Happy Thursday!
...and it just hit me that this is the last time I'll be saying that, at least for a while!
Welcome to the last chapter! How are you guys doing today? Truthfully I've been feeling, like, ALL the things this week. I'm so proud of myself, like, when I started this fic in March I had no idea it would become what it is. This is the biggest thing I've ever written, fanfiction or original work, not to mention one of the few things I've actually finished. I'm also sad to see it ending, of course, it was such a huge part of my life for so many months and now it's all over, but it's also sort of a relief. I got to write Subaru Sumeragi, a character to whom I'm PROFOUNDLY attached, the happy ending he deserves, and it's out in the world for others to see.
Mostly, though, I feel so immeasurably grateful.
I've needed to tell this story and have been trying to tell this story with different characters and in different media for YEARS, but I didn't have the confidence, vocabulary or emotional maturity to do it. I'm grateful to be able to talk, when for so long I couldn't, and it's all thanks to reading X/1999. Thanks, CLAMP, I won't waste my suffering!
I'm grateful to all of my friends, IRL and online, fictional and flesh and flesh and blood, and to my brother (truly, the Subaru to my Hokuto) and wonderful boyfriend who supported me and encouraged me throughout this whole process and kept me going. I couldn't have done it without you.
Lastly, and this is most important: I am grateful to all of you who read this story. Every single one of you. Whether you loved it or you hated it, left me comments or kudos or reviews or just kept me in the dark, you are wonderful, thank you so much. Whether you reached out to me on Tumblr and we're now good friends or we admire each other from a distance, seriously, I'm lucky to have you. This story would never have been what it was without you, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
Right, this AN got way out of hand, but... LIKE I SAID I'M FEELING ALL OF THE THINGS. Okay, let's get started!
Kiss me now, so we can feel alive...!
Kamui flopped onto his couch with a heavy sigh. He felt tired, hot and sweaty, but very pleased with all his hard work. The night before, Subaru and Hokuto had finalized their plans for her visit, so Kamui had agreed to clean out his old bedroom and make it into an actual guestroom. "Are you sure you don't want my help? I feel bad making you do this all yourself," Subaru had said as he prepared to leave for work that morning.
"It's cool, don't worry about it," Kamui replied, kissing Subaru goodbye. Although he was apprehensive, he felt that this was a project he needed to take on himself, at least at first. He hadn't touched the room since his mother had died, except to move all his clothes and valuables into her room. Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha had all offered to help, but of course he'd refused. Since then it had remained shut up and dark, and though he knew Subaru wouldn't judge him for anything that came up, he wanted to see it himself first.
"All right… Well call me if you need me. I'll be up in the Bronx then I'm going to Dyckman Street," Subaru told him, giving him another kiss.
"Don't be home too late, it's your official housewarming gathering tonight." Subaru laughed.
"I remember." One last kiss, and he was out the door. Kamui turned up his music and armed himself with cleaning supplies and trash bags. He approached his old room, but paused with his hand on the doorknob, feeling nervous. He took a deep breath in, then opened the door with a loud, shuddering creak. He waited a few seconds, then stepped over the threshold, letting go of the breath he'd been holding. The room was a disaster. A few old pieces of clothing still hung from drawers pulled halfway out of his dresser. Books lay strewn about the floor where he'd ripped them out of their places on shelves. The torn remains of a poster of a band he'd now be embarrassed to listen to still hung by yellowed scotch tape to the wall behind his unmade bed. Everything was covered in dust.
Kamui felt the pain rise up inside him and just let it come, knowing a moment of deep sympathy for his twenty one year old self. He took as much time as he needed, breathing deeply, and when he got his wits about him he set to work. He opened a trash bag and began throwing things away, quickly but carefully. Once he'd gotten rid of all the obvious trash, he moved on to more important things.
Under his bed, Kamui found old schoolbooks, assignments and artwork. His mother had always made him keep them, though he never did see the point. He found more photographs of days long forgotten and people whose names he couldn't remember. He did find more pictures of himself and Kotori though, and even a few of him and Sorata from middle and high school. He smiled at the photos, tenderly rubbing his thumb over his own face. He gathered them all together and brought them into his and Subaru's bedroom. He placed them carefully on top of the dresser, then went right back to work. It didn't make him sad, necessarily, seeing all these things, but it was rather surreal and strange. He felt like his life had happened in two parts: before and after his mother had died, and here was everything he hadn't brought with him, a time capsule of the first twenty one years of his life.
As Kamui kept working, he thought, not for the first time, about how much had changed. The deaths of Saya and Kotori, and then his mother, had thrown everything up, like the contents of a snow globe. The first time, everything had pretty much settled down, returned as best it could to normal. The second time, though, nothing had settled, and Kamui had just ridden the chaos. What choice did he have when nothing really mattered anyway? Now, though, it seemed his world had finally stopped shaking. That he could actually move forward.
Spurred on, Kamui had packed all of the old books and clothes he no longer wanted into bags and taken them to second hand bookstores and thrift shops in the area. He'd then stopped to pick up drinks for their dinner party that night before coming home and crashing on his couch. He stretched, waiting for his energy to come back, and caught sight of the photo of himself with his mother, Saya and Kotori on the bookshelf. His mother looked back at him out of the picture, and Kamui smiled. "I'm sorry I was so fucked up for so long," he told her. He stood up and walked over, reaching out and touching her face with his first two fingers.
He'd always wondered how his mother would have felt about all the decisions he'd made, about him working for Fuuma, about everything. She was never the type to fuss or worry, that was what Aunt Saya was for, and her own job had obviously gotten her into incredibly dangerous situations. She'd probably have been more disappointed than anything, just as she had been when he was always in trouble after Saya and Kotori's accident. "I know you're angry, but this isn't doing anyone any favors," she'd said, wearily, placing steri-strips across a cut on his face, relic of some totally stupid fight.
"I'm doing good now," he told her picture, smiling sadly and missing her terribly. "I'm trying to get a legit job, and I have this new boyfriend, I think you'd really like him!" His throat burned suddenly as another painful wave of sadness rose up inside him, but again, he just let it happen. His mother would never meet Subaru, never see him settled and happy. He had a sudden vision of introducing them, then of himself, Subaru, Hokuto and Kotori, all spending happy time together. His eyes burned and he shut them tight, only to see his mother standing beside him, her hand reassuringly on his lower back.
"Don't dwell on what might have been, Kamui," she would have told him. "Not when things are finally looking up." Kamui inhaled deeply, drawing a deep comfort from the vision even as he felt like his heart was breaking. "You always had the power to shape your future," she'd continue, smiling the smile he'd inherited, powerful and knowing. "Even if you strayed, I knew you'd choose the right path in the end."
Kamui opened his eyes, feeling slightly shivery. He took his fingers away from his mother's photo and wiped his tears away. He had to keep going on this good path. For himself, Subaru, Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha, and now Hokuto. So many people still living who loved him. He smiled at his mother's picture, then at his nine-year-old self. At last, it seemed okay to feel really self-assured. It hadn't been okay for a very long time.
He heard a key in the door and turned, his heart swelling as Subaru stepped over the threshold and toed off his shoes. "I'm home!" He called, beaming. He came into the living room and dropped his bag beside the coffee table before kissing Kamui on the lips.
"Hey," Kamui breathed, feeling his body immediately light up. Subaru sighed into their kiss and wrapped his arms around him. "No don't, I'm gross!" He cried, surprised Subaru couldn't feel the dust and sweat that clung to him as he pulled him close.
"That's fine," he breathed, kissing Kamui on the neck. He shivered, relaxing into the embrace.
"How was work?" Subaru withdrew to look at Kamui, a huge smile on his face.
"I got you a job today."
"What?!" Subaru looked absolutely thrilled.
"I told my client on Dyckman Street that you needed a new job," he said, a slightly apologetic note in his voice.
"Don't feel bad, come on!"
"Remember I told you she manages a restaurant right by Union Square?" Kamui nodded. "Well, she said just send her your resume and she'll hire you."
"Are you serious?!" Kamui had always known you needed an in, but this just seemed too easy! Subaru nodded fervently.
"She says it's the least she could do!" His heart swelled as he remembered her eager face, how excited she'd been to be able to help. At last, she really seemed to be recovering. Both of them were.
"Really?" Kamui asked again, his face shining.
"Really!" Kamui threw his arms around Subaru's neck, the last piece finally falling into place.
"Thank you," He whispered, holding him tight.
"Of course," he replied, just as softly, kissing him on the top of the head and rubbing his face tenderly in his hair. "How did cleaning go?" He asked, after a few minutes.
"Really good! You wanna see?"
"Mmhmm!" Kamui took Subaru's hand and led him to what was becoming their guestroom. Subaru looked around eagerly, feeling a deep sense of relief about the room. He stood behind Kamui, wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on his shoulder.
"There's still a lot left to do, but I got rid of mad old stuff."
"Thank you for doing this," Subaru said, softly, and Kamui smiled.
"It's no problem, I should have done it years ago." Subaru pulled Kamui closer, feeling how tired, though proud, he was.
"I can help you tomorrow, I have the day off." Kamui leaned his head back, smiling up at the ceiling.
"You're the best." Subaru kissed Kamui's neck, feeling the skin grow hot under his lips. Kamui let out a soft gasp as Subaru pressed his hands up under his shirt, palming his chest and belly. "I need to shower and change," Kamui said, getting hard under Subaru's lips and fingers.
"No," Subaru said, biting down gently on Kamui's ear. Kamui let out another gasp, his eyes shut tight.
"If our friends find us like this we'll never live it down," he reminded him, even though he could give a fuck. Subaru laughed against his neck, running his fingers teasingly under the waistband of his pants.
"Later, then," he said, placing a kiss right behind Kamui's ear.
"Well, yeah." Subaru returned his chin to Kamui's shoulder, holding him close. They stood that way for a while: content in a loving embrace in their guestroom with what was to come hanging teasingly ahead of them. They'd spent every night that week, at the very least, kissing passionately for hours at a time. They hadn't taken it father than they had their first time together, but neither of them minded.
Kamui and Subaru felt so deeply for each other, so grateful to finally be acting on their feelings, that even kissing was enough to set their bodies on fire, to make them aching and desperate. At the same time, though, Kamui's greatest unspoken wish was to ride Subaru to the moon and back, and he had a sense that he wasn't alone in this.
"Go shower," Subaru said, quietly, at last letting go of Kamui.
"Come with me," he replied. They exchanged another smile, even though they knew, this time, it really was just to rinse off. "Fast though, we only have like, a half hour." They hurried into the bathroom, undressed quickly and stepped under the hot water. Kamui wrapped his arms around Subaru, holding him close. Subaru reached around him for soap and began to rub it in gentle circles on his back. "Can I ask you something?" Kamui asked, after a few minutes.
"Of course," Subaru replied, scrubbing Kamui's chest now.
"Um… Do you think I should tell Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha about, like, selling and everything?" Subaru paused, looking at him curiously.
"This is new; I thought you wanted to keep it a secret." Kamui rinsed off and took the soap from Subaru.
"Well yeah, but… I hate lying to them." Subaru nodded, watching Kamui rub soapy circles on his chest.
"It's up to you," Subaru said, seriously. "And you don't have to decide anything right away." Kamui nodded thoughtfully.
"I guess you're right."
"Whatever you decide, I'll support you." They smiled at each other, the space between them warm and loving as ever.
Fifteen minutes later, Kamui and Subaru, clean and dry, were opening his front door to Sorata and Arashi, carrying shopping bags and wearing smiles. "What's good, what's good?!" Sorata demanded.
"Come in," Subaru said, graciously, stepping out of the way. "Here, let me take those," he added, relieving Sorata of the groceries.
"Thanks, dude!" Arashi kissed Kamui on the cheek and followed Subaru into the kitchen. "How's things?" Sorata asked, pulling Kamui into a hug and clapping him hard on the back.
"Fucking great," Kamui replied, looking around. "Where's Yuzuriha?"
"She's on her way!" Arashi called from the kitchen where she was helping Subaru put things away. "Kusanagi has to go to DC for work so she's dropping him off at Penn Station." Sorata and Kamui exchanged a look. "And don't start, you two!"
"I wasn't gonna say anything!" Kamui exclaimed, looking deeply offended, before going into the living room to put on music.
"Do you guys want drinks?" Subaru asked, once everything was put away.
"Yes please!" Sorata replied at once. "If you don't drink while cooking your friends dinner you're fucking up." Subaru and Arashi exchanged looks and laughed before collecting beers from the fridge.
"What are you making, anyway?" Kamui asked, reappearing in the kitchen and getting himself a drink.
"Okonomiyaki," Sorata replied, accepting a beer from Subaru. "Now get your ass in here and help me chop cabbage." Kamui rolled his eyes but squeezed past Subaru and Arashi to join him. Sorata clinked their drinks together. "Cheers to you growing the fuck up and learning to cook for your boyfriend!"
"Sorata for goodness sake…" Arashi said, taking a weary sip of her beer. Subaru and Kamui looked at each other, both blushing furiously.
"You've never called me your boyfriend before," Subaru said, his eyes bright.
"He does, just not to your face," Sorata continued, and Subaru laughed.
"Listen-" Kamui began, but at that moment the buzzer went off, distracting them all. Subaru let Yuzuriha upstairs and held the door open for her.
"Sorry I'm late!" She cried, breathlessly, hurrying up the last flight of stairs and into the apartment. "I brought dessert though!" She held up the bright orange cake box she was carrying.
"You aren't late, we haven't even started cooking yet," Subaru told her, kindly.
"Typical!" She hugged Subaru with one arm, then went to put the cake in the fridge and grab herself a drink. She told everyone else hello, still out of breath.
"Okay there's way too many people in here," Sorata said. "You three, go relax."
"Yeah yeah yeah," Yuzuriha replied, turning away. Arashi kissed Sorata, then followed her into the living room.
"Are you sure you don't need help?" Subaru asked.
"That's what Kamui's for," Sorata replied, grinning. Subaru sighed in defeat, gave Kamui a gentle kiss on the lips and left the kitchen. Still rather pink in the face, Kamui took a sip of his drink and reached into a drawer for a knife. "Real talk, though, you guys are doing good, right?" Sorata asked, digging in Kamui's cupboards for a mixing bowl. Kamui nodded, beginning to chop all the cabbage.
"I mean, it's all still new, but yeah, so far everything's great. Like, I actually feel…" His voice trailed away and he and Sorata exchanged a look.
"I was worried at first," Sorata said, honestly, his face full of his characteristic determination.
"Me too," Kamui replied, quietly, his stomach squirming. Sorata poured flour into the mixing bowl, his expression softening.
"We all were, but considering how shit started out, you can't blame us." Kamui looked down, slicing the cabbage into clumsy ribbons and placing it into a colander. "But," Sorata continued. "These last few weeks have been the happiest I've seen you since Tohru passed away." Kamui felt the words in his chest and smiled at Sorata: his best friend, always there, always understanding. Kamui had to tell him about the chaos that was the last two years of his life, but not yet. Tonight was for celebrating.
"That's because it is," he replied, finally, blushing. He wondered, suddenly, if he and Subaru would become like Sorata and Arashi: together for years and years, a staple of their group of friends, always loving and affectionate. It was sort of mortifying how much he hoped they would. Sorata clapped him on the shoulder.
"All right enough emotional expression, let's feed our friends' hungry starving asses."
In the living room, Yuzuriha had been telling an eagerly listening Subaru all about the puppies at the shelter, how much they'd grown and how many had been adopted. "When my sister comes to visit I'll have to bring her," Subaru said, smiling in happy anticipation.
"Your sister?" Arashi asked, interestedly. Subaru nodded eagerly.
"She's coming here for three weeks in July. I, I can't wait," he said, sipping his drink.
"That's so exciting!" Yuzuriha exclaimed, bringing her hands together in front of her heart.
"Do we get to meet her?" Arashi asked, kindly.
"Of course! I'd love that," Subaru replied, just as kindly.
"What's she like, Subaru?" Yuzuriha asked, eagerly. Subaru thought for a moment.
"Kamui says she's like me, but… Well his word was ratchet." Arashi and Yuzuriha burst into laughter.
"Oh my god, Kamui," Yuzuriha said quietly, shaking her head.
"I can't wait to meet her," Arashi told Subaru, warmly. "We'll have to plan lots of fun things to do…"
"What are we planning?" Came Sorata's voice from the kitchen.
"Stuff to do when Subaru's sister is here!" Yuzuriha called back.
"Oh hell yeah!" Sorata replied, enthusiastically, appearing in the doorway, bonito flakes stuck to his shirt. "Right now, though, dinner's ready!" Subaru, Arashi and Yuzuriha returned to the kitchen and everyone collected dinner and more drinks before taking seats around the coffee table. Subaru and Kamui sat down next to each other and exchanged a soft smile. They were both remembering the first time they'd sat down to dinner this way, a million years ago…
"This looks amazing, you guys," Yuzuriha said, leaning back into the couch.
"I try," Kamui said graciously.
"All you did was chop vegetables what the hell are you talking about?!" Yuzuriha demanded.
"Hey, he did good, give him a break!" Sorata interjected before Kamui could answer back. Instead, he just rolled his eyes and took Subaru's hand. Sorata raised his beer.
"So cheers everybody! To having Subaru safe and here with us!"
"Amen," Kamui said under his breath, and Subaru squeezed his hand.
"Thank you," Subaru said, feeling overwhelmed by all the attention, but it meant more to him than he could express. Everyone clinked their drinks together, and all was excited conversation, delicious food and laughter. The glow of Kamui and Subaru's newfound happiness illuminated the whole room, bestowing everyone with a contentment and optimism that they weren't shy about expressing. They finished dinner, cleaned up and Yuzuriha brought out her dessert, a light and fluffy strawberry shortcake.
Kamui leaned his head against Subaru's shoulder, eating cake and feeling at peace with the world. Subaru kissed him on the top of the head, the "later" they'd promised each other earlier washing up in their minds like an approaching high tide. Across the table, Sorata had his arm around Arashi and was twirling her hair around his fingers. "Ugh I feel totally fifth wheeled right now!" Yuzuriha burst out dramatically, biting on a strawberry. Kamui looked her right in the eye, brought his and Subaru's clasped hands to his lips and kissed them ostentatiously. Yuzuriha rolled her eyes. "And here I was thinking that dating such a good person would make you less of a dick," she said, wistfully.
"Oh I am, just not to you," Kamui replied, flashing her a smile.
"Can't you put him under a spell or something?" Yuzuriha implored Subaru, who sighed heavily.
"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that," he replied, apologetically.
"Just keep fucking him good, that'll keep him quiet," Sorata said, a total deadpan expression on his face. Everyone burst out laughing and Subaru went very red, covering his face.
"May I ask how you know that?" Arashi asked, raising her eyebrows.
"He's just known me too long," Kamui said, reassuringly.
"Thanks for not blowing our cover," Sorata said, and Kamui blew him a kiss across the table.
"Sorata, can I watch, at least?" Yuzuriha asked, and he winked at her across the table. Arashi exchanged and exasperated look with Subaru, who was still deeply red.
"I'm never quiet anyway, Subaru always makes me scream," Kamui added, as an afterthought, and everyone burst once more into laughter.
"I was gonna say, I like the hickeys," Sorata said, reaching across the table to brofist Subaru, who looked more mortified than ever, though he couldn't help but feel pleased with himself.
"I was waiting for it!" Kamui cried, shaking his head. "I'm sorry," he added to Subaru, who smiled through his embarrassment.
"It's okay," he replied, kissing Kamui on the lips. Everyone had a second slice of cake and exchanged more teasing comments and laughter until it was time to head out. "Thank you so much for dinner, next time you have to let us cook," Subaru told Sorata, hugging him goodbye.
"For sure! We'll see you soon?"
"Absolutely!" Arashi and Yuzuriha were taking it in turns to hug Kamui.
"I'm so happy for you guys," Arashi said in his ear, followed by Yuzuriha's,
"Kusanagi told me to tell you congratulations."
"You guys are the best," Kamui told them, earnestly, looking around at his friends.
"Really," Subaru added. He felt immeasurably grateful that it was this group of friends who had adopted him in his new city. More smiles, then hugs, were exchanged, and Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha were out the door. Kamui turned to Subaru and hugged him, burying is face in his neck. "Did you have a good night?" Subaru asked, holding him close and stroking his hair.
"Mmhmm." Kamui sighed contentedly, then looked up. "Did you?" Subaru nodded, brushing Kamui's bangs out of his eyes. They smiled at each other, excitement rising between them in the loving, intimate space.
"Is this later?" Kamui asked. In answer, Subaru kissed him on the lips. Kamui pressed him up against the wall and shoved his tongue in his mouth. Subaru exhaled sharply and his heart rate spiked as blood rushed between his legs and flushed his skin. He thrust his hips back against Kamui, hands gripping the back of his shirt. Kamui moaned softly into Subaru's mouth, his own body already begging. They broke apart, foreheads touching and breath shallow.
"Let's get in bed," Subaru breathed, a deep blush in his face. Kamui swallowed and nodded gratefully. He kissed Subaru again, fighting the urge to shove his hands up his shirt, and Subaru kissed him back with a deep, loving passion, moaning softly. They both knew they'd get way more if they just walked the ten feet to their bedroom. However, the immediate prospect of not kissing, not holding each other, not thrusting their hips forward in a teasing friction, was just not okay. At last Subaru let out a frustrated groan and withdrew from their kiss. He grabbed Kamui's hand and pulled him to their bedroom. Kamui cried out, his heart pounding in excitement. Once in their room, Kamui pushed Subaru onto their bed and straddled him, a deeply desirous look on his face.
"I want you so hard right now," he said, and Subaru pulled him down into a kiss. Kamui groaned, grinding his hips against Subaru and pressing his hands up under his shirt, feeling smooth skin and tense muscles. Subaru gasped softly, tendrils of pleasure snaking their way throughout his body from the contact, making him shiver and his heart pound. He thrust his hips up against Kamui, the friction and pressure already building tantalizingly between them. He reached for Kamui's shirt to pull it over his head. Kamui straightened up and threw his shirt behind him, still rocking his hips back and forth.
Subaru sat up and wrapped his arms around Kamui, dragging his hands down his back and placing soft, though insistent, kisses across his chest. Kamui moaned and threw his head back, the contact sending jolts of pleasure through his body, shocking his heart and his erection. "O-Oh my god," he gasped, grinding his hips down even harder.
Subaru bit down on Kamui's collarbone and exhaled sharply through his nose, his erection pulsing at the effect he was causing. Kamui reached down and pulled Subaru's shirt up over his head before grabbing the sides of his face and kissing him full on the lips. Subaru dug his fingers into Kamui's back, feeling the smooth skin grow hot under his fingers. His head spun as their chests pressing together added to the friction, the pressure, the need. He ached for Kamui. He wanted to please him, make him moan, gasp and scream.
Subaru lay back down on the bed, pulling Kamui with him, then rolled him onto his back. Kamui cried out in excitement and spread his legs invitingly. Subaru kissed him once more on the lips before moving to his neck, already deeply flushed with arousal. He tenderly kissed the bruise he'd left there the night before, then bit down on the spot just below it, sucking a fresh one. Kamui let out a hard, desperate moan as a violent shiver ran through his body. Subaru's flush matched Kamui's as he kept going, feeling almost painfully turned on. He dragged his hand down Kamui's chest, feeling his muscles contract under his touch, to palm his erection through his pants. Kamui groaned and thrust his hips upwards, desperately seeking more friction, more sensation, more of Subaru.
Subaru moved his hand teasingly against him, feeling a thrill of arousal at how turned on he was. He exhaled slowly and was about to undo his pants to really start pleasing him, but Kamui grabbed his wrist. Subaru's eyes snapped up to his face. "Are you okay?" He asked. Kamui nodded reassuringly, interlacing their fingers together.
"Yeah! Just… I want to," he paused, blushing and feeling a weird rush of nerves. He took a deep breath in. "I want you inside me," he said, his face determined and tone seductive. Subaru's breath caught in his throat.
"Are you sure?" He asked, his heart beating uncomfortably fast. Kamui let out a desperate sigh and pulled Subaru into a hot, passionate kiss. Subaru groaned, his body lighting up, begging him to say yes. They broke apart, gasping, eyes blazing as they stared at each other.
"Let's make love, Subaru," Kamui breathed, profoundly seductive. He'd never used the phrase before, but it just felt right. Subaru closed his eyes, mouth open in a soft groan, the words stirring up an excitement deep inside him. His heart throbbed as Kamui reached up and cupped the side of his face. He turned and kissed his palm.
"Okay," he breathed, opening his eyes. He looked down at Kamui and felt a surge of his power that only fed their desire for each other. Before he could stop himself he kissed Kamui hard on the lips. Kamui moaned, his mind and heart racing at what was to come, his body hot and needy at the prospect. He reached between them to undo Subaru's pants, his hand shaking slightly. In no time they were both naked, entwined with each other, kissing passionately, the heat, pressure and friction between them making them dizzy. "Do, do you have-" Subaru started to ask, between kisses.
"Bedside table drawer," Kamui breathed back, his heart skipping excitedly. Subaru straightened up and let out a deep, heavy sigh, siphoning off some of the heat building torturously inside him. He got off of Kamui and reached into the drawer, extracting lube and a condom he found there. He paused, feeling suddenly anxious. He knew what to do, obviously, but… "Are you okay?" Kamui asked, sitting up and placing his hand on his back.
"I'm fine," Subaru assured him, "I've just, I've never topped before, so…" He went furiously red.
"Really? Kamui asked, his eyes wide. "Are you sure you want to? We can-" Subaru interrupted him with another kiss, his nerves leaving him as quickly as they came.
"I'm sure," he said, softly, their foreheads touching. "You just have to tell me what feels good." Kamui smiled.
"I will." He lay back down and spread his legs encouragingly. A soft moan began in Subaru's throat as he eyed Kamui's smooth chest, narrow hips, erection begging to be touched… He shook himself, trying to stay focused. He seized the bottle of lube and squeezed some onto his fingers.
"Tell me if it gets too much," he said, pressing his fingers against Kamui.
"I will," he replied, exhaling deeply and allowing Subaru to slide one finger inside. He adjusted quickly, then nodded, and Subaru slid in another finger. Kamui smiled and let out a soft, satisfied sigh, moving his hips to find more friction. Subaru bit his lip and a furious, lustful blush flooded his face as he thought of these sensations around his erection. Forcing himself to pay attention, he stretched and explored.
"Is this okay?" he asked in a somewhat constricted voice.
"God yes," Kamui replied. Subaru bit down harder on his lip as he made a "come here" motion with his fingers. "O-oh my-" Kamui's entire body seized up around Subaru's fingers as pleasure coursed through him, making him shudder violently and gasp. "Oh my god yes!" He moaned when he found his voice. Subaru repeated the gesture, groaning softly himself. It gave him the most intense rush to please Kamui this way, to make him feel this good, and soon they'd be making love and oh god…
Subaru squirted more of the lube onto his fingers before slipping a third one inside. "Is this okay?" He asked, his heart pounding and erection throbbing as he moved his fingers in and out. He continued in this way and Kamui's chest heaved and his thighs shook violently. The look on his face was one of pure unfiltered need.
"I'm ready," he said, finally, watching the blush in Subaru's face spread to his neck and chest, his expression desperate and lustful. He removed his fingers, and Kamui sat up. He kissed Subaru on the lips, moaning hard into his mouth.
"Are you sure?" Subaru asked when they broke apart.
"I want you so bad," Kamui moaned, biting down on Subaru's lower lip. Subaru gasped, his erection pulsing excitedly.
"I want you to," he breathed back. He reached for the condom, opened it and slid it on.
"Sit up against the headboard," Kamui said, quietly commanding.
"What?" Kamui smiled, looking deeply seductive even through his obvious desperation.
"Sit up against the headboard," he repeated, reaching for the lube.
"O-okay," Subaru replied, wondering what was coming. He moved pillows out of the way and did as he was told, his legs out in front of him. Kamui squeezed lube onto his hand, then wrapped his fingers around Subaru's erection, coating it. Subaru gasped, the teasing touches fueling his need. He watched Kamui straddle his hips, holding his erection in place. His breath caught in his throat and his mouth fell open as he realized what was about to happen. He locked eyes with Kamui as he pressed his erection up against him.
"Be with me," Kamui said.
"I'm with you," Subaru told him. Slowly, very slowly, Kamui pressed the tip of his erection inside. Subaru cried out sharply and Kamui stopped right there, his chest heaving and his eyes shut tight. Subaru reached behind him to grip the headboard, his arms trembling and breath shaky. Kamui swallowed and opened his eyes. He locked his gaze with Subaru as he continued moving down, millimeter by millimeter, taking more and more inside and loving it. Subaru's chest heaved as he watched, transfixed, the sensations already making him dizzy. Kamui paused halfway down and shut his eyes tight again, but his mouth was open in an excited smile. He gazed hard at Subaru when he opened his eyes, then moved all the way down, sheathing his erection inside. He stopped there, his heart pounding and a look of total ecstasy on his face. Subaru was holding so tightly to the headboard his knuckles were white. He could easily have come just from watching all that, and now the heat and pressure around his erection had him right on the blissful edge. He'd never felt anything like this before, but oh god did he want more!
"Are you okay?" Kamui asked, shakily, bringing his hands to Subaru's shoulders. Subaru nodded, gasping.
"I, I should be asking you that," he replied, his voice shaky and constricted.
"You feel so fucking good," Kamui told him, his eyes burning.
"So do you," Subaru said, his erection throbbing as if to illustrate the point. Kamui kissed Subaru with an entirely new passion, digging his fingers into his shoulders. Subaru moaned and wrapped his arms around him, wanting to touch all of his hot, wet and flushed skin. They felt intensely aware of each other, every point of contact allowing intimacy, affection and desire to flow back and forth between them.
At last, Kamui began to move, rocking his hips back and forth in a slow, erotic rhythm, and they cried out into each other's mouths. Waves of pleasure began to crash outwards through Subaru's body and he shivered and moaned, every sensation seemed magnified. Kamui sped up, feeling Subaru's erection moving inside him, rubbing right up against his sweet spot. Pleasure coursed outwards, shocking his nerves over and over again, and all he could do was moan, it was all so good. However, he knew if he kept this up, it would be over before they even got started.
Kamui pulled out of their kiss and changed his angle. He couldn't go as deep, but could go faster. Subaru cried out and dug his fingernails into Kamui's back. This new, fast friction felt amazing. Kamui moved even faster, rocking his hips back and forth in a quick, deliberate rhythm. Subaru writhed and gasped, moaning fluently as waves of sensation crashed through his body. He gripped Kamui's hips, urging him back and forth. "Th-this is so, so good!" He managed in a choked voice, the pressure between his legs making his head spin. Kamui kissed him deeply and moaned into his mouth as he sped up, hot pleasure gripping his body. Subaru could feel Kamui's thrusts becoming more erratic and his hands shaking as they gripped his shoulders: they were both fighting their orgasm, and though it would be amazing to come inside Kamui just like this, Subaru wanted to draw it out, feel all of this a little longer. "Kamui, Kamui stop!" Subaru moaned, pulling out of their kiss.
"Are you okay?" Kamui asked, breathing hard.
"Yes! Just, I, can I get on top?" Kamui's face lit up.
"Okay!"
"Lie on your back," Subaru said, trying to sound commanding. Kamui gave him one last kiss before sliding himself up and off his erection and lying down on his back. Subaru climbed on top of him, biting his lip. "Should I just…?"
"Yes," Kamui told him, smiling encouragingly. Subaru shivered as he got into position, then entered him with a smooth thrust of his hips. Kamui threw his head back in a deep groan and Subaru cried out sharply; this new position felt completely different, but oh so good. He kissed Kamui, who wrapped his arms and legs around him, begging him to move.
At last, Subaru pulled out, slowly, then thrust back in, moaning hard into Kamui's mouth. He pulled out again, still slow, and thrust back in, harder now, letting go of their kiss to throw his head back in pleasure. Kamui dug his heels into Subaru's lower back, urging him to continue. Subaru pulled out, then pushed back in, over and over, moving harder and faster and deeper each time, pleasure coursing through his body and pressure building between his legs. "More!" Kamui cried, eyes shut tight, mouth open as he let out long, hard moans. His body was on fire, he felt everything: every thrust, Subaru's hands all over him, his hot moans on his neck.
Subaru paused, propping himself up with one hand and reaching under Kamui's waist with the other to lift his hips. Kamui looked up at him in excited anticipation. "Is this okay?" Subaru asked, his gaze burning and voice heavy with need.
"Yes!" Subaru pulled out slowly, then thrust back in, hard and deep. Kamui screamed, his toes curled and his erection throbbed. His inner muscles pulled in, hard and tight, around Subaru, and he too let out a deep, loud moan. Subaru continued, and Kamui was living for it. His entire body seized up, pleasure paralyzing him as it crashed through his body. "Just like that! Just like that! Oh my god!"
Subaru moaned fluently, pleasure fogging his brain so all he could think of was more. Kamui's desperate moans in his ears, his hot skin under his fingers, his pressure and friction around his erection, oh it was so good! Subaru kept moving, harder and faster and deeper, his entire body honing in on the sensation. He was so close, and he knew drawing it out would soon be impossible. "Don't stop! Don't stop!" Kamui begged, his very being aching with need.
"I'll come if I keep going," Subaru told him, feeling his erection throb as he said it.
"I want you to!" Kamui gasped. "I'm so close please don't stop!"
"Oh god!" Subaru sped up his thrusts still further and Kamui screamed all the more. He was becoming less and less aware of what was going on around him: all was Subaru, pleasure, and friction.
"Subaru!" Kamui moaned, seconds away from orgasm. "Subaru! Subaru!"
Hearing his name was too much. With one last, hard thrust, Subaru came, hard and deep, inside Kamui. His entire body, mind and heart were flooded with sensation as all the pressure between his legs rushed outwards. The last thing he saw was Kamui throw his head back as he came a split second later.
Kamui let out one last, strangled scream and released all over his chest and belly. His mind spun and his body melted as the pleasure gripping him released its hold. He couldn't even move, he felt so weak from his ecstasy. He had never been satisfied this way, not with anyone else, and he felt so deeply connected, it was unreal.
Subaru fell forward on top of him, breathing hard against his neck. The sensations and emotions echoed inside him and he wanted to stay this way forever, entwined with Kamui, mind, body and heart, as he'd never been before.
They stayed like that for a long time, feeling, listening and shivering slightly in the aftermath of such intense, passionate lovemaking. At last, Subaru straightened up, still shivering and breathing heavily. He carefully pulled out, peeled off the condom and threw it into the trash by the bed. He lay back down beside Kamui, who immediately reached out and cupped the side of his face. "That was amazing," he breathed. Subaru smiled and kissed him softly on the lips.
"It was," he agreed.
"Did we come at the same time?" Kamui asked, his eyes shining. Subaru blushed.
"I, I think so," he replied with a sheepish smile.
"Fuck… Yes…" Kamui said, looking very pleased with himself. He moved closer and lay across Subaru's chest, his face in his neck. Subaru let out a deep, satisfied sigh and held Kamui closer to him, feeling so safe and happy. "You're so perfect," Kamui breathed, throwing his leg across Subaru's hips for good measure. Subaru laughed softly and kissed him on the top of the head.
"You," he replied, rubbing his face in his hair and inhaling deeply. A streetlight flickered outside their window and cars honked and revved, but it was all meaningless. Nothing could penetrate Subaru and Kamui's safe, glowing bubble. "Do you really call me your boyfriend?" Subaru asked, softly, after a few minutes. Kamui blushed, but met his gaze.
"Yeah," he said, sheepishly. "I'll stop if you don't want to put titles on yet, though!" He added, his eyes wide. Subaru just laughed and kissed him full on the lips.
"I," he began, when they broke apart, but then changed his mind. "It sort of went without saying, didn't it?" Kamui laughed rather embarrassedly.
"It did, truly," he agreed, his face burning. "It's not too soon?" Subaru shook his head, looking thrilled, and they exchanged one last kiss.
"That's what I want."
"Me too." Kamui buried his face in Subaru's neck again, savoring the happiness between them. "You're stuck with me now," he said, his heart beating rather fast, and again Subaru laughed and kissed him tenderly.
"Good."
"When you get home come up on the roof!" Kamui smiled at the text and hurried along 11th Street. It was a little after midnight, and he'd just finished his shift at work. He was tired, but pleased with his efforts. He liked this restaurant: his coworkers were cool, the chefs were generous with family meal and the customers usually tipped well. Subaru's client was an awesome boss as well, of course.
The city was hot and sultry on this summer night, alive with people out drinking and enjoying themselves. A light breeze ruffled Kamui's hair as he finally reached his building. He climbed the stairs, bypassed his apartment and headed right up to the roof. His chest swelled as he saw Subaru waiting for him. "Hey," he said, removing his headphones and stowing them away. Subaru beamed and Kamui dropped his bag before falling into his arms and sighing contentedly. Subaru held him close and rubbed his face in his hair.
"How was work?" He asked. Kamui looked up, then kissed him hard, and sparks already began to fly between them.
"It was work, I'm glad to be home." He kissed Subaru again. "What were you doing up here, meditating?" Subaru nodded.
"And you know I don't like going to sleep without you." Kamui smiled. They would always wait up for each other. They exchanged another look. Subaru's bright green eyes shone under the stars and lights of the surrounding buildings. Kamui's beautiful face forever radiated his intensity, even in the heavy, summer heat. A soft night breeze swirled around them as they drank each other in, feeling like they could look at each other forever.
"I love you, Subaru," Kamui said, before he even realized what was happening. He might have felt totally exposed and embarrassed, except that it was the honest truth he'd been trying to say for weeks. Subaru felt the words in his very soul and he gave Kamui a truly radiant smile.
"I love you too, Kamui," he replied, a slight shiver running down his spine. They both laughed softly at their own bravery and held each other close. Another light, summer breeze blew past them and Kamui rested his head against Subaru's chest.
They looked out over New York, where they had found each other, rescued each other and would now support each other as they built their own lives. Subaru and Kamui knew the same, unspeakable happiness, and knew as well that they'd fight to maintain it. They'd only move forward, farther and farther away from that cold, February night in Zuccotti Park a lifetime ago.
Another day, another step forward.
END
Oof, that was an ODYSSEY! Well, again, thank you all so much for reading!
I... I want to keep working with this universe, because I think there's still more to explore. I'm currently working on a bonus chapter, so look out for that! Plus some other things, but we'll see! If You Love Me will never die, it'll just sleep for a little bit.
I think about reviews when I summon my kekkai, leave me some!
