Here's the first chapter. Sorry it took so long. The chapter ended up being longer then I thought it would be and I had a lot to do. I finished this about a week ago and spent the whole week after editing and removing any unnecessary scenes when it became apparent it was too long. I worked very hard, but there are probably plenty of spelling grammatical errors that I missed. Still, I hope you enjoy it. Just a warning, this is going to be a pretty depressing chapter. Iri will need a hug.


Chapter 1

Irisviel knew her time was short. She would die soon in order to fulfill her duties as the Holy Grail's vessel and there was little to be done. Even now, she could feel her organs failing, her muscles weakening, her body getting heavier as the process to turn her into the Lesser Grail gradually took away her ability to move and function as a human.

In the end, she would spend her last moments alone. She knew that to be the case as she lay on the floor of the run down storage house behind the abandoned house in Miyama, the only light coming from the outside and the magic circle beneath her, slowing down the process. Still, in those last moments, she would be strong, for the sake of her family. For the moment, the woman with white hair spent what little time that she had with the man she loved thanking him for the life he gave her. She was grateful for falling in love with him, for marrying him, for giving her a daughter, for everything in her life possible thanks to him. For those fleeting moments, she told her husband of her gratitude towards him for being in her life.

"… Sorry, there are many, many promises left unfulfilled." While Emiya Kiritsugu's emotions did not show, he certainly felt horrible for not fulfilling those promises. When he had first met her, she was but an emotionless tool, created by the Einzberns as the Lesser Grail in human form. At first, the man known as the Magus Killer saw the woman as just another object, an ends to the means to be used and disposed of when necessary. Over time however, he had genuinely fallen for the woman, married her, and gave her a child in the form of Illyasviel. Sadly, that child would grow up without a mother in her life. For this, in addition to all that he was unable to do for her, he apologized from the bottom of his heart. Still, she was grateful for everything he had done for her.

"All the joy I didn't experience… all that was left undone, please give them to Illya. Your daughter." This woman had always had a smile on her face. Even in the brink of death, she still had that warm smile, and in that moment, Kiritsugu knew how she was able to smile with such strength. "Our most important Illya." His heart fell as he heard the name of the daughter they left behind, the daughter he wanted to create a better world for.

Her speech went on. Iri wanted Kiritsugu to bring Illya to this country when it is all over. She wanted him to show their daughter the outside world, from the cherry blossoms in spring, to the clouds in summer. With all her words filled with love and longing, she wanted the child to experience life outside the Einzbern castle, a life Iri herself had only known recently. Kiritsugu could only respond how he would in his same monotone response. While his voice showed little emotion however, Iri could still feel to warmth in it that even he could not sense.

Kiritsugu himself still felt some reservations. He was a man who had lived his life for so long as a machine. He had a duty to win the Holy Grail and obtain world peace, but in the end, he still felt as though he himself was more of a tool then his wife. As he gazed at his wife, he noticed the very human expression. He bright red eyes in contrast with her white skin showed a child like innocence, matching with the all loving smile on her face. Yet at the same time, she looked as though she was trying hard not to cry. Kiritsugu knew that in a few days, or maybe even sooner, she would lose her human form and become the Grail, her duty as a tool, fulfilled in the end. Still…

"This… needs to be returned to you..." Iri suddenly said. She put her hands to her chest and a golden light suddenly enveloped the room. From the light, a long gold and blue scabbard took form and floated above her. Kiritsugu grabbed it and held onto it tight with both hands.

" From now on, you will be the one who needs Avalon." Iris said, her voice weaker then before. "I'm sure it will aid you in your final battle."

Avalon, the scabbard of King Arthur. When Arthur was said to wield it, he was said to have been invincible. It was a Divine Construct, given to Arthur by the Lady of the Lake, more valuable then his sacred sword, Excalibur. It was a sacred artifact that healed all mortal wounds. It was lost for ages until recently when her family excavated it and used it as a catalyst to summon their servant.

Saber, the servant of the sword, had been contracted to Kiritsugu though spent most of the war with Irisviel. The servant was the Heroic Spirit of King Arthur, or more appropriately, Artoria. Both she and Kiritsugu were very much surprised to learn that the King of Knights was actually a woman, but it made no difference to them. In fact, Irisviel felt more comfortable knowing that the servant she would be partnered with during the war was female. She did however feel bad about hiding her lost Noble Phantasm from her, even if it was for a good cost.

To prolong the affects of turning her into the Grail and to keep her as safe as possible, Kiritsugu had suggested that Irisviel herself become fused with Avalon. This was without Saber's knowledge, something she felt was a real betrayal to the servant she had befriended. At the moment however, there was no longer a need for Irisviel to hold onto the scabbard. Avalon could only prolong the affects for so long, and eventually, she would turn into the Lesser Grail for the final part of the Heaven's Feel ritual. Now, it belonged to Kiritsugu.

The Magus Killer held the scabbard in one hand, and looked down at the woman who gave him the Noble Phantasm. He noted how her breathing was even weaker then before, and how her pale skin became even paler. Outwardly, he seemed unaffected by the sight of his weakened wife, like an experienced warrior aught to be. Still, some part of him, the part that was more then just the killing machine he always saw himself as, was greatly troubled.

The machine mindset saw what he was doing was logical. She no longer needed Avalon, so he would use it to finish off the other masters. There were three other servants left, all of who were without a doubt the most powerful servants with the most problematic Noble Phantasms. He would need every edge he could get. As he continued to look at his wife however, he felt something more then just the coldness of his calculating nature.

There she lay, getting weaker and weaker, while Kiritsugu held in his hands one of the few things that delayed her transformation. True the final transformation was inevitable, even the healing effects of Avalon were limited, but still, as he continued to look upon his wife, he noted her countenance. The once radiant smile had been replaced with exhaustion, weakness, and upon a closer look, despair. She was well aware she would never see their daughter again, and that was probably what hurt her more then her upcoming mortality. They both knew the end was coming, and it would come, but as she lay there, a small part of him, the part that still believed himself to be a machine who cut off his emotions, felt something.

The woman he loved was dying, and here he was, not doing anything about it. For that moment, he felt regret. Kiritsugu began to feel like what he was doing was a mistake. He was among many things, a strategist, a killer, a terrorist, an assassin, and ultimately, a soldier. Truly, it had been a long time since he had truly felt human. The only real times he felt like a true human being was with his wife and daughter, and even then, he felt undeserving of such loved ones, like he was something else pretending to be human. He then compared himself to the woman before him.

When they met, Irisviel was similar to a doll. With little emotions other then whatever it was her family wanted her to feel, she managed to shed herself of that doll persona, and became human. I suppose you can say she was a doll who became human as opposed to Kiritsugu himself, a human who became a machine. He had doubts about what he was doing from time and time again, but this was the first time he truly felt appalled with himself. Iri had gained her humanity, and here he was taking it away from her for his goal. It was a necessary goal, for the sake of the people of the world, but he still could not feel like he was doing the right thing. In that moment, with his wife struggling, he did not feel human at all.

Looking at Avalon in his hand, he had come to a decision. "Iri…"

While his expression did not change, Iri did note the sudden softness in his eyes as he got up from where he was crouching. She then noticed he shifted Avalon and put it over her. She was too puzzled and too tired to do anything but stare as the Noble Phantasm shown a golden light, and was dropped down, disappearing once again into her body.

Shocked, Iri looked up at her husband, suddenly finding the energy to sit herself up. "Kiritsugu?" Irisviel said. Kiritsugu simply stared. "Why do you return it?"

Again, Kiritsugu stared, though he did manage a response. "I'm not sure." He answered vaguely. "There is no reason for you to keep it." He looked away from her. "None at all."

"Then take it back." She said, suddenly feeling an anxiety, from where she did not know. "I don't need it anymore." She said shifting her weight to the right in a weary attempt to get up and get to him. "You're fighting the strongest servants in the war, and in the last few days I would give Avalon to you so you can fight back. It was what we agreed upon the first few days, so why do you return it to me?"

Kiritsugu looked back at her. The first thing he noticed was that while she was still weak, she had a bit of color back in her face. He honestly did not know what came over him himself, but when he saw her and her slightly healthier countenance, it felt like he did the right thing. He was a man who always did the logical thing, killing hundreds to save millions, seeing humanity as a fraction rather then each person as an individual. In all honesty, this was probably the first time in a long time he chose something he truly felt was right. It wasn't the logical thing to do, but for reasons even his logical mind could not fathom, he felt like it was the correct choice.

"You deserve to be human a little longer…" Kiritsugu answered plainly. What he did not add out loud was 'more so then me.'

Irisviel just stared at him disbelieving. "What…" she began to ask. She was however cut off by a sudden revelation.

At the corner of her eye, she noticed something coming out of the faded wall of the storage house. Some kind of liquid was seeping out from the walls. At first it was a small crack in the wall, then it began to expand and seep even more of the ink like substance. Upon seeing this, Iri began to feel alarm. There was something familiar about that liquid, something that touched on some dormant primal fear.

"Just hold onto it for me for a bit." Kiritsugu stated bluntly. Iri turned to him and noticed that more cracks were appearing in the wall adjacent to the wall. His eyes were focused directly on her, not paying any mind to the crack not to far away. "If I truly do need it, I will come back. In the mean time…" she saw from the newly formed crack that more of the black substance was slowly creeping out of the crack. "… Stay strong Iri." She turned her attention back to Kiritsugu, still looking at her "call it a selfish wish, but…" he paused. Both the cracks began to grow bigger and seep out more of the liquid. "I want you to enjoy being human as long as possible."

Then she heard something break behind her. She turned to see another crack leaking the black substance. Still more were appearing in the wall all round. The left, right, near the doorway; more and more of the black liquid was seeping down, filling the room. All of this was happening before Kiritsugu's eyes, and still he stood there, not paying any mind to anything but Iri.

Irisviel was scared. This was all wrong. She should be asking Kiritsugu if he was seeing what she was seeing. She should be asking him why he is not responding to the strange sight. She knew she was in a terrifying and dangerous situation. Whatever the black stuff was, it was something spawned from evil, and she had to get Kiritsugu and herself away from it. But for some reason, that was not what frightened her the most. No, she was more concerned with…

"Then, I'll be going." Kiritsugu stated. With that brief word, he turned to walk out the door, the black liquid seeping down the doorway entrance, running along the edges.

"Wait," Iri called desperately. "You have to take Avalon back! Please!" Why was this her biggest concern at the moment? Why was she more concerned that Kiritsugu should get Avalon rather then worry about the evil surrounding her, coming towards her, threatening to drown her? She knew Kiritsugu getting Avalon took priority over her own well-being, she was just unsure why. Still Kiritsugu walked on as though he did not hear her.

"Kiritsugu!" Irisviel called, desperately trying to crawl towards him, but only managing a couple awkward steps. She needed to get to him. He needed Avalon, other wise. "You'll die!" her voice was cracked, her eyes watering from the sudden realization of why he needed it. She needed to give it back to him; she must stop him before he left. "Kiritsugu, take it back! Please, take it back!" Still she called out more desperate then ever, still the black liquid dripped from the walls, faster then before, and still Kiritsugu advanced to the exit not even bothering to look back. "Come back Kiritsugu! Come back!" Anxiety and desperation pushed her to take two more steps, still Kiritsugu did not respond.

The black liquid now came pouring out in greater volumes in even more cracks. They covered the walls, they covered the floor, they covered what little light was peering from cracks in the walls, the windows, and every other crevice of the storage room leaving only the door was showing any light. It got closer to her only to stop at the exact edge of the magic circle. Much of it was now around her, trapping her in her own little island with a black sea threatening to flood her.

The Magus Killer then stopped. Facing the doorway, his left side facing Irisviel, his expression was somehow even more mechanical then it was before. Irisviel watched in horror, as something proceeded to come through the door. She could not put it to words what abomination had entered the storage house. If asked to describe it, she would call it a shadowy being composed of black, red, and dark violet mist, surrounding its skins and shifting about its body as though it were a membrane overlaying a cell. What's more, the shape within the membrane looked very familiar. Through the darkness, she could vaguely see an Einzbern homunculus trapped in the substance. What's more, it appeared to be wearing some kind of black dress, though she was unable to see it clearly in the darkness surrounding it.

A small tear appeared near the head of the figure, and she could the eye if the thing within the cloud. Like her own, it was a deep red that all Einzbern homunculi possessed. What was unlike hers was the bloodlust behind it. It was crazed and animalistic in nature, but also had a tint of longing within it, as though it was ever looking at something just out of reach for a long time.

The being turned its attention to Kiritsugu who just stared back at it with the same unchanging mechanical expression. With a sudden movement, the entity within the mist slowly raised its arms. Iri could only watch as the creature embraced Kiritsugu in a passionate hug. Fear, repulsion, anger, so many emotions went through Irisviel's mind as she saw this abomination embrace her husband. Those emotions intensified when she saw the thing draw its face closer to his. Just short of Kiritsugu's expressionless face, the creature stopped, and then turned its eye back towards Irisviel. One word came from the unknown being as it glared back at her in a mocking, triumphant tone that filled Iri with a cold, dark fear as though Hell itself was speaking to her, gloating over an overwhelming victory.

"Mine…"

The creature then kissed him passionately, still staring at Irisviel with that vile eye, wide open and daring her to do something about it. She couldn't do a thing. She could only watch with tears in her eyes as the creature kissed her husband, all the while, the black liquid that had been seeping out of the walls was now gushing out faster then before. What's more, a huge amount of it burst out of the ceiling right between Irisviel and her husband and the monster, separating them, and obstructing Iri's vision.

"KIRITSUGUUUUUUU!" Irisviel gave one more desperate call to her love as the darkness enveloped the room. With that last cry of longing and despair, everything went black.


Irisviel sat up abruptly, cold sweat dripping profusely from her body. She looked down and saw she was in a large bed, covered by a red blanket. She was wearing a nightgown, white with gold linings around the seams. Looking around, she noted the gold and alabaster walls of her base during the Holy Grail War. Sunlight was shining through the windows of the empty castle as she sat there in her bed, listening for anyone moving about. There was none. In this entire castle in the center of a vast forest, there was not a soul about, excluding Irisviel herself. At first, she was relieved when she realized that what she had experienced was just a bad dream. However, upon looking at the empty spot to her left where her husband usually slept, she recalled the events of the past few days. The war, the lost of her husband, all of it came back to her in a huge rush, she may as well have been having another nightmare.

Still breathing heavily, she remembered what was had happened, and could only feel pity for herself yet again. In the last days of the Holy Grail War, she had learned the truth of the Grail. Being honest with herself, she reflected on how it was not an experience she wanted to re-live. When it was all over, she retreated back to this castle.

The Einzbern Castle had been a base for her faction during the war, but when it became too badly damaged during the encounter with the Master of Lancer, Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald, they moved to a run down Japanese style house in Miyama. It was there, in the storehouse located in the back of the residence, that was the setting of her "dream." Even though the war was over, she should have set up barriers or bounded fields to protect herself from any Magus who happened to be coming by, or any of the other survivors of the war. There were three primary reasons why she didn't. First, it was unlikely any competitors or any magi would come here looking for any other survivors when there was no gain for them. Second, she was too tired to do anything. After everything she went through, she barely had enough strength to get to her temporary home, let alone enough to set up and protective measures. The third and final reason was a simple one. After all the when all was said and done, she did not see her own safety as a priority. To put it into simpler words, she just didn't care.

With a melancholy air, she put her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her shins, embracing herself on that lonely bed and staring at something not there. The dream she had, or rather, the nightmare was a scene based on the last few days of the war. For what ever reason she herself could not understand, Kiritsugu left her with the one tool that could have helped in the final battle, but didn't.

"You deserve to be human for a little longer…"

Those were the words of her now late husband. At the time, she thought it was a touching gesture, unnecessary in the long run, but now, she saw herself as something not deserving of the title "human." Homunculi of the Einzberns were used and disposed of as needed. They were not humans, just a resource. In the eyes of her "family" her kind were as expendable as paper napkin. It was Kiritsugu who gave her the idea that there was more to her life then just being a tool, and gave her the hope that she and the other homunculi are more then resources.

Since she met him, she learned more about the world and about humanity, eventually growing to love it all. It was him that made her feel like she truly was human. He gave her everything that filled her life with joy, including… especially their daughter, Illyasviel. In a way, she understood why he did what he did. He wanted his wife to experience being human, even if it was only for a little while longer.

"And now he's dead… because of me…"

She held herself tighter as that thought ran into her head, her expression becoming more melancholy as the memories overtook her. Her dream was a mixture of real events with a nightmare created by guilt near the end, though she felt that the last part might as well have happened. "Human," Kiritsugu called her. She certainly did not feel like real human. What human being lets their love ones die like that? She should have pushed Avalon on him. She should have insisted that he take the Noble Phantasm and maybe things would have been different.

"But you didn't." Irisviel said out loud as she looked out the window at the forest, illuminated by daylight.

It was a scene straight out of a fairy tale, a princess in an abandoned castle waiting for a handsome knight to come and take her away from her loneliness. This however was no fairy tale. All of her knights were dead, and she was well aware that no one was coming for her. So she sat there, alone, with nothing to keep her company except her thoughts.

Loosing Kiritsugu, Saber, her entire purpose, everything she had a stake in this war was gone. At that moment, she had only one real thing in the world. Illyasviel, the daughter she and Kiritsugu left behind to participate in this war. To build a world for her to live in peace was the only thing that made this war worth fighting for. She was the last true thing she had left in the world… and her family took her away from her too.


"You wish for me to dismantle our family's most treasured legacy?" The elderly man asked angrily from the surface of a shimmering pool of water. Once Irisviel had recovered enough of her power, she managed to contact her family via a scrying thaumaturgy known by her family through a highly decorated stone basin filled with water. Since the method would have used too much mana because of the sheer distance even on her best day, it had to be used in emergencies only. This was certainly not one of her best days, but she needed to inform her family of what was wrong with the Grail.

In the reflection of the water, she saw the person who created her looking back at her with a disapproving look. Jubstacheit von Einzbern, a humanoid golem created during the time of Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern, and the current head of the Einzbern family. Also known as Old Man Acht, he is a man who had traded emotions for a calculative nature. Since the second Holy Grail War, he headed the family unchallenged, and after the decades past, he showed no sign of weakness as he looked back at his creation.

"Father," Irisviel desperately pleaded looking back at the man who created her. "You heard my explanation. The Grail has been corrupted. It will no longer give us what we sought."

"All I hear are the excuses of a failure." Jubstacheit bitterly stated.

Irisviel stared back at him in disbelief. "I give no excuses. I am giving you the truth." The desperation in her voice became more apparent. "The Grail is damaged. Its completion would have meant a tragedy like the world have never seen before!"

"I have heard your little claim. That is all it is however, a little claim."

She had explained to him what happened during the last stretch of the war. Some time after Kiritsugu and Irisviel had separated, she learned the truth of the Grail and through the dormant memories of Justeaze as well as through the eyes of the thing sleeping within the Greater Grail, she discovered its origin. During the Third War, the Servant Summoned by the Einzberns had entered the Lesser Grail of the time and with the wish granting function, became something wicked. It became something twisted and corrupted the Greater Grail, turning it into something truly evil. The Greater Grail had been corrupted by something that would eventually become All the Evils of the World, and if given the chance, it would destroy all of humanity. She explained it to him in details as well as went into details on how she managed to separate herself from the Lesser Grail and the reason they had to destroy it. Needless to say, Old Man Acht was not amused when she told him how they destroyed the Grail when they were so close to winning. He was even less so when she pleaded with him to dismantle the Grail so that the catastrophe never happens again.

Despite all this however, Jubstacheit remained impassive. "How can you doubt me father!?" Irisviel asked impatiently. "You know of my connection to the Grail. I also know you have spies and familiars watching the war take place. They should have seen the corrupted mud that covered Fuyuki. And the Caster that was summoned this war. That wicked being should have never been summoned if the Grail was working properly. You know there is validity to what I say!"

And indeed there was. The black substance that came from the Grail after its destruction was clear proof that the contents had been corrupted. What's more, the Caster class servant was a villainous version of Gilles de Rais, a man whose legend involved the torture and murder of children. That particular servant was one that Irisviel wished to have forgotten about, recalling how he summoned a giant abomination from God knows where to devour the people of Fuyuki, and would have if it had not been for Saber. In a proper Holy Grail War, only true Heroic Spirits would have been summoned, the only other acceptation being the Avenger her family summoned in the war before, and that ended badly for all parties involved.

Jubstacheit glared her through the shimmering pool of water in the basin, clearly in ire at the tone she was using, though he did not comment on it. "I admit there may have been some complications." he admitted. "But they have little negative consequences to the Einzberns."

"Little…" Irisviel was about to say, but was cut off by Jubstacheit.

"As for your claim to the idea that "Avenger" still remains in the Grail and some how became this abomination who desires destruction, I must say it sounds like the ravings of a mad woman in grief. Even if it still remained, you should remember how weak it was. It was not even the God of Evil we thought it was. It was just a poor fool in some backwards village, used as a scapegoat. It holds no danger to anyone."

Irisviel's anger flared up again at this. He was not surprised at all when she mentioned Avenger, and his explanation sounded rehearsed, as though it was something he was telling himself this over and over again. "You knew!" she growled. "You knew of the corruption and you still allowed the ritual to continue?"

"I knew that our interference in the last war caused some discrepancies." The old man replied. "But as far as I knew there was nothing that needed immediate attention. It was a simple error in the Grail's design that altered its limitations, but not to the degree that you claim it is."

Irisviel was in disbelief. Her father standing there, was claiming it was a simple mistake as if he made the wrong move playing a game of chess instead of the serious ritual it was suppose to be.

"Even if this corruption did have any negative side effects, it does not make any difference in our objective. We were supposed to win the war and prove ourselves the powerful magus family we always were, a goal which you failed at spectacularly." Was he actually more concerned about the fact that we did not win the war then what Irisviel had just said? True, her father had a strong drive to win the Grail, but she had no idea it was to this extent. "And what's worst, you admit you and that damned traitor destroyed it willingly, dooming yet another chance for us to claim victory." Again, her anger rose at the way her father spoke of the man she loved. "I should have never trusted that outside with such an important task. To think he would go and overact the way he did and ruin everything over the rants of a defective Lesser Grail. That fool truly did deserve his fate."

"DON'T YOU DARE INSULT HIM!" Irisviel roared at the top of her lungs, her red eyes suddenly becoming redder and her face showing an intense fury. This sudden outburst caused the basin to shake and the water to ripple and distort the image, but she could still clearly see her father's eyes widen in shock. This had been the first time ever he had been yelled by any homunculus of the Einzbern family, let alone one such as Irisviel. Irisviel was surprised herself at this. She had never been this angry before in her life, but this time around, after hearing the verbal assault against her husband, it was inevitable she would let out such a furious roar against anyone, even against her father.

Irisviel calmed herself down. It would do no good to loose her head here, especially since her anger was making maintaining the mana to keep the connection more difficult. "I was connected to it, so I can testify for a fact that something evil is in our family's Grail. I know what it is, and what its intentions are, and I will say it they are not good. It wants to destroy everything, it would have had we let the Heaven's Feel continue, and if you ignore the evidence before you for the sake of victory, then you will doom everyone, including yourself." Jubstacheit, who had recovered from the shock, narrowed his eyes once again. "You must dismantle the Grail System, let the Holy Grail Wars end now, otherwise, our family's legacy will end as the destroyer of humanity. Is that truly what you desire? For the Einzberns to become the engineers of the world's end?"

She was about to work herself up gain, but she suddenly felt weak. She breathed heavily, still trying to maintain the connection. The image was beginning too fade, but she could still see Jubstacheit glaring at her as though he was looking at a particularly pitiful lower animal dying at the side of the road.

"I have no idea why I am even speaking to you." He finally said, completely disregarding her rant. "You have failed in every stage of this war. You failed to obtain victory and even failed to become the Grail. The two purposes you had, and you failed both of them." He began to turn away. "Do what ever you wish from this point on. Die in the forest for all I care. A traitorous madwoman and defective tool such as you is no longer of use to the Einzberns."

"Wait…" she was getting weaker. The image in the basin was getting fuzzier. "Father…"

"You are no daughter of mine, let a lone a member of the Einzbern family." The head of the Einzberns stated coldly. "Now get out of my sight, and don't ever show your face to me again."

With what little remaining strength, she grabbed the rim of the basin and held on tight, willing what little mana she had to keep the connection. "Illya…" Irisviel said weakly. "What of… Illya… what will you…"

She was unable to finish the sentence. The connection had weakened, and the image faded almost completely. She could however see Jubstacheit reach out with one right hand towards the surface of the basin. The last thing she heard from the man who was once her father shattered her completely.

"Her fate is no longer your concern."

Then, the basin shattered. Jubstacheit had not only forcibly severed the connection, but he had also activated some form of self-destruct sequence to the magical device to assure no further communication can be had. Exhausted, with a heart heavy, Irisviel could do nothing, but watch as her only connection to her family broke into pieces, leaving her completely alone. On her knees, tired, and full of an unending sadness, she could do very little, but weep.


That happened a few days back. Jubstacheit had made his intentions clear even without saying them. The saddest part of it all was that he was not wrong about one thing in Irisviel's mind. She had failed. She wanted to fight in the war because if she didn't, her daughter would become the next vessel for the next war. She wanted to win the war so that her fellow Einzbern homunculi would not have to go through this entire ordeal again. Her own personal goals were for everyone she held dear, and she had failed. For all his denials and minimizations of the situation, the elder of the Einzbern was correct. She was a failed everyone, especially her true family.

Irisviel sighed bitterly then laying on n her back she spread out her limbs out across the spacious bed. Right now she was at a state where nothing mattered anymore. Her family was so obsessed with winning the damn war to see the consequences. What's worst, she learned from what little connection she had with the Grail that it was still active and somehow still had enough mana within it to start the war early. She gave it about ten years for the fifth Holy Grail War would start. Even worst, her daughter would become the next vessel. She pondered what was going through her father's mind where he thinks that allowing everything living on Earth to die was worth the prize. Was he truly in denial? Was the need to win so overpowering that he would risk the world?

It seemed there was very little point in debating with her self. What she needed to do was figure out her next moves. Unfortunately she was still too grief stricken to think of anything. What's more, she realized she had nothing. She didn't have the same extensive connections Kiritsugu had. The only real allies she ever had were her family and they had all but washed their hands of her.

She tilted to the side, drawing even deeper into despair as reality sunk in. She was powerless. She was an ignorant child in a woman's body with so little understanding of the outside world that she no one told turn to. Everyone had always made the decisions for her up to this point. And now she was alone in the world. Even her decision to give Avalon to Kiritsugu had been overshadowed by her husband.

The thought of Avalon then brought her mind back to what happened during the fire. She remembered the boy she saved. The little red-haired boy, in that moment brought her out of her feeling of utter worthlessness and to the realization that there was more to her then a failed tool. She recalled going through the burning landscape, unable to do anything but walk forward when she found him, his little hand pointed to the sky with what little strength he had left, desperately clinging to life despite the hopelessness. Seeing the boy like that, desperately struggling filled Irisviel with a new sense of strength. When she had nothing else and her despair was at its peak, this boy, clinging to life gave her a new hope despite the futility of the situation.

From her bed, she suddenly sat up with a new sense of urgency. If such a young boy would not give up, why should she? She had gone through a massive emotional breakdown near the end, questioning why she was still alive, if there was a reason she should go on, asking the spirits of all those who had died if there is a reason she should continue. There was no response from anyone, not even Kiritsugu. She did however eventually find that reason in the boy. He was so small, so fragile, and so close to dying, but he still stood strong despite the pain and fear. It was when she saw that; she regained some sense of her reality and decided to save the boy.

Now, as she placed her bare feet on the floor, and gradually got up from the bed she barely left. She stood straight up and looked out across the room with a new resolve. "This isn't over." She said to the empty room. "I'm not giving up." She stood strong, ignoring the tired numbness in her legs. "Never again."


Unsurprisingly the hospital was very busy. Doctors, patients, and visitors were going in and out. Irisviel, after washing herself and getting dressed in the outfit she wore through out her time in the war, had arrived at the hospital a few hours after coming to a decision. She stood outside the room the boy shared with other children after being guided there by a reluctant nurse. Irisviel assumed the cause of the reluctance was an intimidation by her appearance. After all, Irisviel was a foreigner and had odd, albino characteristics that have been the subject of various whispers and stealthy stares. This time around was no different, but there were a lot more apprehensive looks then before.

The reason was made clear when on her way to the room; she glanced at herself in a long mirror attached to the hallway wall. Before, she had a youthful and cheerful expression. Now only a lifeless, sorrowful countenance appeared on her face, making her look eerier than usual. The fact that she had not slept well in days did nothing to soften her expression. The newly formed dark circles and bags under her eyes made her look like she aged a couple decades older then she felt when the Holy Grail War began. It was no wonder people were skittish around her. It was even less of a mystery why the nurse seemed so reluctant to take her to the child. The way Irisviel looked now, she would probably scare the children. They may think she's kind of yokai coming to haunt them. Her all white clothing especially made her appear more ghostlike. Even she was reluctant to go to the child looking like this. Still, it was something she had to do, and she had come too far to back out just because she was insecure.

She entered. Unsurprisingly, some of the children stopped what they were doing and stared at the completely white lady. Hoping to not frighten them with her red eyes, she tried not to make eye contact with any of them. Just as she expected, many of them, those that were awake stared in morbid fascination at the exotic woman, others were looking at her like she was some kind of ghost. Still, Irisviel saw the person she was looking for at the far bed next to the window. The person she saved in the fire was there, lying in a hospital bed in a blue robe.

Shirou, the staff had called him. She was so overwhelmed with a variety of emotions at the time of the fire that she did not get a good enough look at the boy the last time she had saw him. This time, she took his appearance in with a more scrutiny. Needless to say, the boy had features that could make him stand out in a crowd. On his head was short red hair, and the eyes that stared directly at Irisviel were a shimmering gold color. The homunculus wondered if the boy also had some foreign ancestors. Interestingly enough, if the young survivor had any apprehension about meeting Irisviel, he did not show it. Instead, his expression was more fascinated. She was unsure if it was a good sign.

Approaching just short of the boy's bed, she looked at him directly in the eye. Shirou stared back at her, his expression unreadable. From the staff, she learned the boy lived in a home just in range of the worst of the fire, and he somehow survived it. His family however was not so lucky. The boy was an orphan, alone in the world with no one to depend on, similar to Irisviel herself. Their circumstances were different, but like her, he had no place to return to.

"Hello," Irisviel awkwardly said in an attempt to start a conversation. "You're name is Shirou right?" The boy remained silent. "I heard from the staff the worst of your injuries have healed. Is that so?" The boy stiffened a bit. Then he proudly sat up and stretched his arms out, proudly nodding showing he was in good health. "That's great." Irisviel said relieved, a small smile beginning to form. "You really are a brave boy, aren't you?"

She had not realized it at the time, but it was the first time she had smiled in days. She could not help herself this time around. The way she saw the silent boy make a gesture to show how tough he was seemed to lighten her heart a bit and relieve some of the stress she felt.

Unsure about what to say, she brushed the hair from her face and awkwardly looked away. "Excuse my appearance. I have not been getting enough sleep lately." She looked downcast again. "It's been a… stressful few day…" She wanted to kick herself for her choice of words. There had been a fire that hurt and killed plenty of people, made many of the children in this room orphans, and she was stating it had been "stressful?" If that wasn't an understatement she did not know what was. Again, she looked at the boy in the hospital bed. There was no outward indication of offense, instead he looked oddly understanding and gave her a look that pretty much told her she did not have to go into details.

Irisviel took a breath and decided to simply be as up front as possible. "Shirou. I have a question for you." She said more to herself then the boy. She focused her gaze on him. "If it's alright… would you… like to come live with me?" The boy's expression changed to one of puzzlement.

She had been surprised at how easily she was given a legal guardian status. It wouldn't be official for some time, but she was given permission to look after Shirou due to the hospital's need for space. In addition, they were in no particular need, nor the position to nitpick about the guardian. Apparently as long as the guardian showed they can financially support the child, they would give their blessing. Though considering the tragedy that occurred recently and the grand scale of it, it is highly unlikely anyone would be too concerned about one orphaned boy or whom he would live with. It almost made her concerned about the fate of the rest of these children. She hoped they would find happy homes.

In the mean time, all the formalities with Shirou have been gone through. All she needed was her permission, though she did not want to seem too forceful. "It's okay if you don't want to." Irisviel assured, noting how much she sounded more like a child trying very hard not to be pushy then the grown woman she appeared to be. "I mean, if you prefer to go to the orphanage that' would be great." She thought for a moment. "I do mean that. I'm sure the city will take care of you all. There is totally nothing wrong with it." Again she thought for a moment. "Not that there was anything wrong with orphanages before. I'm sure they were all very nice before the…" again she wanted to kick herself for trying to bring up a touchy subject in such a tactless manner. "No, forget it. They are lovely places. They always have been. But if you would like to live with me that would also be lovely. Even more so... maybe… but maybe not…"

A pause.

"Seriously Iri, what are you saying!?" asked the frustrated woman.

Another pause.

Silence.

"D-Did I say that out loud?" asked the pitiable woman. The boy averted his eyes awkwardly.

She looked away embarrassed and noted that the rest of the children watching. It comforted her see they no longer found her scary, though she did notice that some of them were certainly uncomfortable with the scene. Some looked on with what was either fascination or pity in their eyes, while others looked away trying to look like they were not listening in. Irisviel could not but feel she had graduated from being the scary lady to strange lady. She admitted to herself it was not a very good first impression.

Again, she breathed. It was not the best start, but it was something she felt she had to do. She had found the boy and had given him a second chance. She restored the life of a boy who was so close to death. No, the Shirou before had died within the fire. It had consumed him and his entire past, and she was responsible for it. When she found him, it had given her something. This one person out of so many managed to survive such a grand fire. When she was about to give up, when she saw nothing more to her existence, there he was with his had stretched out, struggling with all his might to stay alive. It had given her the strength she needed to not just die there in the fire she and the Holy Grail had started. Shirou had given her a reason to not give up.

And so she saved the boy, implanting the scabbard of King Arthur within him, and healed his mortal wounds. Irisviel could not return the boy to his former life, but she could give him life a start. She had given him a new life to replace the old that had been lost. In a way, Irisviel had given birth to him, and now had to take responsibility. And so here she was, ready to try again.

Turning with more confidence, she stated her intention. "I'll be as upfront as possible." She steeled herself once again. "Shirou. Would you like to come with me?"

Again, Shirou paused. He tilted his head, then turned it, looking down in consideration. Irisviel could not help but find it cute how he touched his chin then folded his arms and closed his eyes in deep consideration, though she was still anxious to hear the answer. Finally, he nodded coming to a decision. Opening his eyes, he looked her over once. Then, he pointed at her.

"Does that mean…" the woman asked not wanting to confuse the gesture. The boy nodded in conformation. He had chosen her. "I see." With that, for the first time in a very long time, a more noticeable smile formed on her lips. It was a small one, but one that negated much of the sadness that obstructed her lovely face. Shirou, as well as several of the children watching the scene, noted it mentally how much lovelier she looked when she smiled.

"Great," Iri exclaimed satisfied with the results. "Then let's get going. I prepared everything in advanced." By that she meant she prepared a hotel room for them to stay in, provided he accepted her offer. She did not believe taking him to the castle would be a wise, so she managed to purchase a room for a few nights while she prepared a more permanent residence.

She was prepared to reach down and get his clothes from the storage box under the bed. She then paused as she realized something vital. "I suppose I should tell you about myself" she stated. Shirou stared at her curiously. She then looked up at him, and this time, smiled widely with far more active eyes. However, the boy did see a sense of sadness behind them.

"My name," She stated with a tone of joy and sadness. Still, she looked back at him with a bitter smile on her face. "My name is Emiya Irisviel. And I suppose you can say I'm something of a magician."


A/N

And here we go. I hope you all enjoyed it. I was really trying to cover how hard Iri had fallen since the end of the war. In the beta of the chapter I even included a scene where she was drinking a bottle of alcohol on the castle stairs and ranting drunkenly, but felt that was too much. That and the chapter was already long enough, so I felt that scene was unnecessary. Hopefully Shirou's influence will bring her back to the old Iri. Speculate how you think they will affect one another all you want. And for obvious reasons, Iri will be taking the name Emiya in my fic. Being an Einzbern has not turned out well for her so far after all.

Also, I was unsure exactly how much Acht actually knew about the Grail's corruption in canon. His POV on the subject is not really touched upon. I always assumed Acht was at best completely ignorant of the corruption or at worst had some clue but was in denial that the problem was as serious as it was, so I incorporated it into my story. The guy is pretty obsessed with winning the war after all.

I will try and upload the next chapter as soon as possible. That one will focus primarily on the relationship between Shirou and his new mother. The actual Holy Grail War will not be for some time, but I have a clear idea about how I want the story to go. I just need to find a way to get there. I'm also considering a TV Trope page, but that might come later. Until next time.