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Chapter 6: Anger

-Izaya´s point of view-

Slowly the grey smoke breached its way up, forming patterns, swirls, all kinds of pictures as the raven watched it. It was just that, smoke floating up in his apartment from the blond´s cigarette, and yet it had something mesmerizing to it.

It might be simply because he didn´t want to talk to the blond that the sight rendered him speechless like this.

Shizu-chan was sitting there. On the couch, with the back turned to him. He didn´t notice that Izaya had woken up it seemed, well, sitting like that, without having him in his field of vision, it would be pretty hard to actually realize that when the raven hadn´t moved apart from opening his eyes.

Izaya had troubles recalling what actually happened the day before.

He had gone back inside his apartment, that he knew, he told Shizuo to do what he wanted, and he followed. And then, had he been that exhausted? He didn´t remember falling asleep or even getting comfortable.

Comfortable was really a term he didn´t feel like using at all. He might as well have simply passed out.

... he was surprised Shizu-chan didn´t leave.

A quick glance to the clock told him that it was already morning. Yet he was still there.

It was only then that Izaya noticed a blanket on top of him- his own blanket actually. It felt soft beneath his fingertips and he brushed over the texture. As quiet as the noise must have been, it seemed to have caught the blond´s attention nonetheless, as he suddenly glanced over his shoulder.

Once, twice he blinked at the flea before guiltily putting out his cigarette.

"Sorry- should´ve asked."

Well... it wasn´t as if Izaya minded that sort of thing. Not with what had happened the day before.

Silence took over the scene for a second as neither he nor the blond felt inquired to say anything.

It was Shizu-chan who broke it first, only by whispering though as if he were talking to a child of some sort.

"Did you sleep well?"

...

To be honest, right now, that kind of question just pissed him off.

Actually everything did. The question, that Shizu-chan was here, that he was on the couch and being pathetic- just everything.

"Don´t you have to meet up with Tom soon?" he asked instead of answering the question, making the blond blink perplexed not breaking eye contact though.

"Yeah, but-" Izaya wasn´t going to let him speak though. What did he even want to say? That he was going to stay? Izaya didn´t want him to though- Not anymore.

"What are you still doing here? Just leave already." He couldn´t have put it blunter than that.

Frowning just the slightest bit the blond heaved himself up from the couch.

It was... odd, to say the most.

He understood that Izaya didn´t want him here anymore- that was no surprise, and yet...

"Kay." He wasn´t going to stay if the flea didn´t want him to. The couch creaked as the blond pushed himself up from it- that didn´t mean he would just leave him on his own though.

"Just in case," he mumbled taking a pen on Izaya´s desk, putting down a row of numbers on a piece of paper. "That´s my new number. I crashed my phone again, so .. yeah. If anything happens you can call." Not that he thought Izaya actually would, but he felt better knowing he left the flea at least with something.

"Then again I guess you have it already, right," he mumbled, scratching his head awkwardly. "Just, call if something is up, okay?" Izaya didn´t even spare him a glance though. He was just laying there again, facing the opposite direction, demonstrating that he just wanted him to fuck off clearly.

And so he left the apartment, just like that. Silence taking over the scene.

A few seconds, then minutes passed, Izaya wasn't moving during them, just staring in front of him. The clock in his apartment ticked. Honking of cars outside the apartment was heard softly in the silence.

Only the pressing of phone keys interrupted the peace- Izaya´s fingers flying over one of his phones as he put it to his ear.

"Namie it´s past 7 where the hell are you?"

...

So first Izaya was just ceasing work and now he was complaining about her not being there?

"What´s with that attitude right in the morning huh?" The woman asked with a quirked eyebrow as she arrived at the scene ten minutes later.

"You didn´t appear for a whole week and I did your work so you better be grateful." If anything she deserved an award for working for such a difficult asshole. Being snappy right in the morning and glaring at her the second she entered the room- now Izaya was really being a magnificent boss.

The raven merely frowned at her cocky response- he looked sick of some sort exhausted in a sense. With a frown Namie noticed that there was a blanket on the couch- did he sleep on that or what?

"What´s there to be grateful for, you probably did a shitty job anyway." His glare being returned the woman´s lips pressed together into a tight line.

"Hoh, are we in a bad mood? What are you even wearing- And there I thought your shitty coat was fancy enough as it was." His eyes narrowing just the slightest he returned to his usual seat in front of his computer.

"How about you quit the small talk and just start your damn work?" Blinking at the odd exception of Izaya swearing the woman shrugged, noting this argument as a victory on her part.

For a little while their typing of keys was the only sound being heard from the raven and the woman.

"So what happened? Got stabbed again or something?" Izaya´s finger´s stilled above the keyboard, hovering over the device. Eyebrow raised in amusement the woman continued, she was quite intrigued after all. It had been a full week of Izaya missing and no one knowing where he went. "maybe even shot? You do look like shit. I bet you stayed at Kishitani´s place so it must have been something serious at least."

A frown crossed the raven´s face, he didn´t turn to look at her, however. His fingers were still hovering above his keyboard.

Something serious, huh?

"Did one of the yakusa guys finally do you in, or what?"

Shut up.

The raven´s fingers curled slightly.

How fucking happy she sounded. Like she enjoyed this- hah yeah, she probably did. If she knew what had really happened she would be happy about it.

It made him feel mad and sick to the stomach all the same.

"Wished for my death, huh?" Weary his lips moved, missing the usual sharpness of his tongue. Instead a soft hint of a feeling as if someone had punched him in the guts assaulted him. He wasn´t exactly nauseous, but there was this hole making him feel as though he were falling despite sitting in his chair.

"Wouldn´t have been the greatest loss for humanity," the woman shrugged simply, sorting through a stack of papers.

Of course she would say something like that.

"You are really a heartless person, you know that?" Namie snorted, quirking an eyebrow at the unusually talkative informant.

"Says the person that´s hated by the entire population of Japan." It wasn´t everyday that Izaya talked this much. Even though he looked like shit, he seemed to be fine. Well as fine as an asshole could be.

"Well, at least I´m not disgusting." Blinking the woman paused upon catching the words.

"Huh?" She turned to face her boss who had set up this usual smirk he always showed everyone whenever he had dug up some dirt on them.

"Pedophilic Namie-chan, wanting to fuck her brother, now if that´s not gross then I wonder what is."

Pedophilic-

The woman´s eyes narrowed to tiny slits as she glared at the raven.

"Shut the fuck up." But the man didn´t stop, no. Instead the grin just grew wider and he leaned back in his chair, facing the woman as he continued, "I bet you masturbate to some family picture, gross if you ask me, you do know that he will never look at you that way, right?" Nodding to himself the raven hummed, closing his eyes as he laughed, laughed so much because she fucking deserved this. That´s right.

"I wonder what it feels like- knowing that Mika is probably getting fucked by Seiji, and yet you keep stalking him, watching him-" he snorted, leaning back in his chair as he stared at the ceiling- somehow the thought was hilarious to him. "Did you install cameras in his room? Are you getting off to watching those two fu-"

*SLAP*

...

The raven blinked.

Once, twice- then he turned his head slowly. He hadn´t even realized Namie got up, no scratch that, he didn´t even realize how she walked up to him. She was heaving, her left hand still risen standing there next to him.

Her eyes looked glassy, as if a tear were about to drop from her lashes.

Izaya could feel his cheek sting softly.

He rose his palm, touching the heated skin as the woman turned on her heels and walked back to her desk. Angry, if not furious she grabbed whatever she could with her two hands and stormed towards the front door.

"Oi, where are you going?" the raven frowned, glared, his eyes turning to slits as he watched her walk to the entrance.

Not a single word left her lips as she slammed the door shut.

And then it was quiet again.

...

Still a bit perplex and confused the raven kept staring at the door.

Had she really just slapped him?

His cheek still felt hot.

"Bitch." The raven frowned, but didn´t pay any mind to it as he turned back to his computer screen. He didn´t need that woman around, he had been pretty fine doing his work on his own, so what if she just left? She would see what she got for spouting so much bullshit.

He would simply cut her payment like he always did when she behaved too cocky to his liking.

His fingers typed away at the keyboard once more, the clacking sounds filling the now so very silent apartment once more. Work.

That was the only thing on his mind at the moment.

Just continued work.

The only other sound joining the typing, was the ticking of the clock in his apartment.

*Tick tock*

*Clack clack*

The raven paused typing, having finished a sentence. Silence.

Then again.

*Tick tock*

*Clack clack*

And so he kept writing. He wrote a few sentences. Then a few words, letters, until his hands suddenly stopped typing.

And it was so quiet the raven could hear his own breathing.

Way too quiet-

It made him feel uneasy. His hair stood on ends and he kept stopping to write in order to be able to catch if any other, different noise reached his ears. The apartment was empty of course though. There was nothing to be heard except for the noise he made.

A silly feeling assaulting him, making him almost laugh. Acting like this it reminded him of how he acted when he was a child, when he had been scared of something.

Be it a silly horror movie or a scary advertisement, there had been times he had been afraid. But not now.

No, no, no.

It was ridiculous.

Trying to ignore the way his mouth went dry he tried to swallow the lump forming in the back of his throat. Everything was fine. He was just working, working as usual.

And yet there was this impending feeling of dread overwhelming his senses more with every letter he typed-

It was fine-

He was just alone in his apartment.

Just...

He swallowed, the hands leaving off the keyboard for a second as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

"Oi Namie," his voice creaked softly as the raven spoke, already having dialed his secretary´s number as the phone found its way to his ear- "come back." He wasn´t met with an answer though as the woman simply hung up on him. The beeping noise greeting the raven instead.

The man frowned, a hand finding its way to his forehead as he took another one of his phones, one that wouldn´t show his name when he called the woman, out of the drawer beneath his desk.

He went too far... he realized that, and yet-

Dialing again he pressed the phone against his ear- a soft clacking tune was being heard as the woman picked up the phone.

"Hello?" Izaya didn´t think he would be this relieved to hear the woman´s voice.

"Before you hang up again, I didn´t mean it, I apologize, okay? So-"

"Go die, Izaya."

*beep* *beep*

He didn´t get to say another word. The line dying. Light headed the raven stared at his phone´s screen. She wasn´t coming back-

No, she had to, he even apologized.

He didn´t mean it okay? He really didn´t- he knew he acted like an asshole-

Taking out another one of his ten phones he dialed the woman´s number again-

Please.

He just wanted her to sit on that couch and continue her work. She didn´t even need to do anything or say anything- just-

Please-

But again his ear was only met with silence- the woman not even picking up.

*CRACK*

The phone being thrown violently across the apartment.

-Shizuo´s point of view. Shinjuku.-

"Shizuo." Surprised the doctor stood there, one hand on the door handle the other still resting in his lab coat´s pocket. Of all the people he had expected to see in his entrance right now, Shizuo definitely wasn´t one of them.

"Hey," the blond mumbled, adjusting the sunglasses on his nose. "Sorry... about yesterday," he continued, rubbing his neck a tad guilty. "I didn´t mean it that way."

With watching Izaya all night long he had had quite the fair amount of time to think about the most recent events- and to be honest, even he realized that he had been a bit unfair to the doctor.

It wasn´t like Shinra would even be mad at him for it, he knew that much, but he still felt like apologizing for the things he said. After all, he didn´t know any better what was good for the flea and what not.

"It´s alright," Shinra mumbled, smiling a bit as he stepped away from the entrance to let the blond in. With slow steps he entered, realizing that Celty didn´t seem to be there.

"About Izaya ... did you see him?" It was the brunette friend that had asked him that. Shizuo nodded a bit hesitant.

"I stayed over at his apartment, just making sure he wouldn´t get in trouble you know." And he would have continued that if the flea had just let him. "he kicked me out in the morning though."

Shizuo still felt like he should have stayed.

"Shizuo..." the doctor started, clearly taking on a hesitant tune, "Don´t take this the wrong way, but… why don´t you just leave him alone? You hate him. And I doubt you have any special knowledge on how to treat... you know-" the doctor faded out, not wanting to put what had happened to the flea into words.

Even Shizuo had to admit that what Shinra said wasn´t exactly wrong.

"Everyone was scared of me you know," the blond started, "Izaya saw me at my worst and still didn´t run away. It was really annoying and yet- whenever our chases ended, I don´t know… I felt better." Shizuo slipped his hands into his pockets, leaning against the wall as the doctor listened.

He had never told this anyone. He hadn´t even put it into words like this before.

"You could almost say I was glad he was there for me to let my anger out on. No matter what I did or said he was always there. If not on him, maybe I would have ended up killing someone someday…" Shinra frowned, shaking his head.

"Shizuo- I don´t think you would have killed anyone-" he objected, but Shizuo only shook his head at that.

"I don´t think when I get mad Shinra. I couldn´t even say for sure if I would never kill anyone. Just when I think about those assholes that did this to him I want to kill them so bad-" The thought of them still running around free, not giving a shit about anything, enjoying their shitty lives, it pissed him off so much he couldn´t even put it into words.

"I was thankful for the flea being there. Sure he annoyed me and yeah I always yelled how I hated him and how I was going to murder him, but actually he was helping me. I don´t know if he was aware of it. But even if he wasn´t, I want to help him now in return." He couldn´t leave him alone, not like this- not when he obviously needed someone for once.

"You know, that almost makes it sound like you think of him more like a friend than a fiend."

...

The blond blinked at the way Shinra put it- then he just frowned slightly, but not because he was angry, no.

Rather because he realized how right Shinra might be. A friend, huh?

He certainly never looked at it from that perspective.

And yet- Izaya was never actually supposed to disappear. Sure he could be annoying, seriously annoying, that rage had never been faked, but he wasn´t meant to actually be caught and be dealt with.

"Yeah... maybe."

A friend huh-

A friend wouldn´t leave Izaya alone all on his own like he did.

Turing around the blond faced Shinra´s door once more-

"I should go." He only just arrived and yet, thinking about this now, having Shinra say this, he felt as though he should have stayed with that stubborn flea after all. No matter how much he seemed to be fine or tried to act like he was, his guts had told him all along that it was all just a farce.

"To Izaya?" A short nod followed.

"I just want to make sure he is as fine as he pretends to be." The doctor sighed softly rubbing his temples. He just wished he knew how to help his old friend. But this sort of thing... he had neither the medical knowledge nor did he feel like he would be able to.

"... just... don´t force him to say or do anything," he mumbled, as a last piece of advice.

"Wasn´t my intention."

To be continued C:

I hope this chapter was oki C: next chapter will be sorta bitter sweet

Shufflepink: naw sorry for this chapter then xD But no worries they will be meeting soon again C: and shinra said that once more too xD

Guest 2: yas, after all, they have been in a kind of relationship since forever C: Izaya is trying to just move on and forget everything, just not think about it, ne? Shizuo doesn´t know how to handle this situation- of course not, how would he? Nothing like that ever happened to him and he can´t deal with Izaya not acting his usual self either. He just holds back and does what his guts say is right C: thank you though for saying it was still sorta fluffy naw. This chapter was rather depressing I guess, but there is a tiny, tiny ray of hope at the end C: I hope this chappy was oki cx

Sorry everyone for not being on time recently -sobs- I´m trying to get everything into the right order again now C':

"The wish to disappear" Will be up tomorrow for sure! Sorry for the delay there too xc

And on Sunday there will be "No escape" 13, "Survival of the doomed" 17 and "Sinful Desire" 7 C:

Also, also I drew a Halloween Shizaya picture! xD I totally forgot to say that C': If you wanna check it out, it´s on my AO3 account on the "Story pictures and stuff C; C:" story C: xD on chapter 4 C: I will be adding something written there too xD once I´m done with the chappies that is xD

Well then, see you in the next chappy of ast on Sunday the 20th~ *0*