hospital until the next day because Doctor Larom wanted to keep her for overnight observation. What almost sent her into another panic attack was finding out that while Melissa was going to be kept for observation, too, she was still slated to be released first.
"What am I supposed to do, mom?" Sophia fretted. "Today was my day off, but there's no way I can make it to work tomorrow, let alone get Melissa ready for the babysitter's house first!"
Olivia listened patiently, and when Sophia stopped to take a breath, she said, "This next part of the conversation, I'm going to say to you as your mother, alright?"
Sophia nodded. "Okay."
"First, I've heard of the Madison Pub because I went on a date there a few years ago, so I know how high-end the place is. As soon as you can, call your manager, or whoever you have to and tell them that you need the rest of the week off. Impress upon them that it's a personal matter."
"Do I tell them about Gunner?"
"No. You leave that to my partner and I."
"Alright. What's next? Call the sitter?"
"Yes, and I will take Melissa for the night."
Sophia grew taken aback. "She's flexible and very low-maintenance, but are you sure?"
"Yes." Olivia fished her phone out of her pocket and began looking for a picture to show her daughter. "She won't be alone, and I am actually not out of practice at being a mother because you have a baby brother now."
Sophia lit up. "Really? I've always wanted a brother! What's his name? How old is he?"
"Here you go." Olivia settled on a picture and handed her phone over. "His name is Noah, and he just turned two."
"Oh, he's beautiful!" Sophia gushed in joy as she examined the was of Noah sitting on a grassy park field in Paris, occupying himself with picking flowers. "Where's his father?"
"Actually, I found Noah during a case when he was a tiny baby and I was able to foster him and adopt him. Neither of his parents were good people, and they're both dead now."
Sophia handed the phone back. "Well, I'm glad my brother has you because he looks really happy. I'm also glad that at least one of your kids had the chance to be adopted."
Had Olivia not put her phone back already, she would have dropped it at hearing Sophia's words. She believed that Sophia was happy that Noah had been adopted by her, but still, something in her tone made her words come out a little tart. Olivia was sure she knew what that was.
"You weren't adopted?"
Sophia shook her head and spoke sorrowfully. "No. I saw plenty of homes, and I even have the scars and memories to prove it."
Olivia's heart sank. "You were abused when you were a kid?"
"I was, and for years, until I aged out of the system and ran away. Nobody ever looked for me."
Now Olivia felt terrible. "I am so sorry."
"You couldn't have known, mom." Tentatively, Sophia reached out and touched Olivia's cheek. "I'll tell you the whole story another day, but the short of it is that I used to be really angry that nobody wanted me, and that I didn't even know your name. Things changed when I had Melissa because I understood the emotions that you must have gone through when you decided to give me up."
Olivia took her daughter's hand in hers and kissed it. "I did it because I couldn't keep you and raise you in an environment that was healthy. My mother, your grandmother, was not a good person for a very long time, and we were estranged until I joined the SVU in '99."
"What was her name?"
"Serena, and you have her eyes, actually. She died in 2000, and it was an accident, but we were still able to mend our bridges before it happened."
"That's comforting to hear. I almost gave Melissa up because Gunner talked me into it—he's my age, and we got married when we were nineteen. He told me on the day we found out about Melissa, even though we were twenty-two when I got pregnant. and supporting ourselves, that we were better off without kids because we were young yet. I came so close to making the choice, too."
"What changed your mind?"
"That same day, I heard Melissa's heartbeat fo the first time, and I just knew that I couldn't be without her. My marriage went south after that, but the divorce papers were finalized on the day I went into labor." Sophia recalled. "When the doctors put Melissa in my arms, and I felt not only all of my anger leave, but also the arrival of so much understanding and peace. I found myself able to forgive you, and to this day, Melissa has never had a mean bone in her body."
"I spent a few minutes with her earlier, and she gave me a big hug. She seems like a happy kid, and it makes me proud of her that she's turned out so beautifully already."
Sophia blushed. "Thanks, mom. I have to know—are you proud of me?"
Olivia kissed her daughter's forehead. "Yes: I am so proud of how you turned out, that you're a mother now, and that you have such tremedous courage and strength. You're a wonderful human being, and you're a survivor, just like me."
Sophia was flattered and relieved, but still, she said, "What happened to you?"
"Those are stories for another day."
"Oh, alright. Then can I ask you something else before you go?"
Olivia stood and nodded. "Sure."
"Are you married to my dad?"
"No, I'm not. I never even learned his name."
"Are you with anyone right now?"
Again, Olivia thought of what had happened in Paris. "Yeah, but I'm going to be ending things with him soon."
"Because of me? Does he know?"
"He doesn't, but he will, and it is not because of you. I have to follow my heart, but I didn't realize it until just now."
Sophia sat up again and surveyed her mother, as though searching her soul. "Because you're in love with Alex. I saw it in your eyes when she came in here."
"Well, you're not wrong, kid. I do love her, and I'm bisexual." Olivia was shuffling her feet, nervous of what her daughter would think. "Does that bother you?"
"No, because I'm bisexual, too. How many years have you been in love with Alexandra Cabot?"
"Eighteen."
"But isn't that how long you've known her?"
"Yes. Yes, it is." Olivia kissed Sophia on the top of her head. "On that note, pretty girl, it's time for me to go. I'll be back in a few hours to get Melissa."
"Okay, mom, thanks. I love you."
Olivia smiled at her. "I love you, too, Sophia Rose Benson, and more than you could possibly know."
With a final wave, Olivia left and went down to the lobby, where she found Amanda, as well as Alex and Casey together again.
Olivia spoke to Casey first. "How did you get away from Melissa?"
"I told her stories and sang to her, leaving when she fell asleep in my arms."
"You can sing?"
Much like an annoyed baby sister, Casey rolled her eyes theatrically. "Oh, my God! Are you twelve?"
"Are you? Cassandra Stephanie, I know it's been a long time since we've seen each other, but since when have you become so maternal?"
"That's neither here nor there! How about you ask Rollins where Fin and Carisi went?"
Olivia turned to her partner. "Where did the boys go?"
"To the Madison Pub to look for Gunner, or at least ask around about him."
"Then you and I will go back to the station house to do some research on Gunner DiMaggio."
"Do we bring in Barba?"
"Not unless we feel we have to." Olivia turned to the attorneys. "Thank you, so very much, for taking care of my family today. Are either of you busy today?"
They both shook their heads.
"Then come with us." Olivia told them. "There are some things I need to talk to you about."
16th PRECINCT
966 WEST 88th STREET
MANHATTAN
While Amanda sat down to look for information on Gunner DiMaggio, Olivia showed Alex and Casey to her office. As they took their seats, Olivia closed the door behind them and shut all the blinds. It was obvious she didn't want looky-loos or to be overheard.
"Okay," Casey said warily as Olivia finally sat down opposite them. "Is the whole Benson clan squirrelly today?"
Olivia just went at it like a freight train. "I'll understand if you two judge me, but I've been in a relationship with Ed Tucker for over a year now."
To their credit, Alex and Casey received the news well.
"Good for you." Alex told her, although she suddenly felt a tiny twinge of regret. "I'm happy that you're getting your happy ending."
Casey nodded. "As long as you're happy, we're happy for you."
Olivia's bottom lip trembled slightly, and all of the emotion that she'd been feeling recently threatened to spill over, but still, she kept it together.
"Well, in June, Ed took Noah and I to Paris to 'get away for awhile,' as he put it. We rented a house, and we were gone for a month and it was a paradise, but something happened the night before we left."
Alex arched an eyebrow. "This is the first of October, Olivia. Are Sophia and Noah getting a brother or sister?"
Olivia laughed softly: even before she' d given serious thought to looking for Sophia, she'd started making plans to start looking for a toddler girl to adopt because she wanted to be a mother again, and because she wanted Noah to have a playmate.
"Not now, no. Olivia reached into her to desk drawer and extracted a small object but hid it, clenched in her palm. "Ed told me that he was offered a job heading the IAB in either Phoenix or Flagstaff—he gets to have his pick—but there's a catch."
"What is it?"
"Whichever one he picks, that's where he'll be retiring. Ed is not that much older than me, but early retirement is definitely on his agenda."
"But not yours?" Casey guessed.
"Correct." Olivia confirmed. "I also don't want to leave—this is my life, and even after all these years, I can't imagine being anywhere else."
Alex nodded towards Olivia's palm. "What are you holding?"
Olivia placed the object on the desk for them to see: it was a diamond engagement ring.
"Ed asked me to marry him."
Olivia's friends gaped at the ring, and then at her.
"Did you tell him yes?" Casey blurted.
"No, but I didn't say no, either."
"Why the hell not?!"
"Because I do love him, although I think it's only part of me that does now, and even though the proposal definitely took me by surprise, I still hesitated. When someone proposes to you, your answer should be instantaneous."
Olivia snapped her fingers for emphasis, and her friends exchanged looks with each other before Casey spoke again.
"You're talking like you've been engaged before."
"I have been, actually. I was only sixteen, and it was to one of my mother's literature students. Back then, I was to naive to see until it was over that it wouldn't have worked out, but when he proposed, I didn't hesitate to answer him."
"And this time, you did."
Olivia nodded. "Ed's been giving me the vibe lately that no matter what it comes down to, he'd still pick the job over a life with Noah and me. I can read Ed like a book now, but I still don't want to be with someone who isn't fully invested in wanting a family."
Choosing not to point out that Olivia had left Ed hanging for almost five months, Alex told her, "We're your friends, Olivia, and you're a friend of ours—whatever you decide to do, we'll support you, but as the saying goes, it's your call, especially now that Sophia and Melissa have turned up, and Sophia is expecting kid number two. What feels right to you?"
In that moment, Olivia didn't hesitate. "I enjoyed him, but I think these post-Paris months has been me kidding myself, especially since I've been able to think about things. I'm going to tell him no and break things off with him. New York is my home—my family's home."
As Alex and Casey congratulated Olivia on a choice well made, there was a knock on the door that brought them all back to reality. Thinking quickly, Alex took the ring in her own hand, hiding it in her lap—something told her that Olivia would only want everything that had just been said kept just between the three of them for the time being.
Casey opened the door to see who had come calling.
It was Amanda.
"Find something, Rollins?" Olivia called as the young woman stood in the doorway.
"I found a whole lot of somethings, but it's written in such Legalese, that I'm getting lost."
"I'll help translate." Casey volunteered. "Let's go."
When it was just Olivia and Alex left in the office, Olivia circled around her desk to stand next to her friend.
"Allie-cat, can I ask you something?"
Alex grinned at the old nickname; she hadn't heard it in years, and Olivia was the only person who used it on her. It reminded her of old times, way back before things had gotten complicated.
When she looked at Olivia, she gave her the kind of smile that she knew made Olivia's knees turn to jelly. She even used a pet name for Olivia that she knew nobody but her used.
"You can ask me anything, Via."
"Are you and Casey a couple now?"
"Me and Casey?" Alex laughed softly. "No, we're not, but I can see why you'd think that. I adore her, and besides you, she's my closest friend now, but no, she and I are not a couple."
Olivia breathed an audible sigh of relief.
"Why, Olivia Margaret," teased Alex. "Were you that worried that she and I were?"
"Maybe." Olivia said, truly bashful.
"Rest assured, Via, I am very much on the market." Alex held up the ring between her thumb and forefinger. "What do I do with this?"
Olivia closed Alex's fingers over it. "Keep it, Allie-cat. I don't want to see it again."
"This means that Ed Tucker will come looking for me."
"Let him, and if you feel the need, feel free to give to give him a piece of your mind when he comes."
"Copy that." Alex quipped as she put the ring in her pocket. "But Olivia?"
"Hm?"
"Some day, you'll get a different ring, a better one, and it'll only bring you joy, and a promise of a long, happy, and healthy marriage, and an eve happier family, with maybe even a kid or two more."
Alex kissed Olivia lightly on her cheek.
"I've waited eighteen years for you—I can wait a little bit longer."
Alex pressed a kiss to Olivia's cheek this time, close to the corner of her mouth. I'm in love with you, she thought. I am so in love with you, and I really can't wait until we can finally be together.
When Alex pulled away, she saw that Olivia was in La-La Land, yet under her spell, so she patted her on the arm.
"I'm going to go help Casey before she accidentally leads Amanda down a rabbit trail." (It was common knowledge that in recent years, the pair had become drinking buddies and softball partners) "You collect yourself, okay, Via? See you in a minute?"
Very much still in La-La Land, Olivia was now holding a hand to the cheek that Alex had kissed.
"Uh-huh…"
Pleased with herself, Alex left the room, closing the door behind her.
Olivia was left alone with her thoughts.
And she knew, zero hesitation, that just a little bit longer of a wait, and she would be completely free to say that she was one hundred percent in love with Alexandra Caroline Cabot.
Her soulmate.
