Eventually, it was Christmastime—Alex Cabot's favorite time of year.
Her childhood was full of wonderful Christmases with her parents, doing fun things like skiing vacations in the Adirondack mountains, long snowball fights (even when she was an adult, too), exploring Central Park in the snow at night because it looked like another planet, and even just having hot chocolate by the fireside together on the extra cold nights. She missed her parents all the time now, but she would always be glad to have those memories of them.
Alex was extra excited for Christmas this year because she had a family of her own. She had a fiancée, more children than she'd ever dreamed of, a sister-in-to-be, and even a daughter-in-law-to-be. She couldn't ask for anything else because her heart was full. Even in the dark times, when she'd wanted to give up, she hadn't because she'd still had hope that something like this—a happy ending with Olivia Margaret Benson—would still happen, still be in the cards. She'd been right to hold on to the hope because she was in love with her life in ways that she never had been before. So for that, and for her parents, who would have loved her family, Alex took every opportunity she could to seize the day.
One recently-developed quality of Alex's that she admired her in herself, thanks in large part to her family, was that she loved to take care of people. She was also good at it.
That's how, the week of Christmas, she found herself out with Harper, Sophia, Casey, and Amanda—the other pregnant women in her life, whom she took extra delight in spoiling these days—at a nice diner they all enjoyed, not far from Central Station. The others appreciated the affection, and they were each Alex's friend, so they were all having a fun time together.
Things were perfectly fine, and as Alex returned from the washroom, she was even considering asking her company if anyone wanted to stay for dessert. Of course… that's then things went sideways.
"Lorelei?"
A male voice called in her direction.
"Lorelei, is that you?"
Alex halted, looking around because she thought she was in the way of a woman called Lorelei. Moving to the side was just polite.
But then she felt her heart skip a beat as the name stirred a memory from a time she'd rather soon forget.
Still, the man persisted.
"Lorelei, it is you!"
That's when Alex finally realized that she was the one being addressed.
This man was as old as she was, and had rather handsome features that would have just about any woman with a pulse go weak in the knees over. He was also dressed, head to toe, for the cold weather outside, but Alex knew that on his right bicep, there was a Marine Corps tattoo—she'd once wiled away many nights tracing it with her fingers. Another distinguishing feature of this man was a jagged scar, prominent on his chin. Alex had given him the scar.
This was the man with whom she'd had an affair while in Witness Protection.
The man whose baby she had both conceived and lost.
The only person who she'd ever truly raised a hand to.
This is not happening, Alex thought. This is not happening.
"Garrett!" Alex cried, immediately trying to tap into her old alias of Lorelei Knight. "What are you doing in Manhattan?"
Garrett arched an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing—this is quite the distance from Great Falls, isn't it? You cut out right quick after last time."
"That was two thousand and eight—ten years ago, and it wasn't like we parted ways on good terms, was it?"
"Last time," Garrett hissed. "You threw a vase at me!"
"Yeah, well, whose fault was it for neglecting to mention that they had a wife?! Are you even still with her?"
Garrett deflated slightly. "Amy and I split up—she actually left me for one of my friends after I caught them together."
"I'd say that's a shame," sneered Alex. "But you got what you deserved for leading me on!"
Garrett was about to retort, but paused when he saw Alex halt and wrinkle her nose. His heart turned over when he saw Alex's engagement ring, but he definitely felt his mouth drop open when he watched her glide her hand over her five-month bump.
Garrett looked back at his ex in shock. "You're married, and you have a baby on the way? Now who's calling the kettle black, hypocrite?"
Alex's fight-or-flight instinct was taking over, and telling her to exit, pronto, and call Olivia, but she couldn't bring herself to move.
"Everything okay?"
To Alex's horror, both Sophia and Harper had walked over. Horror was the word because she could just see it in Garrett's eyes that he was probably cooking something up.
"Who's this, now?" Garrett demanded.
"More family." Alex replied smoothly.
"Lorelei Knight, what the hell?"
Reading the situation, Sophia and Harper immediately stayed quiet.
Once again, Garrett opened his mouth to speak and was again interrupted, but this time by a person at the register calling out that his order was ready.
As his final word, he said, "See you around," before stalking off.
Sophia and Harper both stood between Alex, and the direction that Garrett had gone.
"Are you going to be alright?" Sophia asked her.
Alex forced herself to look at the younger woman. "I-I don't know, Soph."
"Who was that guy?"
"Someone from the Witness Protection Days—I haven't seen him in ten years because it didn't end well, and then I was relocated two days later, anyway."
Harper put a hand to Alex's shoulder. "What do you need? Want us to get Casey and Amanda?"
Those two were both still back at the table, but Alex could see them watching.
Alex gave both of the women in front of her a grateful smile, calming down because of who they reminded her of.
"Go back to them, alright? I'm going to call Olivia, and try to soothe Diana—she's kicking up a storm. I'll be along in a minute."
Thankfully, the bathroom when Alex checked, so it was with ease that she leaned against the far wall and called the first number in her phone.
"Hi, baby!" Olivia greeted her cheerfully. "Melissa, Noah, and Serena are all down for the count!"
Alex did her best not to cry. "I'm so happy to hear your voice right now, Via."
The lieutenant grew concerned. "Why? What happened?"
"Remember how I said I had an affair while I was gone, and then I miscarried a child?"
"Yes."
Alex took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "What I didn't say was that it was in Montana, and that I didn't quite know I was having an affair. I also didn't say his name… or that he's in The Marines."
"What's his name?" Olivia asked calmly.
"Gunnery Sergeant Garrett Rhys." elaborated Alex. "He knew me as an analyst called Lorelei Knight."
"I see. What's bringing all this on?"
"Uh… he was here just now, and he called me by my name."
"Did you respond?"
"I was in a position where not doing so would have been impossible." Alex was almost on the verge of tears again. "Are you mad at me?"
"What?" said Olivia in surprise. "Of course not, no. His appearance blindsided you, especially since it's been how many years?"
"It's been a decade."
"And that's been long enough for a season of change to have come and gone." Olivia soothed. "We found our way back to each other, after all, and we have a beautiful family and a beautiful life."
Alex immediately felt like part of the load had been lifted from her shoulders. "Thank you."
"You're very welcome. How is Diana?"
"I think she went to sleep." Alex arched her back as she felt the baby shift slightly. "I'm going to return to the others, but can we talk about this when I get home?"
Olivia could tell that forever how much Alex had just shared, there was more.
"Yes, we can. I love you."
"And I love you, Olivia. See you in awhile."
After they hung up, Alex made herself more presentable before going back to the table her companions were. Sophia, Harper, Amanda, and Casey all watched her cautiously as she sat back down.
"Was that guy from 'Ghosts Of Alex's Past,' or something?" Amanda wanted to know.
"Yeah, but he left, so I'm putting it behind me, and I'm going to talk to Olivia later about it."
"As long as you talk to someone." Casey approved.
Alex glanced at the tabletop and realized that all of the food had been cleared away. She also noticed a folded up hundred dollar bill by Harper's elbow.
"Where did that come from?" she asked.
Harper perked up. "One of Xander's Corps buddies was in here, waiting for his take-out order. He saw what happened, and when you went to the bathroom, he came to check on us."
"Well, that was nice of him."
"Uh-huh." Harper pointed at the money. "Zacharias told us to use the money to pay for dinner and dessert."
Alex looked to Sophia, Casey, and Amanda in turn. "Can you all stay?"
"I'm in." Amanda said immediately.
"Us, too." Sophia and Casey chimed in.
Harper winked. "I'm definitely in."
"Well, alright." Alex chirped, immediately getting back into the more cheerful swing of things. "Where is the dessert menu?"
RESIDENCE OF OLIVIA BENSON AND ALEX CABOT
122 SOUTHWELL
MANHATTAN
After Sophia and Casey collected Melissa from the Benson-Cabot house, Alex checked on her sleeping children, and got ready for the evening. Olivia got ready, too, and when they'd both finished their nighttime routines, they sat on their bed and faced each other.
"Noah's been down for the count for awhile, and Serena fell asleep just before you called." Olivia began. "The bedroom door is shut, the baby monitors are on, and we won't be interrupted. What happened?"
Alex shivered. "It freaked me out."
"Deep breaths, okay? Nothing will ever make me love you less."
It took a few moments for Alex to gather herself, but she told Olivia everything.
"Are you mad?" she asked again when she had finished.
"I'm not." Olivia kissed her in reassurance. "It's been a decade since you did what you did."
"And it was a one-time thing because I was incredibly lonely."
"Alexandra, I believe you." Olivia gave her another kiss. "Now, what was that about things ending badly? You glazed over that."
"Okay, fine." Alex tried to keep her cool. "You know that even though I've been shot before, I'd still never raise a hand to anyone, right?"
"Yes. I—what are you doing?"
Alex had gotten up and was pacing the stretch of the floor in front of the bed. She only ever paced in her office, when she was ruminating on an issue that her detectives would bring her to chew on. This was definitely something different.
"You're going to wake up Diana!" Olivia tried, gesturing to Alex's middle. "Isn't she sleeping, and didn't you say just last night that she's like a jumping bean on a trampoline when she's excited?"
Alex ignored her, still thinking.
Olivia tried again. "Is this about guilt, or something? Did he find out your name? Your real one? Did he find out Sophia's, Harper's, Casey's, Amanda's?"
"No. God, no—to any of that, and may woe betide anyone who does cross you, me, them, the little kids, or the rest of the squad." Alex turned to face Olivia. "What's eating at me is that Garrett could actually try something, and that he's the one person I've ever set out to hurt on purpose."
"What the hell did you do to him?"
"In a towering rage of learning that I hadn't even known I was in an affair until we were caught, I threw a china vase at Garrett. It gave him a cut on the chin, and I saw the cut tonight—it's a big jagged scar now. I was also relocated from Great Falls, Montana, to Saco, Maine two days later—before I had the chance to apologize."
Olivia's mouth dropped open in surprise.
"You want an explanation, huh?" Alex asked.
Olivia nodded emphatically. "I do!"
Alex recounted the fateful night, and by the time she was done, Olivia was beckoning to her.
"Participating in an affair was definitely bad, but it was also a long time ago, and you've never done anything like it again." Olivia kissed Alex's hands when she sat with her once more. "I don't hold any of it against you, and not just because I wasn't there."
"Then why?" Alex pressed.
"Because you had a different name, and you were going through such a tough patch. I also know that you're a good person, overall, and that you would never do it again."
"Like you said on the phone, it's been enough time for a whole season of change to have come and gone." Alex reflected. "Now, thanks to Sophia, you and I have even found our way back to each other, after all these years."
Olivia moved her kisses from Alex's hands to her inside wrists. "We're also getting married, and spending forever together."
Alex finally sighed a happy sigh. "Yes, we are."
"And if the gunnery sergeant does come back, I'll take care of it."
"You always do."
Olivia nodded. "Yes, I do, don't I?"
She laid Alex on her back and made her way to her body with a trail of kisses.
"Should I take care of you for awhile?"
Alex bobbed her head. "Yes, please. I would love it."
And Olivia took care of Alex, pleasuring her and completely dashing away her woes altogether.
