Gooood morning, morning glories! Although I have no idea what time it is where any of you are.

How's everyone? This week has been INSANE trying to get read for OTAKON 2016, HELL YEAH! I am so excited it's sort of unreal. I'm cosplaying Kamui, if you're there, PLEASE come say hello, it'd make my weekend!

Anyway, this chapter. Oof. I think this was the chapter that needed the most editing so far. After getting a lot of really helpful feedback I realized like, half the dialogue didn't work so I changed it. Of course now I'm paranoid I've made a mistake, but I think it's all okay. A huge thank you to all my readers and reviewers, both here and on Tumblr. You guys are absolutely fantastic, I live for the feedback!

I think this chapter is where everything starts to get interesting. If this fic were a roller coaster, we've spent all our time climbing, and this chapter is right before the first peak.

Here we go, enjoy!


Kamui sent the "What time are we meeting up and can I bring anything?" and "We're still on for tonight, right?" texts as soon as he woke up on Saturday morning.

"Come through like 6? And just yourself and Subaru!" Sorata responded almost at once, followed by Subaru's

"Of course! What time can I expect you?" just as quickly. Kamui sent replies to both messages and spent the rest of the day in buoyant, though nervous, anticipation, running around making drop offs. He made his last stop at an NYU dorm on 23rd Street before hopping on the R to go pick up Subaru.

Kamui emerged at the Rector Street station on the fringe of the Financial District. One side was office buildings and competition and the other was Battery Park and cultural wasteland. He looked up Subaru's address again before cautiously proceeding west. He felt like he was in a maze of concrete and construction; there were no trees or semblance of open space. Eventually, he found Subaru's building, covered in plastic and scaffolding. He swallowed a sudden rush of nerves and entered the marble and chrome lobby. He approached the front desk, gave the doorman Subaru's apartment number and was sent upstairs at once.

In his apartment, Subaru waited eagerly by the door. A knock, and he opened it, revealing Kamui in his hoodie and headphones. "Hello," Subaru said graciously, stepping aside to let him in. Kamui smiled, removing his headphones.

"What's up?" He thought of hugging Subaru, but decided against it. "Your apartment is so nice dude, holy shit," he continued, looking around. Subaru laughed and shut the door.

"Would you like a tour?" Kamui toed off his shoes and his smile widened at the playful note in Subaru's voice.

"Yes please!" They looked at each other, Subaru smiling back warmly.

"This is the kitchen, obviously," he began, gesturing at the room directly in front of them. "The only thing we make in here is coffee, though," he added, in an embarrassed sort of way. Kamui's heart seemed to swell as he followed Subaru down the hallway into the living room. He loved hearing him playful and relaxed.

Subaru and his boyfriend had a very grown up apartment, all clean lines and sophisticated furniture. At the same time, though, there was an unsettling sterility: there were no pictures on the walls, no books that looked like they'd actually been read or other homey clutter. Subaru was saying something apologetically and Kamui just watched, noticing his eyes even in the gloom of all the drawn shades. "And this is our room." Subaru opened the door and Kamui peered inside, taking in more closed shades, the marble of the en suite just visible through another door and the low, king size bed covered in just one blanket. Kamui felt rather sad thinking of Subaru sleeping there by himself. He swallowed and faced his friend again.

"Your place is so nice, seriously. I'd feel bad inviting you over now." Subaru's eyes widened.

"Oh please! This is all Seishiro, I had nothing to do with it."

"Oh," Kamui replied, rather lamely, but then,

"You were going to invite me over?" Subaru asked, looking both bewildered and touched. Kamui met his gaze, a sudden flush creeping up his neck.

"Maybe," he said, trying to sound playful but mostly sounding tragic. A pause.

"I'll, go get my stuff together." Subaru hurried into his bedroom, also a little pink in the face. "What's it like outside?" He asked, deciding between two sweaters.

"It's so fucking nice out," Kamui said, making Subaru laugh: his intensity was weirdly refreshing and completely contagious. Subaru gathered keys, phone, money and cigarettes.

"Ready!"

"Sweet, let's be out!" They left the apartment, walking side by side, occasionally catching each other's eyes. Neither of them spoke until they were back outside, the evening light warm, soft and soothing.

"Did you work last night?" Subaru asked, tentatively.

"Nope! I got the whole weekend off because I sold so much weed this week." Subaru nodded, unsure what to say next, though he couldn't help but be curious.

"I hope this isn't too intrusive," he began, cautiously. "But-"

"You can ask me about this," Kamui answered the unasked question in a rush, blushing.

"Really?" Subaru asked, surprised.

"Yes!" Kamui replied, rather forcefully. "I mean," his tone softened. "It'd be better if you waited until you came over," he continued, smiling furtively, and Subaru smiled back.

"Okay." They entered the R train station and stood facing each other on the platform amid crowds of tourists.

"Speaking of," Kamui said, very suddenly. "My friends don't know what I do and I want to keep it that way." Subaru's eyes widened but he nodded earnestly.

"I understand." The train rattled clumsily into the station and they took two seats in the corner. "Can I ask why you haven't told them?" Subaru asked, very quietly. Kamui looked at him seriously for a second before sighing softly.

"I don't want them to worry, and I don't want them involved." Subaru nodded. "To be honest with you I wouldn't have told you if I'd known we were going to," he paused. "Like, become friends and shit." Subaru nodded again, feeling relieved to know that Kamui's flippant attitude really was just his professional demeanor. "But yeah, don't you worry either," Kamui added, very seriously. Subaru looked into his determined face, feeling his intensity.

"So how do your friends think we met?" He asked, his heart speeding up.

"That same party, but I was bartending."

"Sounds good." They talked about other things for the rest of the train ride, sharing their secret like a talisman between them. At 59th Street they got off the train and proceeded east, laughing and messing around all the way to 2nd Avenue.

"I hate this thing," Kamui said, eyeing the tram station with distaste.

"Are you scared of heights or something?" Subaru asked.

"No!" Kamui snapped, glowering. "Just wait and see." Subaru laughed and followed him into the station. They boarded the tram and stood around the same pole, looking out the windows.

"So we're going to see Sorata and Arashi, right?" Subaru asked, not wanting to seem rude when they arrived.

"Yup, and our other friend Yuzuriha will be there too."

"Right!" The doors closed and the tram began its creaky way upwards, swaying alarmingly. Subaru started, looking around at the noise and holding tight to the pole.

"You see what I'm saying?" Kamui asked, dryly.

"Yes," Subaru replied at once, though the corners of his mouth lifted as he stared outside. "It's beautiful up here, though." Kamui nodded in agreement, though he kept his eyes on Subaru's face. He watched his eyes widen and smile broaden at the golden evening light shining on the river below them. He looked almost innocent as his wonder shown through the polite sadness he presented to the world. Kamui felt his chest constrict.

"It looks even better at night, when everything's lit up." Subaru inhaled sharply.

"I bet," he said, his eyes shining. Kamui gripped the pole tightly, unable to think of anything else to say. He continued to watch Subaru until the tram shuddered violently into the station on Roosevelt Island. The doors slid open and Subaru followed Kamui out onto the main street. Subaru looked around curiously, taking in his surroundings. "I see what you mean," he said, slowly.

"Huh?"

"This place is strange…" His voice trailed away, but he found the strangeness intriguing rather than off-putting, or was that just his excitement at being out with Kamui, going to see friends? "Does this count as a park or can I smoke here?" Kamui snorted, loving to hear Subaru joking around.

"I think you're fine," he replied, watching Subaru light up. He took a deep pull, then exhaled, his lips forming a kiss around the smoke. "Subaru," he said, suddenly, though he had no idea what to say. His heart hammered against his ribs as Subaru turned.

"Hmm?" Kamui swallowed.

"Nothing, just, I'm glad you're here," he said, feeling utterly lame even though he was telling the truth. Subaru smiled, feeling the words in his chest. Truthfully Kamui's friendship had been such a help since they'd met. It meant a great deal to Subaru, though he wasn't feeling brave enough to tell him so.

"Me too, thank you for inviting me," he replied, his eyes bright. They set off together down the street, and Kamui felt a sudden, weird ache in his chest. It was like leaving Fuuma's apartment, except he wasn't empty at all. He tried not to think about it too much as they arrived outside Arashi and Sorata's building, pausing so Subaru could finish his cigarette.

"Don't be nervous," Kamui said, watching him exhale the last of the smoke.

"You seem more nervous than me," Subaru observed, and Kamui rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I just hope everyone behaves themselves." Subaru laughed, and the ache in Kamui's chest throbbed painfully. Maybe it was nerves? Probably. They entered the building, gave their names to the doorman and were cleared to go upstairs. They walked down the carpeted hallway to a corner apartment and Kamui banged on the door. "Police!" He yelled, making Subaru laugh. Locks scraped and clicked and the door opened, revealing a young man wearing an apron and a curious, determined expression.

"Oh shit!" He exclaimed, pulling Kamui into a hug and clapping him hard on the back. "Good to see you!"

"You too!" He let go of Kamui and turned to Subaru, holding out his hand with a smile.

"And you must be Subaru!"

"Ah, yes!" They shook hands, and Subaru could feel warmth and calluses.

"I'm Sorata, it's great to finally meet you!" Subaru smiled, bemused, but pleased.

"Thank you, um, likewise!" Sorata beamed.

"I'm sorry, let me get the fuck out of the way, come in!" He stepped aside and Subaru and Kamui entered the apartment, toeing off their shoes. "You didn't tell us your friend had such a pretty face," Sorata scolded Kamui under his breath. Kamui rolled his eyes, not looking at Subaru as he flushed suddenly. "This is our place," Sorata told Subaru, leading him further inside. "Well, technically it's my grandfather's, but he lets us stay here. It's not much, but-"

"It's wonderful, what are you talking about?" Subaru cut him off.

"Pretty and smart, he can stay!" Sorata called to Kamui, who felt the heat in his face intensify. Why was he feeling so nervous and weird, what the fuck? He sighed heavily and collected himself before following them into the living room. Arashi and Yuzuriha looked as though they'd been talking on the couch, but stood up when the three of them entered the room. "Subaru, this is my lady, Arashi." Arashi smiled graciously and shook Subaru's hand. "And our friend Yuzuriha."

"Nice to meet you!" She exclaimed, also shaking Subaru's hand.

"Would you like a drink?" Arashi asked. Subaru felt a little overwhelmed at all the attention, but he liked the good energy.

"Oh, um, sure! Thank you," he said, smiling around at everyone.

"Come with me," she said, and he followed her into the kitchen.

"Wasn't Kamui also supposed to be here?" Yuzuriha asked, turning to Sorata, who looked around.

"There he is!" Kamui had slunk around the other side of the room to go put on music. Sorata and Yuzuriha looked at each other, then at Kamui, their eyebrows raised.

"What?!" He demanded, more aggressively than he'd intended. Yuzuriha and Sorata exchanged another look and Kamui knew he was blushing, goddamn it. "I'm putting on music!" He told them, with as much dignity as he could manage. Yuzuriha rolled her eyes.

"If you put on that song about stars again I'll strangle you," Sorata said, warningly.

"I won't, I won't, damn!" Kamui snapped back, though he grinned as he found the song he wanted. Subaru and Arashi reentered the room just as Kamui's song blasted from the speakers, way louder than he'd expected. "Oh fuck, my bad!" He exclaimed, hastily lowering the volume. Subaru approached him, laughing, and handed him a beer.

"Arashi says you like this kind," he said, and Kamui nodded, smiling at Subaru. Over his shoulder, he saw Yuzuriha and Sorata exchange another look.

"Thanks," he said, taking a grateful sip.

"Your friends are so nice," Subaru said in a warm, quiet voice.

"Yeah I guess they're all right," Kamui conceded, grudgingly.

"I'm going to fry the croquettes now!" Sorata announced to the room at large.

"Do you need help?" Arashi asked, stopping him with a touch on the arm. Sorata kissed her.

"Nah, you relax, I got this." Arashi smiled and watched him return to the kitchen.

"Why are you guys in the corner?" Yuzuriha demanded, throwing herself back onto the couch and grinning.

"Fuck off," Kamui told her irritably as he and Subaru walked back over. Yuzuriha ignored him.

"So what do you do?" She asked Subaru as he took the space next to her.

"I'm an onmyoji," he replied, a little unnerved by her interest.

"I know the word, but…" Subaru smiled and explained. Kamui sat down on the floor next to Subaru and Arashi smiled when she caught his eye.

"It's really not that exciting," Subaru continued, sipping his drink. Yuzuriha seemed more than ready to dispute this, but Subaru spoke first. "What do you do?"

"I'm still in college, but after I graduate my dream is to go to vet school." Subaru's eyes widened.

"Really? That's amazing! I wanted to be a vet when I was a kid, but-"

"I didn't know that," Kamui interrupted, and Subaru laughed embarrassedly, sipping his drink.

"Yeah, but then I found out you have to dissect animals and I just, I can't." He shook his head and shuddered. Yuzuriha and Arashi both stifled small cries of "Aww!" before hastily sipping their own drinks.

"Damn," Kamui said, his heart seeming to swell in his chest.

"Weird, I know," Subaru began, apologetically.

"Not weird at all!" Yuzuriha interjected firmly. Arashi caught Kamui's eye again, her hand on her chest. Kamui ignored her, though he was feeling exactly the same way. The conversation continued around him and he was content to watch. It was exciting to see Subaru at ease, trading stories with Yuzuriha and laughing at Arashi's commentary. He remembered him at the party up on 96th Street, so uptight and anxious. Kamui wasn't sure if he was better now because of the company, the lack of pressure or because his boyfriend wasn't there. Either way, he felt a deep warmth in his chest, though that was probably from the beer he'd consumed.

"The first batch is ready!" Everyone looked around to see Sorata framed in the kitchen doorway, an excited gleam in his eye. Kamui stood up and drained the last of his beer, listening to Subaru and Yuzuriha's conversation.

"I volunteer at a dog shelter, you can totally come visit sometime," she said.

"I can?"

"Sure! My boss is pretty cool about stuff like that," she assured him, going slightly pink.

"This looks amazing, dude, holy shit," Kamui exclaimed, when they entered the kitchen. He immediately seized a plate and piled it with croquettes.

"Obviously!" Sorata replied, grinning. "Take all you want, you know I always make too much!" Everyone loaded their plates with croquettes, rice and vegetables, grabbed more drinks and returned to the living room. "Someday we'll have a dining table," Sorata said ruefully, sitting on the floor next to Kamui.

"That's the dream!" Yuzuriha agreed, biting into a croquette and closing her eyes in satisfaction. "Delicious as always," she added, grinning.

"Really," Subaru agreed.

"Ahh it's nothing," Sorata replied, smiling at them. "I haven't made these in forever so I'm happy."

"Oh yeah! The last time you made them we were all smoking and Kamui tried to swallow one whole and burned the hell out of his mouth!" Yuzuriha exclaimed, laughing rather evilly.

"Shut the fuck up," Kamui snapped back, and everyone else burst into laughter. He blushed, though in retrospect it was pretty funny.

"Why would you do that?" Subaru asked him, looking genuinely confused even through his laughter.

"I was high!" He exclaimed ruefully, before biting defiantly into a croquette. Subaru laughed affectionately, listening as everyone became expansive under the food and alcohol. He was surprised at how calm he felt; Kamui's friends were so cool and interesting and intense, but he didn't feel out of place at all.

"So you guys went to high school together?" Subaru asked Kamui and Sorata.

"Yup! We'd been cool for a while though, he used to live down the hall from me," Kamui explained. "He was a few grades above me so he always ignored me when we were actually in school." Sorata threw him a nasty look.

"That was because you used to start fights with everyone," he shot back. Kamui rolled his eyes.

"Fuck out of here, it was you guys who started that fight in the basement with literally the entire school." Sorata laughed fondly, nostalgia lighting his features.

"Oh the one where the kids from Stuyvesant were talking shit? Yeah!" Subaru watched the exchange, finding it both fascinating and rather horrifying. It was also way too easy to picture Kamui as an angry high school student picking fights with people.

"I went to private school, we had to use psychological warfare," Arashi told Subaru, and he laughed, scared to think what that would entail.

"I dropped out of high school so I can't comment. My sister was the one who'd get into fights, anyway," he said, going slightly pink and sipping his drink. Kamui looked up at him.

"I hope this isn't totally putting you off," he said, apprehensively, but Subaru smiled.

"Of course it isn't." Kamui returned his smile, heat rushing up his face.

"Sorry to interrupt, but isn't it time for me to wreck your life in Mario Kart?" Came Yuzuriha's voice from somewhere far away.

"Already? Damn!" Kamui drained his beer. Arashi stood up, sighed resignedly and collected everyone's plates.

"Here, let me help you," Subaru started to say, but Arashi shook her head.

"You're fine, stay there," she said, heading back into the kitchen.

"Do you guys want to smoke first?" Kamui asked, looking around. Yuzuriha grinned.

"Sure!" Sorata grinned and got up to get his pipe and lighter off a bookshelf. Kamui dug in his bag for the dimebag he'd stuck in there. Subaru watched him, curious and apprehensive.

"Don't tease me with that, they're doing drug tests at the hospital again," Arashi said wistfully as she reentered the room.

"I'm sorry," Kamui told her, sincerely, as he loaded Sorata's pipe very carefully, then lit it. He inhaled deeply, held the smoke in his lungs and exhaled smoothly, already feeling it in his face. He offered the pipe to Subaru, who eyed it nervously.

"Do a shotgun hit!" Yuzuriha cried, looking excited, and Kamui threw her a very nasty look.

"That's okay, I don't-" Subaru began, hastily.

"Excuse me, how many cigarettes do you smoke a day?" Kamui interrupted, smiling, feeling the effects intensifying. Subaru sighed heavily.

"That's-" he started to say, but jumped, his phone going off in his pocket. He retrieved it and felt his heart rate spike. "I'm so sorry, I have to take this, is there…?"

"You can go to our room," Sorata said at once. "Right through that door."

"Thank you! I'll be right back, I'm so sorry!" Subaru jumped up and hurried into Sorata and Arashi's room. "Hey!" They all heard him say.

"Hello," came Seishiro's quiet voice. "How are you?" Subaru's heart pounded as he closed the bedroom door.

"I'm great! How are you? How's Tokyo? Have you been busy?" He was pleased to get a phone call: all he'd had so far had been short texts confirming his arrival and approval of the video.

"All these questions," Seishiro said, sounding amused.

"I miss you," Subaru told him, his heart still racing.

"You're sweet."

"Who was that?" Sorata asked.

"His boyfriend," Kamui said, the words bitter in his mouth. Yuzuriha choked on the hit she was taking and coughed, pointing at him through the smoke.

"Kamui you're a home wrecker!" She giggled.

"Forbidden love! It's so romantic!" Sorata added, and the pair of them dissolved into laughter.

"Will you guys shut up? Seriously," Kamui snapped, anger flaring suddenly in his hazy mind.

"Okay let's put on Mario Kart!" Arashi interrupted hurriedly, before the discussion could escalate.

"Where are you?" Seishiro asked, and Subaru felt the excitement that had flared inside him cool very suddenly.

"I'm at a friend's house," he replied, wary of Seishiro's tone.

"That friend from the party?"

"One of his friend's houses, for dinner."

"Ah, well, don't let me keep you." Subaru shuddered.

"No no, it's okay," he said at once.

"I just wanted to check in," Seishiro replied, coolly. Subaru swallowed.

"Are you upset with me?"

"Should I be?" Subaru sighed heavily.

"No! I just, it seemed like, I don't know-"

"Go back to your friends," Seishiro cut him off. "We'll talk later."

"Wait!" But Seishiro ended the call. Subaru sank onto the bed, the hand holding his phone falling sadly into his lap. His stomach twisted in worry and his heart raced alarmingly. Was Seishiro really angry? Had he done something wrong? The same unanswerable questions whirled in Subaru's head, making him dizzy and confused. He thought of calling Seishiro back, of demanding an explanation, but he knew it would only make things worse. That same feeling of ill usage Subaru had felt the morning Seishiro had left rose up inside him. Was it so much to ask for Seishiro to be honest? To be straightforward? His insides clenched painfully and his frustrated sadness and worry were magnified by his intoxication.

He knew that this would pass, that the best thing to do was just to wait it out, but how long could he take it? And what about now? He'd have to return to his new friends and to Kamui and explain himself. Of course, explain himself actually meant make up an excuse and pretend everything was fine. It was bad enough that Kamui had seen how much he and Seishiro argued and how much it affected him. He didn't need anyone else to know. To judge, to worry, to talk. Shame and self-disgust bubbled sickeningly inside him. Why couldn't he just keep things okay? What did he continue to do wrong? Subaru covered his face with his hands, feeling so terribly alone.

"Fuck!" Kamui cried, resisting the urge to throw the controller.

"And another round to me!" Yuzuriha exclaimed, delightedly, swigging her drink.

"I hate you so much right now I swear to god…"

"Can we not pick Dry Dry Desert this time?" Sorata whined, and everyone laughed. The bedroom door opened and Subaru returned to the living room, carefully stepping around the coffee table.

"Everything okay?" Kamui asked Subaru quietly as he took his seat again. Subaru's throat burned.

"Yeah of course! Who's winning?" Kamui felt the sadness behind the exuberance, even if no one else did, but decided not to comment on it.

The rest of the night passed in a wash of more croquettes, alcohol, smoke and videogame saltiness. Subaru threw himself in as best he could, trying to suppress his worries about Seishiro. It was nearly 11 before Yuzuriha finally said she needed to get going, after winning every race and gloating about it. "Are we starting the walk off?" Kamui asked, standing up and stretching.

"Looks that way," Sorata replied as he and Arashi also got to their feet. Kamui, Yuzuriha and Subaru gathered their things rather clumsily. Sorata stood behind Arashi, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. Subaru watched them, his heart aching as he thought of Seishiro. He was never that openly affectionate, even when they were alone, even after love making. It had never occurred to Subaru to be bothered by this before, but that feeling of ill usage kept gnawing painfully in his chest, or was it merely exacerbated by all the alcohol he'd consumed in a pointless attempt to dull it? He jumped at a sudden touch on his arm.

"Ready?" Kamui asked, looking concerned.

"Mm." Kamui continued to watch him, looking more concerned by the second. It made Subaru feel discomposed and guilty. He knew Kamui had been worried since that phone call, and he felt terrible for it. Kamui's head was slow and blurry, but all the substances made him feel braver, or at least less able to give a fuck. He held onto Subaru's arm tenderly.

"Are you sure you're all right?" He asked in a low voice. Subaru's lips parted. He drew comfort from the touch even as guilt churned his insides. He placed his hand over Kamui's and nodded.

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"Get a room!" Sorata called from over by the door, and Arashi stamped on his foot. Kamui withdrew from Subaru at once, blushing, and they walked over to the door, not looking at each other. "It was great meeting you!" Sorata said, hugging Subaru, who looked rather startled, but pleased.

"You as well, thank you so much for having me!"

"Ahh it's no problem, come see us again!" Kamui rolled his eyes affectionately as he hugged Arashi goodbye.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered to him.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. They broke apart and Sorata seized Kamui, hugging him and clapping him on the back. "Thanks for dinner," Kamui told him.

"Thanks for coming!" Sorata replied. Kamui could see him about to make some other ignorant comment and prevented it by asking Yuzuriha how she was getting home.

"I'm going uptown so I'll take the tram with you guys," she said, then hugged Arashi to divert any questions. Finally, everyone had said their goodbyes and Subaru, Kamui and Yuzuriha were out the door.

On the walk back to the tram, Subaru stood slightly apart from Kamui and Yuzuriha, smoking and watching them, trying not to think about Seishiro. He liked watching Kamui and his friends, seeing the ease with which they could just be with each other, how relaxed and happy Kamui seemed even as everyone teased him all night. There were still traces of that mysterious, enigmatic person he'd met in Zuccotti Park, but truthfully, Subaru found Kamui just as intriguing out of his professional role. He finished his cigarette, wondering in spite of himself what Seishiro would think if he found out what Kamui actually did for a living. Of course, it didn't seem to matter who Subaru spent time with, Seishiro would always get angry about it. It had been that way with Hokuto, after all.

"Okay in all seriousness, will you please tell me who you're meeting up with?" Kamui asked Yuzuriha. She sighed heavily as they entered the tram station.

"The guy I'm seeing," she replied, very quietly, looking meaningfully at Kamui.

"I want to pry, but I won't."

"Thank you." He could tell she was being secretive for a reason, and considering his situation, he could hardly ask her to explain herself. They boarded the tram and all held onto the same pole, swaying slightly. "How are you doing?" Yuzuriha asked Subaru, grinning. Subaru returned her smile, and Kamui's chest constricted.

"I'm drunk," he said, truthfully, blushing. There was no way he'd even try to explain all that was going on inside his mind at the moment. Yuzuriha and Kamui laughed as the doors closed.

"Are you guys just going home now?" Yuzuriha asked. Subaru and Kamui looked at each other.

"It's up to you," Kamui said, also blushing. Subaru shrugged.

"I suppose so." The tram rolled slowly up the cable. Beneath them the buildings were draped in velvety night, their lighted windows glittering like yellow stars. "You were right about it being even prettier after dark," Subaru said quietly, looking out of the windows. Yuzuriha smiled at Kamui and he could tell she was fighting back another "Aww!"

"Told you," he said quietly, looking away from her. The rest of the ride passed in silence, the three of them introspective from the substances and the late hour. Finally they pulled into the station and headed west towards the train. 59th Street was almost totally deserted. All the stores that were usually lit up and teaming with people were dark and empty. It also seemed far colder on this side of the river and a sharp wind caught them in the backs of their necks. It was a relief to reach the train station, which was at least warm and lit up even in its griminess.

"I'm taking this," Yuzuriha told them when they found themselves at the uptown 6 platform.

"It was awesome to see you," Kamui told her, smiling and hugging her. "Get some for me," he added softly.

"Yeah, you too!" She replied, laughing.

"I hate you." They broke apart and she hesitated for a moment before hugging Subaru goodbye.

"It was great meeting you!"

"You too! Let me know when it's okay to come visit your shelter!"

"For sure!"

"Text me when you're somewhere safe, okay?" Kamui said.

"I will!" Yuzuriha smiled and waved at Subaru and Kamui as they headed down a set of stairs towards the NQR platform. They didn't speak until they took their places by a pillar, hoping the train wouldn't take too long.

"I'm so glad you came out tonight," Kamui said, quietly, after a few minutes.

"Me too!" Subaru replied earnestly, his heart swelling rapidly. "Your friends are great!" Kamui flushed, though he knew it was true.

"They think you're great too," he replied, and Subaru blushed.

"It's been so long since I've hung out like that," he said, without really meaning to. His blush deepened. Kamui watched, curious, his heart speeding up.

"Since you left Tokyo?"

"Even there, I mostly spent time with my sister, but," he continued, the words seeming to spill out of him, and Kamui felt a sudden wave of sadness. "We haven't spoken since I came here." His eyes widened in horror. "Sorry!" He said at once, feeling exposed and gross. Why had he said that? Kamui reached out cautiously and touched Subaru's arm.

"What for?" Subaru shivered slightly at Kamui's touch, but found it reassuring all the same.

"I feel bad telling you stuff like that, it's…" but he couldn't think of what exactly it was. He felt like he'd said too much: admitting he hadn't spoken to his sister in months was embarrassing, and-

"It's cool, you're my friend, I'll always listen." He gave Subaru's arm a squeeze, making him smile cautiously. It was still weird for Subaru to be on this side of the conversation: people tended to unload their problems and issues on him because of his line of work, and he'd always been happy to listen. Now though, after being isolated for months with no outlet, he found it was an enormous relief to talk, and Kamui had always so kindly listened. Subaru felt the words rising up in his chest and knew it was pointless to resist them. As if he'd read his mind, Kamui asked,

"Is it cool if I ask why?" Subaru took a deep breath in, surrendering.

"Hokuto doesn't like Seishiro," he began. "At first she was happy I'd met someone who I was actually invested in and committed to, but, once everything got more serious," he paused, blushing, and Kamui squeezed his arm reassuringly. "I told her I was going back to New York with him and she got so angry at me, we argued about it constantly." He swallowed, his voice thick with emotion. "It felt like she wanted me to choose between her and Seishiro, but how do you choose between your sister and the person you love?!" His voice rose sharply and his eyes sparked. The sadness he felt had flash-heated to anger, taking him by surprise. He looked away from Kamui.

"It's okay," Kamui said at once, before Subaru could even think of apologizing.

"The night before I left she begged me to stay, but…" He looked Kamui in the face, staring so intently it was almost painful. "I guess I made my choice." He looked away again, and Kamui's throat burned. Riding a sudden swell of emotion and intoxicated bravery, he pulled Subaru into an embrace. Subaru stiffened and inhaled sharply, hesitated, then ever so slowly, relaxed into the support. He still felt terribly ashamed of what had happened with Hokuto, especially in light of how much he and Seishiro had been arguing. However, talking about it seemed to release something, somehow. He wrapped his arms around Kamui, breathing deeply into his friend's embrace.

"I'm so sorry," Kamui told him, and Subaru shut his eyes tight. "That must have hurt so much." Subaru didn't trust himself to speak, so he just nodded against Kamui's shoulder. Kamui felt Subaru's shame and guilt in his own chest as he held him close. He wanted to help him feel better, alleviate his pain, but everything he thought of saying seemed shallow and insincere.

A sudden rumbling at the end of the subway tunnel startled them and they broke apart. The R train crept slowly down the track, stopping twice before it pulled into the station completely. They took seats in the corner, away from the other chattering passengers. "I'm sorry to bring all this up," Subaru said softly as the train began to move. "We were having such a good night, and-"

"It's fine, seriously," Kamui interrupted. He thought for a moment of pointing out that Subaru had been in a weird mood since his boyfriend had called, but that seemed grossly insensitive. "For what it's worth, I don't think you actually did choose," he said.

"What do you mean?" Kamui paused, wishing his mind weren't so hazy.

"I mean, it seems like you got caught in the middle, but it also seems like you're still there."

"I don't regret anything, if that's what you mean," Subaru said, emphatically.

"No no, that's not what I meant!" Kamui said, frustrated with himself. "It's just, you were stuck in a shitty situation, like it sounds fucking terrible, and yeah you came here with your boyfriend but you obviously still think about your sister a lot. You didn't choose anyone over her, you just came here." Yes, that sounded right. Subaru and Kamui looked at each other.

"Thank you for saying that," Subaru said, and he meant it. "I don't think Hokuto feels the same way, though."

"Well that's a separate issue," Kamui said, though he thought that Hokuto probably wasn't nearly as angry with Subaru as he thought she was. They sat in silence, riding the train and their intoxicated emotions. Kamui would get off soon, but he didn't want to leave Subaru by himself, especially knowing he would go back to that cold, sterile apartment… At 23rd Street Subaru felt his chest clench, he didn't want Kamui to go.

"Do you-" both Subaru and Kamui said at exactly the same time before laughing embarrassedly.

"You first," Kamui said. Subaru took a deep breath in.

"Do you want to come back to my apartment for another drink? I mean, I know it's late, so-" Kamui's face illuminated.

"Sure!"

"Really?"

"Hell yeah!" Subaru smiled in relief, a soft blush in his face. The train ran express to Canal Street and they were back at Subaru's stop quickly after that. It was freezing outside as they hurried back to his building. They cast each other furtive looks as they took the elevator upstairs, but didn't say anything. Kamui took out his phone to check the time and smiled at a text from Yuzuriha.

"I'm all good, have a good night! xooxoxo"

"I liked all the music you played earlier," Subaru said as they left the elevator, suddenly feeling awkward. He had no idea what he'd do with Kamui now he'd got him here, but he was thrilled not to be alone for a few hours more.

"I can put it on when we get inside, if you want," Kamui said, watching Subaru unlock the door and following him into his apartment.

"Yeah! Hold on." He walked down the hall to the living room, turning on lights as he went, though it was still rather dark. Kamui toed off his shoes and followed. "I don't have real speakers like Sorata and Arashi," Subaru said apologetically, opening his laptop on the coffee table.

"Well fuck, I guess I shouldn't bother, then!" Kamui replied, throwing up his hands dramatically. Subaru rolled his eyes, but laughed, which made Kamui very happy. It seemed Subaru had recovered from the train ride, and he was eager to keep him smiling.

"Do you want another drink?" Subaru asked, standing up.

"Yes please," Kamui replied, feeling the effects of what he'd already consumed wearing off.

"I think I have some wine somewhere," Subaru said, heading back down the hall.

"Classy!" Kamui called after him, and Subaru looked back to roll his eyes again.

"Oh please." Kamui grinned. He sat down on the couch and went onto YouTube to play music. A dreamy voice issued from the computer as Subaru appeared beside him and handed him a glass of red wine.

"This is all I have. It's not that good, but…"

"Dude I have low standards, it's fine." They clinked their glasses together. Kamui took a sip, smiling appreciatively and curling his legs up under him. Subaru felt warmth in his face and neck, from the drink and the company. It had suddenly occurred to him how totally fine Kamui had been with him on the train, how he'd just ridden the change in mood and been helpful and compassionate like it was no big deal. Once again, he thought of Seishiro, never listening, shutting him down and getting angry with him for feeling things. With a new, deep gratitude, he watched Kamui grab onto his right toes and extend his leg long in front of him, stretching deeply, still holding his wine glass in his other hand.

"You're so flexible!" Subaru blurted out, hastily taking a sip of wine. Kamui smiled, letting go of his right foot to grab the other, stretching.

"Nah, not really. One of my customers is a yoga instructor, so we trade weed for sessions." Subaru laughed disbelievingly.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah! Well, she also buys psychedelics from me sometimes because her husband likes them. It works out good though; she gets high and I get felt up by a hot girl." Subaru let out a snort of laughter and Kamui straightened up, grinning. Subaru sipped more wine, registering again how beautiful Kamui's face was.

"Your customers sound," he began, though he had no idea where he'd been going with that sentence. Kamui placed his wine glass on the coffee table and held both of his feet, arching his back in a deep stretch.

"Normal?" He offered, watching Subaru blush. "I'm like, the safe, 'middle class' person to buy from," he explained, letting go of his feet as he curled himself up to a straight spine. Subaru kept his eyes on his face, his blush deepening for some reason, listening with rapt attention. "My," Kamui paused. "My boss, says that's what I'm best for."

"And what do you think?" Subaru asked, before he could stop himself.

"Oh he's totally right, I mean, come on," Kamui replied, folding his legs underneath him and picking up his wine glass. Subaru nodded, fascinated, but then,

"Is this song about a serial killer?!" He asked, his eyes widening. Kamui burst out laughing.

"You said you liked this song, fuck out of here!" Subaru awkwardly joined in with his laughter and Kamui was thrilled to hear it. "This artist fucks around a lot, but I love her stuff," he continued.

"Is this what you're always listening to?" Subaru asked, feeling the effects of his drink and swaying softly to the music.

"Recently, yeah. I'm glad you like it!"

"I do." They drank more wine, listening contentedly. "So your boss," Subaru said tentatively, after a minute or so.

"What about him?" Kamui asked, apprehensive.

"He, he just tells you who to sell to?" Kamui took a gulp of wine and stared at Subaru, who felt his sudden surge of energy. "Sorry, I was just curious!" Subaru said, backing down at once.

"It's okay!" Kamui replied. "I'm just, not used to answering questions, that's all."

"I understand." Kamui's face softened, though Subaru still felt his intensity, his power, and found it totally enthralling.

"My boss, Fuuma, he's more my supplier, truly," Kamui said. "I go get everything I sell from him and usually he'll give me specific assignments. Like that party where I saw you," he added, smiling. Subaru nodded, listening. "I've only met a few people I work with and to be honest I really don't know anything about how it all works, but, that way if I get caught I'll have nothing to say." He sipped more wine.

"Aren't you afraid?" Subaru asked quietly.

"I mean, I can compartmentalize," he said, though Subaru's words seemed to knock something loose in his chest. "What fucks me up is selling to people I know have problems." He let out a heavy sigh and Subaru placed a hand on his arm. Kamui smiled softly at the touch, suddenly aware of how good it felt to say all of this out loud. He'd never told anyone, after all. "Sorry to get all serious on you!" He said, taking another gulp of wine.

"It's okay, you put up with me on the train," Subaru reminded him.

"It's all good," Kamui replied.

"I really like hanging out with you," Subaru said in a rush, before hastily sipping wine, though he obviously meant it.

"Likewise, I think you're cool as fuck!" Subaru laughed almost disbelievingly, though the words made his heart soar. They finished their wine as the music continued, laughing and talking. After who knows how long, Kamui yawned and Subaru's eyes widened in that characteristic concern. Had he always had such long eyelashes?

"Are you tired?" He asked. Kamui nodded sadly.

"Yeah, I should probably head home." He set down his empty glass and stood up, stretching. For a split second, Subaru caught sight of his belly and hipbones, then turned quickly to check the time on his laptop.

"It's way too late, you should just stay over!" Kamui stared back, suddenly feeling the full effects of his drink.

"What?"

"It'd take you forever to get home now, you should just stay; it's no trouble!" Subaru stood up too, swaying slightly but steadying himself.

"Are you sure?" Kamui asked. Going home this late would most definitely suck…

"Positive!" Kamui smiled.

"Can I sleep in your bed?"

"Yes!" Subaru exclaimed before he realized what he was agreeing to, his brain slow and fuzzy.

"I was just kidding, but, cool," Kamui replied rather sheepishly. They looked at each other; drunk, warm, tense.

"I'll get you something to sleep in," Subaru said hurriedly, returning to his room. Kamui shut off the music and lights, then followed. "These should work," Subaru said, handing Kamui sweatpants and a t-shirt.

"Thanks." He scurried into the en suite and shut the door behind him, feeling suddenly breathless. He looked in the mirror and watched himself take off his shirt, noticing the deep flush in his face and the bruises on his lower neck and collarbones. He pulled on Subaru's shirt, smelling smoke and soap and skin as the soft fabric caressed his chest. He pulled the neck of the shirt up to his nose, inhaling deeply. 'Subaru…' He looked up, caught his reflection's eye and realized how strange this was. He looked away and finished getting dressed, judging himself in his intoxicated weirdness. He opened the bathroom door and found Subaru lying in bed already, looking drunk and sleepy. He patted the space next to him and Kamui climbed into bed beside him, shivering at how cold the sheets were. "Thanks for letting me sleep over, you're sure this isn't too weird?"

"No," Subaru said at once, smiling reassuringly, but his eyes suddenly widened. "What happened to your neck?!"

"Huh? Oh!" The neck of Subaru's shirt, slightly too big for him, had fallen just below his collarbones, revealing the relics of his last time with Fuuma. Kamui pulled the fabric away, revealing even more. "This?" He asked, grinning. Subaru went deeply red, immediately understanding. "We aren't together!" Kamui blurted out. This seemed an important thing to explain. "Just hooking up." That didn't make it sound any better, why had he said that? Subaru rolled over onto his side, mirroring Kamui. They stared at each other hard in the face, as though looking anywhere else might be dangerous. Without breaking eye contact, Subaru reached forward and placed his fingertips tenderly on one of the more obvious bruises. Kamui gasped softly, a shiver running through his body.

"Does that hurt?" Subaru asked, his expression concerned even through his embarrassment.

"No," Kamui replied, once again slightly breathless. "Doesn't your boyfriend leave marks?" He asked, playfully. Subaru's blush deepened.

"Well, yes, but nowhere visible!"

"Where? Let me see!"

"No!" Subaru cried, mortified, rolling onto his other side and scrambling further away. Kamui watched, hoping he hadn't crossed a line. Subaru bit his lip. Hokuto had teased him this way all the time, asking for explicit details and making lewd comments, but it was different with Kamui. Subaru rolled over onto his back and looked over at him, and he smiled encouragingly. Subaru gently rubbed the back of his shoulder, his heart fluttering. "Here," he said, smiling uncertainly. Kamui's eyes widened. He knew exactly how bruises would have gotten there but he had no idea how to react. On the one hand he wanted to brofist Subaru because he knew how good that would feel- he tried not to imagine Fuuma's teeth in his upper back as he fucked him into oblivion, but he also felt a weird discomfort. He sort of hated to think of Subaru that way, getting fucked, screaming his boyfriend's name…

"Word, I feel you," Kamui said finally, forcing his mind back to Subaru here, lying next to him in bed, drunk and sleepy, rather than… Subaru smiled at Kamui, and he felt that same weird ache in his chest from earlier.

"So who gave you those if not a significant other?" Subaru asked, furtively. Kamui bit his lip, wondering how much to say, but, given that full-disclosure seemed to be the theme tonight, he said,

"Fuuma." He physically felt the secret dislodge from his chest and went very red. Subaru stared back, eyes wide.

"Your supplier?" Kamui nodded. "That sounds complicated," Subaru said sympathetically. Kamui sighed.

"Not really, I mean, I go to his apartment, I get supplies and usually we hook up." He rolled over onto his back, feeling the relief even as the words made him feel used and empty. Subaru moved closer to him.

"Maybe confusing is a better word," he said. Kamui turned his head to face Subaru and nodded.

"It, it was physical first," he said, his heart throbbing, voice slightly constricted. Subaru nodded in what he hoped was an understanding way, though he knew he was just scraping the surface. It seemed that, although Kamui was open and honest about almost everything, he kept certain things, bigger things, completely hidden. Subaru recalled what he'd said about pain and wondered if his relationship with his supplier caused him pain that he was ignoring. Subaru's chest constricted around his throbbing heart.

"You don't have to explain right now," he said, quietly but earnestly. Kamui let out a light, nervous laugh, then nodded. Subaru smiled and shut off his bedside table light.

"Good night," Kamui whispered. The slept back to back, not touching, but the space between them was warm, loving and safe.


Full disclosure indeed!

Like I said, I'll be at Otakon 2016 this weekend dressed as Kamui (though I won't be selling drugs!) if you're there say hi!

I think about reviews when I summon my kekkai, leave me some!