Ninety First One Shot:
A Better Walk to Remember
Jace POV:
I've never spent longer than 2 years in a specific place. My parents loved moving. I didn't get it, and I thought moving was such an inconvenience, but they loved it and like clock work, every two years we'd move. As you probably understand, that was really hard for me as a kid. Constantly having to make new friends, and than leaving those friends. When I was about 13 I gave us making them. I became the 'emo' kid in the corner that wasn't friendly, and didn't socialize. It was easier to just leave that place without having to leave anyone behind, and ever since I just kept that image up.
Thankfully I was a senior in high school, so when I got to college I'd stay at that same college for four years, but being the new kid senior year kinda really sucked. More than being the new kid at every other school I've been too. All these kids mostly likely grew up together, and were just having the time of their lives senior year, and here I was, new, I knew nobody, and probably going to be even more outcasted than I normally would be. I didn't dwell on it for too long though, because I was used to this, and I learned how to cope.
"Jace honey!" My mom called. "You don't want to be late for your first day of school!" She said and I groaned. I grabbed my jacket and headed downstairs.
"I doubt they'll care that I'm late mom." I said and she smiled.
"But I do." She said. "Here is some lunch money." She said as she handed me some money. "I hope you have a great first day." She said as she grabbed her phone.
"Please no pictures mom." I said and she laughed.
"It's a tradition Jace." She said. "And I am going to get a picture of you on your last first day of high school. Now smile." She said and I appeased her. I smiled and she snapped the photo. "Thank you."
"I'll be home after school." I said and she nodded.
"I'm working until 6, so I'll see you at dinner." She said and I walked over and kissed her cheek. "I love you Jace."
"Love you too mom." I said and I went outside, got on my motorcycle and went to my new school.
When I pulled up to the parking lot, all eyes were on me. I took my helmet off, put the kickstand down, and grabbed my bag. I didn't care much for the stares, I just went straight to the office to get my schedule. I walked in and went over to the desk and waited for the woman behind it got off the phone.
"Hi sweetie, what can I do for you?" She asked as she hung up.
"My name is Jonathan Herondale, I'm new here." I said.
"Yes. Let me get your schedule." She said as she typed on the computer. After a few minutes she printed it out. "Okay, your locker is purple, and it'll upstairs on the third floor. Your homeroom is number 324." She said and I nodded as I took the schedule. "Welcome to Idris." She said and I smiled and left the office.
I walked up to the third floor and found the purple lockers. It was so weird how they color coordinated this school, but I guess it did make it a little easier than just looking for a number. I found my locker and opened it, I didn't have much to put in it, so I just put my helmet in it, and than closed it and made my way to my homeroom. I took a seat in the back, just like I always did, put my headphones in and waited for the day to begin.
As the class started to fill up, I could already see the clicks forming. The 'cheerleader' types were all in the front right, the 'jocks' were all in the far left corner, and the 'nerds' were all up in the front left. They were all talking about most likely their summer or what the school year was going to be like. I didn't even realize that someone had sat next to me in the back. I looked over and she was drawing something in a book. The teacher walked in and I took my headphones out.
"Alright class, I'm just going to take role, because I know you all aren't going to listen to me anyway, so just raise your hand when I call your name, and if you prefer to be called something else just let me know, than you may return to your conversations." She said and the class nodded. She started rambling off names.
"Clarissa Fray?" She called and I noticed the girl next to me raise her hand. So here name was Clarissa, it didn't seem to fit her.
"I prefer to be called Clary." She said and the teacher nodded. Clary suited her much better.
"Jonathan Herondale?" She called and I raised my hand.
"I prefer Jace." I said and she nodded and she continued down the list.
I got to the first class and took my normal seat in the back. None of the classes were particularly interesting. They were all just the same boring classes that I've always had to take. English, math, history, science, health, gym. Nothing much different than other high schools. What I wasn't looking forward to this year was my photography class. I had to take an art class, and I can't draw, I can't paint, I wasn't doing any type of theater shit, and I had no interest in jewelry making, so photography was my last choice. I was sitting in the back of the class naturally, and in walked that redhead from homeroom. I haven't seen her all day, not even during lunch. She took a seat next to me in the back and continued to draw when the teacher walked in.
"Okay class, I'm going to start with a long project right off the bat. I'll assign you a partner and you'll have until the end of the semester to complete this project." He said and I internally groaned. I hated group work. "Okay, let's get started." He said and he started calling off names. "And that leaves two people, Clarissa and Jonathan. You'll be partners." He said and I nodded.
"Please call me Clary." She said and the teacher nods.
"I prefer to be called Jace." I said realizing that he would call me Jonathan unless I corrected him.
"Looks like you two are already a good pair, you both want to be called something different." He said with a laugh and Clary and I just nodded. "Okay, so this project is going to be a huge portfolio. You must picture a topic to capture. Whether it be people, landscapes, animals, architecture, flowers, anything. But the portfolio must have a theme." He said. "You may take the rest of the class to discuss with your partner and than come up and tell me." Everyone split up and I looked over at Clary.
"Hi." She said. "I'm Clary."
"Jace." I said.
"So, I have an idea, but you can totally tell me if it's complete shit and we can start over." She said and I laughed.
"Let's here it." I said.
"Well, I think it would be awesome to just photograph people in their everyday lives. Just a huge portfolio of candid's." She explained.
"I like it." I said and she smiled and got off the stool and went to the teacher. She told him, he nodded and that was that. She came back to her seat.
"So, when would you like to start?" She asked.
"Whenever you're free." I said honestly. I didn't do much that would conflict with times.
"Okay, I'm busy today and tomorrow, but how about we meet up on Wednesday, and start with the basics." She said.
"Sounds good to me." I said. She started writing something down before handing it to me.
"That's my number." She said. "Where would you like to meet?" She asked.
"We could meet at my house first, and figure out where we want to go to take the pictures." I offered.
"Sounds great. Just text me your address and I'll be there." She said and I nodded. We didn't have anything else to discuss so she went back to drawing and I put my headphones in and continued to listen to music.
Time Jump – Wednesday
Clary POV:
I was getting my stuff together to head over to Jace's house after school. I was really looking forward to this project because I loved taking candid pictures of people. It showed there natural side, and I loved that about people. Anyone can take pictures of animals, or buildings, or whatnot, but capturing people is so much more personal, something that's raw, and I loved that.
I pulled up to his house and rang his doorbell. A few moments later a woman answered, and she had the biggest smile on her face. I smiled back politely and she gestured for me to come in.
"You must be here for Jace." She said. "He told me a friend from school was coming over to work on a project."
"Yea. I'm Clary." I said.
"I'm Celine." She said. "Jace is in the living room." She pointed and I nodded before heading in. He was sitting on the couch reading a book. I dropped my bag and took a seat on the opposite couch.
"Hi." I said and he looked up.
"Hey." He said. He closed the book and put it on the coffee table. "So, where would you like to take these pictures?" He asked.
"I was thinking about it, and I realized that people might be a little weirded out that we're just taking pictures of them." I said and he laughed. "So we might have to be stealthy." I said and he smiled.
"We can do stealthy." He said.
"Cool. So the most obvious place for me would be the park. Lots of demographics there people wise. Families, teens, elderly. There is just a wide variety that will be good for us." I said and he nodded. "So we might have to climb a few trees, or hide behind a few bushes, but that's not a problem." I said and he nodded again.
"What about if we go to like restaurants, or clubs on the weekend?" He suggested. "At least in clubs people are less aware of things, so we might not need to sneak into stealth mode." He offered.
"I like it." I said. "I was also thinking that we could also go to those movies in the park, since they don't end until like the end of September, and we could even go to the homecoming dance, and the winter ball to get some of our classmates." I said.
"Sounds good to me." He said.
"Cool." I said. That was all I really wanted to talk about, and it was quiet before I decided to get to know him a little more. "So, how shitty is it being the new kid senior year?" I asked and I could tell I caught him off guard.
"Not uncommon for me." He said.
"So you've been a senior for some time now?" I said and he laughed.
"No. I meant the new kid part." He explained. "My parents have a love for moving." He said. "We never stayed anywhere longer than 2 years."
"That must suck." I said and he laughed.
"I got used to it." He simply said.
"Where were you before you moved here?" I asked.
"Maine." He said.
"What was it like?" I wondered.
"Cold in the winter, but it wasn't too bad." He said.
"I've never been out of New York." I admitted. "I grew up here."
"That's nice." He said.
"Sometimes it is, sometimes I wish I was more cultured." I said and he nodded.
It was quiet for another couple minutes before I felt something dripping down my face. I put my hand to my nose and when I took it away, and there was blood on my fingers. And all I could think about was that this couldn't be happening again.
"Are you okay?" Jace asked.
"Yea. This happens when I'm dehydrated. Can I have a tissue?" I asked and he nodded. He got up, grabbed one and handed it to me. I put it up against my nose and tilted my head back. They normally only lasted for a couple minutes, but I knew this wasn't a good sign. Once I felt like it was over, I removed the tissue and looked at Jace. "Where is the trashcan?" I asked.
"In the kitchen." He said and I got up and went into the kitchen where his mom was.
"Will you be staying for dinner Clary?" She asked.
"No thank you. I actually have to get home." I said and she nodded. "Maybe another time."
"Of course sweetheart. It was lovely meeting you." She said.
"You as well." I said as I made my way into the other room. "I should probably head home." I said and Jace looked at me.
"Oh. Yea. Of course." He said.
"Maybe we can start taking pictures on Friday." I said and he smiled.
"Sounds good." He said. He walked me to the door and opened it.
"See you tomorrow Jace." I said.
"See ya." He said. I walked to my car, got in and drove home in silence. When I opened the door, my mom was sitting in the living room sketching something.
"How did your meeting go sweetie?" She asked.
"Mom." I said, my voice was shaky.
"What's wrong Clary?" She asked.
"My nose is bleeding again." I said and she got up.
"I'll make an appointment for Tomorrow." She said and I nodded. "Go lay down until dinner." She said and I just nodded again. I got into my room and laid on my bed. It had been 4 years since I've been in remission, this couldn't be happening again.
Time Jump – Three Weeks Later
Clary POV:
I've been in an out of the hospital getting tested to see if it came back or not. Turns out it wasn't as easy to detect as it was before, which meant a lot of blood being taken, a lot of scans, and a lot of tired days.
Jace and I were still working on our project, and surprisingly it wasn't hard at all to build a huge portfolio, and we were 2/3's done already, which was really promising, but people were so fascinating to capture in a picture, that we would spend hours at the park just taking pictures. Once day, I got home and we had taken nearly 300. Now, they weren't all good enough to use, but we had a wide variety.
I got to school, and I was just exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes opened the majority of the time, and I just wanted to take a nap. I got to photography class and I put my head down on the table. I was nearly asleep when someone nudged my shoulder. I looked up and there stood Jace.
"You okay?" He asked. "You look like you've barely been sleeping."
"How did you know?" I joked but he didn't look amused. "I just don't seem to be sleeping through the night. I only sleep for like 2 hours at a time."
"That sucks." He said and I simply nodded. "Well, we don't have to meet today if you're too tired."
"No, it's okay." I said. "I'll be okay."
"Alright." He said. He didn't sound convinced, but he also didn't question it at all. Which was nice.
We got back to his house after school, and I didn't even realize how tired I was going to be. I sat on his couch and just curled up with a pillow. Before I knew it, my eyes were closing and I was falling asleep. I didn't even have the energy to wake myself up, I just let the darkness consume me.
Jace POV:
I went to the kitchen to get something to drink for Clary and I and when I went back to the living room she was fast asleep on the couch. I laughed, grabbed a blanket and put it over her. I put the water down on the coffee table, picked up my book, and continued to read it. She clearly needed to sleep, and I wasn't going to wake her up when she finally got to actually sleep. My mom came home a lot sooner than I was expected.
"Jace!" She called.
"Shhh." I hushed as she walked into the living room. She looked confused but I just pointed at Clary and she smiled and motioned for me to follow her into the kitchen. I put my book down and obeyed. "What's up?" I asked when I walked into the kitchen.
"Why is Clary sleeping on the couch?" She asked.
"We were supposed to work on our project today, but she looked like she hasn't been sleeping in weeks, and when I told her we could reschedule she said she was fine, but when I came in here to get her something to drink, she was fast asleep by the time I got back." I explained.
"Oh. Why hasn't she been sleeping?" My mom asked.
"No idea. She just said she only sleeps for like 2 hours at a time." I said and she nodded.
"Maybe she's stressed. That really messes with your sleep schedule." My mom said and I nodded. I wasn't going to argue with a nurse.
"Maybe. But I wasn't going to wake her up." I said and she nodded.
"Will she be staying for dinner?" She asked.
"I guess. I don't want to wake her up anytime soon." I said and she nodded but she had that look in her eyes. "Don't start with me mom."
"I didn't say anything." She said and I glared at her.
"But you have that look in your eyes." I said. "I told you before, we're only hanging out because of this project."
"If you say so." She said and I walked out of the kitchen and go back into the living room. I looked at Clary and she looked so peaceful, but incredibly tired. I picked my book back up and continued to read as she continued to sleep.
I don't know how long it was, but when my mom came in to tell me that dinner was ready, I knew I had to wake her up, and I really didn't want too. I wanted her to continue sleeping. I kneeled down in front of her and started to rub her leg. She started to stir a little bit, and when her eyes finally opened she looked incredibly confused until it clicked and her eyes widened.
"Oh my god. I fell asleep. I'm so sorry." She said as she sat up. "We can start working now."
"I woke you up because it's dinner time." I said and her eyes got even bigger.
"It's dinner time?" She asked and I nodded. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"
"You looked tired, and if you were finally sleeping I wasn't going to interrupt that." I explained.
"I did sleep a lot better than I normally do." She said and I smiled before standing up. I extended my hand and she took it and I pulled her off the couch. We walked in the kitchen, and my dad was sitting at the table already and my mom was getting everything together.
"How are you feeling Clary?" My mom asked.
"Better." She said as she took her seat.
"Do you know why you aren't sleeping well?" My mom asked.
"I'm not sure. I just know I don't sleep for long periods of a time anymore. That was actually the longest I've slept in a single duration in weeks." She said.
"You should drink warm milk, or chamomile tea before bed. It's supposed to be extremely soothing." My mom recommended and Clary nodded.
"I'll try that tonight." Clary said and my mom smiled.
Dinner went by normally. It was like Clary was always there for dinner. She fit into the conversation easily, and she was just so comfortable talking to my parents, and everything. It was weird, this is what it was supposed to be like to have friends, or even a girlfriend. They were supposed to fit seamlessly into your family, just like Clary. I was actually laughing, and smiling at some of the things she said, or I would actually get embarrassed when my mom brought up things that I normally didn't like the world knowing, but I didn't mind Clary knowing them about me. I didn't mind Clary knowing me and I thought that would never happen.
Time Jump – One Month Later
Clary POV:
Turns out the process this time, was seriously way longer than before, but everything was sorted out, and I was going to start chemo next week, and I was going to be homeschooled for the duration of my senior year. I actually felt incredibly horrible that I was leaving Jace to do that project all alone, so once day when I was waiting around for the doctor to get everything settled, I decided to finish the presentation, and the photo album that we were putting the pictures in plus all the film so that Jace could develop them. I was also writing him a note, to let him know that I truly felt sorry but this was what happened to be better for me, and that I hoped her understood. It truly sucked having to go through this again, but I was a fighter, and that's what I was going to do.
Time Jump – One Week Later
Jace POV:
Clary wasn't in homeroom today, and that was a little alarming. We were supposed to meet this weekend to do some of the project but she cancelled last minute and that wasn't like her at all. I went through my entire day hoping that I would see Clary in photography class, but when the bell rang, and everyone was in the room, and Clary wasn't there, I got slightly worried.
"Jace, could you come up here for a moment?" The teacher asked and I made my way to the desk. "I have some bad news." He said. "Clary is no longer continuing her senior year here, so looks like you're going to be flying solo for the rest of the semester." He said and my jaw dropped. Clary never told me she wasn't going to be finishing the year here. "But this was dropped off in my office addressed to you." He said as he gave me a package. I took it and went back to my seat. I opened it up and inside was a letter. I opened it and began to read.
Dear Jace,
I couldn't think of a proper way to tell you, so I thought a letter was more personal than a simple text. I will no longer be continuing going to Idris this year. I've decided to finish out my senior year being homeschooled. I just think it's the best thing for me, and I truly hope you understand. I didn't intend on leaving you high and dry with this project, which is why I've taken it upon myself to do the rest of the work so that you weren't too burdened by it. Inside this box is the photo album for our pictures, the film, and the final presentation. All you have to do is develop the film, and fill the album. I hope that it looks as beautiful as we always thought it would. I am again so incredibly sorry that this came out of thin air Jace, but I hope you can forgive me.
Sincerely,
Clary.
I looked in the box and sure enough there was the album, the film, and I just stared at it. None of this made any sense. She just left right before winter break and started getting homeschooled? Who does that? I didn't understand it, and I was a little annoyed that she just up and left, but she did finish her part of the project, so I guess I can't be too mad at her.
When I got home I put my bag down, went into the kitchen, grabbed an orange and headed towards the living room. I sat down and began to peel it when my mom walked in, scrubs and all.
"Hey mom." I said and she looked at me and gave me a sad smile.
"Hi baby. How are you doing?" She asked as she sat next to me.
"I'm fine." I said. "How was work?"
"Depressing." She said and I looked at her confused. "I'm so sorry Jace. She was such a lovely girl."
"Who was a lovely girl?" I asked even more confused.
"Clary." She said as if she was the one who was supposed to be confused.
"What about Clary?" I asked.
"Oh sweetie. You don't know?" She asked.
"Know what mom?" I asked.
"Clary started chemo this week." She said and I literally felt my heart break.
"Chemo?" I asked.
"She didn't tell you?" My mom asked.
"No. She didn't." I said annoyed but than I realized, I was annoyed at a girl who I just met, who had cancer.
"Oh baby. I'm so sorry." She said.
"What kind does she have?" I asked dumbfounded.
"Leukemia." My mom said. "I thought she would have told you."
"We were just partners mom. Why would she tell me that?" I said.
"You two were more than partners. There was something between you sweetheart. I saw it." She said.
"You know I don't believe in that whole connection bullshit mom." I said and she laughed.
"You can not believe in it all you want. I know what I saw." She said as she got off the couch. "Dinner at 5." She said as she started to leave.
"Mom." I called and she turned around. "What are her chances? Of beating this?" I asked and she gave me that sad smile.
"Survival rates for AML is 26%." She said and my jaw dropped. "But there are so many factors baby that it's hard to tell who will make it." She said.
"But it doesn't look good." I said.
"She beat it before. She can beat it again." My mom said.
"Wait, this isn't her first diagnosis?" I asked and she shook her head. "When was the first?" I asked.
"She was 13 the first time." She said. "You should visit her. I think she'd like it."
"I can't just show up and be like 'hey Clare, my mom told me you were sick, let's chill. By the way I really like you'." I rattled than instantly kicked myself.
"I knew it!" My mom cheered and I hung my head. "You two will make a beautiful couple."
"Nothing is going to happen mom." I said.
"And why not?" She asked.
"Because I doubt she wants to be in a relationship. Especially if she might...you know." I said. I didn't want to say the word.
"Life is too short to not go after what you want. Whether Clary has 3 months to live or 40 more years." She said. "Don't let that stop you from going after what you want." She said and I sighed. "I know you Jace. You don't let anyone in, and maybe that's our fault. Maybe constantly moving made you shut off your emotions, and guard yourself from truly making life long friends, but Clary is different. I heard you two laughing together, I saw the smile she brought to your face. Don't give that up because she's battling cancer."
"I'll think about it mom." I said and she nodded.
"Clary will be in the hospital for the rest of the week." She said. "In case you change your mind." I nodded and she left the room. I didn't know what to do, and truth me told, I was heartbroken, and that was something I never thought I'd feel.
Time Jump – A Couple Days Later
Clary POV:
I was sitting in the hospital trying to rest. The chemo they gave me this time around was extra strong, so strong that I had to be in the hospital for a week. I was getting nowhere with my sleep when I heard the door open. I turned in my bed to see a nurse but instead there stood Jace.
"What are you doing here?" I asked as I tried to sit up.
"My mom told me." He said. "She's a nurse here."
"I've never seen her around." I said.
"She delivers babies." He said. "She normally doesn't visit this side of the hospital."
"So how did she know about me?" I asked.
"They were short staffed this week so nurses were all over the place." He said, and I nodded.
"Would you like to sit?" I asked as I gestured to the chair. He nodded slightly and made his way to the chair, almost like he was scared to be near me.
"How are you feeling?" He asked.
"I've been better." I said with a dry laugh. "It's really just this new chemo. It's really strong."
"That sucks." He said.
"That it does." I said. "Did you get my package?" I asked.
"I did. You didn't need to do all that work. I could have done some." He said but I waved him off.
"I felt awful just up and leaving you to finish it alone." I said. "I didn't want to leave school, but I'm going to be in and out of this hospital until I beat this or die. It would have been pointless to stay. But I felt awful leaving you, I just had to do something."
"I appreciate it, and I'm going to miss having you around." He said with a smile.
"If you'd smile more, take the headphones out, and participate in society, you could make a friend or two." I said and he laughed.
"It's not really my thing to make friends." He said.
"So what does that make me?" I asked curiously.
"An exception. Always an exception." He said. It was quiet than because I didn't know what to say. "I can go of you want." He said out of nowhere and stood up.
"No." I said. "I'd really like the company." I said and he smiled and sat down. "So, how is school?" I asked.
"Boring." He said and I laughed. "Honestly, I just want to graduate."
"I bet. What are your plans after college?" I asked.
"NYU." He said. "Its local, although I don't know how long my parents will stay in our house now."
"They really do love moving." I said and Jace laughed.
"Yea. I don't know why. I think it's such a hassle. I've learned to not collect excessive things because you just have to constantly move them." He said.
"Makes sense." I said and he nodded. "You know, we've known each other for a couple months, and I don't know that much about you." I pointed out.
"You don't?" He sarcastically asked. "But I'm an open book." He said and I laughed.
"You're about as open as I am." I said he smiled. "Question for question?" I asked and he nodded. "Okay, we'll start easy. Favorite color?"
"Black." He said. "What's yours?"
"Silver." I said. "Favorite hobby?" I asked.
"Playing the piano." He said.
"You play?" I asked surprised.
"I do, very well in fact." He said.
"Cool." I said.
"What's yours?" He asked.
"Sketching." I said.
"Should have known. Your head was always buried in a book." He said and I laughed.
"Favorite food?" I asked.
"Red apples." He said and I scrunched my nose. "Not a fan?" He asked.
"No. I prefer green apples." I said and he laughed.
"To each their own." He said and I nodded. "What's yours?" He asked.
"Well, before chemo starts it's a toss up between Oreos or tastey cakes. But after chemo it's either peanuts or Cheerios." I say.
"Chemo ruins your appetite?" He asked.
"Immensely. I lose my taste buds most times or sometimes sweet tastes salty, which ruins everything so I try and stick with bland food." I explain.
"That sounds horrible." He said.
"Really? Cause I think this whole process is really glamorous." I say as I gesture to my bed. He gives me a small smile so I decide to stop joking about it.
"Biggest fear?" He asked after a moment.
"It might sound utterly stupid to you, considering I'm currently in the hospital get chemo because I have cancer, but losing my hair is a big fear of mine." I said.
"That doesn't sound stupid." He said. "Why is that a big fear?" He asked.
"Because I look ugly without hair." I said so quietly that I hoped he wouldn't hear. I was looking at my hands avoiding eye contact when I felt my bed dip, and when I looked up, he was sitting in front of me.
"You could never look ugly Clary." He said softly.
"You haven't seen me without my hair yet." I said.
"I guarantee I'll still say the same thing. You know why?" He asked and I shook my head. "Because of course you're beautiful on the outside." He said and I blushed. "But you're also incredibly beautiful on the inside as well, and no amount of hair loss will change that beautiful side of you."
"Thank you." I simply said because I didn't know how to respond to such a beautiful compliment.
"When do you get out of here?" He asked after a moment.
"Hopefully Friday." I said. "This chemo is incredibly strong, and if I have a bad reaction it's better for me to be here than at home." I said and he nodded.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about my homework." He said and I laughed. "But would you like to see the final product once I'm done?" He asked.
"I'd love that." I said and he smiled.
"Just text me where you are, whether it be here, or at your house, and I'll come over and let you see all our hard work." He said and I smiled.
"Sounds great." I said. "I get chemo every week this time, so I'll be in the hospital a couple days a week, so your best bet is to find me here."
"Still text me." He said. "If you want to see the photos, or you want some company, or you need me to pick up some more bland food. All you have to do is ask."
"Why?" I simply asked. "Why would you do that for me?"
"Because since we got paired together, you're the first person in a long time that I consider a friend." He said. "And I know I can't do much to help you, I wish I could, but I can't, and if you need more cheerios because you ran out, I will be more than willing to go get you some more because it would be the least I could do."
"That's really sweet of you." I said and he smiled.
"You're the last person on this planet that should be going through this." He said and I just shrugged. He took my hand in his and a serge of sparks ran through me. "Trust me on this one." He said and I simply nodded. I could tell he was telling me the absolutely truth, and it gave me a little hope.
Time Jump – A Couple Months Later
Jace POV:
The project was finally finished, and I was going to Clary's house to show her the final product. She had her chemo a couple days ago and got released this morning, so I didn't have to meet her in the hospital like I normally had to do. Walking up to her front door, I was crazy nervous. Something about Clary was different. Different than anything else I've ever experienced. It was new, and it kinda freaked me out, but not in a bad way. I knocked on the door and a moment later it opened.
"Jace." Jocelyn said. "It's good to see you."
"You as well Jocelyn." I said as I walked inside.
"Clary is in her room." She said. "She's kind of having a bad day, so I would just be cautious." She said and I nodded. I walked to her room, and knocked on the door. I heard a faint come in, and when I opened the door, Clary was in her bed. She looked fragile, and tired. I could tell the chemo was draining her.
"I totally forgot you were coming." She said faintly.
"I can come back another day." I said. "When you're feeling up to it."
"Don't be silly." She laughed. "You came all this way." She lifted her hand up and motioned for me to come join her.
"How are you feeling?" I asked and I immediately wanted to kick myself. What a stupid question.
"I've had better days." She laughed, and than started to violently cough. She removed her hand and it was covered in blood.
"Clary." I said and she looked.
"Can you hand me a tissue?" She asked and I looked on her nightstand and there was a box of tissues there. I grabbed one and handed it to her.
"Does that happen a lot?" I asked.
"No." She said.
"Is that a bad thing?" I asked.
"I told my doctor." She said. "I'm going in tomorrow for observations."
"Didn't you just get home today?" I asked and she nodded slightly. "So why not just stay there?" I asked.
"I wanted to sleep in my own bed." She said and I nodded. I looked at her, really looked at her and noticed no stray curls falling around her face.
"Your hair." I said and she gave me a sad smile.
"It started falling out last week." She said. "I didn't want to wait so I had my mom shave it off." She explained. "I know, I look even more disgusting than I would with my hair. It's okay." I put my finger under her chin and lifted her head so our eyes were locked.
"You're still just as beautiful as you were before." I said and she let out a dry laugh.
"You don't have to lie to me Jace." She said. "I know I'm not a knockout, I never was. This certainly didn't make me more attractive."
"You're wrong." I said.
"About which part?" She asked.
"All of it." I said. "I've always thought you were a knockout, and that hasn't changed."
"You don't need to pity the cancer patient Jace." She said. "I can handle the truth."
"Than there is one thing you should know about me." I said. "I've never been a liar." I said and she looked at me.
"I'm just going to have to believe you aren't I?" She asked and I nodded. "Okay. Well, let me see our finished project?" She asked changing the subject. I grabbed the photo album and handed it to her. She scooted over on her bed and patted the spot next to her. I looked at her hesitantly. "You aren't going to make me look at it by myself are you?" She asked and I shook my head. I took a seat next to her and my arm instinctually went around her shoulders and she leaned into me.
She started flipping through the book. I was trying to gauge her reaction, but she just kept the same awestruck look on her face the entire time. After what felt like an eternity she finally closed the book and looked up at me with a smile on her face.
"It was absolutely beautiful. You have to let me know how we did on it." She said and I smiled.
"Of course." I said and just then her door opened.
"Clary." Jocelyn said. "It's time for you medicine."
"Okay." Clary said.
"I should get going." I said as I got off her bed.
"That's probably for the best. This medicine knocks me out anyway." Clary said and I nodded. I leaned over to grab the book, and I was so close to her, so I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead.
"Let me know how the observation goes." I said when I pulled back.
"You really want to know?" She asked.
"Of course." I said and she smiled.
"Okay." She said. "I'll text you when I know."
"Bye Clare." I said.
"Bye Jace." She said.
I shut her door and said goodbye to Jocelyn, got on my bike and headed home. I managed to get home in one piece and still holding myself together. Seeing Clary like that was absolutely heartbreaking. I got inside and my parents were sitting in the living room. My father was watching some game, and my mom was knitting.
"Hi sweetie." My mom said. I sniffed and she looked back and I just lost it. She ran towards me and pulled me into her arms. "Oh sweetie, what happened?" She asked.
"She's getting worse mom." I managed to get out. "She was coughing up blood today mom. She's so tiny, tinier than normal, and she looks exhausted. Like she's ready to give up at any moment."
"That's what cancer does sweetheart." My mom said. "It's a debilitating disease."
"It hurts." I said and she continued to rub my back.
"You really care about her don't you?" She asked, and I didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded. "Oh baby."
"And it seems so selfish to be feeling this way when she's the one going through it." I said. "But I can't help it. I can't do anything about it, and it's killing me."
"The best thing you can do Jace is be there for her." She said. "I know I don't work in the oncology department, but with any patient, the more interaction with people they have, the longer they last and the more willing they are to fight their illness." She said. "Don't give up on her, because than she might give up on herself." She said and I just nodded. When I finally calmed down I stood up.
"Thanks for the talk mom." I said.
"Anytime sweetheart." She said. "Dinner should be ready by 6."
"I think I'm just going to go to bed." I said. "I'm exhausted, and I just don't have an appetite right now." I said honestly.
"Okay sweetie. I'll make you a plate anyway, and put it in the fridge in case you get hungry later." She said and I nodded.
"Thanks mom." I said.
"I love you Jace." She said and I kissed her cheek.
"I love you too mom." I said than I headed upstairs. I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I was going to make sure Clary kept fighting, no matter what I had to do.
Time Jump – A Couple Months Later
Clary POV:
"I'm afraid we're going to have to up your dosage." The doctor said.
"Will that increase my chances of beating this?" I asked.
"I don't know, but it's the best solution I have at the moment." He said.
"And if I don't want to continue with chemo? How long will I have?" I asked.
"6 months at the most." He said and I sighed.
"Thanks." I said. He nodded and walked out of the room. The atmosphere was deadly. My mom was standing in the corner. Her face was void of emotion. I couldn't read her at all. "Mom?" I asked and she looked at me.
"I'm going to go get some coffee." She said as she walked out of the room. I laid back against the pillows and thought about the options. I didn't want to die, but I hated getting chemo. It was a double edged sword, one outcome was death, and the other options didn't guarantee life. How does someone choose between those two choices?
Celine POV:
I have been having a terrible shift. I was in the cafeteria getting some coffee to try and wake me up. These 12 hours aren't as easy as they used to be for me. I was standing making my coffee when someone came up next to me. They tried to grab a cup but ended up knocking it over.
"Shit." She said and I looked up to see a woman who looked just like Clary.
"Are you Clary's mom?" I asked without a second thought and she looked at me.
"How do you know my daughter?" She asked. "I've never seen you on her floor."
"I am in labor and delivery." I said. "I'm Jace's mom." I said and she nodded.
"Such a nice boy." She said and I smiled.
"Thank you." I said. "How is Clary doing?" I asked and clearly it wasn't the right thing to do.
"The chemo isn't working, and if she stops taking it she only has 6 months to live." She said and I gasped. "What am I supposed to do without her? She's all I have left."
"I'm so sorry." I said as I put my hand on her back.
"It's not fair." She said and I nodded.
"No. It isn't." I said. She took a deep breath and finally grabbed a cup.
"Sorry, but I should get back. It was nice meeting you…..?" She said.
"Celine." I said.
"I'm Jocelyn." She said. "It was nice meeting you."
"You as well." I said and she walked away. I couldn't believe how cruel the world could be. Clary didn't deserve this. Nobody ever did.
I got home that night and was dreading telling Jace, but I felt like he needed to hear it from me, and not in front of Clary. He was so emotional the last time we talked about her, and I can only imagine that this will be so much worse. I walked into the living room where Jace was sitting.
"Hey." I said and he looked up.
"Hey mom. How was work?" He asked.
"Not too great." I said as I took a seat. "I ran into Clary's mom in the cafeteria." I said and that grabbed his attention.
"What happened?" He asked.
"Nothing good sweetheart." I said and I could hear his heartbreaking.
"Just tell me mom." He said.
"The chemo isn't working so they want to up the dosage." I started. "But that isn't a guarantee. Clary asked the doctor how long she'd have if she stopped taking chemo."
"No." He said and I nodded. "How long?" He asked and I sighed. "How long mom?" He asked again.
"6 months baby." I said and he sunk back into the couch. "I don't know what she decided to do, but either option doesn't guarantee she'll beat it."
"This can't be happening." He said.
"It's not fair." I said. "Not fair at all." I said and he nodded.
"I – I need to go on a ride." He said as he stood up and grabbed his helmet.
"Be safe." I said. "Don't do anything stupid Jonathan."
"I'm always careful mom." He said before leaving the house. I heard him pull out of the driveway and I sank back into the couch. This was the worst thing I've ever had to watch him go through, and I hated it.
Time Jump – A Couple Days Later
Clary POV:
I had made up my mind about what I wanted to do. It took me a couple days to figure it out, but I was sure that this was the right decision. I didn't consult with anyone else. I didn't talk to my mom about it, and I didn't speak with the doctor. This was something I needed to figure out on my own, and that's what I did. I heard the door to my room open. I expected it to by my doctor, but in the doorway, there stood Jace.
"What are you doing here?" I said faintly.
"My mom told me what's going on." He said.
"How does she know?" I wondered.
"She ran into your mom in the cafeteria a couple days ago." He said and I nodded the best I could. "Have you figured it out? What you're going to do?" He asked and I simply nodded. He made his way over to me, sat in the chair and took my hand in his. "Can I say something to try and change your mind if you've decided to stop taking the chemo?" He asked. Curiously, I just nodded my head. "Please don't give up Clary." He said and he sounded so hurt. "Please fight this. Fight like hell, and when you're healthy, and cancer free, I can finally take you on that date that I've been wanting to go on with you since I met you." He said and my eyes widened.
"You want to go out with me?" I asked and he smiled.
"More than anything." He said. "But I want you to fight for so much more than just a date with me." He said.
"Like what?" I asked.
"I want you to fight for you mom. I know you're all she has left. I know this is destroying her. I want you to fight for yourself. I want you to kick cancer's ass and show it that it can't defeat you. I want you to fight for your life Clary." He said and I sighed. "Please tell me you didn't decide to stop getting chemo." He asked in a broken voice.
"I thought about it." I started. "So much." He looked up at me. "I'm so tired of feeling like this, I'm so tired of hospitals, and I'm so tired of drugs, and needles." I said. "But I couldn't do that to my mom. I know she has hope. I know she prays every night for me to get better. I hear her." I said. "Deciding to stop chemo would be selfish, and if I still die, at least I put up one hell of a fight." I said and he smiled. He leaned up to me and kissed my forehead like he did before.
"I'll be here every step of the way. For you and your mom." He said and I smiled the best I could.
"Thank you." I said and he kissed my hand as his response. Deciding to continue chemo was a hard decision, but in the end it was something I wanted to do. I wanted to live, for more than one reason, and I was going to give it my all. No matter what.
Time Jump – A Few Weeks Later
Jace POV:
Clary had been told that it would be beneficial if she just stayed at the hospital at this point. She needed to be constantly monitored, and as much as Clary wanted to be in her own bed, it just wasn't plausible. She was so frail and sick that being at home would be impossible.
It was a Friday, and just like every Friday I was going to spend the rest of the day with Clary.
I walked through the halls of the hospital until I got to her room. I knocked on the door before opening it. Clary was laying in her bed like she always was, with her feeding tube in. She hasn't been eating in a couple days, so the feeding tube was the only way to get nutrition into her body. I walked over to her and sat down in the chair next to her bed and I picked her hand up, kissed and placed it back on the bed but didn't let go.
"Hi." She said and I smiled at her.
"Hey. How are you feeling today?" I asked and she gave me a small smile.
"I've been better, but I've also been worse. So today is an improvement." She said and I smiled.
"I'll take it." I said and she laughed a little. "So, we got assigned our own individual project in photography today, but we weren't allowed to pick our own topics." I said.
"What did you get stuck with?" She asked.
"Flowers." I said and she laughed. "I know nothing about flowers."
"I'm sure whatever pictures you take will be beautiful." She said and I shrugged.
"My mom and I are going to visit this greenhouse tomorrow. Maybe it'll inspire me." I said and she nodded.
"Will you show me the pictures?" She asked.
"Absolutely." I said and she smiled. "So, what would you like to do today?" I asked.
"We could watch some movies." She said. "But I doubt I'll be able to make it through them. I'm really tired." She said.
"That's okay." I said. I grabbed my laptop out of my bag and plugged it in. she moved over on the bed, and I took my place. She leaned into me and I got onto Netflix and picked some random movie that we had put in my list a couple days before. The movie wasn't even 45 minutes in before Clary fell asleep. I honestly didn't expect her to last that long, but I let her sleep as long as she wanted. I continued to watch the movie until the door opened and in walked Jocelyn.
"Hey Jace." She said and I smiled.
"Hey. How are you?" I asked.
"I'm good. How is she?" She asked as she gestured to Clary.
"Tired." I said. "She fell asleep like and hour ago."
"I'm glad she's sleeping." Jocelyn said. "She's been looking so incredibly tired lately." She said and I nodded. "I had some news for her, but it can wait until she's awake." She said and I nodded again.
"Is it good news at least?" I asked and Jocelyn smiled.
"I think it's pretty good news, but I know Clary is tired of fighting, and going through all this medical shit. I don't know if she'll view it as good news."
"Will it save her?" I asked.
"Yea." Jocelyn said. "It could save her."
"Than it's amazing news." I said and she smiled.
"I rushed over here to see if she needed anything, and I forgot dinner." She said. "So I'll be back after I get something to eat."
"Sounds good. I'll be here." I said and she nodded before slipping out of the room. I looked down at Clary and noticed that for the first time in weeks she looked incredibly peaceful. And after hearing Jocelyn's news, I was incredibly thrilled that there was something out there that could save her.
Time Jump – One Week Later
Clary POV:
"And you're sure this will work?" I asked the doctor.
"Your donor is a perfect match." He said. "If your body rejected it, I'd be incredibly confused." He said and I nodded.
"When would I start?" I asked.
"Next week." He said and I nodded. "So this is what you want to do?" He asked.
"Yes." I said and he nodded.
"I'll have a nurse come in and check your vitals every hour until the stem cell transplant. I know it will get annoying but it's necessary." He said.
"I understand." I said. He nodded, and walked out of the room. I laid back on my bed and thought about this procedure. It was truly my last option, and I was going to pray that it worked.
Time Jump – One Month Later
Jace POV:
Clary had been going through stem cell transplant and today was her scan to see if it worked or not, and I was anxiously waiting for the text from here to tell me if it worked or not. I was pacing the living room. I couldn't sit down, I was too wired for that, and I couldn't occupy myself with anything else because my hands were shaking and my legs were bouncing. Pacing was the only thing that I could do, and I honestly thought I would leave imprints in the carpet.
My mom was sitting in the living room as well. She got home and saw me pacing and when I told her what was happening today, she took a seat and didn't move. It was nice having her around for this because at least I had someone to celebrate with or lose my mind with when I got that text. My volume was on full blast, and my phone was sitting on the coffee table. I couldn't stare at it because it felt like it was taking longer that way. It dinged and I stopped dead in my tracks and just looked at my phone.
"Well, are you going to answer it?" I heard my mom say and I broke out of my trance. I walked over to my phone picked it up and saw the message was from Clary. I took a deep breath before for opening it.
From Clary:
I'm free.
They were the only two words in the text, but I swear to god my heart couldn't have been any fuller. The stem cell transplant was a success and she was going to beat this. I looked over at my mom who was anxiously waiting for the news as well, and I just smiled. She smiled back, jumped up from the couch and hugged me.
"It worked?" She asked and I nodded and she laughed. "Oh thank god!" She said and I smiled.
"My thoughts exactly." I said as we broke apart.
"What are you going to do now?" She asked and I smiled.
"Once she gets her strength back I'm going to take her out, and see where it goes from there." I said and she smiled.
"See, aren't you glad we move a lot?" She winked and I just laughed.
"For once I'm glad we move a lot." I said and she laughed.
"Dinner at 5." She said and I nodded. I took a seat on the couch and smiled to myself. I realized I didn't text Clary back so I opened up her message and started typing.
To Clary:
I knew you could beat it.
It was a simple text, but I meant every word so incredibly much. She was finally going to get healthy, and this was going to be the last time she ever had to face this battle again. I mean, I don't know what the chances of her getting it again are, but for right now that wasn't going to being down my mood. Things were looking up, and I was incredibly grateful for that.
Time Jump – Four Years Later
Clary POV:
Today was the 4 year anniversary of me beating cancer for the second time and apparently there was going to be a huge party for me. Jace only told me about it last night, although him and my mom were planning it for the past couple weeks. Thankfully Jace knows I hate surprises so he told me when it was necessary for me to know, and I was really happy about that.
I was getting dressed when Jace walked into our room. Yes, our room. We were both seniors in college, and it made sense that we'd get an apartment together at this point. He walked over to me and pressed his lips to the top of my head.
"You almost ready?" He asked.
"Almost." I said as I grabbed my necklace, and my three rings. I put them all on, took one last look in the mirror and was satisfied with my look. "Not I'm ready."
"You look gorgeous." He said and I blushed.
"Thank you." I said. He reached his hand out and I took it. We got in his car and made our way the venue, which was still a mystery to me. When we pulled up, we were in front of a restaurant, a restaurant that I've never been too. When Jace opened my door, he reached his hand out to me, and I took it and he helped me out of the car. We walked into the restaurant and in there, were a bunch of people. My family, his family, and a bunch of our friends from college. "Wow. You two really went to town." I said and he laughed.
"You deserve it." He said as he kissed my temple. I walked over and hugged my mom, and than hugged Celine.
"You feeling good sweetie?" My mom asked.
"I feel better than ever mom." I said and she smiled.
"Well, let's get this party started." Jace said and I laughed. There was music playing, and there were drinks. Everyone was mingling, and I tried my best to talk to everyone there. Jace of course was by my side the entire time. I knew he had the capacity to make friends, he just liked being guarded.
I didn't let go of his hand the whole time. He has truly been my rock through everything. Not just the cancer, but life in general. College was tough, but he was always there to lift me up when I was feeling down. He took extra care of me when I came down with a cold, or a stomach bug. Most likely annoying the doctors 24/7 making sure that it was just a stomach bug and not other symptoms of AML. He listened to me, he respected me, and he loved me and that's all I've ever wanted in a guy. Someone who was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend and that's what Jace was to me. The party was dying down and I was sitting in a chair because standing for a couple hours made my feet incredibly sore. Jace sat down next to me and grabbed my hand.
"Are you just as tired as I am?" He asked and I laughed.
"Yes, and my feet are killing me." I said and he smiled.
"Our parents agreed to clean up the decorations for us, so we can go home." He said and I just nodded. I went to stand up but Jace scooped me up into his arms before I got the chance. I squealed and laughed as he started walking us to his car.
"I am capable of walking you know." I said and he smiled.
"I'm trying to minimize the pain in your feet." He said as he placed me in the passenger side. When he got in the drivers side I just looked at him. "What?" He asked as he started the car.
"I love you." I simply said and he smiled and pressed his lips to mine.
"I love you too." He said. He pulled out of the parking lot and we made our way home. My hand was securely in mine the whole time, just like it always is. I didn't know what the future held, but I knew that it was all going to be okay with Jace by my side, and that's all I could ever ask for in life.
Authors Note:
Okay, I know I haven't updated in some time, but I've been really uninspired recently. I don't know what's up, but I just open the story, but nothing is coming to me, and so I just shut it and kinda give up. But bare with me and I'll get something out there for you all. This one shot took me almost a week to finish which is really rare for me, but like I said, I don't know what's going on with me. I have no idea if someone requested this, or I just love A Walk to Remember so much, that I decided to create a better and different version for myself, regardless, I hope that you all enjoy it! Let me know what you all think and leave a review!
Disclaimer: I used the whole leukemia plot line from A Walk to Remember, but other than that it's completely different, but I just wanted you all to know I don't own A Walk to Remember, but I highly recommend the movie. It's one of my favorites.
