Pride and Joy
September 2009
"Come on, Jackaroo, it will be fun. Erica will be right there with you in class."
"No. I don't want to go," Jack said, his chin wobbling before ducking his head under the blanket.
Chandler sighed, sensing his son approached DEFCON level 3 on the tantrum temper scale. Downstairs, Erica was already up and dressed for the big day, but Jack wouldn't get out of bed. "Jack, Mom is waiting for you, your brother and sister are already having breakfast. Don't you want some breakfast?"
Jack's head slowly appeared under the blanket, with a shy look on his face and a glint of mischievousness that said, I won't go to school unless...
"I do," he said in a small voice. "But I want to stay home with Mommy."
"Mommy has to go to work, and she wants you to go to school. So you can have fun and play and make friends."
Jack still looked unconvinced by his father's plea. Chandler weighed his options and changed his strategy. The usually foolproof Mommy card was letting him down. "Ok, how about you go to school with your sister, and when you come home, I'll get you ice cream, and I'll convince your mother to let you have it before dinner. What do you say, buddy?"
Chandler knew he was being played, but it was ok. He was soft-hearted and perfectly fine with it, especially when Jack's eyes widened, and a small smile tugged at his lips. The little daredevil.
"Chocolate chip ice cream?" Jack asked. There it was. His son's Show Me The Money card.
"Of course. When you go to school, you only get the best ice cream."
Jack beamed an enormous smile and got up suddenly, startling his father and immediately started to take off his pajamas in order to wear his assigned outfit. Chandler laughed at his son's instantaneous transformation from tremulous little angel to a bundle of energy and enthusiasm in the blink of an eye.
Finally, Jack dressed and was ready, joining the rest of the family downstairs for breakfast.
Chandler was sitting at the table, he sipped his coffee before straightening the newspaper, trying to focus on the business section of the New York Times but unable to prevent stolen glances at Monica.
Nothing could prepare him for this day.
He was trying to hide his worry, for Monica's sake and for his own. It was one of the moments he was dreading ever since they had moved to Westchester. Watching his children grow up to become beautiful, fascinating young people was overwhelming. To be a parent was to resign yourself to experiencing a wide spectrum of fluctuating emotions all at once. One moment, he'd feel his heart swell and unable to contain so much happiness in his life, and the next one the kids would say or do something they never did before and the fleeting nature of time would break his heart then his pride and joy would mend it back together.
Naturally, with the twins starting kindergarten, Monica was even more frantic that morning than usual. She checked the kids' backpacks for what he estimated to be the millionth time, while feeding their youngest at the same time, in typical Wonder Woman fashion. Andrew looked indifferent to the importance of the day, quietly eating his fruit roll-ups.
Chandler breathed heavily, focusing on his children. After weeks of shopping for clothes, school supplies, lunch boxes, backpacks and trying to get the twins on a reasonable bedtime schedule after the carefreeness of summer, they were finally ready. Their first day of school, which felt like his and Monica's first graduation day as parents.
He knew Jack was somewhat nervous in big crowds, and Erica could be hot-headed with other kids. Although they were used to being around other children—be it in preschool, neighborhood playdates or the flock of cousins their group of friends had amassed over the years, he still couldn't help worrying about whether they'd handle the change and adapt to a new environment.
"Chandler, what are you doing? We'll be late." He heard Monica say over his shoulder as he got up and pulled the digital camera from his messenger bag.
"Capturing this historical milestone for the history books, honey. President Erica Bing and Nobel Prize Winner Jack Bing's first day in school. This picture will be worth a fortune," he replied, and she shook her head. He switched to video mode and started recording as the twins reached for their backpacks.
"Hey Jack, hello Erica. Say hi to the camera."
"Hi," said the twins in unison, clearly enjoying the shower of attention on this day.
"What day is today?" he asked as Jack reached for his Batman backpack while Erica was dragging her Dora The Explorer themed one from the kitchen to the living room, parading to no one in particular.
"School day," Erica replied.
"Right. What are you most excited about, Eri?"
Erica twirled her hair as she pondered his question. "I don't know."
"How about making new friends?"
"Yes!" she exclaimed.
"Good. That's a good one. What about you, Jack? What are you excited about?"
"Nothing," Jack said with a pout.
Chandler frowned. His son was hell-bent on giving him a hard time this morning. "There's something. I know there's something. Come on, Jacky."
"I think you know," Jack said coyly, trying to repress a smile.
"Do I? I don't think I do, dude."
"Of course you do, Daddy. I told you in secret."
"Is it making friends?"
"No."
"Meeting your teacher?"
"Noooo."
"Learning?"
Jack paused for a moment. We're getting somewhere, Chandler thought. Interacting with him was sometimes like constantly playing a version of Hot or Cold.
"No," he finally replied.
Chandler tapped his fingers on his chin. "Hmm, could it be? Wait, that's not possible …" he said with exaggerated facial expressions, making both the twins laugh. "Is it the … snacks?"
"Yes!" said Jack around a laugh.
"I knew it!"
"A guy after my own heart," said Monica, appearing behind the twins with Andrew, and kissing their foreheads. "Ok, kids. Let's say goodbye to the camera," she gestured to Chandler, prompting him about the time. "It's time to put your coats on and get in the car. We can't be late."
"Daddy, look. My new shoes!" Erica interrupted.
Chandler made puppy eyes at Monica. "How can I resist that?" He shrugged and she rolled her eyes. He started filming again as Erica showed him her sparkling new pink shoes, which made Andrew jump up and down for no reason other than sharing his sister's excitement.
After putting Andrew down in his car seat behind and the twins settled beside their brother, Chandler started the SUV. He looked at Monica at his side and gave her the most reassuring smile he could muster. "It's going to be fine," he said quietly, and she smiled back, forcibly. What he wanted to tell her was, "they still need us," but she knew that already. He squeezed her hand and she looked up at him again, and through years of friendship and love and companionship, he tried to say with one look, be gentle with your heart and proud, they're ready and so are we and there's still so much to enjoy ahead of us. When she brought his hand to her lips and kissed his knuckles, he knew she got all that.
During the ride, Jack stayed mostly silent playing with a Batman figure, the superhero was his latest obsession, while Erica was coming up with songs she performed at the top of her lungs, much to Andrew's delight, then kept on chatting to a distracted Jack, explaining to him how they needed to behave with the teachers and wash their hands before lunchtime and avoid any kind of fish food because of his fish allergy, all of it in a rapid-fire speech pattern that would make it hard for auctioneers to keep up with her.
After the regular story reading and comfort hugs during Andrew's preschool drop-off, they arrived at the elementary school.
"Smile, Jack. Smile for the camera!" Chandler exclaimed as Jack scrunched up his face. Erica was already beaming delightfully, standing with her brother and holding his hand at the school's entry by the playground.
Jack finally accepted his father's request and smiled while ruffling his own hair.
Monica ran to him, trying to smooth out her son's strands of blonde hair to the side. "Jack! What's the matter, sweetie?"
"I don't like it like this," he whined.
"Mon," Chandler called her out. He titled his head and raised an eyebrow in her direction. "He's smiling, it's all that matters."
Monica sighed and walked back to her husband as he started clicking the shutter.
Chandler checked the photo on the screen of his digital camera and grinned. Erica was standing proud with a full smile, a couple of lower teeth missing, her blonde hair coiffed into two neat pigtails and her steel-blue eyes shining brightly. Jack instead was smirking, Monica liked to say it was Chandler's natural lopsided smirk, but there was an impish hint in that smile and in his eyes, Chandler thought— it could only be something he picked up from Monica. He could see it from the moment Jack issued his first breath in the world and he didn't change his mind since. Biology be damned.
They asked one of the moms Monica knew from their neighborhood to take their picture with the twins, then Chandler bent a knee as Erica and Jack kissed him on each cheek—a little goodbye ritual he had with them while Monica offered the twins pencils she had made engraved with their initials: E. E. B for Erica Elizabeth Bing and J. H. B for Jack Hemingway Bing. A Geller 'first day of school' tradition, Monica claimed and added that she and Ross still kept theirs. Chandler chuckled and shook his head at the endlessly amusing dorkiness of the Geller family. It was an emotional day, there would be many other opportunities to tease her about it on less loaded days.
They watched the twins walk to their classroom, hand in hand. Erica still enthralled and Jack flushed but happy. Chandler felt Monica slightly shaking and her eyes glistening, he took her hand and kissed her temple.
They had to make another stop at the school, for the parents' kindergarten orientation. After a quick, introductory PTA conference—during which Monica already made a strong case to be in charge of the P part— they entered the school counselor's office to meet with Mr. Thomas.
"Mr. and Mrs. Bing, we're very happy to have your children at our school," the counselor said, shaking hands with them as they sat down opposite him. "We wanted to talk to you about Jack and Erica's situation, and how to provide the best support possible."
"Situation?" Chandler asked.
"Well, I've seen in their file that they're adopted. Not that we treat them differently, but to avoid any misunderstanding, we need to know what's your position and talk to the teacher. Do the kids know explicitly they're adopted, that kind of thing," Mr. Thomas said in a warm, crystal clear voice.
Monica made a little face. "Oh."
"We never hid from them the fact we're not their biological parents," Chandler chimed in, feeling his wife's voice slightly disappear, "we told them stories since they were babies, and they know that they didn't come from 'mommy's tummy', they have no trouble with the A word. Other than that, I'm not sure they do understand explicitly what adoption is."
"It's generally accepted that kids at a school-age start to understand more complex concepts, but it's up to you whether you'd like to revisit the discussion," Mr. Thomas said.
This time, it was Chandler who looked at Monica with his brows furrowed, he could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to figure out the best way and moment to talk with the twins.
"There's no pressure from us. But this year, there are going to be family trees assignments for example. We want to prevent any misunderstanding."
"I guess it's time to have the big 'A' talk with them again," said Monica, glancing at Chandler searching for his opinion and he agreed with a nod.
Once in Manhattan, they separated and Monica agreed to pick up the kids from school as Chandler was notified of a late afternoon meeting by his assistant, Johnathan, who met up with him before stepping inside his office.
"Hershey's, huh? I thought they were going to meet with the partners," Chandler told him, walking down the glass halls of Young & Partners, the advertising agency he had joined six years earlier.
"There's a board meeting of the equity partners."
"There's always a board meeting. In the morning, in the afternoon, you really have to wonder how many times a board needs to meet?"
"Well, it depends on―"
"That was a rhetorical question, Jonathan."
"Steve said, and I quote, times are tough, and we need the big guns to keep our big shot clients."
"You know, that's just my luck. Starting my first year as creative director during the worst recession of our country's history in a century."
"With all due respect, Mr. Bing, you went from intern to junior copywriter to creative director in the span of six years. Can you really complain?"
"No." Chandler nodded in agreement. "I've gotten cockier too in six years, haven't I?"
"Again, with all due respect … yes?"
"Fair," Chandler agreed. "Set up the meeting, I'll be in my office but I have to run an errand first."
Chandler settled at his desk and answered a few emails, before going out, taking his digital camera with him. He came back with developed photos taken in the morning. He picked up an empty frame from one of his drawers and put inside of it the picture of him, Monica, Erica and Jack taken in front of the school. He ran his thumb over the picture, and it seemed to hit him like a brick. The delayed realization they were getting big and growing up, and it hurt. He always thought that saying which referred to being a parent as a heart running outside your body was a little overwrought―life was so busy it rarely afforded him time to reflect on their children growing up, but on such days, on what felt like momentous occasions, the sayings were painfully resonant.
He looked at Erica, as ever the effervescent child, already charismatic at five years old. She loved singing and performing to anybody willing to listen or unwilling for that matter—never faltering over any of the words at birthday parties and playdates, and easily outshining all the fidgety kids. She was tightly clasping Jack's hand, taking charge and care of her brother was one of her favorite pastimes. Sometimes he looked younger than her despite his twin sister coming into the world a few minutes later than he did. Chandler didn't have a single doubt where her bossy streak came from and it made him proud and happy. She would run a corporation one day, he often joked, and he almost always meant it.
While Erica could be awfully sure of herself, Jack simply shrugged it off, not seeming to mind or be affected by it. He just was that kind of kid―sweet and gentle, rarely throwing tantrums but rather close-mouthed whenever he got angry. In fact, if Erica loved voicing her every thought, with Jack, it was all in his face. When he was upset, he'd get terribly obstinate, turning his anger inward, his face freezing or hardening. It frustrated Monica to no end, she couldn't help but try to jostle him out of it.
He smiled to himself, there was so much of themselves in each of Erica and Jack, even if they weren't biologically theirs. Their expressions, their mannerisms. Erica's mad looked exactly like Monica's mad, Jack's sad looked exactly like his father's sad, Erica would bite her lip just like he did whenever she felt proud of herself, and Jack's look of delight was exactly like his mother's, with the slight blush and the scrunched up nose. It never failed to make his throat tighten a little.
He remembered those first few weeks with the twins, watching them when they were lying face to face, and already feeling they were locked into a relationship no one else could penetrate. It was so unfamiliar to his only child experience, and he couldn't help a pang of envy. When he was little before his parents' divorce, tired of talking to his imaginary friend, he had pestered them for a baby brother or sister and they'd simply answer either with a shrug or a snicker. 'No, darling,' his mother would sweetly reply to him.
He could never get enough of watching his twins interact with each other, communicating in a way no one else could understand before they even started talking.
These thoughts accompanied him during the meeting with the executives from Hershey's. All he had to retain from the meeting was a new product and a campaign for Valentine's Day as he took the train from Grand Central to Pelham Station, feeling physically and emotionally drained at the end of the day. The half-hour commute between Manhattan and their home was one of the main reasons they had picked Pelham in Westchester. The neighborhood was on the rise when they had moved in, still an undiscovered gem just right outside New York, but with excellent public schools and a pedestrian-oriented culture, it quickly became one of the most sought-after neighborhood suburbs for New York professionals looking to settle down with their families.
They both loved it, Monica loved the architecture, the markets and the parks. Chandler loved the cultural scene—he had explored new creative passions thanks to his job, volunteering at the town's fine arts film center. Lo and behold, he even enjoyed after-work social events and made new friends in the industry by playing at the Golf Country Club.
It was such a fun place to raise kids: quaint streets for them to ride their bikes, parks and lakes close by, girl scout and boy scout clubs, theaters, Little League baseball fields. It was the ideal place for the childhood he dreamed to offer to his children, the kind he never got to experience as a kid himself.
Settled in his train seat, he took out his phone and texted Monica.
• • • In the train on my way home. Did you make it ok?
Her response came a minute later.
• • • Yes, we're home. The twins are playing. Andy's a little cranky. See you soon. Love you.
• • • Good. I have a surprise for them. Love you too.
When he got home, the low sun was still shining on Westchester, the sign of a pleasant and warm Indian summer day coming to an end. Chandler took out his jacket and put his bag over the kitchen counter.
"Anyone home?" he called out as he drank from a glass of tap water.
He looked over the kitchen window to find Jack, Erica, and Andrew in the backyard playing soccer with their mother. He laughed as he watched Erica trying to teach her little brother how to properly kick the ball and Andrew almost falling over as he did. Monica was close by, supervising and he suspected, worrying he might hurt himself. She had learned to hide her anxious nature around the kids to let them enjoy themselves, and to anyone else, she might have seemed fine, but not to him. He felt a little proud of her and smiled when she hugged Andrew after his failed attempt. The kids were having a blast, and it was because of her.
Although she never considered herself to be a fun person—and he, more than anyone, loved teasing her about that—she knew how to make things fun for their children, having Jack and Erica giggle before he could count to ten most times. She always had a way with kids but watching her with their own kids was a sight to behold.
He leaned against the backyard door, with the bucket of Ben and Jerry's ice cream he brought on his way home. Monica spotted him and smiled, carrying Andrew in her arms.
"That's your surprise?" she asked rhetorically as she kissed him on the lips.
"I'm trying to be the good cop parent," he teased.
After a moment, Jack finally caught sight of his dad and ran to him. "Daddy, you're home!"
"I am, kiddo. Having fun?"
"Yes! Oh, ice-cream. Can I have it, Mommy?"
Monica hesitated and sighed after looking at her husband's pleading look. "Sure, honey. Just a couple of spoons before dinner and you can have some more for dessert, all right?"
Jack clapped his hands and was soon joined by an out-of-breath Erica who jumped on her father, tightly hugging him. Erica was so full of affection for him, and he could never get enough of it.
"Did you like big kids' school?" he asked as he put her down.
"Yes!" They both exclaimed at the same time.
Chandler breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good because you get to go tomorrow."
Not deterred, the twins screamed in delight. His eyes narrowed as he looked questioningly at Monica.
She shrugged. "Jack loved it, he wants to learn more things."
"Wow. I didn't expect that," Chandler said, studying his son, the anxious look on his face from this morning a distant memory by now.
"And Erica made some friends already."
"Huh. So it went well. I guess we were worried for nothing," he said.
"You were worried?" Monica asked with a sheepish smile.
"Yes, deadly worried," he said, grinning at her. "Did I hide it well?"
She laughed. "Not really. But I know it was for me." She handed him Andrew who was stretching his arms towards his father. "Thank you, it helped," she said softly.
Chandler smiled as he held Andrew and nuzzled his head. "What about you, buddy? Did you miss your brother and sister today?"
"No!" he shouted, making Chandler laugh.
"Tell us how you feel, am I right?"
"Daddy, I want to play with Erica."
Chandler dropped Andrew who immediately ran to play with his sister outside. He stretched and yawned as Monica looked at him with a sympathetic expression.
"Long day?" she asked, hugging him from behind and resting her chin on his shoulder.
He held her hands over his chest and squeezed them, turning his head to kiss her. "Long day."
After the kids were fed and bathed, Chandler took over bedtime story duty in the twins' room. Once they drifted off to sleep, he brought a sleepy Andrew to his room and put him to bed, with Kenny nestled to his cheek. Andrew had a shelf full of the finest stuffed animals a child could dream of, but his love for Kenny The Kangaroo never wavered―he'd mumble "Kenny" instead of telling his parents he wanted to go to bed, because Kenny to him meant sleep.
Chandler sat on the chair next to the bed and watched his son fall deeper to sleep. Sometimes when he couldn't sleep himself, he crept into Andrew's room to sit on the chair and just watch him, as if to make sure he was real.
He remembered the moment Monica found out she was pregnant. In the spring of 2006, Jack and Judy had decided to celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary with a lavish party in a New York City reception hall, because they had already planned to spend their 40th year of marriage vacationing in Hawaii. Chandler had noticed Monica not eating much and looking pale because of a lingering cold. She hadn't told him at the time but when the sickness turned into nausea at the mention of food, she started putting things together and went out discreetly to buy a pregnancy test. As usual when all their friends met again, with the Geller extended family present, the night dissolved quickly into chaos—Rachel was about to tell Ross she was offered the high-executive job she longed after by Gucci, meaning a move to the suburbs and her husband's 'Scarsdale life plan' was unlikely; Joey, visiting from L.A. had girl trouble when he fell in love with his neighbor, Alex, and a pregnant-with-her-second-child Phoebe was testing Mike's remarkable patience.
Chandler had felt anxious all evening, trying to handle the twins when he noticed Monica avoiding him. He went looking for her and when he found her in the bathroom, she was crying with the pregnancy test in her hands.
They had left the party early and went home. Monica's first reaction had been complete denial, she couldn't stop crying and took eight other pregnancy tests before she could begin to entertain the idea of them having naturally conceived a child.
He had cried with her all night and liked to refer to that day as 'Sobfest 2006'. Monica had finally made her parents cry out of happiness, albeit a few weeks later when they felt confident enough to announce the good news.
Before that glorious day, they had started to look into the logistics of adopting another child. He felt they had grieved their infertility and moved past it into a new phase of life.
It probably wasn't until Andrew was born, on October 18th, 2006—as chance would have it, he shared his birthday with his uncle 'medical marvel' Ross—that they truly allowed themselves to celebrate Andrew's birth as the unbelievable gift it was to them.
Chandler smiled. All of his children's arrivals in the world were special in some way. Mix-ups, surprises, miracles. The fates conspiring to gift them to him and Monica.
He left the room with Andrew deep asleep, the stuffed kangaroo he worshipped nestled to his cheek. He walked to the master bedroom, hearing Monica busying herself with her night routine in the bathroom. He picked up a book and slid into bed, fighting heavy eyelids when Monica came out. She sat on her side of the bed and took off her robe then turned around to find Chandler staring at her while yawning.
"I've never felt so many conflicting emotions," Chandler said in a whisper.
Monica grinned. "You look tired, honey," she teased.
"I'm never tired for that."
"I noticed," Monica added as she scooted inside the bed next to Chandler. He turned to drape his arms over her as she curled close to him.
"I think the twins are braver than I am," she said softly, her eyes half-closed.
"Oh, they're definitely braver than I am," Chandler said, moving closer to kiss her shoulder. "Today went well. They seemed happy."
"I know. I'm happy too. A little sad but really happy."
Chandler stroked her arms and continued kissing her neck until he suddenly stopped, his eyes wide open.
"What?" Monica asked.
"I just remembered … You know, we should send an update to Erica."
"Oh."
Chandler winced; the subject was painful to him but even more to Monica. They had opted for open adoption because it was the healthier option. After meeting with Erica and after she agreed to pick them as parents, it had gone so well. Chandler had noticed the instant connection between Monica and Erica, and because of that, he was the one to suggest for their daughter to be named after her birth mother. The following years, even with Erica in Ohio, they kept in touch. Sending pictures and even scheduling a visit when she came to New York.
But she suddenly cut ties with them after her last visit two years ago. Ever since, their calls weren't answered, their emails with updates, videos and pictures left without a reply.
It was particularly frustrating because it happened just when the twins were beginning to understand and ask questions and they had agreed from the start it was in their best interest to let them know their story fully and truthfully.
Monica didn't like talking about it anymore. Chandler suspected she felt hurt, of course, but she also took it as a form of failure on her part, wondering what she had done wrong.
They stopped trying to call her, but agreed to keep sending some important email updates, reminding her she could still contact them.
"I'll do it," Chandler said when he felt Monica's body stiffen at the mention of Erica. He kissed her again and stood up. He reached for his laptop and sat on the comfy chair by the fireplace.
He opened his email box and started typing.
— — —
from: Chandler Bing
to: Erica Hayward
Subject: The twins' first day of school
Dear Erica,
The twins started kindergarten today. Eri was very excited, Jack was nervous but it went well and they came home happy, looking forward to going back again tomorrow.
Here are some pictures we took of them this morning at school and a video I took before leaving home.
You can call us at our home phone number, our personal numbers are unchanged.
Erica, if you're reading this, please know we're always open to schedule a visit. We'd love to hear from you and for the twins to see you again one day.
Take care,
Chandler and Monica.
— — —
Chandler hesitated before finally bringing himself to click on send. He sighed, parenthood was hard enough, and adoption added a layer to that. It could be messy at times, and imperfect. Although, ultimately, it was worth every hurdle.
He thought about the promise they had made to Erica, the commitment to be the best parents they could be for two babies who needed a home. He remembered his own plea to her, begging her to pick them and finally give Monica everything she dreamed of.
If there was a chance to recover any kind of communication with her, he couldn't deprive the twins of that opportunity.
He drifted off a few more minutes, lost in his thoughts when he heard a low alert sound.
A new email arrived in his email box.
A reply from Erica.
NOTES
Thanks to anyone who followed/favorited/reviewed. I hope you stick around and are enjoying the story so far. Thank you for reading!
