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ஜ Chapter 9: Killing monsters ஜ
-Shizuo´s point of view. In front of Izaya's apartment.-
He was a fucking idiot.
He had been mad. Walked away.
The flea just pulled too much bullshit for a second.
It didn´t even take two minutes until the blond had somewhat calmed down again pausing in the middle of the road when he figured he had acted rash. When he figured Izaya was going to visit these guys one after the other and he was very well going to do it without him.
Just imagining Izaya meeting the guys actually made his stomach churn.
He had went back, but of course Izaya hadn´t been there anymore. The street empty.
He didn´t know where he had gone to.
Shizuo was so mad at himself.
The hell did he walk off for when he wasn´t even serious about what he said?
What kind of resolution was that even?
Shizuo had no clue where Izaya went.
And it was more than just unsettling him.
He knew he was trying to find the guys that... raped him.
The thought itself was disturbing. And yet- right now he couldn´t do anything about it.
He could do nothing.
Just sit here in this damn hall, smoking one cigarette after the other while he waited for the flea to just come home once more.
Sitting here.
He had seen Izaya cry. Two times by now.
And today when he snapped at him he just seemed so much like his old asshole self that Shizuo forgot what he saw for a tiny moment.
Like a stupid prick he had just walked off.
Leaving him alone to deal with this.
Slapping his hand against his forehead the blond groaned, cursing himself and his stupid temper.
Seriously the hell had he been thinking? If he wasn´t going to just not give a shit about Izaya then why did he just leave?
He knew why Izaya had snapped at him for fucks sake.
He had treated him like some sort of invalid.
Of course he was going to lash out.
They had never been on friendly terms.
Hell they had hated each other for so long and now he was asking him to take it easy?
Even to his own ears it sounded fucked up and wrong.
It didn´t change the way he felt after seeing all this but still, that didn´t change anything for Izaya.
If Izaya had treated him like that out of the blue he would have wanted to bash his face in as well. He would think it´s fishy if Izaya all of a sudden tried to help him.
Tried to do whatever- he couldn´t even call it help, because so far what he did was just tagging along.
He was stupid.
It was only then that he heard the soft sound of steps. Senses instantly drowning in rage the blond turned his head towards the staircase- the first thought crossing his mind was that one of the guys might just come here-
One of the guys that hurt Izaya and the cigarette was instantly tugged out of the corner of his mouth, squished beneath his shoe.
But it wasn´t one of the guys.
Raising his head he faced the staircase, ready to beat up whoever dared to approach him.
Until he spotted a familiar blotch of wet black hair.
"Izaya." The blond should have probably see him coming, after all he had been waiting in front of his apartment, and yet he felt surprised when the raven came up the stairs. He was still drenched in rain just like Shizuo had been ever since they met in front of Shinra´s.
None of the two had bothered to get dry clothes when they started their search for the bastards.
The surprise reflected in Izaya's even though it wasn´t quite the same way Izaya looked at the blond.
"Why are you here?" It was an awfully cold, emotionless question. It sounded as if Izaya had just simply asked his name or how the weather was outside. It made the blond frown, think as though the raven was still mad at him for treating him in a way he didn´t stand.
Or maybe he was mad because he just left anyway after promising he would accompanying him. Either way he felt the need to apologize.
"I´m sorry I just took off before-"
"I don´t care." The answer came so fast, so... nonchalant, it made Shizuo pause in his words.
Was he still mad?
Or maybe-
"Did you find them?"
...
The question set Izaya back just a bit.
Find them... huh?
Funny question.
Yeah really, it was so funny it made the raven want to vomit.
His waist hurt, his body hurt, from running so fast, for so long. He was soaked to the bone, freezing- and why?
Because he ran. He ran like a coward.
The second he heard those steps behind the door he just couldn´t make sense of anything anymore.
He had felt like fainting, dizzy, like he wasn´t attached to his body anymore.
He was going to kill them- he knew he could, he wasn´t even trying to convince himself for something that he couldn´t do, no- it was just a simple action.
He just needed his knife and the guys, and yet-
He could just run, run as fast as he could. His waist had hurt, still stung really bad, only faintly he remembered Shinra saying one cut in his abdomen was healing nicely when he woke up, as he dashed through the streets of Ikebukuro and Shinjuku.
His lungs had burned, his vision blurred, adrenaline suddenly surged through his veins making him run just that much more longer.
When exhaustion finally hit him hard and he felt like he couldn´t move even a single step more he stopped in an alley- almost immediately bending over, retching.
He was panting hard, trying to catch his breath, trying to rationalize what had just happened.
He hadn´t been chased. If that had been the guy, he could have killed him.
He could-
He knew he could.
He was fast. He had a knife, he could surprise them.
He could.
He could.
But somehow his feet just didn´t move in any way that would indicate they wanted to go back. He had glared at them, tried to convince himself to go back.
He could find and kill them.
Find, huh?
When he just ran away like a coward?
He wouldn´t find them like this.
And he wouldn´t be able to kill them like this.
They would stay where they were, happy. Peaceful, maybe coming back for more.
Shudders shook his body, he had the urge to wrap his arms around himself, the thought itself just making him feel so much worse.
Maybe they weren´t even done.
He ran through all of Ikebukuro. They probably knew he was alive.
Knew where he lived knew what he did-
He felt so angry.
Angry at himself.
He could have searched for them, he could have been done in like a day or two, maybe three, he would have found them for sure, but like this?
When he was like this?!
"Izaya, are you-"
"Shizu-chan can you just go home already?!" He didn´t even know why he was snapping at the blond. He couldn´t stand him. His voice echoed in the hall, making it seem just so much more louder- he just felt like screaming. Getting rid of this anger.
He didn´t want to deal with Shizu-chan.
"Is it so hard for you to get that I don´t want to be in your stupid presence?!"
Not here, not right now- not when he just wanted to be alone.
The blond frowned, not getting what the hell he had done wrong now.
"Tch- I know you sent me away okay?" He knew Izaya wanted him gone, fuck he got that before already on the street, the cut on his neck didn´t hurt, but it was still there, reminding him of his place "But I´m not just going to leave when you are like this."
The words sounded bitter to Izaya's ears.
Like this, huh?
Like what?
"I seriously hate you so much, monster." The words were hissed, dripping with malice and anger-
"What is it you want, huh?" Izaya spat, glaring at the blond as if he were the source of this mess.
"Want to kill me?! Hah! I´m here, go ahead, try!" The words just made the blond´s frown grow even deeper, a vein popping on his forehead-
"Tch, you fucking asshole you know that´s not it!"
"Then what the hell are you here for, Shizu-chan?!" the raven barked, screamed on top of his lungs. It was then that an almost sinister smile drew across his lips.
"Oh, I see," he suddenly said, so quiet compared to the yelling before.
"Maybe you want to do the same, huh?"
The blond blinked confused, fists tightened next to his body.
... the same?
"Wouldn´t surprise me, just killing me wouldn´t be enough after all!" the raven suddenly laughed, "Suffering right? You want to see me suffer- that´s why you are staying like a damn illness!"
The blond frowned.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Want to give it a go too? Want to pine me down on the floor and fuck me against my will too, yeah?! Is that what you want?!"
What-
And all of a sudden it was as if someone had taken Shizuo´s breath away.
Speechless-
"Izaya-" he couldn´t be serious.
"Is it that?! Want to hear me scream, huh? And beg you to stop, is that it!? Revenge?!" the raven yelled, not even stopping when the blond´s angry expression had fallen like this-
"Izaya stop-" But the raven didn´t even hear his words, just laughed as he glared at the man.
"Bet you would enjoy it! Would be easy with your strength too, you could hold me down way better than they did!"
"Izaya!"
Tremors shook the raven body, he couldn´t keep still. He didn´t even know why he was saying these things.
He didn't even know why he was so angry at Shizu-chan-
"Come on, do it, try it! Just go ahead, tell me how much I deserve it- Tell me what a good boy I am!"
And then Shizu-chan took just one simple step forward.
Just one, a small one, it wasn´t even as if he were getting too close, there was at least a meter wide distance between them and yet-
Izaya's heart just stopped right there.
Hard the wall behind Izaya hit into him as he backed away.
And all of a sudden it wasn´t Shizu-chan in front of him.
It was Shizu-chan. There was no doubt it was him, but just for a split second something inside him just wanted to run.
Just wanted to scream, to twist and get away- something so cold and yet hot at the same time it made his head spin.
And then he recognized the feeling.
He recognized it as fear.
He was scared.
Of Shizu-chan.
Why even. The thought struck him like lightning, the feeling vanishing as quickly as it came and yet he couldn´t deny it ever existed.
Why, Shizu-chan?
This was Shizu-chan.
What he had said suddenly hit him like a brick. The things he just accused Shizu-chan of.
Was he starting to go insane? He had known Shizu-chan for so long- he knew what he was like, he knew what he would do- and this-
Just no-
What was he even doing?
Seriously- he felt like crying.
Letting himself slide down the wall he covered under his crossed arms.
What the hell was he saying?
"Izaya-" The blond didn´t know what to say.
He didn´t even know just what he was supposed to do and Izaya just-
He could hear it faintly, starting out as whimpers, then sniffs.
"Go away-" the raven chocked out, making the blond´s stomach just drop to the floor.
Seeing him like this-
Fuck what was he even doing?
He didn´t even know how to feel or think about what Izaya said just now. Why the hell would he say that?!
He knew he would never do that!
He didn´t get it- he seriously didn´t.
"Fuck-" he didn't even know what he was supposed to do or say anymore now after what the flea had said. " Izaya do you really think that? I would never-" A frown carved itself into his forehead so deep, he couldn´t bring himself to finish the sentence.
This was just so wrong.
Strained, tense he let a hand run through his blond hair as he got on his knee, crouching down in front of the raven.
Izaya just stayed quiet. He didn´t say a word. The tears didn´t stop and he didn´t accuse him of anything, but the sight just made his chest clench almost painfully.
"Izaya," he started quietly, his voice firm and serious, but the raven didn´t even flinch. He didn´t even signal Shizuo in any way that he was listening at all. "Come on, look at me," he wanted to reach out to the raven, wanted to grasp his hand or shoulder, he just wanted to make Izaya see how wrong he was. But he couldn´t bring himself to.
Touching him when he had his face buried under his arms, not seeing what he was doing, it struck him as fatal. Only for but a second he recalled how he reacted to the guy simply grasping his hands out of gratitude. Izaya had looked like he wanted to run away right then and there.
"Please?" he pleaded instead, hoping that the raven would react after all. But apart from the soft shaking of his shoulders and the sniffing sounds nothing changed.
Shizuo felt as though he was trapped.
There was no way he could just leave and let the raven alone like this, he couldn´t just go away like he asked him to, but he couldn´t do anything for him either. There was only one thing he could do, and that was making sure nothing happened to the flea.
Not anymore.
Not now at least. It was the least he could do, but it was so little.
"It´s okay you know, no one is going to ... do anything to you right now, okay?"he spoke softly hoping somehow, that even if Izaya didn´t seem like he was listening, that he would hear the words at least. "Not me and not anyone. I´m damn making sure no one gets to, okay?" It was the only thing he could offer to him.
A sound, so odd Shizuo thought Izaya may have choked on tears reached his ears, but, no, Izaya hadn´t chocked, he had snorted.
Raising his head from his arms barely he could catch a glimpse of a bitter smile spread across his lips.
"You think I don´t know that?" he asked, tears trickling down his cheeks as he used his arm´s sleeve to wipe them away.
Confused the blond´s frown deepened just a tick more.
"Then why-"
"I fucking ran away Shizu-chan." Yeah that´s right.
Just like that without any reason.
"I ran away when I knocked at the next door." It was stupid, dumb, he wanted to hit himself for this show of cowardice.
"I don´t even know why I did, it was irrational. I have a knife, I´m fast, this time no matter where I see them I can take them on and yet-" A quick take of breath almost made him choke on the tears that somehow didn´t seem to stop flowing relentlessly.
"If I can´t even face them how am I supposed to kill them?"
No one would be able to describe what was going on in Shizuo´s mind at that moment.
Seeing the flea like this, just so lost and afraid- so frustrated and sad- trying to cover his face with that sleeve that merely kept getting soaked in tears-
They were going to pay.
They had hurt something precious to him that much- and he was going to make them regret it.
"Then how about I kill them for you?" Just for a second the raven stopped wiping at the tears and just looked at the blond. As if he had just said something outrageous.
His lips curled upwards just the slightest bit into a smile so sad it made the blond´s decision only firmer. "as if you would do that sort of thing."
"Izaya I swear by my brother if I ever wanted to seriously kill someone, then it´s those bastards."
The sleeve lowered itself, a single tears trickled down Izaya's face as he looked at the blond properly.
"And if I can help you with it, even better."
...
He was serious.
He didn´t know what it was about Shizu-chan´s expression that made him think that way, but he was.
...
Shizu-chan killing them for him, huh?
It sounded too easy to be true.
They would just be gone. He didn´t need to do anything. Shizuo would take care of it.
And once they were gone he could forget this ever happened. What a sweet, sweet lie.
"You would be killing humans," he started softly, knowing what Shizu-chan was capable of and what not. And killing humans... that was just- He didn´t think Shizu-chan would do it, and so he tried to smile.
"Ready to become a monster?" But whatever resolve Shizu-chan had found-
"Killing monsters won´t make me one." He didn´t seem to have any intention of backing down.
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To be continued~
Well then, here went another chapter~ And on time even xD I´m getting better at keeping my schedule don´t you think? xD
Guest 2: Switched it up haha now It´s Shizuo who is going to kill the bastards and not Izaya C: I wonder if I went over the top with this chapter, but ahh I just had to write this. And hey you guessed right again xD damn I´m becoming predictable aren´t I? x'D Thank you C':
RandomReader: Oh that is actually a quite interesting idea- tho I already had written half the chapter at the time xD oh well C': thank you 3
Well then, another chapter has been written C': Finally the block is gone xD
See you again in 14 days~! *0*
