MY DARLINGS!

I am still blown away with all the love for this story. BLOWN AWAY.

Right, so I'm extremely nervous about this chapter, but I do hope you all like it. It's also the longest chapter yet since I wanted to recount all of the memories in one chapter. It made my brain hurt a little researching to make sure I had everything in the right order, it was a good hurt though. A good one.

I meant to post this on the weekend, but I just had to post it tonight, I couldn't help myself.

As per usual, all of my work is currently un-beta'd so if you see any mistakes etc feel free to PM me to let me know :)

Thank you all for your reviews, you make me all so happy! You're all balls of lovely sunny goodness :D thank you all so, so much.

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Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling, and only the story line and any OC's belong to me.

As always for Sable and Lais xxx I love you both! I know you've been patiently awaiting this chapter Sable, so I hope you like it my dear! Also my lovely Henny is my cheerleader and I love her.


Saturday, February 10th, 1979

Potter Manor

The Study

Remus is watching her, his eyes are always drawn to Hermione the instant she walks into a room. He's drawn to her. It's completely insane, even more so considering he's only known her for practically forty-eight hours.

"Some of our memories may be a little disturbing...and I know we should make you take Unbreakable Vows...but we decided not to do that. We've decided to trust you," Ron is the one speaking, Hermione is strangely quiet and pensive, standing on his right a step behind him. Harry looks like he's going to be sick, even if he's smiling weakly on Ron's other side.

Trusting us must be extremely difficult for them, Remus muses, seeing the stiffness in their spines and the worry in their eyes. I don't think I would be able to trust someone with what are bound to be intimate memories.

"Does anyone wish us to accompany them into our memories...we would if you wish," Hermione says then, the first time she's spoken since entering the room. The first time he's heard her speak for the morning.

"We can go in pairs with one of you each," James suggests, brow puckering.

"That works too," Hermione nods, she then looks directly at Remus and Sirius, "I'll take you two."

"Don't I get any say in this kitten?" Sirius purrs, an acidic edge to his tone.

"Trust me, I'm the only one that will be able to deal with both of you," Hermione smiles sardonically, almost sadly.

"I choose Harry," Lily says happily, holding out a hand to the raven haired boy-who nervously walks forward and takes it.

"Guys...isn't there only one pensieve?" Ron asks then, pointing out an issue.

"I have several," Dorea replies, waving it off easily, "I guess then you're with us, Ron."

Charlus smiles as Ron joins their side, clapping him on his shoulder, "let's get started."

Remus is focusing on Hermione, who heads towards the pensieve that's already been taken down and he notes how her hand shakes as she picks up a vial and unstoppers it. With a shuddering breath she pour it into the pensieve, which is now cloudy and it's swirling with thready black wisps of what Remus can only guess are her memories.

"Are you ready?" Hermione asks the two boys as they join her side.

"Fuck no, but best get on with it," Sirius smiles mockingly, and Remus can tell he's throwing up his walls-retreating inside himself in order to protect himself from whatever awaits them in her memories.

It takes a second, but then they're all equally spaced around the pensieve and their heads dip into its waters and when Remus opens his eyes again he's standing upright in a foggy place. The fog is so thick that he can barely see his fingers when he raises them a few inches away from his face, much less anything else.

"Remember...they're just memories," Hermione's voice is cradling him gently like a Mother holding her babe, surrounding him, engulfing him wholly and completely. Remus turns to his right and sees Sirius gazing at his hands in wonder-the fog is thinning slightly. Most people didn't use pensieves when they were their age. Normally they were kept for Ministry officials, older wix or they had been passed down in magical families for generations. This was new for both of them.

"This is when I first met you," Hermione whispers in his left ear, and Remus jumps, the curly haired witch is right beside him now, looking on fondly at the scene that unfolds around them.

They're in a Hogwarts train compartment, and Hermione is here, except she's smaller and younger. She's dressed in Gryffindor robes, all crisp and neatly put together and she's happily chatting away with two boys he recognises as younger versions of Harry and Ron.

"You were a goody two shoes, weren't you?" Sirius drawls, clearly unsure about the relevance of this memory.

Remus was going to tell him to shove off when he feels the temperature drop drastically. It's freezing, and suddenly it's like everything good has been dragged forcefully from the world, being stolen away into a vacuum.

Dementor. Remus freezes and he feels Sirius stiffen beside him. What is a Dementor doing on the train? Remus feels panic as it heads straight for Harry, his emotions raw and his heart is beating out of his chest. Then it's sucking away wisps of translucent white mist from Harry. It's sucking his soul out of him. Harry's screams are all that he can hear, drowning out everything else. He barely feels her fingers slip around his arm and hold onto his left forearm.

Then the figure in the corner of the compartment flies up-Remus hadn't even noticed him until that moment-brandishing his wand and yelling, "Expecto Patronum!" Bright white light bursts from his wand, obscuring his features, it's a corporeal patronus-a massive wolf-and it sends the Dementor fleeing in the other direction.

Then it all fades away.

"What the fuck was that?" Sirius growls.

"Remember how Peter betrayed everyone and framed you?" Hermione asks, now standing in front of them both-scrutinising them thoroughly.

"Yea...again, what the fuck was that?"

"The Ministry's idea. They sent the Dementors to look for you, because you broke out of Azkaban. First one to do it actually...you saw Peter on the front page of the Daily Prophet, it was a picture of Ron's family on vacation. You broke out to protect Harry," Hermione explains gently.

"How long was I-other me, in Azkaban?" Sirius asks shakily, his cool facade cracking.

"Twelve years."

"Twelve-" Sirius gasps, eyes widening.

It's at that moment that Remus considers what Sirius may have seen when he had forced his way into Harry's head on that first day, but from seeing Sirius's face now, he wonders if he saw anything really at all. Perhaps the memories had been fractured and nonsensical since Sirius really was rubbish at Legilimency. Remus would have to ask him later.

"I would love to say that that's the worst of it...but it's not," Hermione admits-again, her voice brimming with sadness.

"Why do I feel like I'm not going to like this?" Remus asks under his breath.

"You're not…" Hermione responds honestly. "No one is."


They had to take a break after the Shrieking Shack incident. Remus changing. Sirius almost dying. Peter escaping. The time turner. Hermione watching as Harry fought off hordes of Dementors.

Sirius looks horridly shook up, and Remus can't find it in himself to react. If he reacts he'll probably lose it.

They both figured out pretty quickly that it was Hermione's emotions they were feeling as they moved through the memories. Happiness. Fear. Sadness. Grief. Regret. Sorrow. Joy. All of it.

The memories aren't as bad during her Fourth year, Remus narrows his eyes at Krum when they're watching the Durmstrang boy dance with Hermione at the Yule Ball. He can't help but think that he's a tad too old for Hermione, but he feels her happiness and he finds that he can't hate the boy in the end. They flash through her fight with Ron, her night ending with tears.

The tasks are a blur until the last. Which they follow in crystal detail. Hermione is so focused on the entrances to the maze. She's worried. Something's wrong.

Then everything is crumbling, falling apart. Harry and Cedric appear out of thin air just in front of the entrance to the maze, the hedge is currently knitted closely together, ensuring no one can turn back just like that.

The joy and mirth just makes her stomach drop further. Then she sees it. Blood.

Harry's arm is covered in crimson, a deep gash along the inside of his forearm, and he's clutching at Cedric's body-his motionless body. Sobbing violently.

Remus was wrong. Very wrong. Her fourth year is much worse than her third.

The music and cheering cuts out sharply. It's dead silent. Dumbledore is rushing towards Harry.

Then Amos-it had taken Remus a moment to recognise him earlier in Hermione's memories-is screaming and crying out for his son, "that's my boy! That's my boy!"

It all fades again.


Weasley is Our King. Remus hates it. The chant just gets louder and louder, and he sees how pale Ron is, how he looks like he's about to be ill. It's terrible.

The Quidditch games don't end well. Harry and the twins getting lifelong Quidditch bans because of Umbridge. Remus hates her already, but she's just stacking up the evidence for why Remus should hate her even further. She should hang from a pink rope for being so horrible, it would be poetic justice.


Dumbledore's Army is brilliant, they weren't getting taught so they took it upon themselves to learn how to defend themselves.

Remus can feel how Hermione is a bit wary of Luna Lovegood, but he thinks she's fantastic. She's so much like her Mother, yet so vastly different at the same time. Pandora was more grounded, a bit more serious, though she had an uncanny knack way of knowing things as well. Luna is in her own world most of the time, dreaming of things far beyond any of their wildest dreams.

Neville is amazing as well, and he sees Frank's kindness and Alice's bravery in the boy. He's a bit timid, but as the sessions go on, Neville gets more confident and it's extremely moving. They must be so proud.


His heart breaks. A jagged and uneven line of pain just tearing through him. A spear feels like it's being thrust into his chest, and he can't help the tear that rolls down his cheek.

Frank and Alice. Alice and Frank. His brave, brilliant friends. It's Christmas, and he wishes he could reach through time and space to the morose looking Neville and tell him how Alice used to twirl her bangs around her finger when she was nervous, how Frank used to forget about tying his shoelaces and almost always trip over them.

Augusta Longbottom is a severe woman as always, tall, thin, high cheekbones and looking regal and powerful.

"We didn't know," a soft voice trembles beside him and he looks over to see Hermione holding back tears. "We didn't know that Bellatrix had tortured Neville's parents to the point of insanity. We didn't know that Neville could have been the boy of prophecy. He almost was. If Snape hadn't overheard it and reported to the Dark Lord...who knows. Voldemort just assumed it was Lily."

"What?" Sirius says, tearing his eyes away from the scene that is still playing out in front of them.

"I-Snape...he regretted it for Lily's sake-"

"I'm sure he did that git!" Sirius snarls.

"Shut up!" Hermione growls loudly and takes a menacing step towards Sirius, who doesn't back down, but he doesn't say anything else.

"Prophecy?"

"There was a prophecy that a boy born in July of that year could defeat the Dark Lord...Harry and Neville were both born in July...Voldemort assumed it was Harry, so Lily and James left Potter Manor and went to Godric's Hollow...it could have just as easily have been Neville. After-" Hermione stops, and swallows thickly, "-after Lily and James died and Voldemort was defeated with them, the Death Eaters were still running amuck. Bellatrix went after Alice and Frank and well, you know the rest."

"Get back to Snape's part in all of this," Remus frowns, not wanting to make any assumptions until he has all the facts.

"He was in love with Lily," Hermione says simply.

"Pardon?" Sirius narrows his eyes.

"Till the day he died. It was all for Lily. At least for him it was. I'm not particularly fond of him, he was Neville's boggart for fuck's sake, he bullied Harry, myself and so many others...yet he tried to protect Harry in his own way, for Lily. I won't condemn him for that. He begged Voldemort not to hurt Lily, and of course he broke that promise. Snape turned to Dumbledore, pleading that he save Lily, hide her away...he switched sides for her. He loved her practically his entire life."

"That sounds a little obsessive," Sirius comments, frowning deeply as the information sinks in.

"The point is that he made some bad choices in his youth and then he was stuck somewhere he couldn't get out. He lived a solitary life after the first wizarding war, loyal truly only to Dumbledore. Snape may not have been the nicest, but he was a brave man. He had a brilliant mind, and he helped us win the war. He played a crucial part in Voldemort's downfall. Died so that we could be triumphant. Everything isn't as black and white as it appears," Hermione bites out, her eyes lowering, but Remus manages to catch the haunted look in them before she turns away. Her bottom lip is jutting out, and she raises her head as if she's trying to face her demons.

Hermione has definitely given them both something to chew on, ponder, muse and contemplate. Remus doesn't think about it before he slips his hand into hers. He tries not to think about it too much when she laces her fingers through his.


I must follow the rules. Remus snarls as he sees the deep cut in Hermione's hand through her eyes. It is strange but he doesn't seem to be observing from the sidelines anymore. It's like he is Hermione. Which freaks him the fuck out whilst simultaneously not worrying him in the slightest.

It's the same toad faced cunt that wrote all those rubbish laws that make it abundantly clear that even when the War is over, he won't have anywhere to work and no real prospects to even dream off. The same one that's been tormenting Hermione and the others all year so far.

Remus vows to rip her to shreds as soon as he gets the chance. No one should treat children like this. She's a monster swaddled in ghastly pink outfits, with ribbons in her hair and bright pink lipstick and if she goes, "ahem," one more time he swears it's going to drive him crazy.

All the pink accessories and garments and possessions in the world can't cover up the loathsome and repugnant person she is inside. She can powder her nose all she wants, it won't hide the nasty interior barely lurking under the surface.

Every time she calls Harry a liar. Every time she speaks down to Hermione. Every time she dismisses Ron. Every time she opens her wretched mouth, it makes Remus abhor her more and more.

"I'm going to kill her." Remus snarls when the memory slips away into nothing.

"Get in line," Sirius bites, grey eyes ablaze with fury and disgust.

"Calm down boys," Hermione says gently, "we have...other things to look at." Remus's stomach drops then, because he recognises the expression on her face now, though he really wishes he wouldn't.


"Sirius!" Remus screams, hearing an echo and he sees Harry fighting furiously against the other him-the other Remus.

Remus surges forward-even though he knows it's futile, because this is simply a memory-hand trying to grasp Sirius's, but all he feels is smoke, a hair, he misses him by a hair's breadth, and he almost had him. Almost. Then Sirius is gone. The dark shroud stealing him away. Remus feels her pain then, doubling on top of his own, he also feels a nasty, nasty pain in his abdomen, and he's scanning the circular room for her. Forgetting about Bellatrix and Harry, and everyone else.

Then he is her. He's lying on the ground, in pain, abdomen pulsing, feeling like the skin has been ripped away and as if he's been split open. Her vision is spotty and she falls back. Unconscious. He fades along with her. The edges of his vision blur and darkness is creeping across his sight. He happily goes into the darkness, there is so much pain in this story and it only seems to get worse.


There aren't as many memories from her Sixth year, the ones they do see are fairly happy, and for the first time it looks like nothing bad is going to happen this year.

Unless you can count Cormac McLaggen, he makes scum seem appealing. Remus scowls at him every time he sees him making 'seductive' faces at Hermione in his peripherals. Hermione's original intentions were to make Ron jealous when inviting McLaggen to Slughorn's Christmas party, and Remus doesn't know how to process that.

What if Hermione and Ron are together? I hadn't even considered it, they are terribly close but it looked like how I am with Lily or Sirius, James and I are together...and Peter used to be. These thoughts are running a mile minute through his head.

The Malfoy boy-Draco-is dragged into the room by Filch, who had definitely not aged well, harsh lines are dug into his face, trenches left behind by misery and by constantly frowning.

It's a huge commotion and Hermione is shushing Harry and telling him that it doesn't mean anything, Malfoy isn't up to anything.

Harry's obsession with Draco is astounding. It's borderline insane. He's convinced that Draco is responsible for all of the strange and bad things happening this year.

Everything seems to sink, falling away beneath their feet, and when they blink they are in another setting. Hermione is rocking Harry back and forth, he's trembling, shaking, muttering that he didn't mean to. Ron is sitting on the ground next to them, and Ron's younger sister Ginny-Remus'd figured out who the feisty and stubborn witch was from previous memories-is kneeling in front of Harry, hands on his face. There are water droplets on his glasses, and Remus takes a step back when he sees all the blood on Harry's clothes. "You need to get rid of it Harry, now. You need to get rid of it," Hermione is saying and she's stroking his head. "Malfoy...Malfoy. Snape. Snape stopped the bleeding...Snape...how did...he gave me so many detentions...why he didn't expel me on the spot I don't know. I almost killed Draco." Harry starts properly crying now, shrinking into himself. Remus doesn't recognise where they are, but then he sees that they are in a dark alcove, and pushed away from the wix is a worn Potions textbook.

This memory swirls away into Harry and Ginny snuggling in the Common Room, everyone seems happy, even if Ron is shaking his head at the public displays of affection between his sister and best mate. Remus notes that Lavender and Ron are no longer on speaking terms, and he doesn't feel any romantic feelings on Hermione's side towards her ginger haired friend in this memory.

Everything moves much faster after that, it's a blur of images and exposition. Dumbledore dies. The Death Eaters broke into the school and Snape was the one who did it. Sirius is ready to jump on the 'Snape is an evil, slimy git and can't be trusted' train instantly.

Dumbledore looks so frail as he lays on the ground, frail and nothing like the man he once knew. The one he had seen two days ago; that man was strong, powerful. This man has a blackened, dead looking hand, sallow skin-and somehow despite all that, looks at peace. There's much more to this than Snape simply betraying everyone. Everything isn't as black and white as it appears, Hermione words ring clear as day in his ears.

From Hermione's gaze as she watches the tearful display Remus can't help but truly think there's much more to the story, and something in him tells him that he's not going to find out today. Nor tomorrow, or the day after that. The Golden trio as they have been oft called in these memories are hiding something, and even though Remus is curious, he knows it's for a good reason.


"We haven't been in your vault! I swear!" Hermione is squirming underneath Bellatrix. The older witch has one hand on Hermione's face, squishing her cheeks together with a vice grip, one knee is on either side of Hermione so that she is effectively straddling her abdomen.

Ron and Harry are being forcefully dragged away. Both yelling and screaming. Ron is much more vocal, screaming that he'll take her place. Take him instead.

Remus and Sirius both freeze as they see Peter is there, how he is assisting them. The way Bellatrix yells his nickname-their nickname for him-just poisons it. It poisons his memory, twisting and contorting it into something despicable. Remus has a hard time reminding himself that this Peter isn't their Peter. This is what their Peter can become. Though with him being prepared for trial and heading off to Azkaban, Remus doesn't think it matters either way.

Hermione leaves them as Bellatrix begins to casually throw cruciatus curse after cruciatus curse. She looks scared. Frightened to death. Somehow she still finds pleasure in torturing Hermione, laughing gaily as Hermione seizes on the floor, clawing away at the wooden floorboards. Draco takes a tiny step forward, but halts moments later, face ashen and he looks desperately like he wants to help, but doesn't know how. Doesn't want to be the one tortured instead.

Hermione's screams are the worst part. Memory Hermione has tears spring from the corner of her eyes, panting heavily when Bellatrix gives her a second to breathe. She's gulping in air as if she was just drowning. Present Hermione is kneeling by her head, her head tipped to the ceiling, tears freely running down her cheeks, hugging herself.

Remus begins to move toward her, but a hand on his arm stops him. He doesn't turn around as he hears, "give her a second...just let her...be."

Remus looks back to Bellatrix, who crouches over Hermione once more, fingers digging into her face as she grips it tightly, her nails breaking Hermione's skin slightly-small beads of crimson welling up from the wounds.

"Don't lie to me. I know you've been there," Bellatrix grits out.

"We haven't been in your vault!" Hermione practically screams, voice trembling as she shakes from the after effects of the cruciatus curse.

"I gave you another chance, Mudblood." Bellatrix says coldly, and then a gleeful expression spreads across her face. It makes her face look harsh, with too many lines and almost surreal.

"Mudblood."

Remus's eyes widen, his stomach flip flops, cold twirls around his spine and wraps around it tightly. He knows what is about to happen. Sirius is still watching uncertainly, no idea how this is going to turn out.

Remus does. He does and he wishes he didn't.

"No!" Remus finds himself screaming, his gut twisting and he almost slips as he runs forward. He only ends up kneeling by Hermione as Bellatrix carves the letters into her skin. Hermione's red blood trickling from the jagged cuts.

Sirius is snarling behind him, and then it all fades. It's all gone. It's over.

Remus, Sirius and Hermione exit the pensieve for the final time and they share a poignant look. They glance at their surroundings and the first thing Remus spots is James and Lily hugging Harry-they are all sitting on the ground-Lily is crying profusely, cradling Harry's head to her chest.

If Hermione's memories had been dark, he couldn't imagine what Harry's had been like. Harry had of course had had Voldemort in his head, had had dreams of Voldemort killing, torturing and maiming people.

One thing was for sure. Everything had changed. They were no longer the people they were before they viewed the trio's memories. Everything was different now. Hermione's hand sought out Remus's and he felt a warmth coursing through his veins. Yes, it's definitely different now. What the future held, no one knew; all they knew in that moment was that they were going to do it together.