Welcome to chapter 4 *^*
Now slowly but surely things are getting better cx Sorry for being late by almost a whole day ;A; somehow time didn´t work in my favor xD
Also this hasn´t been corrected yet, please forgive my mistakes C:
Enjoy~!
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ஜ Chapter 4: Just there ஜ
-Shizuo´s point of view.-
Step by step, iron rod by iron rod the staircase flew by as Shizuo hurried down the building.
The flea had only just walked out of it, he couldn´t have gotten far yet.
His blood was still boiling and his hands tightened in a fist. He was mad, incredibly so- but not exactly at Shinra, and definitely not at Izaya.
Somehow his heart was beating faster in his chest than usual. Storming out of the entrance he snapped his head around, his eyes searching for that all too familiar coat- and he spot it.
In just a second.
Not many people were on the streets, of course, they were at Shinra´s place, the area wasn´t frequented as much as Ikebukuro´s or Shinjuku's main streets.
The flea hadn´t gone far yet, barely across the street. Speeding up his steps Shizuo opened his mouth upon seeing the flea walk away from him - he wanted to call the flea´s name. And yet no sound left his lips.
Instead the lips pressed onto each other tightly. The raven was still walking. Slowly, but surely.
Shizuo couldn´t call out to him. Sure he had done that so many times in his life, yelling the flea´s name, chase him, and yet-
He simply couldn't. His tongue felt numb and his steps slowed down just the slightest bit.
If the raven turned around, what would he say? That it´s alright?
Really?
Sounded like bullshit to him.
He couldn´t revert what happened. The sudden realization of that fact slapped him across the face like a brick.
He couldn´t do anything- nothing at all. A frown formed on his expression and he grit his teeth in frustration.
He could do nothing, he could say nothing that would help Izaya right now.
And yet...
Fumbling in his pocket he pulled out a cigarette, quickly putting it in his mouth as he followed the raven quietly.
He couldn't just let him go home on his own like that after what happened at his house.
He wouldn´t leave him alone. Even if he couldn´t do or say anything at the moment he definitely wouldn´t leave him completely alone.
-Izaya´s point of view.-
...
Somehow his legs carried him home without him even noticing how. He left Shinra´s apartment, that he remembered, then he stepped onto the streets, and then? He didn't know.
His feet just did their work as he passed various shops and houses.
He took no taxi. Nor did he use any shortcuts.
It was sort of amazing that he didn´t bump into anyone he knew. But somehow he couldn´t bring himself to care, even if he did.
He just wanted home- that was the only thought his mind clung to, and it seemed he somehow made it.
Letting his hands slip into his coat´s pockets he realized relieved that the key to his apartment was still there.
He pulled the shiny metal out of his pocket, his fingers trembling slightly as he tried to unlock the door.
He felt so cold.
Freezing all over- no wonder, he wasn´t exactly wearing much. His coat and those patient sort of clothes from Shinra. All white. He liked black better.
With a soft creak the door to his apartment opened. Everything was dark. A light switch was flipped and the cold office light filled the room. Just as he left it.
Of course.
Letting the door slip shut gently he walked into the room. He could hear his own steps resounding- that´s how quiet it was. Usually Namie would be rambling, or he would be rambling to himself, creating a monologue of his own.
But now- he didn´t feel like talking.
He just felt like sleeping.
He was tired.
Walking by a mirror he got the chance to glance at himself.
...
Ahaha, he looked like shit.
His lips pressed onto each other tightly as he sped up his steps, walking to his bedroom. The cupboard of his room was almost ripped open as he pulled out its content.
A shirt was pulled out, then another, and another.
In a flying manner they left the wooden furniture as the raven searched for something.
The coat was taken off, falling off his frame and dropping on the bed, same for the weird shirt and pants that Shinra put on him and a long sleeved black shirt, black pants, a pullover with a hoodie quickly replaced the unfamiliar fabric.
And then he slumped down.
On the bed.
Silence dominated the room. It felt heavy.
The lights were still on and the cupboard left open. Izaya pulled his legs up, his arms wrapped around them, just sitting there, looking at the floor.
He was still cold. So cold.
The coat was resting on the edge of the bed. All clean.
There was not a single stain on it.
Celty must have taken care of those.
...
Everything was back to normal.
And yet there was this voice in the back of his head.
Nagging, not leaving him alone.
His fingers were trembling slightly, but no matter how tight he grasped his hands or rubbed them against each other, they just wouldn´t stop-
He wanted to sleep. Just sleep. And when he woke up everything would be better again. Everything would be fine for sure.
Pushing himself off the bed he walked over to the light switch.
That´s right. He would just go to sleep. And then everything would be okay again. He would forget it. Simply forget it.
And with that he turned off the light.
*thud*
Eyed widening the raven´s palm snapped back toward the light switch, nearly slamming it into the opposite direction as he turned around- the lights flicking on.
His heart beat accelerated immediately as his eyes darted around- only to spot his coat.
It had moved.
From the edge of his bed down to the floor.
It had simply fallen down.
Slipped off-
"... ahaha... " softly his sweaty palm found its way against his forehead, "It was just the coat..." Unbearable silence wrapped around the flea´s empty laughter.
It was just the coat.
There was no one.
Just the coat.
Simple gravitation.
He swallowed hard, the lump that suddenly formed in his throat almost making him feel like he was choking.
He tried smiling at the ridiculous misunderstanding and yet- somehow the corner of his lips just wouldn´t move up but down instead- all the way down.
His eyes stung just like they did when he was sleepy and he lifted his hand to rub at them, only to feel wetness against his cold fingertips.
"No..." Surprised he recognized the salty liquid as tears.
"No, no no-" He wasn´t crying. He couldn't be crying.
"Ahaha, what am I doing?" Again silent chuckles left his trembling lips.
"It´s fine-" Violently he rubbed at his eyes, trying to ease the traitors away, but they just didn´t stop flowing.
"It´s fine." He repeated with a firm voice, almost scolding himself.
"It´s really..." he chocked, a sob cutting him off midway as he stopped rubbing his eyes.
The tears just kept dripping, rolling off his cheeks as he slipped them shut and he let himself slump down on the floor, the wall supporting his back.
He was shaking, he was confused, he felt angry and yet he could only cry- he didn´t know what to do.
The trembling wouldn´t stop, the feeling wouldn´t go away- he was fine god damnit- Shinra patched him up! He was fine-
And yet-
He didn´t want it.
The thought kept repeating ever since he woke up in Shinra´s patient bed.
He didn´t want it.
He couldn´t reverse what happened and yet he couldn´t stop the sentence form repeating itself over and over in his head. The tears stung, his eyes burnt- he couldn´t stop the tremors-
He said he was okay, he kept repeating it in his mind, told it Shinra even.
And yet he felt himself being not okay, so not okay he wanted to scream it out loud- but his lips didn´t move.
He felt like choking, the sobs rendering him soundless.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Flinching violently the raven snapped his head towards his bedroom door-
His heart skipped a beat, his hands starting to tremble even more as his ears tried to catch any sound from outside-
"Oi Izaya, I know you are in there…" -until a calm voice called Izaya from the front door. The knock came from his entrance, not from the bedroom door-
"...open up for a second." A way too calm and soft tune was speaking considering the person that spoke with it.
Shizu-chan.
He felt his heart beat slow down again.
It was Shizu-chan, no mistake.
"Shizu-chan..." the words merely left his lips in the form of a whisper. Two more droplets of salty water dripped down his cheeks but he didn´t rub at them.
He should be abashed by the fact that Shizu-chan was at his apartment.
That the monster obviously wanted to come inside-
And yet...
He couldn´t feel anything negative about it.
His legs moved before he knew it.
And then the door opened quicker than Shizuo thought it would. He had come to his apartment, followed him and now- he was just worried that someone could already have been waiting for Izaya inside his office.
He didn´t know who did that to the flea and he didn´t know how powerful they were-
But he certainly wasn´t going to leave him alone in that apartment when no one had been in there for days.
What he saw when the front door got opened though was something... he wasn´t quite prepared for.
The door almost flew open and for a second Shizuo thought someone else was standing in front of him.
He simply stood there, staring at Shizuo.
Izaya that is.
There was no shred of arrogance, nor any sign of that usual smirk, nothing.
He was wearing different clothes. A pullover, the hoodie pulled over his head.
Izaya had been crying- it was obvious, his eyes were all puffy, his sleeves and cheeks wet- and yet he didn´t even make any move to hide it. Not even when a drop trickled down Izaya's eyelashes, did he move.
The blond lowered his head, not wanting to stare at the flea like this-
"Sorry," he mumbled quietly slipping past the raven, into his apartment. "Just a second- I will be gone right away." And that was all he said.
Izaya blinked, not frowning though as Shizu-chan started to lift his furniture. His desk, his bookshelf, the couch, - basically he just heaved everything up and looked beneath and inside it as if he were searching for something.
He even went into the kitchen, the bedroom, bathroom. Izaya could merely stand there and watch, not able to make sense of what he was doing.
Until he turned around again, walked back to the raven, and slipped past him once more.
"Sorry for the disturbance," and with that he let the door slip shut behind him.
... and it was quiet again in the apartment.
Confused the raven stood there. Not able to make sense of what Shizu-chan was even trying to do just now.
The hand, wrapped by the too long sleeve pressed down on the cool door handle once more. The object opening with a soft creak.
He had expected to see the blond walk down the corridor, or be already gone considering the speed he left his apartment with- but no.
The blond was sitting there.
"... why are you here?" The whisper was almost too quiet to be heard. Izaya sounded somewhat hoarse.
Shizuo tilted his head just a bit, glancing at the raven. He was still in the hallway. Sitting on the floor, opposite of Izaya's door, leaning on the wall behind him.
A cigarette was already dangling from his lips again.
He had heard the flea´s question, and yet- he couldn´t bring himself to say anything to the flea.
Silence dominated the scene until he finally raised his voice.
"I will stay here." It was spoken quiet, yet firmly. Izaya caught the words right away, but the confusion they caused were only greater than his questions before. That was until the blond continued.
"If they come here I will kill them."
And with that Izaya´s eyes widened.
The door slipped shut. Quickly, not as gentle as before.
Trembling hands slid off the door handle as Izaya let his head rest against the cool wood.
"Them, huh?" it was merely a whisper, but his voice was shaking. The frown forming on his face again as he felt hot streams of tears flow down his cheeks once more.
It didn´t happen. He decided to forget it- and yet...
Closing his eyes he tried to calm down again.
He didn´t want to go back to his room.
He didn't want to.
He felt safer here than in his room.
There was a monster in front of his apartment. A monster that no one would defeat. And it was watching his door.
... he didn´t want him to leave...
Was he really still there?
Maybe he had been joking. Shizu-chan hadn´t looked like he was joking...
Leaning up just the slightest bit Izaya opened his eyes again, glancing through the spy in his door.
He was there.
The smoke from his cigarette was still drawing patterns in the air.
Shizu-chan wasn´t leaving or anything.
Just... there.
The soft sound of the door handle being twisted once again caught the blond´s attention and he lifted his head.
Izaya was standing in the door frame.
"Don't mind me," he mumbled, pulling the cigarette from his lips as he blew the smoke into the air, waiting for the flea to close the door again- except he didn´t.
The door was left open and the flea just stepped out into the hallway. One step, two, and Izaya was sitting opposite of Shizuo. Legs pulled up and hands folded around them, not speaking a word, his back leaning onto the wall as well.
Taking the cigarette from his lips the blond blinked, watching the raven, now a bit confused himself.
But Izaya didn´t speak up. He didn´t tell him to leave nor did he ask him why he was here.
He just kept silent.
... did he want him to leave?
...
... if Izaya wanted him gone from here he would say it. He wouldn´t beat around the bush.
If he wanted to talk he would start.
And so they sat there in silence.
No one speaking a word.
The raven let his eyes slip shut for a just a second.
His mind was oddly at peace.
He thought it would be more uncomfortable to have the brute next to him, the monster that always wanted to kill him, but instead it was oddly comforting.
He didn't force him to talk.
He didn't ask. He was just there.
...
Tightening his grip around his knees he tried to wipe the remains of his tears off his cheeks.
It was odd, he wanted nothing more than to be gone from Shinra´s place, he just wanted everyone to leave him alone- and yet he didn't want to be alone.
His brain really wasn´t making much sense right now.
He only knew one thing, he couldn´t deal with this right now. He hated to admit defeat, but... he just couldn´t handle this- he didn´t know how to he didn´t know what to do, hell simply his coat falling off his bed caused him to cry-
Even if he wanted to deny it and kept playing it over, he was not okay right now.
Not now.
Maybe tomorrow, but at the moment- he just felt like running away. Running away from everything. And yet he felt the need to talk to someone.
"Aren´t you going to kill me like you always yell you will?" Izaya mumbled quietly, referring to their usual chases. Only when the words left his lips he noticed the bitter taste they left on his tongue.
Kill, huh? Worst topic he could have chosen...
The blond glanced at him, making Izaya wish he just had kept his mouth shut after all.
Even to Shizuo it was obvious that Izaya was forcing himself to speak. Like he just wanted to chase away the silence. Shizuo swore- it had never been so difficult to talk to someone.
"I can do that tomorrow," he answered, almost as quiet as Izaya had spoken.
The raven´s expression relaxed a bit. Relieved that Shizu-chan didn´t say anything about what had happened. It was odd, he didn´t even know why that monster was here.
Sure, he almost died on his couch, but...
He closed his eyes once more, chasing the thoughts away.
It didn´t matter.
He was here. He didn´t care why.
"Are you that confident to catch me?" he asked further, trying to set up the smile he used to wear all the time, except somehow he felt his expression was stoic.
Catching the flea, huh? Someone obviously did before him...
Right now he seemed so small. Not like the confident man he used to chase through the streets of Ikebukuro. He didn´t know if Izaya noticed, but with every word he spoke he somehow seemed to become smaller and smaller, pulling his knees even closer, the hoodie slipping down, hiding more and more of his face.
Izaya was obviously not even comfortable with what he was saying himself. And yet he left Shinra´s place like that. He could have stayed, Shinra would have taken care of him, Celty too, even if she didn´t like him all that much.
And yet...
"Ne," he mumbled, making the raven look at him, "... are you okay...?"
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End of chapter 4 C:
Now, now I know all of you are probably just waiting for fluff and stuff, and yesh it will come a long for sure, but let´s take it slow oki? xD Just rushing in there won´t help xD
Guest 2: aw thank you 3 Ahh and again Shizuo is lost yas yas, well how would one react? It´s a really difficult situation after all. and yeah he certainly never considered that possibility ;-; Those guys definitely won´t have a nice time if he ever finds them. Yeah Shinra may have medical knowledge on how to treat wounds, but this is something he can´t heal. Don´t worry, Celty will take care of him C: awww thank you 3 No worries, Shizuo will take care of him. And next chapter will definitely be a sweeter one than this, I am kinda tempted to just throw out straight out fluff- but then again it wouldn´t fit to just do that sort of thing now, but slowly surely is going to be sweeter and nicer and lighter with each chapter that passes C: Despite the maybe doom-ish cliffhanger, no worries C: as I said it will only get better from now on 3
Reader: please do OAO xD -hugglies- mhm, as you saw Izaya can´t deal with this yet- distraction is sort of the only thing that brings him comfort for now. He wants to ignore it, which isn´t quite possible, so he does this. Next chapter something sweet will happen, big big promise 3
Well then, I hope the chapter wasn´t too sad or confusing C: Next time it´s gonna be sweeter 3
See you on Sunday the 9th~! uwah sorry i sorta got the sundays mixed up x'D next chappy will be out on sunday the 9th of course C':
