I've done little research on mail order brides. I mean, how would I explain my browser history? I wouldn't know where to begin. Plus, I don't want to see those adds of "Single women near you" at the sidebars of every webpage. Those piss me off so much. Grrr.

I do know some things about mail order brides, but for now just read this chapter and enjoy.


"Hello, I'm Gordo Lotus," The man introduced himself. He handed Chichi the boquet of yellow and red flowers in his arms, which Chichi could only describe as smelling expensive. They didn't have a natural fragrance like the flowers growing near their house." We spoke on the phone. Is Gohan ready?"

"Ah, yes. I'll let him know you're here. Thank you for the flowers Mr. Lotus," Chichi said, passing the flowers onto her youngest son, whom was hiding behind her leg." Goten, sweetie, can you do mommy a favor? Can you put these in a vase for me while I go get your brother?" It took all of her self control not to sprint to Gohan's room.

Goten glared at the flowers.

Mr. Lotus' flowers were prettier than the flowers Goten picked earlier that morning, a mixture of wild grass, clovers, and one dying rose - - all of which he now had to throw away. There was only one vase. And Chichi wanted to use that vase for Mr. Lotus' flowers.

Before disappearing into the kitchen to dump out his morning's hard work, Goten remembered the guest standing just outside the door. His mother had forgotten to invite him in. With the solemness of a boy who'd just been asked to put his puppy down, Goten mumbled, " Please come in and sit. I'll get you a glass of water."

Gordo Lotus hesitated.

Wasn't his visit supposed to be a happy thing? Filled with uncertainty, Gordo Lotus lifted his briefcase and hugged it close to chest. He took a deep breath and entered the Son house. The kitchen table looked like a good place to wait for his bride.

. + . + . + . + .

"I'm not going out there," Gohan said, digging his fingers into the mattress as he stared at the floor. He could sense Mr. Lotus in the other room with Goten. He was actually suprised anybody would consider him to be their bride. Gohan narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his mother." Does he know I'm not a woman?"

"Of course he does!" Chichi snapped. She walked out of the closet with his blue suit and laid it on the bed next to the wedding dress. She cupped her chin and made the occassional "hmmm" as she considered between the two.

" Everything is going too fast! Can't I meet him next week or next year? "Gohan pleaded. He bitterly pushed the dress onto the floor. There was no way he was wearing that thing again.

"No. We need to pay at least half of your school's tuition before the school year starts." Chichi smiled and held up her finger." As a matter of fact, Mr. Lotus can pay for your high school and college tuition now if you marry him!"

Chichi left him alone to get changed.

He wasted three minutes entertaining the idea of robbing a bank. He could rob a bank if he wanted. Nobody would get hurt, and he'd never get caught. He pushed back that idea and got dressed. He doubted he could live with himself if he did anything as dishonest as robbing a bank.

"Maybe I can use the dragonballs to get out of this mess," He mused out loud.

.+.+.+.+.

The first thing Gohan noticed about Gordo Lotus was his height. The man was half Chichi's height, but still taller than Goten. He was a fat man, too, and probably had to turn sideways to get in through the front door. Gohan was disappointed. He had hoped Gordo Lotus would at least be athletic and interested in martial arts.

Chichi cleared her throat, signaling for Gohan to stop staring. She glanced sharply at the tea pot on the counter, which she prepared for Mr. Lotus' arrival.

Gohan quickly snatched the tea pot, spilling a few drops on the floor as he made his way to the table. He forced himself to smile, remembering that he needed to appear happy, and poured the hot tea into Mr. Lotus' cup.

"I made the tea." He said. To his ears it sounded like an blatant lie." I hope you like it. "

Mr. Lotus nodded. He tossed two sugar cubes into the tea, stirred it with his spoon, then took a small sip. " Very good," He complimented, setting the cup down. " Could we possibly go somewhere more...private...to talk?"

Gohan blinked, taking in the request and the man's appearance. Mr. Lotus was sweating profusely, and kept dabbing at his forehead and neck with an embroidered cloth he had with him. Chichi was obviously making the man uncomfortable, she had that affect on people. Goten hadn't said a word, either. The little boy sat mournfully in his chair, eyes downcast and lips set in a straight line.

"Yeah sure. We can take a walk."

Mr. Lotus chewed his lower lip at the suggestion of a walk. A moment later he nodded. There were no better alternatives." Yes. A walk will be fine."

. + . + . + . + .

Gordo Lotus looked over his shoulder once they were far enough away from the house to barely make out Chichi's face from the window. He got straight to business.

"Look, kid, i've done this mail order bride thing before. Bought all five of my wives through the agency, and I wasn't disappointed." Mr. Lotus smiled a cat's smile." I didn't disappoint them, either. If you know what I mean."

Gohan's eyebrows rose to meet his widow's peek. He actually had no idea what Mr. Lotus meant. Not a clue. " You have five wives? That's amazing. Do you really need me if you have five already?"

"I had fives wives," Mr. Lotus grumbled, setting his briefcase on the grass next to his leg." One fell in love with another man and left me. The other four were all stolen by Ichiro, the CEO of my rival company. Literally."

Gohan listened as Mr. Lotus talked about his past wives.

His second wife Anna had left their mansion to buy him a doughnut, only to be bribed with a car full of cash by Ichiro once she made it to the store.

His third wife Lily was abducted in broad daylight on the streets of West City. There were a few frantic phone calls and a ransom, but two days later Lily called and said she'd fallen in love with Ichiro. He'd bought her a very large diamond ring, and she couldn't refuse.

Mr. Lotus went on to talk about the other two wives. All of them were ambushed or easilly abducted because they were so small, but since Ichiro was a richer, younger, more handsome man . . . that was okay. They forgave him. And married him.

"When I saw your pictures I knew I needed to buy you. I mean, look at those muscles! There's no way Ichiro could steal you from me." Mr. Lotus laughed." I bet you'd break his nose before Ichiro could lay a hand on you."

Gohan grinned.

"If you married me, son, you wont regret if. You'd have it made. Anything you want I'd buy for you. " Mr. Lotus held up his hands as if he were holding small bumper stickers or billboards." I can see all the headlines now. 'Rich CEO Marries Mail Order Bride, But The Bride's A Man?!' People would love it. Same sex marriages are becoming more popular now, my company would benefit greatly with our marriage. And Ichiro will die knowing I have something he can never steal from me."

Gohan crossed his arms and nodded. Everything made sense to him. It sounded like a good business deal. He also felt bad for Mr. Lotus and his rivalry with Ichiro. What kind of wife leaves her husband for a richer husband? Gohan could never see his mom doing that, and his dad had no money when he was alive!

If Gohan became Gordo Lotus' wife, it wouldn't be forever. He'd find Mr. Lotus a good wife, one that would marry the man for love and not money, and Gohan would go on to fulfill his mother's dreams for him.

"Whaddya say? kid" Gordo Lotus unlatched the briefcase, exposing the stacks of cash piled on top of each other. If Chichi saw it, Gohan knew she'd faint. " Will you marry me?"

At that moment, a flying bus with wings landed near his home. Its loud droning engine and beeping horn drowned out Gohan's "yes."

The driver stuck his head out the window with a megaphone in his hand. He spoke into it, his voice amplified.

"SON GOHAN PLEASE COME OUT IMMEDIATELY! MR. SATAN HAS REQUESTED AN AUDIENCE WITH ALL MAIL ORDER BRIDES. WE ARE TAKING YOU TO HEADQUARTERS. "

Like a mad woman, Chichi ran out of the house, her aura glowing powerfully red as she charged at Gohan. Goten ran behind her while awkardly trying to hold the flower boquet and wedding dress, which almost tripped him.

Before he had time to process what was happenning, Chichi had snared him by the arm and was dragging him toward the bus. He looked out the window one last time at Gordo Lotus as the bus flew into the air.