Being Orihara Izaya's 'bodyguard' was the easiest thing Ichigo had ever done in his life.

"Stop- dodging- stupid- punk!"

Ichigo did no such thing, ducking away from the large fist that was trying to plant itself in his face. It was almost boring, fighting regular street thugs after facing off against people like Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Aizen, Ywach.

Quickly growing tired of even pretending that this was a fair fight, Ichigo stepped back, grabbing hold of the guy's overextended arm when he followed after. It was short work to haul in him close enough for Ichigo to grab his collar and lift him right off his feet, and then hurl him straight into his thug friends. They all went down, cursing and groaning incoherently.

Ichigo, unconcerned, turned to face his 'boss'. "Are we done here?"

Orihara, also unconcerned, stood up from the car hood that he'd been sitting on. "That's all, Kurosaki-kun. I think they got the message."

As they exited the parking garage, Ichigo tried to remember if he even knew what kind of connection those idiots had to Orihara. There had been so many of them during the short time he'd been working for the information broker that they were all blurring together.

"They were just mad because I revealed certain tidbits of information to a rival group." Orihara explained, wavy an airy hand.

Ichigo chose not to ask how Orihara knew what he was thinking. The guy had picked up the unfortunate ability to read the words right off of his face (not that that was hard, admittedly). He'd also taken to disclosing things about his clients that Ichigo thought he probably shouldn't be sharing, but. It was kind of interesting, honestly. And it wasn't like Ichigo had any actual use for the information; he wasn't even from this Tokyo.

"I don't have any more meetings until after lunch, Kurosaki-kun. Is there anything you wanted to do today?"

Orihara's personal brand of weird sincerity was, well, weird. He was so damn interested in everything Ichigo did or said; he remembered every little last detail that Ichigo dropped, no matter how insignificant, and he was oddly keen on going places that Ichigo wanted to go.

(That first day, he'd allowed Ichigo to drag him all over the area where Karakura should have been, as Ichigo desperately looked for something he knew, strained to catch even the slightest thread of a familiar reiatsu signature. Orihara's black eyes had gleamed with unsettling fascination the entire time).

Ichigo shook his head. "Nah, I'm good." Then he remembered. "Oh, except I think Karisawa wanted to talk to me today? She was yelling at me out the window of that van yesterday. I think she said something about sushi?"

His lips tilted bemusedly at the memory.

"Ah." Orihara chuckled. "I know where she means; I'd meant to take you there myself, eventually. I'll drop you off there, Kurosaki-kun, but I'm afraid I won't be able to stay. Extended exposure to Karisawa isn't good for my health, you know."

That sounded like a story. Ichigo made a mental note to ask Karisawa about her relationship with Orihara.

As noon approached, Orihara ended up guiding Ichigo into what was definitely the strangest sushi restaurant he'd ever set foot in.

"Ah, Izaya!" A huge black man with a truly bizarre accent called out from behind the counter, waving a gleaming silver knife. "A new friend? Time for celebration sushi, yes?"

"Not today, Simon. I'm just dropping Kurosaki-kun off for a meeting with Karisawa." He pouted (and Ichigo manfully resisted the urge to smack it off his face; it was more than a little disturbing). "Why doesn't she ever invite me out for lunch?"

The guy – Simon, apparently – gave Orihara a look.

Ichigo snorted.

"Maybe sushi make you more friendly. Buy much sushi, share together, become friends." Simon spread his enormous hands in a 'what else can ya do' gesture.

Ichigo had major doubts that anything could make Orihara more personable; he was a creep through and through. But, he supposed that for such a creep, Orihara also wasn't all that bad. The guy was a manipulative asshole with his own agenda, but Ichigo couldn't fault him for that. If Ichigo could tell that much about him after such a short amount of time, the people in his own city should know better than to trust him.

Anybody who fell for his schemes – didn't they only have themselves to blame?

"What's this? Izaya's trying to make friends?"

A group of people entered the sushi restaurant, Karisawa and Yumasaki in the lead. Karisawa smiled and leaped over to immediately glomp herself onto Ichigo (thankfully, she was clothed. Thankfully, her intentions were nothing like Yoruichi's, the demon woman. Ichigo kinda missed her). The person who had spoken was a guy a couple of years older than Ichigo, who, although bearing no physical resemblance to his best friend, reminded Ichigo uncannily of Chad.

"Maa, Kadota," Orihara drawled, mouth stretched in the most insincere smile Ichigo had seen from him to date. "Don't you know better than to eavesdrop on other people's conversations?"

Karisawa laughed. "I don't think you have the right to say that, Izaya."

The false smile dropped from his face, replaced with a careless grin. Orihara shrugged. "Maybe so. I would however, like to ask that you not anything strange to my bodyguard. I'd quite like him back the way he is now."

Still holding on to Ichigo, Karisawa dragged him down to rub her knuckles into his scalp, completely ignoring his protests. "Such suspicion! Still, I promise you'll get your new bestie back without a scratch on him."

Scowling thunderously, Ichigo freed himself from her grasp. "Would you people stop talking about me like I'm not here?"

Neither Orihara nor Karisawa seemed particularly bothered by his displeasure. Orihara simply laughed and waved as he exited, calling out a promise to pick him up later. Karisawa also laughed, patting Ichigo's arm.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo-kun," she said, tugging him over to sit at one of the tables, leaving her friends to make their orders with Simon. "It's just so cute that Izaya's being so possessive."

"It's freaky, is what it is." The as-yet-unnamed dude said, dropping down opposite Ichigo. "It's never good when that guy gets interested in somebody."

That statement could be applied to so many people that Ichigo knew, it wasn't funny. Urahara, Kurotsuchi, Kenpachi… the list went on. When compared to all of them, throwing Orihara's shady ass into the mix didn't elicit a single spoonful of concern.

Kadota, the guy with the same type of aura as Chad, sat down as well. He offered his hand, smiling. "I'm Kadota Kyouhei, nice to meet you. I would tell you to be careful around Orihara, but these two reckon you can handle yourself."

His hand, when Ichigo shook it, was calloused, his grip firm. He tilted his head to indicate the two otaku sitting on either side of Ichigo.

They both nodded.

"It's fine, Dota-chin! Ichigo-kun won't fall for Izaya's nasty tricks. Besides, Izaya actually likes him, I can tell."

"As a shounen protagonist, Ichigo has completed his storyline and defeated his main villain," Yumasaki tacked on. "And if we're following recent isekai trends, then he's probably too overpowered to be in any danger from anybody in our magicless world."

The fact that he was completely serious… Ichigo could only sigh.

"Why do I feel like you just jinxed me?" He asked out loud.

"Yeah, Yumacchi!" Karisawa reached behind Ichigo, smacking Yumasaki across the back of his head. "Why did you say that? You've obviously gone and tripped a flag!"

As the two of them got into an intense debate over any theoretical flags that Ichigo should look out for, he himself was vividly reminded of the nonsensical discussions that Rukia and Inoue could sometimes get in to (when they weren't all fighting for their lives, that is).

He missed them. He missed all of his friends, and his sisters, and even his dumbass dad.

Determinedly shaking off the melancholy, Ichigo promised himself. If it was the last thing he ever did, he would find a way home to everybody.

"That's why we're here, Ichigo-kun!"

Karisawa was leaning into him, peering up at him with earnest conviction. He must've said that last bit out loud; everybody was staring at him with either sympathy or resolve. Ichigo far preferred the latter.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

Kadota smiled. "We're here to help."

Unnamed-dude nodded. "We couldn't leave your fate in the hands of these two and Izaya."

"Actually, Togusa, we're probably the best people in Ikebukuro to help with this particular problem," Yumasaki sniffed. "We know every single isekai trope in existence."

"So!" Karisawa slapped her fist against the table. "I hereby call this 'How to Get Ichigo-kun Back to His Own World' brainstorming session to order!"

The glint in her brown eyes made her look so much like Rukia when she was feeling bossy that Ichigo actually felt a little comforted.

He wasn't sure that relying on methods used in manga and anime was going to do any good, but at least he knew that he wasn't alone here.


AN: Okay, so I'm still writing this linearly. I'm just saying, at some point, it may not be! For now though, drop your thoughts in a comment!

- Kelly