Chapter 2

As we stand and wait for the Normandy, there is nothing but a tense silence. I can hear the ticking of my wrist watch counting the seconds, which felt like hours. Suddenly a VI breaks the silence alerting us that the Normandy had arrived. Anderson and I step forward to watch as an extremely damaged Normandy limps its way into the docking bay. We all rush forward as the Decon cycle is finishing. Once the doors open its a sea of red.

Chakwas and Miranda are working quickly while kneeling on the floor and between them is a writhing mass covered in blood. That mass is Shepard in only her under armour suit, or rather what is left of it; blood is pouring from points all over her body, but primarily her abdomen.

"Shepard, stay with me," pleads Miranda as Shepard convulses and takes to a violent shaking fit which appears to be a seizure.

"Damn it, get me that gurney," Chakwas orders. "Miranda pass me the paddles, we need to regulate her heart"

Without looking up Miranda grabs the paddles from beside her and mechanically hands them to Chakwas.

"Clear"

Shepard's body arches with the shock of the paddles. The med team pushes past with the gurney and assist Miranda and Chakwas in getting Shepard on the gurney.

Anderson and I just stand there unsure of what to do. Miranda and the med team rush out the doors so quick Anderson and I have to jump out of the way. I almost go to follow but Chakwas notices us and makes her way over . She turns to me with a weary smile,

"Go with her Kaidan. She`ll need you more than ever now. They are taking her to Huarta Memorial"

I gave Chakwas and Anderson a quick nod and race off to catch up with the med team.

I ran as fast as i could and I caught up to them as they rushed into the elevator, I came right up by Shepard's side and took her blood soaked hand. Miranda gave me a stern look but said nothing.

Over and over again I would whisper,

`Lexi, I'm right here .Stay with me, Please``.

When we reached the hospital, i jogged with the gurney still holding Shepards hand. As we approached the emergency room, a hand hit my chest forcing me to stop at the door, a nurse with a sympathetic look spoke, "Sir , you need to stay out here. You will be updated as often as we can" and then she turned and rushed through the operating suite doors.

I brushed my clean hand through my hair and looked around. Everything was a sterile white. There were chairs against the wall so I went to sit down and put my head in my hands not caring about the blood coving one of i could think was that , I should have been there with her. Maybe I could have….oh I don't know, prevented it from happening, showed her how much I truly cared and not have been such a dick to her. Yeah that is defiantly something I should have done from the start. If I had been there maybe, just maybe, I could have protected her. I could have done my job. No not protect her as her lieutenant, but as her other half, her lover, HER protector. Instead I let Cerberus of all things do it and look where it got me.

I`m not sure how long I had sat there, but I started to hear the sounds of many footsteps echoing down the blanched white hall. When I look up Chakwas, Garrus, Liara, Tali, and Joker were walking towards me. Chakwas was freshly clean and the others had solum looks on their faces. Garrus surprised me by being the first to pull up a chair and sitting down next to me. I had been speaking with Joker following the incident on Horizon and knew that Garrus held no love for me after what I had done.

He giving me a reassuring pat on the back whispered, "It'll be alright."

How can it be alright? Lexi is possibly going to die on me again and this time I couldn't help her even if I had wanted to.

As if Joker could here my inner thoughts, he decides to pipe up and break the deafening silence of the medical wing, `

"Look Alenko, we all know about your thing with Shepard so just get over yourself and let it all out. You know it, I know it, we all know that if anyone can pull through this thing it's Shepard. She`s been dead once and not even that could stop her, taking a collector shotgun round to the gut is a walk in the park for her. "

As he spoke, I took a good look at him for once and I could see every emotion he was feeling, not just the typical sarcasm that usually drips from Joker. I could see in his eyes the same fear, guilt, and pain that I felt.

Besides Chakwas, Garrus, and Tail, Joker was the only person she could really trust on that ship. Hell having Joker as our best friend was something we had always had in common from the first day we met. After realizing this, I did something never thought I would do again after Shepard died. I stood up, walked over to Joker and gave him the biggest hug I could manage without breaking his brittle bones. Even more to my surprise, Joker returned the hug.

As we pulled out of the hug, I whispered to him,

"Thanks Joker. I really needed that. "