-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
ஜ Chapter 7: Help me ஜ
-Shizuo´s point of view-
A slight frown crossed the man´s face as he stepped out of the doctor´s apartment. Cold raindrops met his skin, rolling down his cheek. He blinked as he rose a palm to protect his face from the falling rain.
He knew it was autum, but it was seriously raining way too often recently. Quiet but steady raindrops were falling from the sky, turning the pavement and street into make shift mirrors.
Looking down he stared into the eyes of his own reflection.
As he thought, he couldn´t just stay put.
He knew Izaya, he had been accompanying his live for so long, he was like the hated brother that always kept teasing and annoying him.
And if he knew just one thing about Izaya, then it was that he was always the one above things. Arrogant maybe, always thinking he had to be superior. That narcissist flea.
He wouldn't be surprised if Izaya thought he had to deal with this like the god he was.
It was the thought, of what trying to deal with it and realizing he couldn´t, would do to the flea, that scared Shizuo.
With firm steps the blond headed for Izaya´s home-
Except he didn´t get far.
Thinking he was seeing things the blond stopped only a few steps, looking to the other side of the street.
His mind had to play tricks on him.
Through the showering rain Shizuo could make out a figure. Something small like a shadow, for a second he thought it was a child.
Sitting there in the pouring rain.
But no.
There he was hunched, over, sitting on a bench, the rain soaking his hair.
"Izaya…?" It was just a whisper that left the blond´s lips, it made him wonder if the person had even heard him through the constant dripping and dropping thrumming noise of the rain.
The figure moved only barely, yet indicating that he had heard his name being called. Squinting his eyes the blond walked across the street. A car honked at him for just walking there but he didn't really care about that as the man in front of him took on a clearer and clearer shape.
Slowly but surely Shizuo could make out that familiar raven hair, the furry coat- it was no mistake.
That was Izaya after all-
He had reached the pavement, now standing in front of the raven.
Izaya wasn´t looking at him. His hands were folded, holding onto each other as he just stared at the wet ground.
The blond´s throat felt constricted. He felt he was being too intrusive and yet-
"Izaya- What are you doing here?" it was barely a whisper, not even a trace of the usual anger was layered in there. He could still remember how Izaya had sent him away- he didn´t want to see him, he probably didn´t want to see anyone.
So why was he here-?
In front of Shinra´s apartment nonetheless- A sudden thought crossed his mind and a worried frown crossed his expression.
"Are you hurt?" The way the words were breathed in worry Izaya almost had to smile at the irony. Shizu-chan, huh? Of all people he had expected to meet he was for once not really on top of the list.
Shinra maybe, or Celty probably before the doctor even.
Izaya didn´t give any answer-
Scanning the man Shizuo looked at the flea, searching for any sight of injuries, there were not any he could spot, however.
The flea was just sitting there getting drenched. No saying a single word. How unusual for the usually so talkative flea. It was worrying.
Sitting in front of Shinra's apartment, maybe he just couldn´t get farther than that-
But no. Shizuo almost felt as if ages had passed until the flea moved his head, shaking it softly, answering his question that way.
.. so he wasn´t injured. Shizuo didn't know whether t feel relieved about that or even more worried.
"Why aren´t you home?" he almost whispered, saying it so quietly he wondered for a second if the raven had even hear him talk.
...
The raven´s expressionless face twitched just in the slightest.
Why he wasn´t home... huh?
Izaya felt his throat constrict at the sole question. He wasn´t home.. that´s right- because.. because he just couldn´t be.
This was so messed up, too messed up to explain- for once Izaya was the one to know just how he could make sense of himself. All his rationalizing didn´t help in the slightest-
How? Just how was he supposed to answer when he felt like choking on the words?
The blond crouched down, trying to face the flea at least if he wasn´t answering-
"Iza-" the name got stuck in the blond´s throat as he caught a glimpse of the raven´s face, however.
It had been raining, the whole time, the flea was drenched to the bone, his whole face wet and yet now that he took a closer look at him he saw that clear liquid roll down Izaya's cheeks.
It wasn´t rain.
The raven lowered his head even more, the hoodie slipping further into his face as if to try and stop the blond from looking.
"... why are you crying?"
Why, huh?
If he knew that sort of thing- he would gladly give the blond an answer. Really, he would tell him. If he could make sense of it. But that just wasn´t the case-
Softly, but surely little giggles escaped his lips as he started laughing- the tears were still running down his face and he didn´t feel any better and yet-
"I don´t know Shizu-chan. Really, isn´t it hilarious?" He couldn´t hold the words back as they bubbled from his chest.
"I snap at everyone even though I don´t want to, I cry without knowing why, and then again I just laugh- I think I´m really going crazy now Shizu-chan." Even he knew what he said to Namie wasn't right- he knew he overstepped some boundaries there, he knew something was wrong, and yet he just wished he could stop thinking about it.
"I don´t think you are crazy." The words made the raven blink softly. He swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat as he looked up at the blond.
He was expecting some more words, thinking for once that maybe someone else apart from him might know the solution for something. The blond, however, remained silent.
Maybe he just didn´t know what to say or perhaps he just didn´t want to accidentally say the wrong thing- Izaya didn´t know.
...
He had asked him a question, hadn´t he?
Why, he asked.
Why he was crying.
...
He was crying because of how frustrated he was. He was used to be the one in control of everything- of other people, other people´s feeling and sometimes even thoughts if he was really good, but especially he should be in control of his own feelings.
And yet the control had just slipped away from him like that.
He just wanted to work, stay in his office and get some shit done. But then Namie disappeared, and just...
"... I just can´t stay home alone." It had to sound pathetic to admit this sort of thing. He felt stupid for even saying it out loud. His rationality was battling with his feelings in his mind. He was trying to make sense of everything and take the fear away that way, but... for some reason that didn´t seem to work, he almost felt as if there were two Izaya battling over who was right and who not. "I don´t know why, I just can´t- I feel like I´m suffocating in that apartment." He tried to curl his lips into a smile but somehow the all too familiar grin wasn´t manageable at the moment.
He felt his throat constrict at his own words, he didn´t need to be a genius to know he was on the verge of tears yet again.
He had been walking here, thinking about going to Shinra, he wasn´t welcomed anywhere else, and he didn´t want to go anywhere alien.
But then again he didn´t want to face Shinra.
"Ridiculous isn´t it?" Izaya mumbled, head hanging low as the grip on his hands tightened.
A soft sigh reached his ears, he didn´t lift his head to look at the blond, however.
"It´s not."
... haha...
That brute sounded way too soft and nice using his monstrous voice in this manner. If he didn´t know better he might have thought Shizu-chan was making fun of him by sticking around, hell maybe he enjoyed seeing him like this-
... no, Izaya might have thought the blond was a monster, regarding his strength and his indifference to others opinions, but he knew he wasn´t one at heart.
If anything, then he was gentle. He would never tell him so, but Shizu-chan did remind him of that one fairy tale. The beauty and the beast. Then again it wasn´t like he was bad looking either, just that everyone feared him for his "appearance," namely the way he tore up streets and destroyed whatever came into his sight when he was in rage.
It was odd to have this gentle side that no one but his friends were supposed to know, shown to him.
Silence took over the scene as no one spoke a word. Izaya didn´t know what else to add, hell he didn´t even know what to do at the moment.
He didn´t want to return home, nor did he want to talk about what happened.
Neither could he just stay here or ignore it though.
It was as if he were stuck both ways.
"Do you know who they were?" The raven swallowed thickly. Who, huh?
...
One of the hands finding its way to his forehead he closed his eyes for a second.
It was the first time Shizuo actually asked something about ... it.
It made the whole incident just seem that much more real. Much more unforgettable.
He had feared the question, being asked about it, that´s why he left Shinra´s place as quickly as he could. He couldn´t stand being asked about it...
But strangely, right now he felt save with Shizuo asking him this. Maybe it was because of yesterday, because of the silence, maybe even just because he knew Shizuo wouldn´t pry for answers.
Izaya could just remain silent this time. He knew it somehow. Shizuo had proven so the day before. If he didn´t want to he could remain quiet.
And yet...
"I didn´t see their faces."
He didn´t know.
He seriously-
He felt like choking just saying it, he didn´t even want to look up at Shizu-chan´s face.
It wasn´t that he didn´t remember- he remembered every single thing-
If at least he could have been spared the memory, but no, he remembered everything.
But he didn´t see their faces. The hands came from behind, before he knew it there were hands all over him, trapping him, a foot kicking him into the back of his knees, making him crash down and suddenly he was pinned to the ground.
He tried to twist his head but each time he did it met with a fist- sending him to the floor again-
"I only heard their voices... I... I don´t know who it was-" crap he felt like throwing up just thinking about it-
He didn´t know.
He didn´t know- they were still running around somewhere, happy, probably proud of what they managed. He felt nauseous, like someone had punched him into the guts too hard.
The blond´s expression churned, as the raven started to talk-
His hands were trembling the more he said his voice shaking all the same-
He didn´t want the flea to continue-
"... hey... it´s okay," he tried, saying just what came to mind, he knew how stupid it had to sound to the flea, and yet...
"It's not fucking okay." ...he felt like a child that tried to comfort the parent.
"Iza-" He didn´t know what to say, or what to do to help the flea. The words just got stuck in his throat.
A soft chuckle reached his ears and the raven tilted his head just the slightest so he was looking at Shizuo.
"You know, if just I hadn´t pissed them off this would have never happened."
...
What-
... WHAT?!
"IT`S NOT YOUR FAULT IZAYA!" The raven flinched violently at the loudness of the words- his eyes snapping back open to look at the blond. His expression had churned to one so mad Izaya couldn´t remember seeing one quite like that yet so far-
And yet-
Disturbed, angry... but not the way he usually looked so furious. There was this crease above his eyes as his expression churned to one that just made him seem... frustrated.
The deep frown disappeared as the blond realized just how startled the flea looked.
He had lashed out at the flea.
"Shit- I´m sorry I didn't meant to yell at you..."
Fuck.
It wasn´t Izaya he was mad at god damnit-
"Please just... don´t you dare give yourself the fault for this... No matter what you did to them, what they did is something no one deserves. Not even you."
... Shizu-chan was good hearted after all...
He reminded him of a lost puppy, the way he crouched in front of him, looking at him with those almost worried seeming eyes, drops of water dripping off his hair tips.
And yet, what he said got the raven to think.
He was right about one thing.
It was all those fucking bastard´s fault-
If they just didn´t exist, if they were never born this would have never happened. he wouldn´t have to deal with this confusion with this feeling of helplessness and being lost-
Nothing of this would have ever happened if just it weren´t for them.
"I will kill them."
What-
The blond blinked, his expression easing into a surprised one as the raven´s hardened. His hands clenched into small fists.
When the raven glanced up at Shizuo, hatred swirling in his crimson eyes he realized with dread, that the flea wasn´t joking.
"Will you help me?"
-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
To be continued~
Here i am finally C': sowy for the delay, I was just so busy I didn´t get to do anything hnnnnn but now xD now I caught up pretty much I think- SD will be coming out in a matter of hours as well xD sowy 3
Guest 2: thank you cx I hope I didn´t disappoint you this time though, I chose quite the bold route I think. Indeed, Izaya sent him away for that reason C: he just wanted everyone gone that reminded him of this- too bad Namie didn´t shut up xc poor flea though naw. Hah, well, Shizuo did almost throw a fridge at kasuka xD so i doubt he comprehends anything while being mad xD I also think its canon that Shizuo sees Izaya as someone he can vent his anger with. I mean, he even said in one episode "I´m going to ikebukuro to kill Izaya." Why go there if he just wanted him out of the city? X'D haha well for the highschool friendship you have bcd C': something very very very sweet is gonna happen there- gosh -squeals in joy- I can´t wait to write it xD anyway -coughs- No worries, for now the flea is save in that sense. Shizuo won´t be doing anything stupid C: well. If you consider his decision as not stupid that is xD what will Shizuo do? Now that is the question C':
Well then, what is Shizuo going to answer to that~? You will find out next time xD
See you on Sunday the 11th~!
Now, now I have an important announcement to make :C
Sadly sadly, I will be gone now for about a month xC University exams are approaching and I really need the time to study for them all C': to be more specific I´m a nervous little shit on top of that so even when I get time I can´t concentrate on Shizaya chapters xD
Ahh, anyway, the next chapters will be coming like this:
-๑-๑๑- FEBRUARY 2017 -๑๑-๑--
Sometime this week- "No escape" the end I WILL UPDATE/finish THIS ONE XDD
Wednesday 1st
Picture(s) ? Chu will get a little eyecandy or two as a treaty for being absent so long C:
(Done: 1 of ? eyecandies)
MoNDAy 6th
The wish to disappear (36)
A single touch (8)
Sinful Desire (10)
MoNDAy 12th
Survival of the doomed (20)
Behind closed doors (18)
START: NEW STORY: Shingeki no Shizuo (Shingeki no kyojin crossover) (1)
So this is how it´s going to be C': Sorry for being so late again xD And for the breaky C': see you all in February! *0* With hopefully all exams passed and done- xDDDD
