Part 2: Guilty Backlash

"What...have I done…?" Misato began to sob as the sun began to rise, last night's events leaving a metaphorical sting on her face, like being backhanded. With her head down, she took two handfuls of her hair, giving them a pull before letting a whale of anguish and self-hatred. She had betrayed not only her own morals but Shinji as well, leaving her with a rotten taste in her mouth regardless of how good it felt to use him for her own gains.

In an explosion of malice she began trashing her apartment. The sounds of glasses and porcelain shattering against the walls was like that of glassy rainfall from the insides of a closed room. It was a little while before Misato finally broke down, sliding into a heap of broken glass. Tears rolled down her cheek as she slowly curled into a ball, loudly crying; blood began trickling from her forearms and bare feet, the stinging sensation helping to calm Misato's woes as she tried to pull herself together.

"There's no way he'll stay now...I'm going to be all alone and it's my own God damn fault!" Misato screamed before using the wall to rise back into a stance. Grabbing the broom she swept aside the majority of the sharp glass against the wall, pulling a medical kit from one of the cabinets. Carefully she tended to her sounds, making sure they were all carefully cleaned before applying roll bandages and Band-Aids.

"I think...I'll just let him go...he doesn't deserve to be chained down by a monster like me…" Misato sighed heavily, going back to get dressed in her traditional attire. When she was finally ready to step out into the world, she returned to the scene of her most heinous crime. Opening the door to Shinji's room, he immediately rolled up in his comforter, quivering fearfully against the wall next to his bed. He flinched with every step Misato took towards him, giving her a clear sign of the horrific damage she had caused. Sitting at the edge of his bed, she could hear him audibly weeping from beneath his covers, a reaction she expected.

"Listen Shinji...what I did to you last night was unforgivable. I...I had know idea I was capable of doing something so awful, but now that I do, I know that I can't keep you here for your own safety. So...I've left my cash savings on the kitchen table for you, it's a hefty amount and should be enough for you to get your life started away from here and away from me. I'm going to go out for the day, it's your choice on whether or not you leave. I'll...completely understand if you do…Be careful when you leave, there's broken glass everywhere so be sure to step carefully once you're out of your room...good bye...Shinji," Misato choked through tears, kissing on top of what she thought was his head through his blankets before getting up, shutting his door gently behind her.

"I need a drink or five...maybe one of the bars is serving early morning patrons…" Misato groaned as she grabbed her wallet from the table, slipping it into her pocket next to her keys before leaving her home for the day.

The whole day was a drunken haze with Misato acting like a college drop out the whole way. She walks between drunken stoppers, proceeding to drink once again once she feels her buzz begin to putter out. Unable to keep up with her past self, she found herself at the mercy of a toilet seat a number of times, the result always ending the same. The whole time she debated what the hell she was going to do with herself once Shinji was gone, with dark path after dark path persuading her thinking. After finally sobering up, she decided to take the pity party home, stopping at her local grocery to pick up two cases of Sapporo beer before driving her sorry self home. She fumbled for her keys with a case hugged by each arm, barely able to open the door as she stumbled in. Looking down at the floor, her eyes widened with disbelief.

"Shinji's...shoes…?" Misato yelped, noticing a bag of trash leaning against the wall.

"No...no, no, no…" Misato said with a shake of her head. In a lapse of rationality, Misato dropped both cases of beer to the floor, the sound of breaking glass and carbonation erupting from them as she ran into the main room. Sure enough, she was hit in the face with the scent of soup, Shinji quietly standing at the stove with his apron on. Bandages were wrapped around his neck, obviously from the results of last night. Looking around, it was clear that he hadalso cleaned the entire apartment, Misato's savings still sitting nearly stacked where she left them.

"S-Shinji?" Misato's eyes began welling up with tears as she approached, Shinji slowly turning around to see her, disheveled from a full day of debauchery.

"H-Hey Misato, um...how was your day?" Shinji replied the best he could, his words a little scratchy as he winced with pain. He rubbed in his throat a Misato felt her back hit the kitchen wall, a blaze of anger beginning to ignite in the pit of her stomach.

"Why...why are you still here?!" Misato shrieked, Shinji allowing the comment's intensity to bounce off of him.

"You said it was my choice...didn't you…?" Shinji coughed, Misato's teeth clenching as she rushed towards him with heavy footsteps.

"You idiot! Why?! Why would you choose to stay here?! I've been preparing all day to come to an empty home damn it! So, why?!" Misato screamed in his face, grabbing his arms as tears crawled down her cheeks. Shinji maintained a calm demeanor as he looked deep into her eyes.

"Because...I care and worry about you Misato, is that so unbelievable?" Shinji's response made Misato slam her fist on her table as hard as she could, trying to get a point across.

"You're a fool Shinji! Don't you know what I did last night?! I raped you Shinji, I fucking raped you!" Misato screams turned to shrieks as intense sorrow and self loathing entered her tone. Misato immediately turned to leave but Shinji snatched up her wrist as hard as he could, causing her to struggle.

"Let go of me! I'm leaving and I want you gone when I get back!" Misato barked but Shinji tugged back hard, growing some ferocity of his own.

"Stop it Misato! I'm not going anywhere!" Shinji shouted, making Misato thrash against his grasp to break free. With a hard tug, Shinji managed to get Misato off balance as she turned back to him.

"Let me go or I'll fucking…!" Misato's words were knocked from her mouth as Shinji's hand collided with her cheek, the sting causing her to jump with a little shock as her tear drenched stared at Shinji. Shinji stepped forward, wrapping his arm around her neck tightly, resting his face to the top of her chest. Misato felt her rage drain from her body, leaving only guilt and despair as Shinji began lightly sobbing.

"You said you'd make it worth my while right?" Shinji lightly choked, Misato standing still as her thoughts gathered.

"Yeah...so…?" Misato felt a sinister spark in her heart begin to flicker, but with the tightening of Shinji's grasp, it was quickly extinguished.

"Start off by stop drinking so damn much and stop acting like a stupid, grown up child!" Shinji coughed, Misato's shaking arms slowly wrapping around Shinji with a warm embrace, her sleep deprived eyes slowly closing as she sniffled, nodding her head on top of Shinji's.

"What else…?" Misato sighed, trying to steady her nerves as she found herself at Shinji's mercy.

"We'll start with those things. I still have some hurdles I need to get over myself as well…" Shinji praddled, still trying to calm Misato to the best of his abilities.

"You're just as messed up mentally as I am I guess...any sane person would've ran for the hills…" Misato choked trying to lighten the mood, Shinji sighing as he finally let her go.

"You've been trying to help me every step of the way since I first entered your home. I've done nothing but fight against it the whole time like a stubborn child. Now...it's your turn to need help and well...I feel that I owe you enough to help you too, and see if we can make this work. Besides, you aren't the only one terrified of being left alone you know..." Shinji's words finally caused Misato to hit her breaking point. Like damn being broken, a flood of tears and crying erupted from Misato as she held Shinji close, Shinji gently rubbing her back as the two shared the tender moment.

"I'll work hard I promise…" Misato sobbed loudly as Shinji weakly smiled, petting her head.

"You can start by taking a bath, you absolutely reek of alcohol," Shinji interrupted, Misato trying to laugh it off as she let go.

"Eh heh...yeah...I'm pretty sure that kiss tasted horrible, sorry," Misato scratched behind her head before walking past Shinji and immediately into the bathroom. Stripping down, Misato carefully removed her bandages, pitching them in the small waste bin before setting foot in a nice, hot bath. Every caress of her cuts with the hot water caused her to wince and jerk until she finally submerged most of her slender body in the blissful heat.

"This is just like the first time I told Shinji to take a bath. Just let all of your stress just melt away. There's far too much for a bath to fix, but...this is nice. I've been given a second chance I don't deserve, but I'm not about to complain any further on the matter…" Misato's thoughts ran a marathon before finally submerging her head into the bath, holding her breath so that she could truly embrace all of the bath's warmth in its entirety, if only for a few moments.

For the first time in a long time, dinner truly felt like a familial affair, with her and Shinji enjoying the meal in the presence of a comfortable silence. Even Pen Pen came out of hiding for the first time in a while, Misato setting a place for him at the table. As comfortable as it all was, Misato noticed Shinji struggling to make contact, a clear sign that what she had done was still bothering him, which was a more than fair response. Feeling fatigued from her own emotional thrashing, she sighed and swallowed a painkiller at the end of dinner, smiling faintly at Shinji.

"I think...I'm going to bed early…I hate to ask, but can you please clean up dinner? I'll take care of it next time," Misato groaned as she held her head, Shinji giving her a nod in response.

"Go rest Misato, I'll take care of it," Shinji kindly replied, a small smile gracing his face as he began to clear the table.

"Thanks a lot, good night Shinji," Misato sighed as she immediately went into her room, lazily taking off her clothes before throwing them to the floor. Looking in her mirror, her face looked like it had been through hell, her hair was a mess and the lines beneath her eyes were more defined than normal.

"I'm getting too old to do benders like that anymore…'' Misato groaned before cutting her lights and tossing herself into bed, landing on the covers. Since the nights had grown hotter, she slept on her covers as opposed to under them for comfort's sake. It didn't take long for her to fall into a gentle darkness, the stress of her world laying on her body like a weighted blanket. Misato's ears perked up as the door to her room opened slowly, lightly stirring her from slumber. Gentle footsteps, one after another approached her bed from the darkness. Misato felt her eyes flutter slowly as the figure approached, too out of it to say anything.