Disclaimer

We don't own the bikes, brothers, or any "related" Sons of Anarchy, trust us, if we did we wouldn't have the time to write. No money is being made from our stories. So, please don't sue. It'd be a fruitless endeavor indeed. That being said, Harley, Journee, and any other newbies are ours, and we don't share. :Whispers in creepy voice: "My precious."

The universe

This reality is a mix of cannon, and our own ideas. We strive to keep the boys cannon, but since we will be shifting around some of the events, that will reflect in our writing and their personalities as well. It's our goal to provide you with quality fiction, and solid, fleshed out OFC.

We appreciate constructive criticism and love LOVE reviews, they are a writers life blood and definitely help encourage us and inspire us.

We will be posting on our Tumblrs where we'll have fun pictures from time to time on our personal one using the characters and quotes .com

We'll also be taking requests for one shots, preferences or imagines for all things Sons at our other Tumblr, so check it out and send your thoughts!

A/N: A huge round of thanks to all of you amazing folks for your patience. As you guys know, Telford is a writer, she's got four books coming out this month. Imagine the editing… yeap it was horrific. Teller has a busy career and schooling of her own, and sometimes life prevents them from posting as they'd like. We love your comments, emails, and reviews. It really keeps us going. Thank you for your continued support!

Chapter-Twenty-Three

Chibs

I study my sleeping bride as the airplane taking us back to the states flies through the night. It's been a busy two weeks full of remembering and healing. Seeing Greer and Padric was cathartic for me soul. They were okay. Healthy, happy, and moved on with their life. Leaving the way I had, forced me out of their lives as well as Kerrianne's. Kerrianne. The thought of my daughter puts me in a strange place. I'm proud of the young woman she's becoming. She's lovely, intelligent, and kind according to Padric and the pictures I've seen of her over the years. The best wedding gift other than my bride was the phone call Padric arranged.

"Heya cousin. I got someone for ya to talk too."

"No, it's not me ma. Are you alone? Good. Close your door." Padric hands me the phone, and I swallow hard as my heart thumps in my chest. Journee squeezes my hand, and I open my mouth.

"Hullo?"

"Hullo?" Her soft voice responds and my heart skips a beat.

"It's yer Da."

Silence falls between us.

"Da?"

"Aye. I'm visiting with Paddy and his mother, w-with me wife, Journee."

"Oh. How…How are you?"

"I'm perfect now, Lass."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say anything ye want. Hearing your voice is all I need."

"Oh. I-I'm good. Lazy day, no school, and I've been in my bedroom reading."

"Do you like books, love?"

"Aye. I'd like to be a writer one day I think."

I close my eyes and lose myself in the soft, sweet sound of her voice. "I know you could if ye put your mind to it."

"You think so?"
"I know so. I may not be able to see you myself or speak with ya, but I've kept up with you over the years."

"You did?"

"Aye. You're me flesh and blood. Padric will be taking letters from you if ye want. We..." I swallow and look to Journee who nods her head. "We could write each other?"

"What about… I mean would it be safe?"

"We'll be careful love. No one will find out."
"I'd like that a lot."

"Good. I have to go now my beautiful girl, but we'll be in touch, yea?"

"Yea, Da."

She hangs up, and I close my eyes. I just heard my daughter call me Da for the first time I can really remember. Tears blur my vision.

PRESENT

Things are finally coming back around for me. I'm doing more than making it from day to day running on empty. Alcohol was my fuel for so long. The thing that numbed the pain blurred the memories and kept me functioning. I leaned on Journee more than I should've, but she never turned me away, and I clung to that in many ways. I'd been lying to myself about my leanaan for so long, I almost started to believe it.

PAST

I can't handle the club tonight. Not on Kerrianne's birthday. I ignore Tig's whine for me to return as I weave my way through the crowd out into the night air. My chest is tight, and my nerves are short. Getting drunk is a must, but I find tonight I don't want to do it alone. There's only one person I can stand to be around when I get dark like this. I walk to my bike and start her up with two things on my mind, Whiskey and Journee.

I have the bottle open and another in the black bag I'm carrying as I take a long draw and walk up the driveway. There's no bikes here, so I know we'll be alone. Her home has become a haven for us when we need to get away. It's not unusual to see Happy or Jax here when they need to get away. The door opens and I meet her kind eyes.

"Oh, Filip."

Her words are full or sorrow, but I don't feel pitied, only cared for. Only she has the power to do that. At the bottom of the stairs, we're the same height. She cups my face with her hand. Her fingers graze my scar. I shiver, but it's not with disgust or discomfort. I really am a rotten bastard. It's not the first birthday I've ridden out here, I know in my heart, it won't be the last.

"Are you up for a party, love?" I offer the bottle.

She accepts it and takes a long pull.

"Are you?"

My lips quirk upward. "Cheeky girl. Only ye could get a smile out of me on this day."

"Come inside." She steps back, and I follow her in. The scent of incense is a religious experience. I'm baptized by the sweet smell that I associate with the place I consider home.

"I was hoping you'd come by today."

"Were ye now?"

She nods. "Saved me the trip to the clubhouse."

"Why are ye so good to me bonnie lass?"

"We're friends, aren't we?" she asks.

I rake my gaze over her. In a flowing white dress with skinny straps that support her full breasts, she'd tempt a saint.

"Aye, love. Best friends."

She gives me a smile. "I thought maybe we could do something different today."

"OH?" I take the bottle bag and chug. She pushes it down. "Yes, and I need you sober for it."

I can think of a lot we could do sober, leannan. The stray thought is enough to make me hand over the bottle. "Tell me more."

"You've shard a lot about Kerrianne with me. Why don't we honor that?" She bites her lower lip, and I know she's nervous. I want to hunt down her ex and kick his arse. She never used to be like this with me.

"Go ahead, love."

"I have the ingredients to make a lemon cake. I hope I'm not overstepping my boundary, but I know that was her favorite, so I thought maybe we could make it?"

The thought of making my daughters favorite cake with the person I'm closest too nearly brings me to my knees. I place a hand on her shoulder and squeeze. "I think that's a fine idea."

"Yeah?" She glances up at me through her long dark lashes. I tuck her hair behind her ear and skim her delicate jawline with the backs of my knuckles.

"Aye." I'm not the only one who needs healing. I can see the shadows that didn't use to exist in her eyes. Even at my worse, I can pull it together enough to be here for her.

"Good, then we should head to the kitchen to get started."

I nod my head, unable to speak around the lump in my throat. Her thoughtfulness knows no bounds. It's more than I'm used to from a woman. My relationships have been few and far in-between, and none of the woman had an ounce of the kindness and giving nature. I used to think it was because their lives had made them harsh and hardened, but knowing that Journee came from tough stock has changed the way I think about them. It made it easier in some ways to accept what happened between me and Fiona. It was never going to be happily ever after. The old girl didn't have it in her to give me what I'd need long term. Instead, we'd have remained together growing a bit bitter every year as the distance drifted in and separated as surely as the ocean now does.

I wash my hands, and we work together between drinks to make a traditional Irish lemon cake. I study the yellow cake as it cools.

"Did you know they call this an Irish lemon fairy cake? I think it was part of why Kerrianne loved it so much. She was obsessed with the Fae. I can't tell you how many of their stories I read her over and over again." I laugh as I remember her little face lighting up as I made up stories about the wee faeries that came in at night.

"Tell me a story?"

I glance over at her and laugh.

"I'm afraid I'm a bit rusty, love."

She pouts.

"Ack. Put that away. I'll tell ye a tale."

She smirks.

"Little brat. There was once a dark haired little sprite with big brown eyes and a wild head of hair. She liked to bask in the sun and draw her markings for others."

She giggles, and I smirk.

"Markings?"

"Aye she had a skilled hand, and all her markings brought her fellow sprites great joy. They came from all around the land to be marked by the dark-skinned beauty."

"And did she live happily ever-after?"

"Of course she did, love."

Her smile falters, and she looks away. "It should be time to dust it with powdered sugar now."
She moves to the cabinet, and I make a note to pay closer attention to her. She returns with a canister of sugar and a sifter.

"You sprinkle. I have a few things to set up in the other room. You can't come out until I call you, Okay?"

"Right, leave me to do all the work."

She kisses my cheek and walks off. I admire her thick ass and take another draw off the bottle. It's not the way a man should be looking at his best friend. Don't fuck this up. A voice in my head begs. I blink and refocus as warmth envelopes my body and the tension eases from me. The whiskey is doing its job.

"Okay, I'm ready for you."

I stroll out to the living room and my eyes water. She's set up a proper European birthday complete with white bunting on the wall and crackers. A white cake pedestal sits on the table waiting for the cake we just completed. A teapot, saucers, and cups, are waiting for hot water and tea leaves. I run my hand over my mouth, stunned.

"…Or I can get rid of it all." She moves to grab the tea pot. I walk over, and still her hand, placing mine over hers. I shake my head no, unable to speak as I pull her to my chest and palm the back of her head. The liquor is racing through my bloodstream, along with the heavy emotions. My shoulders shake, I bury my face in her neck, and the flood gates break as I grieve for the loss I've been holding back with bottles of Jamison since I came to Charming.

She wraps her arms around me and holds on tight enough to keep me from completely falling apart. Drained, purged, and tipsy, I pull back.

"Better?"

"Aye, love. Hate for you to see me being such a misery guts."

"There's nowhere else I'd want you to be right now. You've been there for me. Now it's my turn to return the favor, okay?" She wipes away the tears with her thumbs, and I clear my throat as I nod. Everyone one has their breaking point. Tonight was mine.

"Good now, let's be rebels and have cake in bed. Get your boots, cut, and pants off. We're slumming it."

I smirk and salute her. "Aye, but don't forget the whiskey?"

She rolls her eyes. "I wouldn't dream of it."

I smirk. I like it when she lets me in her bed more than I should. But the sheets are always clean and sweet smelling, and with her warm body around mine, I have the best sleep I ever have.

PRESENT

I should've admitted then and there I wanted her, but I've always been a stubborn bastard. I was ashamed of my desires. She's half my age, and back then she was just getting the shop off the ground and getting over that piece of shit, Kyle. I didn't want to do anything that would feel like I was taking advantage of her. In the end, it all worked out as it should. I slid down in my seat, and rest my head on top of hers. I want to enjoy the peace we've found and the bubble we were allowed to live in for as long as possible, before we return to our chaotic living.

Jax

It's amazing how you can know someone your entire life, and still not know them completely. Dating has allowed me to see Lee in an entirely different light. There's a softness to her. A vulnerability I want to protect at all costs. I've see what a man can do to a woman in this life. I won't see her beaten down and used up. I've always treated her like royalty because that's what she is, a child of the first nine, equal to me in a different way because she's a female and I'm a man. Now I know she's going to be queen one day. I can do no more than treat her thus. I snicker and run my hand down my face. She's got me breaking out the vocab I learned in high school.

It's crazy how much love I have for her inside me. Once I took the blinders off, it was like a trickle of water turned into a waterfall. She's everything I need. Funny, laid back, but tough and willing to fight if necessary. She knows all there is to know about me and my life. But most of all I trust her. She's not going to leave me or fall off sobriety into a drug fueled backslide. That's what always kept me from investing too deeply in Wendy. I never held it over her head…But after her second relapse, I knew she wasn't someone I could fully depend on. I shut off from her after that, and I think that's where the honeymoon phase ended, and we began to go south. She turned into a habit. I stayed because I had nothing better to do and it was familiar. That was stupid of me looking back. But it gets lonely after a while, and you get sick of sleeping with the same trim the brothers' have passed around. It's good in a bind, but kind of sad long term, unless you're looking for that. My mind goes to the older members who'd opted to stay permanent bachelors. For them, it was like hitting pay dirt. Me, I always needed someone to feel close to. It's why I was shit at leaving even when I couldn't remain monogamous because I grew bored and disinterested.

Now that type of behavior is no longer an option. Lee is it, and I know she won't put up with my bullshit. It's why I'm chomping at the bit to see my sister. She always had a way of putting my mind at ease and walking me through things. Usually, If Baby J isn't available I could just as easily go to Lee. But you can't go to your girlfriend about your girlfriend, so Lee isn't the only one anxiously waiting for her to return home. For all intents and purposes, this is my first grown up relationship. Wendy was playing house. I want to build a home with Harley, for my child and myself.

My child. The tiny being is the reason I'm driving toward my old home. We hadn't seen or heard much from her since the wedding. That worried me. It was always something with her. Even if it was clear, she was calling just to bitch. After we came out at the wedding, not a peep was heard. Which is why we're heading over unannounced. I don't want her to have time to clean up any messes. I turn onto the street and park a few houses down. We leave the bike. The lawn is overgrown, and the house seems to have a dark cloud around it. My hackles rise, and I pick up the pace. I don't even bother to knock. I take out my key and let us inside.

I scan the area. The house is dim. Dishes are piled up in the sink. My gut clenches.

"Wendy?" I call out.

"Jax?"

The voice is slurred. Fuck. I jog to the room we used to share and see her on the floor in the bathroom.

I rush toward her, and she heaves into the toilet bowl.

I fall to my knees beside her and grab her hair. "What's going on?"

"Morning sickness," she says from her position half in the toilet bowl.

Oh, thank God.

I glance at Lee whose hovering in the doorway. "If your morning sickness was this bad why didn't you call someone?

"Who? You? You're too busy playing house with your new woman, and I don't have anyone else here." She pushes into a seated position and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. Lee steps inside grabs a washcloth and runs it under cold water.

"That has shit to do with me taking care of the sick mother of my child."

She hiccupped. "I don't want to be another baby mama. They're treated like shit."

"You think I'd be like that? We have a good arrangement going. Don't fuck it up because you're inside your head." I sweep my eyes over her. She looks clean. I hold out her hands and study her arms. No needle pricks.

"Let me see your feet, Wendy."

She rolls her eyes and straightens out her legs. I search her toes for tracks.

"I'm clean. Jesus."

"You can't blame me for checking."

She rolls her eyes.

Lee offers up a damp washcloth, and she snatches it away. I narrow my gaze, and she shrinks. "Thanks," She mutters.

"Let's get you into bed. I'll have the prospects come by during the day and keep the place clean, yeah?"

"Whatever you say, your highness."

I roll my eyes. "Don't be a bitch."

"I'm pregnant, alone, and sick as a dog, excuse me if my manners are lacking. You should have told me what was going on Jax."

"What?"

"You and .her. I always knew you two had a thing, and there I am with my belly out to here in a black dress with everyone giving me pity filled glances. That was fucked up."

"Hey. This wasn't going on when we were together."

She snorts. "Right."

"I'm many things, but I don't wreck homes. Your home was already broken, and Jax was already out the door." Lee says from the doorway.

"And you had no problems opening your arms for him, right Lee?"

"Hey! I went after her. Your beef is with me," I say.

She narrows his gaze. "Yes, it is. Look, I'm fine. Nausea is kicking my ass. You want to send Prospects by, fine. Let them help me keep the place up. You want to meet me at the hospital for appointments fine. You want me to keep up with you on the phone. You got it. But I don't want to see this bitch in my home dogging your footsteps in my fucking place like she always belonged there. You owe me that shit."

I bow my head. "Fine. You'll deal with me."

"Finally. It only took a year and a pregnancy to get your attention again." She scoffs.

"You plan on being a bitch the entire time."

"Yeah, I do."

I roll my eyes, just grateful she hadn't relapsed. I give a chuckle. "Fair enough."

"Good. Now you saw me, examined me for tracks and helped me into bed. You can go."

The undisguised rage and hurt in her eyes makes me recoil. I did that. I fucked up another person's life when all they did was love me, and now my child is going to be caught up in the mess. My shit's catching up with me and I'm seeing how my actions affect others. It's an ugly realization.

"Are you okay?" Lee asks when we arrive back at her house.

"Not really. My kid hasn't even arrived yet, and I'm entering world war three with his mom, and dude…She has a right to be pissed. I strung her along, dicked her over, and bailed when she told me she was pregnant."

"You didn't bail. Trust me I know leaving." Lee places a hand on my shoulder.

"Didn't I, though?" I spear my fingers through her hair. "I'm over here happy, and she's puking her guts up and barley able to take care of herself." I shake my head. "What the fuck does that say about me?"

"It's not like you knew Jax," she says softly. I nod my head. I hear her words, but I'm conflicted. I stand and pace the length of her living room.

"Shit happens. You grew apart long before you knew she was pregnant. Step up, be the amazing father I know you can be for the child. That's what's important."

The walls are closing in on me. I'm antsy, and for the first time in a long time, I'm uncertain.

"Harley, I need a minute."

Her eyes widen. "Where are you going?"

"I just. I need to be alone and ride and clear my head. Maybe go see my Dad."

She bites her lower lip and nods. She understands my nature. There are times when I'm better off by myself muddling through my thoughts.

"Alright. I'll be here."

"I won't be long," I promise. I bend and press a quick kiss to her lips before walking back the way I came. There's too much noise going on in my head. I need silence to think. There's nothing like the freedom I have on my bike. There's a point where the wind blows everything out of my head, and I'm one with the bike, the road, and the sky. It's a beautiful spiritual experience I can never explain to non-riders, so I've stopped trying.

I pull out of the driveway and weave through the streets, taking the bike onto the highway so I can hit that magical speed where nothing else matters. As I open up the engine, I can't help but think of my own father. He was the strong, but level-headed type. There was an abundance of kindness, but he ruled with a strong hand, guiding, and disciplining when necessary. He was charismatic and sturdy, but not hardened by the life. Not the way Clay is, or even my mom. She laughed a lot more then. Until Tommy passed. Then they went silent and internal. I hated that period most.

I learned a lot about being a parent from my Old man. I could be that for this kid. They deserve to know the same stability and unending love. No matter how I fucked up, I never felt like my mom or dad wouldn't back me. I can do this. I find myself doubling back and heading to the cemetery. I know my father's soul isn't here, but it makes me feel better when I have somewhere to focus my attention.

I park my bike beside the path and walk to his headstone.

"Hey, Dad. Guess you know I got myself into a real pickle huh? I'm going to be a father. It should be the happiest time of my life, but instead, I'm scared shitless. The mother can barely stand me, and I'm watching her like a hawk for signs of a relapse. Jesus, when I do anything, it's never easy. You always said that and I'm still proving you right. 'Cause to top it all off…I finally find the woman I want to be with forever. You know her pops, it's Lee. I know, not a surprise to you at all. You always had a way of seeing things far beyond the moment." I shove my hands into my jeans. "I got to get my shit together for my kid Dad. Problem is I ain't sure how. There's some shit I just can't go to Mom with. You know how she can be. You leaving made her even more… over the top. Clay and I…well he never filled that Daddy role. I never wanted him too, and Tig…He changed man. He might've been your best friend once Dad, but I'm not sure you'd recognize him now. Clay's twisted him into a tool he uses as needed." I shake my head. My mind goes to Chibs and Journee. They're my go to's next to Lee and Op. But Op's not accessible.

"I'll talk to Baby J and Chibby tomorrow. They got married in an honest to God Castle Dad you would've enjoyed the show. Good to see the bastard and my sister happy. They deserve it." I think of the long way around they took, and how well it worked out and my panic recedes enough for me to breath. I don't have a plan yet, but I will soon.